Written by: Thibaut Ottomer, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“Fake it until you make it”, are you tired of hearing that sentence too? I truly believe if we fake being someone who we are not we lose connection with ourselves and that is the opposite of feeling free, having the courage to be yourself, and truly having a deep, calm sense of confidence. Although it might work for some people, here are my insights on how to reverse “Fake it until you make it” to “Believe it until you see it”.
Yes, I Fake It
I admit, I used to fake a lot out of insecurity, lack of clarity, or wanting to belong. Even in bed, I faked it once (not only women do this) just to please the other person. Not proud of it but yeah it´s the truth.
Even as a coach, I often felt the need to pretend to be the guide who “knows all the answers” while the opposite is true as all the answers are already in the client. It´s often hard for me to admit to my friends when I struggle, trying to prove what I´m doing is valuable and avoiding failure at all costs, imagine being rejected! But remember we are all humans flying around on this giant ball we call Earth trying to make sense of this all.
You Fake It Too
Yes, we almost all pretend to be a certain way every day, wearing different kinds of masks. At work, we might pretend to know it all in front of our clients or boss. When we date someone we will pretend to be the best match. And the list goes on…
Wearing these different masks can be very tiring as we have to pretend to be someone who we are not so many times, different for each occasion or person we meet while deep down we just want to relax and be ourselves. This might make you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or even anxious. Why do we do this to ourselves if it doesn't make us feel good?
We wear these masks in order to protect ourselves. We fear others won't like us if we show our real selves. We want to be liked, loved, and accepted. We strive to feel worthy and we definitely don't want to be judged, rejected, or hurt again. So to avoid all of these bad feelings, we put on a mask…Aahh it´s safe now The further away we portray ourselves from our true selves, the more frustration and anxiety we´ll feel. The closer we are and act to who we really are, the more peace and harmony we´ll experience.
To get a better idea, here are some examples of the masks we wear:
The Financial Success Mask
The Stoic Mask
The Bully mask
The Avoidant mask
The Controller mask
The People-Pleasing mask
The Joker Mask
The Over-Achiever Mask
Take a moment to be honest with yourself and see which mask you feel you wear most.
Hard Truths
There are some funny consequences to bear in mind when wearing a mask. Firstly, we might be liked and accepted for being that person who wears a certain mask. This also means you are not accepted for who you truly are underneath but only for who you pretend to be. Do you want that?
Secondly, we can be judged or rejected – the opposite of what we so deeply want – for that person we pretend to be. This will create double frustration as we are judged or rejected for being someone we are not. Double no!
Thirdly, we rely our self-worth in that mask we wear. E.g.: if we wear the Financial Mask we will feel worthy when we have financial success. There is nothing wrong with having this, but who would you be if all your masks were revealed? At that version of yourself you want to look and work on. That version of you needs some attention and care. So that this person no longer needs to wear these masks. And that financial success would be a positive consequence of the work you do and an extra shoulder on the path but no longer the basis for how you would feel. Also, trying to be someone who you are not – for whatever reason – is just taking a lot of effort. Energy you could otherwise put into your goals, in having fun or in just being you. People feel if your energy is inauthentic, consciously or unconsciously.
Ditch That Mask
So guys, we have to stop pretending everything is OK. That we have it all figured out. We have to stop thinking we have to do it all alone too. This can be very hard for a lot of people as it takes a lot of self-awareness to realize which masks you are wearing, it takes loads of courage to admit this first to yourself let be to others and it takes confidence to start putting these masks down and decide to show your true self. Being vulnerable to do so takes actually a lot of courage. Make sure to do it in a safe space.
Know that is all OK as we all play this game of life and we all are looking for the rules of the game (who threw them away?!). Once we become aware of doing this, we can start revealing our true selves.
Then What?
Know that all this behavior is based on fear. The good news is that fear is created in your mind so you also have the ability to create something else than fear too. We must find ways to feel safe to be ourselves, to express what´s on our minds, and to reclaim our healthy power so we can lead more fulfilling lives. Keep doing the work with confidence and consistency until you break free. Find a friend you can trust, a coach you feel safe with, or a group that is supportive of doing the work. It´s better together.
From that clean slate, you can start discovering who you truly are and who you wish to become further down the line. Create that best version of yourself, from the heart and not out of fear. Just for yourself and not for anyone else. Declare who you are, forgive yourself for any past versions of yourself, and start rewiring your brain until you fully embody your new true self. Believe it until you see it, until you feel it until you be it. Next time you tend to grasp for that mask, decide to act differently. This is how you will liberate yourself.
Remember, you have nothing to prove but to be yourself and have fun in life. All the rest is just noise in your head. If you want to clean out the mess in your mind, put down your mask, and work on that version of who is wearing it, message me, and let´s have a look!
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Thibaut Ottomer, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Thibaut Ottomer is an expert in empowering the mind, boosting self-esteem & building courage. Instead of using his childhood trauma to feel small and guilty, he turned his pain into his purpose by helping people tap into their power with his unique liberation coaching methodology. He is the Founder & Mindset Coach of Liberty Coaching and has coached people all over the world. His mission: to free as many people as possible from their blocks so they can courageously be their amazing Selves.
