3 Ways To Stop Hustling For Acceptance
Written by: Dolores Andrew, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“The antidote for hustling is surrendering. Why then can surrendering feel like giving up?”
Feeling accepted is a fundamental need we all have, and one which most of us spend our lives trying to find. It is as if acceptance will somehow be found somewhere outside of us and that if we strive hard enough and look long enough, perhaps we will stumble upon it.
However, acceptance is a state of being rather than an active thing to be grasped and held. And it’s in the surrendering to the hustling that we come into the still space where we can meet with and enquire about what true acceptance means.
Here are 3 Ways We Hustle for Acceptance in our Lives
1. Belonging
Hustling to fit in is the most common way we hustle for acceptance. We try so hard to make people like us that we change ourselves to suit others.
We think, “if I behave this way, then I will get acceptance from that person,” or “If I do this for that person, then they will accept me.”
It becomes second nature to us as we traverse our journey through life, changing like a chameleon every step of the way.
When we truly fit in, we don’t have to try at all, we just are, which again is a state of being. There is no resistance, no push and pull. There is no hustling.
Not everyone holds the space for us to be who we are authentically, and no amount of molding ourselves will make someone like us. Some people are our teachers in this world, mirroring back to us those parts of ourselves that we hide away from or are too vulnerable to look into.
Until we stop and take a look at those places, those people will continue to trigger us, and we will blame them for our state of being.
When we take our power back from them, we stop hustling for their acceptance.
2. Confidence
It’s hard to believe the power our emotions have over us if we let them. When we take charge of our emotions, we take back our power from them.
Our emotions are messenger molecules. They are energy in motion; e-motion. When we remind ourselves of this, we realize that we are not our emotions. We always have a choice to stop hustling with them, choosing instead to surrender to them.
They are a part of us. When we lean into them and find their message, we gain freedom from them.
Take confidence, for example. Feeling confident has to do with the beliefs we hold about our ability to do something.
Because our beliefs fuel our actions, if we are not feeling confident enough to do something, then that is the energy our actions will come from. We will be hustling for something instead of standing fully in our sense of self and our ability to be confident.
Here is something you can do. Ask Yourself - What is your belief telling you about your confidence? Perhaps you are not good enough, not tall enough, not small enough, whatever belief you hold is the key to surrendering and ending the hustle.
3. We act passive aggressively
There are three ways we act out with our personal power. We are either aggressive, assertive, or passive-aggressive.
Acting passive aggressively can be a bid to hustle for attention. We may say “Yes” and be a people pleaser to gain the affection of another.
However, being passive-aggressive is harmful to our sense of self. It means that we don’t present ourselves to other people from an authentic place. We say yes when we want to say no, and when no is better for us.
Our actions are conditional, and we are not being respectful of our own needs.
Over time being passive-aggressive can lead to all sorts of problems for us. We can feel exhausted, depleted, angry with ourselves and others. Anger turned inwards leads to depression.
It is only when we come back to ourselves, stop hustling for acceptance, instead of surrendering to who we are at our essence, that our actions will come from this place.
Doing this is not giving up on ourselves, instead, we are taking a stand for who we are, not giving our power away to others or allowing their judgments to define us.
The first step is awareness. Then comes the surrender. We allow our true selves to be the beacon that illuminates our authentic way, showing up as our authentic selves.
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Dolores Andrew, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dolores Andrew is an All-Star Accredited Lifestyle Leader in Holistic Life Coaching. Her personal coaching sessions and Corporate Training programmes are tailored to her client’s unique requirements. Dolores’ expertise supports people to break through their personal barriers and reach their full potential, whatever that means to them. She supports them to reassess their values, effectively navigate their emotions and live their lives aligned with their authentic selves.
