7 Ways to Manage a Toxic High Performer
- 1 day ago
- 6 min read
Taylor Han is the founder of True Voice Consulting, passionate about helping individuals and organizations build healthier leadership practices, stronger communication cultures, and more authentic ways of leading. Her work explores the intersection of leadership, relationships, culture, and human connection.
Every leader hopes to build a team of high performers. They drive results, raise standards, and often become the backbone of an organization’s success. What happens when exceptional performance comes with destructive behavior? One of the most difficult leadership challenges is managing an employee whose results are undeniable, but whose impact on the team is a net negative.
When toxic behavior is excused because someone “gets the job done,” leaders often pay a far greater price than they realize in morale, trust, retention, succession planning, and culture.
The traditional advice
High performers who are self directed, maintain high standards, and are intrinsically motivated don’t always align neatly with traditional management structures. They are optimized for outcomes instead of processes, and most management advice focuses on fixing low performance. When you’re balancing training your team for consistency with corporate expectations of compliance, this becomes tricky. If your team asks, “Well, why doesn’t this person have to do it that way?” you’re typically discouraged from responding, “Because it works for them and not for you.” That’s tough. Organizations reward results, but they are built on systems.
Many managers shape their work identity around the idea of being needed, but high performers often outperform their managers in key areas. If a direct report is outpacing you, you can no longer hide behind your role, and they don’t need you in order to win. For managers who build their foundation on helping others succeed, a lack of dependency can end up feeling like a lack of respect.
When trouble is brewing
Feeling disrespected becomes particularly relevant if your performer is constantly challenging your strategy and decisions. They intend to expose weak leadership, and you have two options, escalate the situation with conflict and micromanagement, or validate their concerns, stand by your decisions under pressure, and consistently offer the “why” behind the “what.” It takes a fairly healthy leader to do the latter, and unfortunately, not everyone thrives there.
Several factors come into play when considering a leadership directive. For one, you need them to keep producing. Their wins compensate for others’ lack of drive or delivery, and they are usually aware that they help maintain the status quo. What if you make them mad or they quit?
Unless the situation is dire, it’s typically not in your best interest to upset them, lest they stop carrying the majority of the team’s weight. Still, ask yourself, "Is living in fear of losing them worth what you go through trying to maintain control?"
This is a lesson every manager must learn the hard way. If you’re truly in a toxic cycle with a high performer, it’s problematic. You stay afraid of what will happen if they don’t get their way. How long will that seat stay empty? How long will you have to compensate by increasing your workload? You’re afraid you won’t be able to replace them with someone as good or better. In the end, leaders almost always learn that peace within the team is a better outcome than being held hostage.
Understanding motivation
High performers aren’t driven solely by praise and standard incentives. They certainly aren’t driven by micromanagement. They’re looking for autonomy, mastery, and a meaningful impact. Is this what you’re offering back to them? If the answer is no, try making bids for connection in these areas first to see what might improve.
Empowerment drives engagement. If you’re struggling to gain their respect, invite their feedback. If you’re truly lacking in a certain area, listen and acknowledge instead of getting defensive. What you’ll find is that high performers are motivated by competence, not your title. You got where you are for a reason too, though. Iron sharpens iron. Take advantage of the partnership.
If you don’t feel able to pursue the above due to an unhealthy dynamic, the best advice is actually to start with yourself. Dynamics are built through the engagement of at least two people. It will be easier to adjust your behavior than to convince them to change theirs. Reframe some of the negative thought patterns they trigger and develop a healthier leadership strategy by following the seven tips below.
The seven tips for effective management
When they call out your inconsistency: They’re actually recognizing gaps in strategy. Thank them for catching the pattern. Ask them what they’re seeing that you can’t. This eliminates a blind spot for you, invites their expertise, and engages them in a partnership to move forward.
When they question your decisions: This is your opportunity to create buy in by explaining the “why” and resetting expectations at the team level. Nothing about being challenged changes the fact that you are their boss, and strategy is at your discretion. If they are unwilling to commit to the requested behavior or submit to your authority, you can counsel them directly for insubordination.
When they act bored or disengaged: You can create a natural opportunity to pour into, encourage, or mentor a struggling team member. If effective, it creates a mutual win. Not only does the straggler receive expert assistance, but the exercise is also developmental for your high performer. It also gives them the platform to set the standard for what they want to see from the rest of the team.
When they operate in arrogance: This is your time to stand up to them with honest feedback. Expose a weakness in their behavior or strategy and coach them through it. No one is perfect. If they refuse the feedback, you’re no worse off than when you started. They do, however, know that you can spot a weak point in their armor. There’s a long term dividend in this.
When they tell you no, or yes, but don’t follow through: Most leaders miss this one and allow frustration to overshadow the opportunity. No change occurs in large organizations without consistent documentation. Human Resources (HR) wants to see conversations, warnings, and records of counseling before making a decision to terminate. If someone tells you no outright, that’s insubordination. If someone commits to something and doesn’t follow through, that’s a failed deadline. You can be as patient as you’re willing to be, but are you protecting your ability to escalate these issues by documenting the conversations you’re having around them?
When they refuse to buy into your plan: Make them offer an alternative solution, and discuss why integrating some of their advice may or may not be possible. If you move forward with their alternative solution, have them implement it with the team and manage the team’s consistency. They should have ownership of the outcome. Agree beforehand that if it works, you’ll adopt it. If it doesn’t, adjust and try it your way.
When the first six tips don’t work: Go ahead and let them go. It’s scary if you’ve never parted ways with someone who delivers, but the other side can be the promised land if it’s cultivated correctly. Your team will stop holding their breath, your daily combative experiences will decrease, and you may find your team more willing to pick up the slack in exchange for peace in the environment.
The end result
The road less traveled always appears more difficult, but effectively managing a toxic high performer can change your entire experience at work. No one will deny that managing high performers can be a rocky path. You have an opportunity to pivot your role from directing work to earning influence. When you have someone truly exceptional on your team, your management style either evolves or becomes irrelevant. Offer direction over control, partnership over supervision, and clarity over authority.
If you’re struggling with a difficult situation or someone on your team, book a coaching call today. Let’s work together to break free from fear and embrace the true potential of an effectively led team.
Read more from Taylor Han
Taylor Han, Leadership and Communication Expert
Taylor's work focuses on helping individuals and organizations build healthier, more human-centered ways of leading. Drawing from her background in communication and leadership, her work explores topics including organizational culture, relationships, authenticity, and the realities of modern leadership. Through her writing, Taylor challenges conventional assumptions and invites readers into deeper conversations about what effective leadership actually looks like. In addition to leadership consulting, True Voice Consulting also provides ghostwriting services, as well as fiction and memoir editing, helping clients communicate their ideas and stories in an authentic and clear way.
