Updated: Mar 11
Written by: Michele Ogston, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How do you tell the person who has your heart you are gifted?
“Life is a balance between what we can control and what we cannot. I am learning to live between effort and surrender.” — Danielle Orner.
I was in love! The best feeling in the whole world! I felt like I had worked so hard and waited so long for this healthy, peaceful, amazing love! The universe had finally rewarded me with this beautiful gift.
Yet, along with a rush of all these majestic feelings, there was a little place somewhere inside holding onto the insecurity that maybe, I wasn’t enough.
I sat there and wondered, “would he ever really love me if he knew?” For a second, I let this fear take over. I went down the rabbit hole of all the “What if’s…”
What if he thinks I’m a freak?
What if he thinks I’m crazy?
What if he doesn’t love me?
Yes, I’m a lightworker, psychic, medium, and empathic, and the list goes on. Telling people this can still be challenging! Learning to surrender to being comfortable with the uncomfortable required me to let go of the imaginary idea of the control I thought I had over my life.
It doesn’t matter how long I have known I was intuitive or that I had been studying for a long time. I still wanted approval and to be accepted – I still wanted to be loved in return.
How do you tell the person who has your heart you are gifted?
Here are 3 ways to tell someone you love you are intuitive:
1. You have to accept YOU first!
There’s a reason why this is listed first. People tend to be more accepting if you have accepted yourself first. The reverse is also true. You tend to be more accepting of others than you are of yourself. Self-compassion is key to accepting yourself. They look to you for guidance. If you seem scared or act as if you need their reassurance, then it only confuses them. Our fear of rejection is one of the greatest fears as humans we have. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. Your spirit takes off and soars with the new understanding and knowledge of your gifts while the human being part of you is left to cope. Your mind explores all the what-ifs. “What if people think I’m a freak” “What if they think I’m weird” “What if they think I’m psycho” This is because, on some level, you are still exploring if you think these things too.
Try noticing your body language and your actions around the subject of being gifted. Are your shoulders shrugged? Do you talk softly? Do you feel like you have to sneak or hide conversations because you are afraid someone will hear you?
A good rule of thumb is: If you’re hiding from everyone, then you’re still hiding from yourself. Here are a few ways to peak out from your hiding place:
Try practicing with an acquaintance. The fear of rejection won’t be as strong because you have invested less.
Join a support group to surround yourself with other like-minded people. When you feel like you are alone in the world, the fear of rejection is greater. Surrounding yourself with people like you helps you feel like you’re not alone, increases your self-confidence, and provides a safe, supportive environment for you to learn and explore your gifts.
Write it down and read it aloud when no one is there. This allows you to take it out of your mind and puts it in front of you. It starts to take a tangible shape when you are by yourself speaking it aloud. This tangible shape helps you to build confidence in what you’re saying. It makes it “real “instead of an idea you are playing within your head.
2. Say it, don’t spray it.
Once you are accepting of yourself, you will find that your soul begs you to tell people. Sometimes you want to shout it from the mountain tops. However, you don’t have to tell everyone, especially in the beginning. Accepting yourself is a practice. Be discerning with who you let see your soul as you are still trying it on for size. In my experience, when you are ready to share with someone you love, the best way to say it is short and sweet. Then, hold the space for a response. Sometimes people don’t know what to do with the information. Sometimes it’s overwhelming or scary. Sometimes, people need time. Try to go into the situation not being attached to the outcome. I know this is easier said than done, but you being you is a must for any relationship to have a chance to succeed. Many intuitive or empaths find themselves in relationships that don’t serve them because they haven’t learned how to let their light shine. An intuitive or empaths fear of being a misfit stems all the way back to childhood. You can only keep your light dimmed for so long before it starts to peak through. Direct honesty is the best approach.
Having said that, here are a few things NOT to do unless asked:
Do not give them a bunch of books or articles to read. Only if someone asks you to learn more can you direct them to more information?
Do not over-explain yourself. Have a statement that you have practiced ready to go. Make it short and to the point. Present it in a natural tone and of your natural energy. The less you make a big deal about, the less it will be a big deal.
Do not make them try to understand. Remember, your goal is to be you. It is up to them how much they want to learn. The more you have to convince someone, the more it is a sign that this might not be the ideal relationship for your soul to be free.
Do not spy on them. This is a very important part of being in any relationship as an intuitive. You have to allow the ones you love the freedom to be on their own journey – even if you know something. Until they are ready to share, it is not yours. This is the number one complaint I have gotten from partners of intuitives.
3. Practice patience.
When you feel like you have a calling for something greater than yourself, you don’t go in the direction you’ve been. You head in the direction you were meant to be. Keep moving forward. You have shared and held space. Being vulnerable with the person you love creates a special kind of bond. Experiencing their acceptance brings a sense of peace and connection obtained from revealing your true self. Allow them the time they need to understand what this means about you and the nature of your relationship. What you will find, in most cases, is that the fear you had was bigger than their response. To some, it will not be a big deal. You will tell them, and you will move on quickly. To others, they might need some patience to understand you because they want to know everything about you. Your job is to surrender to who you are. Be truthful, confident, and open about yourself. Be all the love you embody. You are not a freak. You are not a psycho, and You ARE love.
Michele Ogston, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Michele Ogston is an empowerment and transformational coach! She holds certifications as an intuitive life coach and is a certified meditation & mindfulness teacher. She works with her empath and like-minded people, to empower them to break the patterns that have been holding them back to create an authentic life filled with purpose and meaning. Her mission is to spread the word that you’re just one decision from changing your whole life. She truly believes life isn’t about being happy all the time, but about learning how to navigate the more challenging times a little easier. After experiencing her own loss through the death of loved ones and a painful divorce, she decided to turn her pain into passion and helps people navigate life a little easier. In addition to coaching clients 1:1, she facilitates The Soul’s Assignment Club. A weekly group for people who feel like they were called upon to do more with their life. She runs the Empath Support Group, where she provides a safe place for Empaths to find comradery so they can learn and share with each other. She owns Cloud 9 Life Coaching in Northern California, where she lives with her husband, children and fur babies. You can connect with her on: Facebook , Instagram, or LinkedIn or visit her website: Cloud 9 Life Coaching.