5 Ways Leaders Can Create the Space for Quality Conversations at Work
- 11 hours ago
- 7 min read
Kate Zappitelli is an executive team alignment expert and ICF-accredited coach. As Chair of the Alignment Institute powered by Karrikins Group, she helps leaders and leadership teams turn agreement into alignment so strategy becomes action.
I still remember sitting in meetings with a colleague who got under my skin. Every tone, word choice, and question seemed directed at me in a negative way. It took all my effort to stay composed, and I’m sure others picked up on my frustration despite my best attempts to hide it. I secretly hoped the problem would magically resolve itself and we’d become best friends. Instead, our unhealthy group dynamic only got worse. This was especially problematic because we were supposed to be working on business development together, which was clearly tied to our mutual success. I finally accepted that if I wanted it to be different, I had to reset our relationship with a tough discussion, something I was very much avoiding. You've probably been in a similar situation at times with your colleagues.
What does “create the space” mean?
At Karrikins Group, we say that leaders need to “create the space” for quality conversations. Quality doesn’t always mean ‘difficult,’ but it does mean that an avoided topic is being addressed in a productive way.
In most organizations, there’s a practical and emotional undercurrent that keeps people from talking about uncomfortable topics. It takes courage to show up differently if you want different outcomes. We can choose to give each other grace as we experiment with new ways of interacting. We call this “creating the space.”
When you use the phrase “create the space,” you are signaling that you want to have a quality conversation about something that is being avoided or feels hard to acknowledge and discuss. For leaders, this is often the difference between teams that tiptoe around issues and teams that can address tension, make faster decisions, and deliver results.
This could mean:
Challenging individual mindsets and habituated responses to reset how you work with a colleague.
Leaning into complexity and ambiguity even when it feels uncomfortable.
Soliciting new ideas from different people who might bring radically different perspectives.
Exploring the trade-offs we make as we evaluate opportunities versus protecting our existing businesses.
Productively learning from the mistakes we make along the way.
Being candid in our conversations as we work as a team.
You might not always like what you hear, but this is your opportunity to work through it together.
In my experience with my colleague, I was avoiding the conversation because I didn’t know how to bring it up, and I didn’t want to make the relationship more challenging than it already was. I also didn’t want to be perceived as someone who struggled to get along with people, so I kept avoiding the conversation until I could no longer hide how I was reacting. I noticed that I would abruptly stop talking in meetings when this person made comments. So much for hiding my feelings! I needed to have a quality conversation, and I was nervous about it.
5 strategies to “create the space” for a quality conversation
1. Prepare with intention, not reactivity
After reflecting more on what was really bothering me, I realized that I was feeling dismissed and disrespected by my colleague’s habit of interrupting me and the ‘gotcha’ tone of their questions, which felt more like traps than genuine curiosity. I often left our interactions feeling deflated. What I wanted was to feel respected and valued by my colleague and to have energizing, engaging discussions.
The outcome I wanted from a quality conversation was an improved working relationship and to see my colleague as a thought partner for reaching our goals, not a thorn in my side that made me want to clam up and stop contributing. I needed to take responsibility for shutting down and continue to contribute, even when I felt bothered. I wanted my colleague to feel that I valued the relationship enough to want to improve it.
To prepare for a quality conversation, spend time reflecting on what is specifically bothering you and how it is impacting both your relationship and your shared business goals. Notice your own assumptions and biases and how you may be contributing to the group dynamic. Clarify what you want to be different and how you will know if something has changed. Ask yourself, "What is the outcome I want from this conversation? How do I want my colleague to feel afterwards? How do I want to feel?" This kind of preparation helps you show up as a steady leader focused on shared business outcomes, not personal grievances.
2. Start with two genuinely curious questions
Ask two questions to open the conversation:
“What is important for you when we [specific topic or situation]?”
“How would you articulate our shared outcome for [specific topic or situation]?”
The first question is open-ended and allows your colleague to share where they are coming from and why they approach the topic or situation the way they do. It helps you understand their internal dialogue and the values that may be driving their behavior. The second question creates the space for shared meaning. If your colleague has a very different view of your shared outcome, surfacing that difference is critical so you can pause and align on what you are trying to achieve together. Taking the time to articulate your shared outcome in concrete language makes any misalignment visible and gives you a chance to realign before diving into solutions.
What I learned from asking these questions is that my colleague and I had the same shared outcome. We both wanted to grow the business, and what was important to them was thinking outside the box and being as creative as possible in how we accomplished that goal. Once I understood that they were looking at business development from a creative lens, it helped me see their questions from a different perspective.
3. Share your experience with courage and care
“In order to have a conversation with someone, you must reveal yourself.” – James Baldwin
This is one of my favorite quotes about the courage it takes to be real with someone. It can be super uncomfortable sharing how you really feel and why you got triggered about the topic or situation. There can be trepidation because you are consciously taking down the walls and authentically sharing why something needs to change.
In my experience of creating the space for quality conversations, I have physiological reactions. My heart starts beating rapidly, and my underarms start to sweat. For me, this is a signal that I’m saying what needs to be said. It is my cue that I am actively leaning into a previously avoided conversation instead of stepping away from it.
Many leaders misinterpret this discomfort as a sign they should back off, when in fact, it is often a sign they are finally addressing what needs to be discussed. When you start to notice your own cues that you are in an uncomfortable space, take a minute to notice what’s happening and recognize it as a signal that you are doing the hard work of creating the space for quality conversations. Give yourself an internal pep talk to hold the space for yourself and your colleague, because backing off won’t solve the problem.
4. Make a clear request, not a demand
After you’ve prepared, asked your colleague the curious questions, listened to the answers, and shared your experience authentically, then you can make a request for a shared solution.
In Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication work, he suggests using the phrase “Would you be willing to…” to reduce the likelihood that the other person feels defensive. Focusing on a shared solution means both people are willing to hear each other and think about the bigger picture to come up with a solution that works for both people and drives the business goals.
Clear, observable requests reduce ambiguity and make it easier to hold each other accountable for behavior that supports your shared goals.
My request was, “Would you be willing to ask more generative questions and focus on specific actions we can both take to move the account forward?”
I wanted to reinforce shared accountability for our growth goals, and I wanted to give my colleague the opportunity to experiment with different ways of asking questions because I knew that creativity was important to my colleague, I hoped they would also appreciate being part of a generative conversation where we could build on each other’s ideas.
5. Close the loop
If you’ve gone to all the trouble of having the conversation, made your request, and you don’t know if it really landed with the person, then you’re back at square one. It is important to close the loop by asking, “What did you hear?”
Asking the person to reflect on what they heard you say is an important final step. They may have gotten defensive at the beginning of the conversation and only heard that you perceived them as being problematic, or that you were bringing up something that happened months ago that they thought was resolved.
Closing the loop prevents you from walking away with false alignment and wondering later why nothing changed.
Fortunately for me, my colleague heard what I shared accurately and had the humility to acknowledge that they did have a habit of interrupting. They were able to hear my request for shared accountability and agreed that when we were having client account conversations, they would ask questions in a generative way.
This was real life, so things didn’t change overnight, but with time and both of us being mindful of our group dynamic, we were able to shift the way we oriented to each other. Even better, I’ve stopped dreading meeting with them, and we are delivering better results together.
Practice “creating the space” today
Asking a colleague to have a quality conversation is hard work, and the outcome isn’t guaranteed, but if you prepare with intention, start with genuinely curious questions, share your experience authentically, make a clear request for a shared solution, and close the loop, your chances of a stronger working relationship and better business results go up substantially.
“Nothing changes until someone changes, and that someone is probably you.” – Julie Williamson
If you want support in creating the space for quality conversations that drive business results, I would love to connect. Book a call today.
Read more from Kate Zappitelli
Kate Zappitelli, Alignment Institute Chair & Principal Consultant
Kate Zappitelli helps frustrated leaders who know they can do more, better with their teams if they are aligned to work together. As a Principal at Karrikins Group and Chair of the Alignment Institute, she partners with leaders and leadership teams on alignment, transformation, strategy, and culture. Our proven methodologies and frameworks are grounded in social science, expertise, and first-hand experiences to help teams get unstuck. Our mission is to make 'how' matter.
