10 Steps To Empower Parents To Support Their Children In Navigating School Refusal

Written by Jennifer Russell Baker, Licensed Professional Counselor

Jennifer Russell Baker, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), National Certified Counselor (NCC), and Certified Trauma and Anxiety Specialist, uses her expertise to help children and adolescents navigate the challenges of trauma and anxiety.

School refusal, often referred to as school phobia or avoidance, is a growing concern, especially after the disruptions caused by the COVID-19 pandemic (Thompson et al., 2021). Children may exhibit severe behaviors, from clinging to parents to self-harming, to avoid school. After 16 years in education, I’ve witnessed the significant emotional distress this can cause. Here are some strategies to empower parents to support their children through this challenging time.

1. Identify early warning signs

Recognizing early signs of school refusal is crucial. Look for frequent absences, physical complaints without medical reason (like stomachaches), and increasing anxiety about school (Kearney, 2007). Other signs to look for are persistent negative talk about school, abrupt changes in mood or demeanor on Sunday evenings, and new reluctance to get up for school. Early intervention can help children feel more understood and supported.

2. Promote open dialogue

Create a safe space for your child to express their feelings about school. Engage in active listening and validate their emotions (Berg et al., 2020). Ask open-ended questions, such as, “What worries you about school?” to better understand their anxiety and resistance to going to school.

3. Gradual return to school

Children who have been absent for a while can benefit from a gradual reintegration. Starting with brief visits to the school and gradually increasing the time spent there can help them acclimate (Baker et al., 2018). Asking your school to support your child with a half-day schedule may help the gradual return process.

4. Collaborate with educators

Work closely with teachers, counselors, and administrators to create a supportive environment. Strategies like modified schedules and regular check-ins can significantly ease your child's transition back to school (Kearney & Albano, 2004). In extreme cases that have caused frequent absences, ask your school administration or counselor about your child being in the 504 program. The 504 program is for students with an impairment that affects their school experience.

5. Establish a consistent routine

A predictable morning routine can help reduce anxiety. Setting regular wake-up times, having healthy breakfasts, and creating a calm atmosphere provide stability and control (McGowan et al., 2020). Children often feel like they have control over very little in their lives. Allowing them input into their routines (within reason) can help reduce anxiety levels.

6. Address underlying issues

School refusal is often linked to mental health concerns like anxiety or depression (Baker et al., 2018). If you notice signs of these issues, seek help from a mental health professional. Therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can equip your child with coping mechanisms (Hofmann et al., 2012). Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine can also be beneficial when it comes to teaching your child to cope with anxiety or depression. A simple Google search can provide you with many mindfulness resources.

7. Utilize positive reinforcement

Encourage school attendance through positive reinforcement. Simple rewards for attending school, such as praise or small incentives, can motivate children to confront their fears (Gonzalez et al., 2021). As children become more at ease attending school, you can slowly scale back the positive reinforcement until it is no longer necessary. Children often need external motivation before they can build internal motivation.

8. Encourage school involvement

While showing empathy is important, avoid reinforcing avoidance behaviors. Gradually encourage your child to engage in school-related activities, helping them reconnect with peers and the school environment (Witcomb et al., 2019). The more your child avoids school the harder it will be for them to go. It can be difficult for parents to leave their child at school knowing they are distressed but lean on your school community to help your child adjust. They have experience helping children deal with big emotions and difficult situations. 

9. Educate about anxiety

Teaching your child about anxiety can empower them. Help them understand that physical symptoms are often responses to worry. Share relaxation techniques, mindfulness practices, and breathing exercises to help them cope (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). Try to make the coping techniques fun for your child. Practice breathing by blowing bubbles or a pinwheel. Use an activity your child already enjoys to teach mindfulness.

10. Seek professional support when needed

If school refusal persists despite your efforts, seeking professional guidance is essential. School counselors and psychologists can provide support and refer you to specialists for more intensive interventions (Kearney, 2007).

School refusal can be daunting for families, but with early recognition, consistent support, and collaborative strategies, it can be effectively addressed. Every child is unique; adapting your approach with patience and empathy is key to helping them navigate these challenges.

For more resources, consider exploring the National Association of School Psychologists and the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, which offer valuable insights and strategies for dealing with school refusal.

Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn, or visit my website for more info!

Read more from Jennifer Russell Baker

Jennifer Russell Baker, Licensed Professional Counselor

Jennifer Russell Baker is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in children, teens, and diverse populations. After sixteen years working in socio-economically disadvantaged schools, she saw the need for more accessible mental health options for children and marginalized communities. Driven by a mission to empower all communities, Russell Baker offers accessible mental health care through Untold Story Counseling Services, her online practice. She empowers clients to overcome trauma, anxiety, depression, and identity challenges. Combining expertise in trauma and anxiety with research-based interventions, she creates a safe space for clients to build coping skills and achieve their mental wellness goals.

References:

• Baker, J. A., et al. (2018). Understanding school refusal: A systematic review. Journal of School Psychology, 70, 26-39.

• Berg, I. K., et al. (2020). Parenting and school refusal: The role of parent-child communication. Child Psychology & Psychiatry Review, 25(2), 109-123.

• Gonzalez, A., et al. (2021). The impact of positive reinforcement on school attendance. International Journal of Educational Research, 105, 101706.

• Hofmann, S. G., et al. (2012). The Efficacy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A Meta-Analysis. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427-440.

• Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Delacorte Press.

• Kearney, C. A. (2007). School refusal behavior: A review of the literature. Psychology in the Schools, 44(3), 265-275.

• Kearney, C. A., & Albano, A. M. (2004). Assessment and treatment of school refusal behavior. Clinical Psychology Review, 24(4), 361-382.

• McGowan, K. W., et al. (2020). The impact of family routines on child anxiety: A longitudinal study. Journal of Family Psychology, 34(1), 50-58.

• Thompson, K. D., et al. (2021). The effects of COVID-19 on school refusal: A parent perspective. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 26(3), 133-139.

• Witcomb, G. L., et al. (2019). School avoidance and engagement: The role of parental involvement. Educational Psychology, 39(5), 607-624.