5 Ways to Practice Emotional Literacy as a Leader

Written by Nancy Loncle, Workplace Leadership Coach

Nancy Loncle is a former airline professional turned Workplace Leadership Coach, with a soft spot for Mental and Emotional Wellness. She's the founder of The Workplace Leadership Accelerator, an online learning platform, and the author of leadership books: Lead Outwardly Loud, published in 2024, Your Customer's Voice (2022), and Dare The Tides (2019).

We’re well into the 4th quarter of the year, and if you work in high-pressure, ultra-competitive environments, stress is practically a job requirement now. You have to tighten all the loose bolts and prove that you’ve been “useful” this year. The pressure to “hold it together” is real, and it’s easy to feel like you have to check your feelings at the door. I see you. In this article, you’ll find 5 useful ways to practice emotional literacy, especially if you’re in a leadership role, without having to hold your breath until the season passes. Nobody wants to be labeled “too emotional.”

What is emotional literacy?

Emotional literacy is the ability to understand, interpret, and manage emotions (yours and others). Did you know that emotions are not the enemy here? In fact, practicing emotional literacy could be the secret sauce to standing tall as a leader while safeguarding your own mental wellness. Research shows that people with higher emotional literacy handle stress better and have lower anxiety. For leaders in the workplace, high emotional intelligence (EQ) is a game-changer. Employers say emotionally intelligent leaders stay calm under pressure, resolve conflicts effectively, and respond to colleagues with empathy. In other words, emotional literacy is your leadership superpower, not just a “nice-to-have.”

Micro-behaviors that instantly reveal a lack of emotional literacy in a leader

When emotions drive the wheel, the leader is tied up in the trunk. Here are some micro-behaviors that you can look out for if you sense that you’ve been struggling with emotional literacy.

1. Overpersonalizing everything

Do you treat every piece of feedback like a personal attack? You’re known to get icy when a team member suggests a different approach. You sulk (or get defensive) when they offer constructive feedback. And when someone asks a question for clarification purposes, you feel like they are questioning your entire existence. Your face can pretend, but it can’t lie. Just look out for the slight eye-roll, change in your tone, the tightened jaw, or the “Well, I thought it was fine” response. These are dead giveaways that you’re running low on emotional literacy.

2. You misread (or completely ignore) what others are feeling

Think of your bosses who walk into a room thick with tension and negative energy, and all they can say is “Everything okay? Great, let's get started.” They operate like emotions are optional in the workplace, or like everyone should just “deal with it.” This points to a lack of empathy and social awareness. They miss the obvious emotional cues, overlook burnout or stress in their teams, dismiss concerns (“Don’t take it personally, it’s just work.”), interrupt people instead of actually listening, and their feedback will land like a slap instead of support. You may not be responsible for someone else's feelings, but your behavior absolutely influences them.

3. You create an environment where people don’t feel safe speaking up

You cannot serve from an empty cup. When psychological safety is low and people are quiet, distant, or tense, chances are high that you aren't engaging with the emotional landscape of your team. You see emotional conversations as “drama,” shut down vulnerability, view team concerns as “complaints,” and you’d rather push productivity over people's well-being every time. This is a silent killer of teams. When you notice that the people around you hesitate to share ideas, hide mistakes, avoid asking questions, walk on eggshells around you, or shut down emotionally, your own emotional inconsistency or lack of vulnerability may have contributed to this culture of fear over trust.

4. You avoid difficult conversations

Avoidance is one of the clearest signs of poor emotional processing. Instead of addressing problems directly and calmly, you find yourself ignoring issues altogether, delaying confrontation, gossiping about the problem instead of discussing it, sending passive-aggressive emails to your team, or even dumping it all in an end-of-year review. Then you suddenly become “too busy,” rescheduling the tough or sensitive meetings, or just communicating through vague messages like, “Let’s talk later.” (Translation: “I’m scared to talk now.”)

5. Mood-shifting without warning

Unpredictability in your moods tells everyone around that you cannot regulate your emotions, and it erodes psychological safety fast. One minute you’re warm and approachable, the next you’re snapping over tiny things like fonts, phrasing, or who took the blue pen. You’ll notice that your team immediately quiets down, tenses up, retreats emotionally, or tries to “read” you before speaking. Why? They may have seen the sudden shift in your facial expression, your clipped tone, visibly annoyed sighs, or you keep shutting them down mid-conversation.

The five ways to practice emotional literacy

So how can you practice emotional literacy before becoming this bundle of nerves in the face of back-to-back meetings that you can't avoid, tough deadlines, and the occasional urge to scream into a pillow? Below are five practical ways you can flex your emotional literacy muscle and leave everyone smiling.

1. Start with self-awareness: “Name it to tame it”

The first step is to know what you’re feeling. Sounds simple, but so many of us power through the day on autopilot, barely registering our emotions until we’re about to either burst into tears or snap at the nearest bystander. Make it a daily practice to check in with yourself. It could mean taking 5 minutes each morning to ask, “How am I feeling today?” Or journaling at lunch. Anxious about that presentation? Frustrated by a colleague’s comment? Excited about a new project? Name those feelings. As brain expert Dan Siegel famously says, “Name it to tame it.” Putting your feelings into words literally calms the brain’s stress response. Labeling your emotions can dial down their intensity and help you respond rather than react (Pro tip: deep breathing helps too). Studies suggest that 95% of people believe they’re self-aware, yet only about 10-15% truly are. Don’t assume, actually take time to reflect. In high-pressure environments, your feelings can go from 0 to 100 real quick. Catch them early by routinely asking yourself how you feel and why.

2. Shift your mindset: Vulnerability = strength

Emotions aren't weakness. In leadership, you might feel the pressure to adopt a “tougher-than-nails” persona to be taken seriously. You have this invisible rulebook that says “Thou shalt not cry (or laugh too loudly, or show your feelings) at work.” The truth is, vulnerability and empathy are powerful leadership tools. New Zealand’s former Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, became world-renowned for her empathetic leadership, and she famously said, “I refuse to believe that you cannot be both compassionate and strong.” Ardern pushed back on the idea that being empathetic meant she wasn’t assertive enough. In fact, she credits kindness and empathy as core strengths in her leadership. Consider researcher Brené Brown, who has spent her career studying vulnerability. As she puts it, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage, it’s never weakness.” Instead of viewing your emotions as something to lock away in a drawer, start seeing them as a source of insight and authenticity. Feeling nervous about a project? That shows you care about the outcome. Feeling angry about an unfair decision? That reveals your passion for justice or quality. These emotions can inform your values and sharpen your decision-making, but only if you acknowledge them.

3. Practice empathetic listening: Lead with heart (and ears)

In negotiations or conflict, this skill is gold. According to research, empathy is the number one leadership skill linked to high performance. Leaders who master empathy perform significantly better in coaching and decision-making. Empathetic listening means giving someone your full attention, yes, put your phone face down and close the laptop for a few minutes. Make eye contact (or attentive “zoom face” if you’re virtual). Listen to understand, not to jump in with a solution or rebuttal. You're validating that their feelings matter. People will relax when they feel genuinely heard. In fact, even the act of labeling someone else’s emotion, “Sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed”, can help reduce the emotional heat of the moment.

Empathetic listening doesn’t mean you become a therapist or a pushover. It simply means you seek to understand where others are coming from before you respond. In practice, it might also mean reading between the lines. If you sense your usually bubbly team member is unusually quiet, check in. “I noticed you seemed a bit down today. Anything you want to talk about?” Even if they don’t spill, they’ll appreciate that you noticed and cared. Maya Angelou said, “People remember how you make them feel.” And by listening, you also get valuable intel as a leader. You’ll catch problems before they explode and glean ideas you’d otherwise miss.

4. Take emotional “pit stops”: Mindfulness & self-care

An essential way to practice emotional literacy is recognizing when you (and your emotions) need a break before you “crash and burn.” Think of this as in-the-moment emotional regulation. Even with great self-awareness and empathy, you’re still going to have stressful moments. The key is to notice when your emotional engine is overheating and take action to cool it. This could be micro-practices throughout the day, step outside for ten minutes of fresh air between meetings, do a few stretches at your desk, close your office door (or find an empty conference room), and do some deep breathing when you feel anger or anxiety surging. Neuroscience shows that techniques like controlled breathing can significantly reduce stress hormones and clear mental fog. Even a brief pause to focus on your breath can interrupt a spiral of panic or fury, allowing your rational brain to regain control. As the Harvard Business Review notes, the simple act of pausing can shift you from reacting to responding thoughtfully. Mindfulness is a powerful practice here. A mindful leader might take 2 minutes to slowly sip her coffee and just breathe, instead of inhaling caffeine while frantically typing. Or do a quick body scan, “My shoulders are up to my ears, let me relax them.” If you notice that you’re routinely feeling resentful or exhausted, that’s a big red flag from your emotions saying, “Something needs to change.” Listen to it. Maybe delegate more, or push back when new tasks pile on unrealistically. Burnout helps no one, not you, not your team, not your company. Also, consider professional support if needed. Talking to a mentor, coach, or therapist can provide a safe space to unpack tough emotions and give you perspective.

5. Lead by example: Turn emotional literacy into your superpower

This is the time to take everything you’re practicing, self-awareness, vulnerability, empathy, mindful regulation, and infuse it into your leadership style. As a leader, you set the tone. In fact, one fundamental aspect of emotional intelligence in leadership is that a leader’s moods and behaviors act like an emotional contagion for the team. Think of yourself as the emotional thermostat in the room, if you stay composed under pressure, your team is more likely to remain calm. If you radiate positivity and understanding, your team will catch that vibe.

Conversely, if you're constantly harsh, fear and tension trickle down, and productivity will take a hit. So, using your emotional literacy isn’t just an internal exercise, it’s a “need to have” leadership strategy. Start by normalizing emotional literacy in your team’s day-to-day. That light check-in, “How’s everyone feeling about this deadline? Green, yellow, or red light?”, A quick traffic-light mood check where people can say “green” (all good), “yellow” (some stress), or “red” (I’m in trouble) can alert you to issues and also signal that it’s OK to discuss feelings at work in a constructive way. If you detect burnout, acknowledge it and do something about it. Use your emotional antennae. Also, consider mentoring others in the team. If you have a member who’s struggling with imposter syndrome, for example, share some of the techniques that helped you. Let them know you value emotional intelligence. Here, you’re essentially training your leadership “heart muscle.” Over time, you’ll find that you’re more confident and composed in the face of challenges.

Start your journey today

If you’ve served under leaders who showed some of the above symptoms, you’ll agree with me that emotional literacy is not a luxury, it’s actually your edge in leadership. Maybe you’re one of those leaders and you feel the need to go a few layers deeper, to stop getting in your own way professionally. I can help. I work with women in high-pressure, ultra-competitive environments, helping them settle into leadership roles seamlessly while protecting their mental and emotional well-being. Book a call here, and we’ll have a 25-30-minute chat for you to determine if my services match your needs. The idea is for you to experience peace both at home and at work. Let’s work together and make emotional literacy a practical verb in your career.

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Read more from Nancy Loncle

Nancy Loncle, Workplace Leadership Coach

Nancy Loncle is a workplace leadership coach, dedicated to helping women working in high-pressure, ultra-competitive jobs transition and settle into leadership roles with ease. After being thrust into a senior position early in her career, Nancy faced the overwhelming challenges of leadership without the mental and emotional tools to thrive, a struggle that nearly cost her everything. This experience ignited in her a passion to create a practical formula for women to lead without losing themselves, so that they can experience career fulfillment, recognition, and balance in their personal and professional lives.