Are You Communicating Or Connecting?
- Oct 30, 2022
- 4 min read
Written by: Alejandro J Tornato, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
About four years ago I was living in Salt Lake City, Utah and one beautiful sunny morning I went to the gym for my daily workout. As I finished my hour-long routine, I headed to the bathroom to wash my hands and throw some cold water on my face to cool down a bit; as I looked to my right, on the far end stood an older man, all sweaty like me, with a ponytail and wearing a headband. I noticed that he started to look at me as if he wanted to engage me in conversation, and we did, very casual and superficial, however, at one point he stood up tall, turned to face me, looked directly into my eyes, and proceeded to ask me a question that I will never ever forget.
He asked me: “What are you creating today?”. I don’t know what your opinion is but let me share with you that this is the kind of question that we don’t hear often, and this question has been truly engraved in the depth of my heart. It took me a few minutes to give him an answer, but I responded back to him. I told him that what I wanted to create was at least one opportunity to make a positive difference in someone’s life…because I could see many people living lives of misery, sadness and hopelessness and I wanted to change those feelings for possibilities. This man, whom I had not seen before, for it was the very first time we met, taught me a very important lesson, and opened my eyes to the truth that “Communication” and “Connection” are two completely different things. The beauty of all of this was that his strange and very deep question and my impromptu answer were the vehicles for a great connection.
Since that time, I became a real student in the “Art of Connecting”. I truly believe that all of us should be paying attention to the way we communicate our own messages for effective communication is essential for every area of our lives; however, one thing I learned after doing extensive reading and research into this subject was that communication alone is not able to make a significant impact on people’s lives.
Connecting is the secret that makes all the difference. Such a great difference that John C. Maxwell, who is considered the top leadership expert globally for the last few years, wrote a whole book on the subject titled: “Everybody Communicates, Few Connect”. In this book, Maxwell points out that “Connecting” is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them. I want you to clearly see that communication alone will not give you influence with people, as connection will indeed.
When I compare the two of them side by side, I see that communication is the exchange of information, but connection is the exchange of humanity, and this is certainly the greatest game changer for positive change.
A couple of years ago I heard Dr. John Demartini, who is a behavioral scientist say: “The quality of a person’s life is directly related to the quality of the questions you ask”. This statement immediately brought me back to that gym’s bathroom, because that man who asked me that awesome question undoubtedly had a wonderful and meaningful quality of life.
I personally love to connect with all kinds of people, especially people I have the privilege to meet for the very first time. As a Professional Speaker not only do I connect one on one, but with audiences when I give presentations.
Once you experience the bliss of true connection with people, you will have a desire to keep connecting time after time after time.
Victoria Erickson, an author, and columnist wrote the following about connections: “When connections are real, they simply never die. They can be buried or ignored, or walked away from, but never broken. If you have deeply resonated with another person or place, the connection remains despite any distance, time, situation, lack of presence or circumstance. If you are doubtful then just try it, go, and revisit a person or place and see if there is any sense at all of the space between now and then. If it was truly real, you will be instantly swept back into the moment it was before it left, during the same year and place, with the same wonder and hope, comfort, and heartbeat. Real connections live on forever”.
Alejandro J Tornato, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Alejandro J Tornato is the Founder and CEO of "Tornato Speaking, Leadership & Coaching LLC", offering Motivational Keynote Speaking, Leadership Coaching and Personal Growth & Development Training. Alejandro is a powerful and dynamic sought-after International Speaker and Coach Certified through the “Maxwell Leadership Organization”. He is also one of the Founding Directors at "Have The Edge", with a mission to provide the most comprehensive coaching and training programs for business leaders and entrepreneurs. Alejandro's teachings and communication style immediately connect with individuals and groups from all backgrounds. Alejandro is the co-author of "Create Terrific Teams", and the host and producer of both "The Alejandro Tornato Show" and "Have The Edge" Podcasts. Alejandro is a Top Mentor on Wisdom, the world's largest audio mentoring platform.
