4 Ways An All-Or-Nothing Mindset Is Holding You Back
Written by: Megan Miller, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
This year is different. It’s not like all the others. This is THE YEAR you’re finally going to commit to practicing Spanish. Because if you do anything, you commit to it, 100%… right?
…But do you find yourself ever over-committing and having to drop something?
…Find that your identity is wrapped up more in what you DO than who you ARE?
…Are you constantly stressed and worried that you aren’t doing enough?
You, my dear, have an all-or-nothing mindset.
And here’s just four ways it’s holding you back:
You don’t reach your goals… because you can’t.
Listen, I’m right there with you in that you should dream big. However, there’s a pretty big caveat to that… dreams are not goals.
A lot of times, I hear the goal of becoming fluent. That’s a good dream to have! But fluency means a lot of different things to different people: everything from dreaming in Spanish, having the vocabulary for any sort of conversation, being able to flirt with that new guy at work… the definition and the timeline for fluency is fluid; it can completely change given on the person, their habits, and how much effort they’re putting into their language practice. I’d invite you to rethink your fluency goals to be around vocabulary, ease of speaking, confidence levels, and enjoyment.
You’re either all in… or all out.
When we start something new, of course we’re excited! We want to continue to focus on that one thing… forever. When we lose interest or when things start to get más difícil… we’re out. We can’t stay motivated. And thus begins our screw-it spiral.
In order for me to reach my goal, I have to practice for 45 minutes a day… but Ronald has his soccer game. I missed one day; screw it, I’m not cut out for this.
I missed my Sunday AND Monday practice; I’m too busy. I can’t do it all! Something’s gotta give. I just don’t have enough time.
Demasiado Compare and Despair
Maybe you’ve sought out Duolingo forums, Facebook groups, and Meetups… you’re trying to get yourself out there! But then you start having thoughts like…
I’m never going to have as good of an accent as Carla… I might as well stop now.
Raul practices for 2 hours a day; I don’t have that kind of time; I’m going to hold him back.
Oh, I thought of a response! But the conversation moved past that, ugh, I’m dumb.
And you sit back and watch as your confidence erodes, your motivation waves goodbye, and the cycle starts all over… If we don’t feel good about doing something, we won’t do it. All of a sudden, all the time and energy you were going to spend on your goal is now spent ruminating on the bad feelings you have about your goal.
You fall out of love with the language
As a coach and someone who obviously loves language, this is the most heartbreaking way an all-or-nothing mindset is holding you back… but it’s absolutely realistic if steps 2 and 3 repeat themselves enough.
In order for us to do anything, we have to have a reason of why we’re doing it. But if we’re causing enough mental drama for ourselves around the what or the how, we can forget why we started… and all of a sudden, when you wake up one day, you have no idea why you’re working so hard towards something that you don’t even want.
When your confidence and motivation start crumbling, it’s time to get some help. Working with a coach is a wonderful way to start to see the gray areas… instead of all that is black and white. I can help you stay motivated, guide you through making new routines and creating new habits, and give you that personalized boost of confidence.
Maybe having an all-or-nothing mindset isn’t news to you. Maybe you’ve known it for a while. Maybe you LIKE to watch your black and white flag fly.
But it’s keeping you small. It’s holding you back in your Spanish practice… and I know this from personal experience. Before I used to hold myself accountable to practice what I preached in regular Spanish coaching, I’d do just what you do:
Practice for 25 minutes one day… not touch Spanish for three more days.
Watch a movie in Spanish, go to sleep with a book of cuentos in my hand, start thinking and dreaming in Spanish… and not touch it for 10 days.
We’re all affected by our black-or-white, all-or-nothing, in-or-out mindset. I’m here to tell you there’s room for the gray area… if you’re open to it. Contact me to learn more about how we can work together.
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Megan Miller, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Megan Miller is a leader in Spanish <> English teaching and bespoke habit-based language learning. Ever since discovering the worlds beyond words as a child, Megan has dedicated her efforts to mastering Spanish, English, and how to create lasting habits to improve and maintain language skills. She is the CEO of Aprovechar Language Solutions whose mission is to empower those in need of a bilingual voice.
