6 Elements of the Change Cycle That Keep Us Unhappy and Unfulfilled

Written by Shannon Zayac and Callie Starre, Emotional Intelligence & Mindset (REBT) Coaching

The Inspirationists Coaching Services offer unique and engaging Self-Paced Online Coaching Programs that empower individuals to actively engage with their mental and emotional well-being by learning and applying valuable Self-Management skills in real time.

Have you ever wanted to make a change in your life but have no idea where to start? Have you tried to make changes only to end up right back where you started? Does the very concept of change make you want to run for the hills? Let's look at how you approach change and help you identify why the process of change keeps you stuck in circumstances that make you feel unhappy and unfulfilled. We would also like to offer you some valuable insights that can help you approach change and uncertainty in a more effective way.

Where are you stuck in the change cycle?

The reasons why you wish to create change in your life far outweigh the reasons you think you can’t, haven’t, won’t, or don’t. The reason you may struggle to create, make, and maintain the change you want is simply because your perception of change prevents you from doing so. If you can identify where and how you have approached change in the past, you might be able to take a more open and honest approach to creating the life you really want.

6 elements of the change cycle

We invite you to explore the 6 Elements of The Change Cycle and see if you can identify where you believe you may have landed in the past, and if that has prevented you from experiencing life differently. The 6 Elements of The Change Cycle show you how you might have tried to approach change with optimism and motivation, but your follow-through was hindered by your fears, doubts, and uncertainty. But don't worry, this is normal, as change is difficult for everyone.

1. Discontent

This is where you realize you want something in your life to change. You are unhappy, unfulfilled, and increasingly frustrated with an area of your life (maybe more than one). You know it's starting to hurt your mental and emotional well-being. Your attempts to "hang in there" cause you to tolerate, ignore, and repress how you truly feel about what you are experiencing. Despite your discontent, there is comfort and familiarity related to your life circumstances, and you fear change.

2. Breaking point

 You have now identified that you desire change, but have put it off. You have essentially "hung in there" as long as you felt you could. Your choice to tolerate, ignore, and repress your life circumstances has brought you to a "break" in your mental and emotional well-being. This "breaking point" has made you realize that what you have been doing up until this point is causing you more angst and overwhelm than you want in your life and you use this experience to assess what you would like to change.

3. Decision

After reaching your "breaking point," you have decided that something needs to change in your life. You decide that you are ready for change and tell yourself you are ready to experience life differently. You want to take the necessary steps towards these changes, but are unsure about where and how to start the process of change. This leaves you without a foundational starting point and a short-lived sense of hope.

4. Fear

At this point, you are very aware that you want to make changes. You are feeling empowered to make these necessary changes in your life. However, the more you start to think about these changes, fear starts to creep in. Thinking about change starts to make you feel uncomfortable and anxious and you start to overthink your decisions around change. You start doubting yourself and your ability to make significant changes in your life, and you feel helpless and empty.

5. Amnesia

Your fear of change has brought you to thinking maybe change isn't something you want to take on. Your fear of change makes the original situation look "not so bad" when you face the prospect of change. The change you want to make creates more anxiety than your current situation. You sink back into comfort and familiarity as you can easily identify with your circumstance, as you are used to it. You temporarily forget why and what it was that you wanted to change.

6. Backtracking

This is the last and final part of the Change Cycle, and you find yourself choosing to accept the circumstances in your life by talking yourself out of making changes. You experience a case of the "ya buts", or the dreaded "what ifs". You can justify your reasons for avoiding change, which moves you to a place where you feel safe but further away from what you truly want, change.

6 insights to move through the change cycle and create different outcomes

1. Self-awareness

If you can learn how to elevate your self-awareness, you can start to tune in to your thoughts, feelings, and actions as they relate to your life circumstances. Approaching any change in life requires you to unlock more of your personal power, shift with the push and pull of your thoughts and emotions, and forge a path to something different. Building your Self-Awareness will put you in the driver's seat to make confident decisions and increase your ability to create the outcomes you desire.

2. Emotional awareness

Embarking on any type of change in your life can create a myriad of emotions, even some that you don't see coming. Emotional awareness allows you to better understand the emotions you feel when you approach the change process. Fear is usually the catalyst when it comes to change, as it can produce anxiety, dread, and doubt as well. Learning to understand and address the emotions you feel when approaching change can reduce criticism and self-judgement and better connect you to yourself.

3. Perspective

The ability to shift your point of view around what you want to change and why you want to change it can be a double-edged sword. Your thoughts and attitude toward change may have already been tarnished by past experiences, making it difficult to move toward the process of change. Even though your past experiences may have caused you to avoid change, you possess the ability to adopt multiple new perspectives that can create fresh visions and viewpoints around the prospect of change moving forward.

4. Reframing

Reframing your thoughts is a combination of Self-Awareness, Emotional Awareness, as well as Perspective. Your desire for change can easily be hijacked by negative thoughts, which ultimately do not help you move in any direction. When you learn how to challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones, you are shifting your mindset in a direction that fosters change. Reframing your thoughts gives you more control over your mental and emotional well-being, which in turn can have a major effect on how you approach change.

5. Power of choice

Change can be one area of your life that can make you believe that you do not possess the power of choice. Change comes with uncertainty (like a lot of things in life); however, choosing to look at change as an opportunity instead of a challenge, choosing to adopt different perspectives, or simply choosing to ride the wave of your change builds and strengthens your personal power. Ultimately, you are your own boss, and you have the power to choose how you think, feel, and react to every element of your life.

6. Self-talk

You talk to yourself regularly, even if you don't realize you are doing it. The reason you get stuck in patterns or circumstances that leave you unhappy and unfulfilled is that you have subconsciously told yourself that you are not capable of change, for a multitude of reasons. Self-talk can effectively bring honest feelings to the surface relating to how you have approached change in the past. Self-talk allows you to learn how to trust yourself and create an internal dialogue around change that can greatly improve your mental and emotional well-being.

Small changes, big results

As Life Coaches, we are dedicated to helping support, guide, and empower you as you move toward the change (big or small) that elevates your success and personal growth and gets you living with more confidence, resilience, and personal power. We invite you to visit our website, connect with us, and see how our programs can help you set goals, move out of old patterns, and help you keep track of your mental and emotional well-being in real time. Start with one small change, and big results will follow.

Visit our website for more info!

Read more from Shannon Zayac and Callie Starre

Shannon Zayac and Callie Starre, Emotional Intelligence & Mindset (REBT) Coaching

The Inspirationists have successfully built self-reflective coaching programs that focus on navigating the change and challenges we all experience in our daily lives and the effect they have on our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. In targeting 5 major areas that are critical to personal growth and our overall mental health ( Self-Awareness, Perspective, Communication, Social-Awareness, and Stress Management ) the Inspirationists adopt the concept of "Mental Movement" which allows individuals to elevate personal understanding, build confidence and resilience, and unlock endless possibilites for success.