Are We Losing Interest in Sex, or Just Having Less of It?
Sandy Michael is a Certified Clinical Sex Coach, Sexologist, and founder of Unmuted. She helps individuals and couples explore intimacy, communication, desire, and connection through honest conversation, curiosity, and shame-free self-expression.
How often should people be having sex? Once a week? Several times a week? What happens when sex becomes less frequent? Does it mean desire is fading, a relationship is struggling, or people are simply losing interest?
It's an interesting conversation, especially as the term “sex recession” has been getting more attention. Research suggests that sexual frequency has been declining among American adults, particularly in discussions about younger generations. But I think we're too quick to assume that having less sex means people want less sex.
Those are not necessarily the same thing. The difference may tell us more about our sex lives than the numbers alone.
Are we really having less sex?
The conversation about a decline in sexual activity isn't entirely new. A 2017 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, titled “Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989–2014,” analyzed data from more than 26,000 American adults. Researchers found that people were having sex about nine fewer times per year in the early 2010s than they had in the late 1990s. The decline included partnered adults, not just people who were single.
A 2020 study published in JAMA Network Open, titled “Trends in Frequency of Sexual Activity and Number of Sexual Partners Among Adults Aged 18 to 44 Years in the US, 2000–2018,” found similar changes among certain age groups, including increases in sexual inactivity among younger men and among men and women in their late twenties and early thirties.
More recently, the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University explored the issue among Gen Z adults. Its September 2026 survey, “The State of Sex Among Gen Z: Is the Sex Recession Real?”, included 2,373 U.S. adults ages 18 to 29. The survey found that 29% had not had a sexual partner in the previous three months. At the same time, many respondents reported moderate to high levels of sexual desire, and only 18% said they were dissatisfied with their sex lives.
That last finding is what I find particularly interesting. If people are having less sex but many aren't unhappy with their sex lives, are we actually looking at a decline in desire? Or are we looking at something more complicated?
Wanting sex and having sex aren't the same thing
Think about someone who is single and interested in sex but has grown tired of dating. They may want physical connection, but not the uncertainty, effort, or disappointment that can sometimes come with finding someone.
Or consider a couple who still find each other attractive and enjoy sex, but whose days are filled with work, children, responsibilities, and exhaustion. Sex may happen less often, not necessarily because desire has disappeared, but because there is less time and energy to make room for it.
Then there is someone who hasn't had sex in months and is perfectly happy. They aren't looking for a partner, aren't particularly interested in sex right now, and don't feel that anything is missing.
All three experiences can look similar if we're only counting sexual encounters. But they tell very different stories.
Sexual desire, opportunity, and satisfaction are influenced by many things. Stress, physical health, relationships, finances, life circumstances, and the availability of a willing partner can all play a role. Wanting sex doesn't mean someone will always have the opportunity or circumstances to pursue it.
Not having sex doesn't automatically mean someone has lost interest. This is an important distinction because we often interpret sexual frequency as a direct reflection of desire. In reality, there can be quite a bit happening between wanting something and actually experiencing it.
What does a healthy sex life actually look like?
I think part of the problem is that we have become accustomed to measuring sex by frequency. Couples wonder whether they're having enough. People compare their experiences with what they believe is normal. When sex becomes less frequent, it's easy to assume something must be wrong. But where did we get the idea that there is a particular amount of sex we should be having?
There isn't a universal number that defines a healthy sex life. One couple may be perfectly happy having sex several times a week, while another may feel just as fulfilled with much less frequent sex. Someone who is single may be content without partnered sex, while someone else may genuinely miss that part of their life.
What matters is whether the experience aligns with what someone wants. This is also why it's important to distinguish between being content with less sex and wanting more but feeling unable to experience it. Those are very different situations.
For someone who is unhappy with their sex life, it may be worth exploring what has changed. Is stress affecting their desire? Has the relationship become disconnected? Are there physical or emotional factors involved? Have they stopped making room for sex, or are they struggling to feel interested in the kind of sex they're currently having? These questions are much more useful than simply asking how often sex is happening.
For couples, it's important to remember that differences in sexual desire don't automatically mean one person has a problem. Understanding what each person wants and what may be influencing those experiences is a much better starting point than trying to meet an arbitrary expectation.
Maybe we're asking the wrong question
I don't think the answer to the sex recession conversation is to encourage everyone to have more sex. More sex doesn't automatically mean better sex, and having less sex doesn't automatically mean something is wrong. But I do think the conversation gives us an opportunity to look more closely at how people experience desire, pleasure, and sex.
Are people having the sex they want? Do they feel comfortable pursuing it? Are they satisfied with their experiences? When there is a difference between what someone wants and what they're actually experiencing, do they understand why?
The research gives us numbers, but those numbers don't tell us everything about the people behind them. Maybe some people are losing interest in sex. Maybe others still want it but have less opportunity, time, or energy. Maybe some are simply happy with a sex life that looks different from what society expects.
All of those experiences can exist at the same time. Perhaps the more meaningful question isn't whether we're having less sex than we used to. It's whether we're experiencing the kind of sex life we actually want.
If you've noticed changes in your desire, feel disconnected from your sex life, or are navigating differences in sexual interest within a relationship, these are conversations worth having. Through Unmuted, I work with individuals and couples to explore sex, desire, and pleasure without judgment or assumptions about what their experiences should look like. You can learn more or connect with me here.
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Sandy Michael, Certified Clinical Sex Coach & Sexologist
Sandy Michael is a Certified Clinical Sex Coach, Sexologist, and the founder of Unmuted, coaching focused on intimacy, communication, desire, and authentic self-expression. Her work helps individuals and couples navigate connection, pleasure, emotional intimacy, relationship dynamics, and the conversations many people struggle to have openly. Through a compassionate and non-judgmental approach, Sandy creates space for curiosity, confidence, and deeper connection - both with yourself and with others.
