Written by Victoria May, Empowerment Coach for Women
Victoria May is a certified Rapid Transformational Therapist®, Empowerment Coach, and Energy Worker dedicated to helping women awaken to their true essence and create heart-centred lives filled with freedom, fulfillment, and purpose.
When we embark on a heart-led life and decide to go for the things we truly desire, any issues we have with low self-esteem and confidence will naturally rise to the surface. It might sound crazy, but this is a good thing! It’s a sign we are shifting out of our limitations and into an unknown but exciting world of possibilities. It is very natural for confidence and self-esteem issues to emerge during this process, and we must acknowledge them. We need to spend time understanding these doubts so we don’t end up getting stuck and sabotaging our dreams. A key ingredient to this understanding is becoming aware of the role of tension when creating change.
Using tension to boost our self-esteem
We all experience tension between our lower self and higher self; this is an unavoidable aspect of being human. The lower self is our fear-based mind, which seeks safety and validation through familiar and limited patterns of behaviour. In contrast, our higher self is our soul's essence, which is expansive and desires fulfillment and growth. When we operate from our lower self-aspects, such as low self-esteem and confidence, we feel a tension that signals we are not aligned with our heart desires and highest potential.
As we begin to follow our hearts and pursue our highest potential, we inevitably encounter an ego tension. This is commonly in the form of low self-esteem, confidence issues, and doubts we might have, trying to pull us back into safe and familiar patterns, this is normal! Understanding and working with this tension is crucial for overcoming self-doubt and boosting self-esteem. We do this by raising awareness of both our lower and higher self-aspects, using this tension as a catalyst for growth.
The origins of low self-esteem
Low self-esteem and confidence often stem from childhood experiences and the fear-based beliefs we formed during this time. When we enter this world, we come as our true essence – our unique nature. As babies, we naturally embody this essence, believing in our worth and lovability. However, as we grow, we form an egoic mind to navigate our environment for survival. As children, we have basic survival needs for safety, belonging, routine, love, acceptance, and validation.
When these needs are not fully met, often due to caregivers' limitations and unhealed traumas, children develop beliefs about themselves and the world. For instance, if a child's joyful and expressive nature is not accepted or is punished, they might believe being expressive is wrong. They will then hide this aspect of themselves and adopt behaviours they believe will be validated and accepted by their caregivers. These strategies ensure our needs for love and validation are met, leading to the suppression of certain parts of our true essence and ultimately the development of low self-esteem and self-doubt.
Most common underlying causes of low self-esteem
The internal belief structure we form during childhood is critical to understanding the root cause of low self-esteem. While this looks different for everyone, six common limiting belief structures typically emerge:
Not enough
Manifests as an overachiever mindset, always striving for more but never feeling satisfied. It is characterized by perfectionism, comparison with others, and a constant feeling of inadequacy. Doubts arise from wondering if you have done enough or if your efforts are good enough.
Not worthy or lovable
This leads to a profound sense of unworthiness and often results in self-sabotage. Doubts center around one's worth and lovability, causing individuals to pull back from opportunities and avoid taking risks. It can affect boundaries in relationships and result in over-giving to earn validation.
It's not available to me
Causes individuals to see the world as a place of limited opportunities. They doubt their ability to achieve their goals because they believe resources, success, and happiness are not available to them. This belief is reinforced by societal structures that emphasize competition and scarcity.
I don't belong
Stems from a deep fear of judgment and rejection. People with this belief never feel like they fit in with others. They either conform to fit in, suppressing their true selves, or rebel and make a strong effort to be different, yet still feel a sense of not belonging.
I'm powerless
Creates a victim mentality, where individuals feel they have no control over their circumstances. Doubts arise from a sense of helplessness and the belief that external factors are always to blame for their situation. This leads to a lack of agency and a passive approach to life.
I'm not safe
Rooted in a fundamental sense of insecurity, fear, and a lack of trust. This can be focused on a lack of trust in themselves or the environment and others. Doubts here are related to the fear of stepping out of one's comfort zone and the potential risks involved. People with this belief doubt their ability to handle new or challenging situations and prefer to stay within familiar, safe boundaries.
5 powerful ways to boost your self-esteem
1. Identify the limiting belief causing low self esteem
Awareness is true power. Once we are aware of something, we can make a different choice. By becoming aware of where your self-doubt, low self-esteem and confidence come from, you will start to realize that it isn’t true. With consistent work, you will eventually be able to distance yourself from these thoughts altogether.
Using the common behaviours and attitudes that form the six core limiting beliefs, I’ve created a 10-minute survey to show you which belief profile you are running. This also comes with a free, no-strings-attached unpack session to support you in understanding how you can boost your self-esteem and confidence.
Take the survey here.
2. Get acquainted with your core limiting belief
Regular reflection helps you understand and boost your self-esteem and confidence, transforming it from a dominant force into background noise. Here are some practical steps to increase your awareness: Reflection Exercise: Whenever you experience doubt, low self-esteem or confidence, practice reflecting on the following:
Pause if you can (or revisit it later).
Note the situation; how is it familiar to previous situations?
Identify the words, feelings, and body sensations that arise. What is your body posture?
Observe the resulting actions; how are they familiar with previous situations?
Other reflection Questions:
Which situations or people trigger doubt, low self-esteem, or confidence?
What do they have in common?
How do they make me feel?
What am I trying to achieve or avoid in this situation?
How do I usually react?
What do I conclude about the situation?
What do I make it mean about me?
3. Make a different choice
Meeting our doubts with kindness and acknowledgment, rather than ignoring or resisting them, is crucial to boost your self-esteem and confidence. Try this exercise:
When experiencing low self-esteem, confidence, or doubts, take a pause (or revisit it later)
Note the situation, how it’s familiar to previous situations, and the words, feelings, and body language observed.
Notice where it is held in your body.
Keep your attention on that part of your body and ask, "What do you need in this moment?".
Whatever that is, give that to yourself.
Then thank the doubt for whatever it feels it has been helping you with.
Then say, "But today I am making a different choice."
"I am choosing to [create a way to access your vision for what you want to create]."
Sit in the vision of what you want, making it as vivid and emotional as possible.
Our mind learns through repetition, so continue this exercise and observe how it shifts over time.
4. Take incremental steps to boost your self-esteem
Boost your self-esteem and confidence by taking incremental steps outside your comfort zone. The biggest mistake is setting goals too far out, which will lead to sabotage, procrastination, and stagnation. Building self-esteem and confidence requires small but consistent actions that move you toward your goal. Consider the following:
Set Small, Achievable Goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, actionable steps. Ensure each step is 80% achievable and 20% challenging. Gradually increase the difficulty as your confidence grows.
Celebrate Successes: Acknowledge and celebrate each achievement, no matter how small. This reinforces positive self-belief and will boost your self-esteem.
Embrace Failure as Learning: View setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than evidence of inadequacy. Reflect on what you can learn from each experience and how it can help you improve.
5. Reprogram your beliefs to boost your self-esteem
For those ready to release deep-seated doubts and boost your self-esteem and confidence, working with the subconscious mind is the quickest and most powerful way to do this. Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®) is designed to do just that. RTT® is a hybrid therapy combining the principles of hypnotherapy, NLP, psychotherapy, and cognitive behavioral therapies to take you directly to the root cause of your low self-esteem and confidence. It goes straight to your subconscious mind to uncover how, why, where, and when you acquired the limiting beliefs affecting your behavior and thinking.
The efficacy of RTT® is supported by a growing body of scientific research and compelling real-life success stories. I've witnessed clients break free from procrastination, self-doubt, and low confidence to boost their self-esteem and achieve personal and professional success they once thought impossible.
To find out more about RTT® and hear some client success stories, head over to my website.
So, if you are a woman who is ready to embark on creating a life of purpose, freedom, and fulfilment, but self-esteem and doubts are blocking you, schedule your free strategy session to see how I can support you.
Read more from Victoria May
Victoria May, Empowerment Coach for Women
Victoria is a certified Rapid Transformational Therapist®, Empowerment Coach, and Energy Worker who helps women reconnect with their true essence and create heart-centred lives of freedom, fulfillment, and purpose. After leaving a successful but unfulfilling corporate career, Victoria embarked on a journey of personal and spiritual discovery. She now uses her expertise and own experience to support women in overcoming burnout, self-doubt, and societal pressures so they can create a life they love. Through her unique approach, Victoria empowers her clients to fully embrace their true selves and live heart-centred lives.
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