Written by: Ceza Ouzounian, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The last year has been hard to date and meet new people, and we aren’t back to normal just yet. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t put the inner work in so that when you are out and about again, it’ll be easier to attract your dream mate.
You may have noticed that you keep attracting the same kind of partner and end up in similar relationships, and neither is right for you. You know something different needs to happen to break this pattern and attract that person you dream of and be truly happy in your relationship.
So what can you do to attract that dream mate and have that dream relationship you desire?
These are 5 steps you can implement now to start creating a change and attract your dream mate.
Step 1: Let go of your past relationships and exes.
You may be thinking you have let go of your past relationships and partners. But have you really?
It might be that past exes pop up in your head and remind you of that time they did something to annoy you.
You may have unanswered questions about what happened in the relationship and are desperate for answers.
You could be angry at yourself for being with them, remembering all the stupid things you allowed them to get away with instead of walking away.
Possibly you are stalking them on social media, always wanting to see what they are up to and who they are with.
Maybe even messaging them and enquiring what they are doing or who they are with, occasionally flirting to see if they flirt back and still want you.
It might be that you constantly compare any relationship or potential partner you meet now and decide they aren’t as good as your ex, and you will never meet anyone as good.
These are just some examples, but all of them tell me you haven’t let go of a past relationship or ex.
This is okay. Don’t judge yourself if this is you. Who hasn’t held onto something from the past longer than is needed?
Identifying that you are holding on to these moments, these resistances, is the first step to letting them go. We want to let them go because they will be affecting who you attract into your world and how you behave in your relationship.
The easiest way to start letting them go is to write down everything you wish you could say to them, ask all the questions you wished you could have asked.
No one will see this list or letter. Do not send this to your ex. This is purely for you to get everything out of you.
You can swear, be nice, cry, write about your feelings, and say whatever you want. Allow whatever emotions to come up.
At the end, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and with each exhale, imagine yourself letting everything you wrote down go. If you felt you wanted to, you could burn the paper and imagine letting it go that way.
Step 2: Clarity on what you want.
Right, so you have written your list of everything related to your past relationships, and you’ve let it go. Now you need to get clear on what you actually want in a partner and relationship.
This is a really important step. If you don’t know what you truly want, then how will you find it or know when you do find it.
These wants and desires are unique to you. It isn’t what you think you ‘should’ want or what your parents think you should want or friends or society. It is what YOU want.
Get a piece of paper (yep, more writing coming up!) and draw 2 lines down the page to create 3 columns.
At the top of the first column, write “Must-Haves,” at the top of the second column “Would Like But Not Essential,” and at the top of the third “Absolute No-Nos.”
Then you are going to fill each column. The first is everything you want your partner and the relationship to have. These are the non-negotiables. They must be present for you to consider that partner and relationship.
The second column is what you would like to be present in the relationship, but it isn’t essential.
The third column is everything you absolutely do not want in your relationship or your partner.
Get specific, especially with the Must-Haves. What qualities does your dream partner have? What qualities do they bring to the relationship? What is your ideal relationship like?
This helps get you really clear on what you are looking for and what you know you don’t want.
Step 3: How does step 2 make you feel?
You’ve got clear on what you do and don’t want. When you read over that list, what thoughts and feelings pop up for you?
It could be you are reading over your list, and you notice a thought popping up that says that the relationship you desire is impossible for you.
Or maybe your inner critic tells you you aren’t good enough, pretty enough, clever enough, or worthy enough?
Reading over the list, you may find that you start feeling sad or angry or hopeless or any other emotion.
There will be thoughts and feelings coming up (and if they don’t come at this point, they probably will in Step 4. I want you to allow them to come up and note them all down. Whatever you think or feel is ok, even if it seems illogical, get them down, so you know what they are.
You may find that you have positive thoughts and emotions coming up as well as negative ones. That is great.
We want to know these negative thoughts and feelings because these are the blocks that are going to stop you from attracting your dream mate. They are the ones that will sabotage you getting what you want. Often we have no idea these blocks are stopping us from reaching what we want. So, it's really important to start noticing them.
Normally I would work on this with you in-depth using the Energy Alignment Method, but too big to explain that for this article, so instead, I want you to close your eyes and breathe into those negative thoughts and emotions, feel them, and then imagine letting them go. Leaving your body and floating off into the distance.
Make sure you also forgive yourself for the negative thoughts and feelings that came up. Remember, it is good they came up because only then are you aware of them and can start to let them go. When you know the blocks, you can decide to change your behavior and, therefore, the outcome!
Step 4: Visualise, visualise and visualise.
Step 4 is all about tuning in to what is possible. Tuning into that dream partner and relationship that you wrote you wanted as part of Step 2. If you had some positive emotions and thoughts from the previous step, you could use them for this part.
I want you to close your eyes and visualize your dream mate. What kind of person are they? What do they look like? What do they smell like? What are they saying to you? What are you saying to them? How do you feel being with this person?
What is your relationship like? What is an average day like? Where are you? What are you doing? What does it feel like to be with them? What are you grateful for in your relationship?
Get as clear as you can. And really anchor yourself in the feeling of being with that person and in that relationship.
Step 5: Actions to take.
To sum up, you have let go of exes, you have clarified what you want, you’ve explored what negative thoughts and feelings have come up, and you have visualized how it feels to be in your ideal relationship with your dream mate.
Now, this is all very well, but nothing happens without action.
I want you to decide on one action step to take today.
It could be you decide to notice your negative thoughts more often to see if there is a pattern emerging that could be a block to attracting your dream mate.
It could be you decide to sign up for an online dating app.
It could be you decide to take it easier on yourself and make self-care a priority.
It could be you decide to work with a Relationship Coach.
It can be whatever you want it to be. One thing, big or small that is going to move you forwards. Don’t miss this step!
You absolutely can have the relationship and partner you dream of.
Keep working on your blocks, tuning into what you want, and take those small actions to move forwards. If you need any help, please do reach out to me.
Ceza Ouzounian, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ceza Ouzounian is a Relationship Coach, an Energy Alignment Method Mentor, Fitness Instructor, best selling author and speaker. She helps successful entrepreneurial women have the relationship they desire. Ceza knows exactly what is required to have a relationship you love, that is full of support, passion and love, and has helped many women reach their desired relationship. She shares the valuable lessons from her own journey and what she has learnt from work with clients and those around her to support her clients to have their dream relationship.