5 Ways To Understand A Break Up

Written by: Meagan Brody, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

Break ups suck. How many times have you heard it? If you’re not getting hurt by someone breaking your heart, you are likely hurting because you had to break someone else’s. There is no good time for a break up, we all have plans with our significant other that are bound to get ruined when the split happens. Some break ups drag out for months, even years, while others are a quick rip of the band-aid. There are no rules on how to break up with someone. There are no rules on healing either, although there can be good guidelines to help in the healing process. Every relationship is different which makes it hard to have one recipe that works for everyone. However, I can say that the best way to end a relationship is with respect.

Here are 5 break up realizations that will help you heal when you are ready to move forward

1. Know that you can’t control other people

Neil Strauss said, “Seeking safety by trying to change someone else will usually make you more unsafe in the long run”. You can’t force someone to be who they are not and then expect to have a genuine connection with them. You are setting yourself up for failure by trying to change someone. Down the road, you will realize that they are not the partner you want to be with because they are incapable of the change you need. The truth is, you can’t control other people. If you try to, you will likely not get their authentic self. You should want the most natural relationship, where you don’t feel the need to control your partner. Control leads to resentment. The controller will feel that they aren’t getting what they want when they realize they can’t control their partner. Or the person being controlled will feel like they have lost their freedom and ability to make their own choices. Let them show you who they are and then you can accept that or leave it at the door.

2. Let someone show you who they are and believe it

Don’t fantasize about someone, making them more important in your head than they really are. If someone is showing you that they put minimal effort in, believe it. If someone is showing you that they don’t care, believe that. If someone is showing you that they aren’t ready for a relationship, believe them! At the start of any relationship, both people involved should be putting their best foot forward. This method of courting shows the other person how dedicated they are to be the best version of themselves for the other. If you do not find this with the person you are dating, trust that it won’t go uphill from there. The red flags at the beginning are the reasons you end up leaving in the end. If you end up shaming someone into an action, it will create an actor. This can lead you to be deceived about who they really are. For example, if you find out that your partner has been smoking and you have asked them repeatedly not to smoke, then they are showing you who they are. They are not willing to give up smoking and as you try to force them into becoming a non-smoker, it may make them want to hide it from you instead of quitting. If you let people do what they want to do, you will see what they would rather do. Don’t create an actor, get the most genuine side of someone, and believe what people say about themselves.

3. What is meant for you will stay

The universe has a curious way of working things out and the hardest thing to do is to trust that. If something is meant for you and meant to be in your life, it is not going anywhere. Anything that is not meant for you will be released. In the moment, you won’t believe that it was not meant for you. However, with time you will start to realize why things unfolded in the ways that they did. Don’t go looking for love from the same person who hurt you. Once you have broken up, trust that this was meant to happen. Going back to someone to try to feel good again will only end up hurting you more.

4. Know that life has surprises around every corner and if you feel you are at the bottom then that means it is only up from here

It is a funny feeling to think that things won’t get better when you are in a pit. Funny may not feel like the right word, but it is. That’s because when you can look back and see how everything worked out for you, you will realize how silly you sounded thinking that the world was over during your break up. This is not to diminish how you felt, or feel, during your break up, but rather to understand that there are better times ahead. When something good comes your way after a dark period, and it will, you may be surprised at how life works in wondrous ways. You cannot predict the future and the unexpected is going to sweep you off your feet when you least expect it.

5. If you can love someone as much as you did in your last relationship, imagine how much love there will be between you and the right person

You may feel like the world came crumbling down and you will never love again. We have all been there. Feeling like we can’t trust again, can’t care as much as we once did, and can’t love like we used to. The good news is you are wrong! If you could have all that love bundled up and exposed in your last relationship, you will have that and 10 times more love in the right relationship. When the energy of love is coming equally from both sides, you will experience a love like you never have before. That is likely hard to accept right now, if you are currently going through a break up, but when you are ready and you feel the right person giving you love in the way that you can love, the world will change for you. Your views will change.

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Meagan Brody, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine

Meagan Brody is a Relationship and Communications Coach who helps her clients connect better within their own relationships and helps those looking for a relationship find the right partner. Although she studied Psychology, for ten years she worked in fashion pursuing the creative side of marketing. As she has transitioned into Life Coaching, she has realized that her creative abilities have helped her clients in reaching their full potential; whether that be in their relationships, personal growth or confidence in the real world. Meagan is NLP Certified (Neuro-Linguistics Programming) and has used these techniques to help her clients with various mindset goals.