Written by Dr. Omosefe Christina, Medical Doctor, CEO and Founder Dr. Omosefe Christina is a Medical Doctor, Entrepreneur, and Founder of Elite Exams. She blends frontline clinical practice with medical education and community programmes to help International Medical Graduates (IMG) and African families flourish in their careers and communities in the UK. When I arrived in the UK, everyone talked about familiarising doctors with the system, workshops, inductions, conferences, and some structured support. Yet I noticed that expectations were subjective, left to each doctor to navigate. I began to understand that real change was not driven by better induction. It was driven by learning, by building habits and systems that actually allow people to adapt. Understanding the system for what it is The NHS is built on strong values. We talk about breaking barriers and driving innovation in patient care, but we actually reward predictability over curiosity. This is because mistakes in healthcare have consequences. To maintain clinical safety, healthcare systems rely on routines and protocols, sometimes seen as “the way we do things here.” When you reward predictability without considering flexibility, you create consequences for the person who does things differently, even when different works better. The IMG who approaches a case differently, the supervisor who questions a protocol, the team that tries an alternative pathway; they experience that as risk. Risk to their evaluation, their progression, their standing. The system does not need to explicitly punish deviation. It just does not reward it. In a system that moves fast, where trainees are constantly being assessed, withholding rewards has its own cost. People learn quickly: fit in, follow protocol, do not ask why. The person trained elsewhere learns it fastest, because for them, everything is already unfamiliar, and now conformity feels like the only safe choice. Yet the system is never just a set of programmes or policies. The NHS is made of relationships between people and colleagues, organisations and people who shape and influence decisions, and formal and informal rules that influence behaviour. To make lasting change, we have to understand the system’s true workings. We also need to recognise that what seems to be functioning as intended may actually be broken. There is an urgent need to address root causes for real improvement. The power hidden in measurement Every system reveals itself through what it chooses to measure. In healthcare, we count patient numbers and waiting times, while we recognise that measuring experiences, such as whether a patient felt heard, is difficult. Numbers help us feel like we understand a system. But they also let systems ignore what does not fit the metric. Job satisfaction, whether an IMG felt respected, whether the system actually learned from failure; these disappear from the data. This means institutions can claim they are making progress while people are actually leaving. Research from BMJ Open and the British Journal of General Practice (2024) found that even after accounting for knowledge and experience, internationally qualified doctors faced lower pass rates in postgraduate exams.[1][2] What the statistics hide is the accumulated weight of navigating a system that was not built with you in mind, and of performing at full capacity while learning an entirely new professional culture. The scale problem In many developing countries, professional relationships are strong. Learning is communal through departmental meetings, grand rounds, and bedside teaching sessions. Learning and adaptation were constant. We rarely worked in isolation. This is different in the UK. Structure, research, and governance are strong, but scaling up medical education can sometimes reduce the human closeness that supports learning. I have seen educational and health innovations work in one learning community but fail to take off in another. The ideas were not weak; they may even be similar. It is easier to replicate models, but changing a learner’s mindset is more challenging. In medical education, real scale is not about size. It is about how well leaders and learning platforms learn across boundaries, how well they adapt to challenges, and how they generate momentum through constant reflection and improvements. Establishing the leadership standard If we want different outcomes, we need different approaches. Create space for structured reflection and feedback, not just service delivery. IMGs need space for structured reflection, peer learning, and time to adapt. These are not niceties; we are building a sustainable workforce infrastructure. If you will not fund the right learning and support a doctor needs, you are saying: keep working at speed without understanding what you are doing. Share decision-making power with the people being assessed. There is no doubt that IMGs bring insight to the development of policies. IMGs should help design the standards they are judged by. If you are not doing that, you are measuring them against criteria you will not let them shape, or criteria they do not understand. Isolated policies on exams and workplace assessments can create systemic discrimination. Design systems for the people you actually have, not the people you wish you had hired. A huge percentage of the NHS workforce is internationally trained. There is a need for targeted induction programmes, workshops, assessments, and career and leadership pathways that align with that reality. We can no longer afford to design systems that cater to a few and expect everyone else to fit. Shift evaluation from proof to progress. Ask: What did we learn? Not just: What did we deliver? When we start understanding the differences in expectations and learning, we create real impact. Asking the right questions enhances our understanding of what is needed, since we cannot learn from data that does not ask the right questions. We all appreciate the value of simplified, actionable feedback, the kind that comes from a simple question, for example: “What surprised you about this?” This creates real-life learning through insight. Conversations remain honest. Learning becomes mutual. We then shift from box-checking to understanding. A practitioner’s toolkit for real change For those in the workplace, change starts with practice, not just strategy. Here are three everyday habits that sustain a learning culture in the workplace: Listen past comfort. In clinical teams, this means actively asking IMG colleagues how they would approach a case, and genuinely considering alternatives to how “we do it here.” The organisational or diagnostic approach they learned elsewhere might solve something your team has been stuck on. Make a reflection routine. If clinical debriefs are structured and regular, people start seeing patterns, not just checklists. Educators can have structured debriefs after significant decisions, or even encourage regular peer conversations about “what surprised you,” or take a bit more time to ask, “Why did this happen?” The exercise is about collective learning for all involved, not about performance management. Reward adaptation. Why do we not celebrate adjustment and integration? Celebrating teams that adjust when things do not work is a way to acknowledge what we learn from failure and improvement. The same goes for IMGs who learn and adapt. That is worth celebrating. Failure is a waste only when hidden. If a clinical pathway fails, most teams revert and move on. Better teams say: “This did not work. Here is what we are trying instead.” They are rewarded for that honesty, not punished. The same applies to supervision. If an IMG is not responding to one style of feedback, a supervisor who shifts approach, making it more direct, more written, or more collaborative, should be recognised as good practice, not seen as lowering standards. Hidden failures teach nothing. Visible adaptation teaches the system how to evolve. These practical changes, repeated often, are what really shift the cultures most IMGs face. Sustained, these small everyday actions provide a source of lasting transformation for everyone. Learning as survival In medicine, we learn that learning and early feedback save lives. Organisations and their workforce systems are no different. The NHS depends on internationally trained professionals, especially in tough times. The GMC Workforce Report 2025 states that IMGs account for 42% of the workforce, yet their success rate in specialisation applications is 23%, compared to 69% for UK-trained doctors. Success, or failure, is not simply about individual clinical skills; it depends on a myriad of factors, ones that good leaders would enable their workforce systems to learn from. The same applies to social innovation to support professionals who have migrated to the UK. Real change does not happen when key stakeholders sit on opposite sides of accountability. It happens when they learn together. The leadership we actually need As a physician and educator, I do not possess all the answers; who does? Real leadership is not about possessing all the answers, but about encouraging the right mindset to ask the right questions and creating the right environment, where insight and learning drive realistic change. It means asking better questions, creating space for uncomfortable truths about the real challenges IMGs face, and choosing humanity as a deliberate strategy. Systems do not transform through pressure. They evolve and survive through persistent learning. Consistent learning is necessary for system survival and renewal. Leaders must prioritise and model this approach for real progress. That statistic, 42% of the workforce and 23% application success, is a system failing at learning. This is not slow change; it is active failure. Systems that do not learn from 42% of their workforce will lose them. The choice is not between an optional learning culture and business as usual. It is between learning now or collapsing later, when the people you depend on have already left. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Dr. Omosefe Christina Dr. Omosefe Christina, Medical Doctor, CEO and Founder Dr. Omosefe Christina creates digital learning platforms that turn frontline experience into practical support for international doctors in the UK. She is the CEO of Elite Exams, which supports the medical education of international trained doctors aspiring to become independent GPs. She builds digital systems, courses, platforms, and automated learning pathways to support doctors who migrate to the UK. References: [1] Woolf K et al. Perceived causes of differential attainment in UK postgraduate medical training. BMJ Open. 2016. [2] Brown et al. Language of primary medical qualification and differential MRCGP exam attainment. BJGP. 2024. [3] GMC Fair Training Pathways for All. [4] GMC Workforce Report 2025, BMA summary. [5] Schwab Foundation & World Economic Forum. Why Collective Social Innovation is Future Philanthropy. 2025.

Written by Kellie Winzinowich and Kelly Whelan-Enns, Active Embodiment Coaches Kellie and Kelly are the founders of the Academy of Embodiment Arts and hosts of the Soul Discovery podcast. They combine Qigong with meditation and energy mastery to guide people to embody new frequency through transmutation and transformation for lasting change. Self-mastery of our physical bodies is important in our evolutionary process. It is critical to have a basic understanding of our physical bodies, the chemical and energetic processes, and how thoughts and emotions affect these processes. In our course, Introduction to Self-Mastery, we begin by discussing our physical bodies on an electronic level and the energy produced by our mitochondria. Every cell of our body contains mitochondria. Mitochondria are the powerhouses of the cells. Every cell in our bodies produces 10,000 times more energy than the surface of the sun. Pause for a moment and envision harnessing that power. How do we go about doing that? When we connect to our spirit, our mitochondria operate optimally. This ensures that deuterium depleted water is produced at the fourth step of the electron transport chain. This water is often referred to as fourth phase water, or Exclusion Zone (EZ) water. You can learn more about this by following the work of Gerald Pollack and Dr. Catherine Clinton, to name two of the leading voices in this field of work. The electron transport chain is a series of protein complexes and other molecules that transfer electrons from electron donors to electron acceptors. When this is working properly, structured water surrounds each and every biomolecule of our body, including proteins, DNA, hormones, enzymes, and receptors. This hydration shell surrounds the DNA and gives a specific sequence fingerprint, which facilitates DNA transcription. This transcription gives it shape and resonance. It will adjust according to frequency inputs from both EMFs and nnEMFs, such as Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, music, light, thoughts, emotions, and more. The EMF spectrum is a spectrum of sound vibration. Sound is light, and everything in the universe vibrates at a subatomic level. All vibration exists at a frequency and carries information. Frequency information creates shape, and the shape of each biomolecule then determines its resonance, along with how it interacts with surrounding molecules. This facilitates human physiology using communication that can be faster than the speed of light. How do we affect our body on the subatomic level? To begin the process of self-mastery, you must understand how your environment, thoughts, and emotions affect your physical body, every cell, and the energy produced by the mitochondria. Emotions cause chemical reactions in the body. This is why we can be triggered in similar situations, because our body has a physical reaction to the same or similar stimuli. It takes practice to recognize our emotional triggers and observe them. Thoughts can keep us in a certain emotional state because looping or repeating thoughts continually bring up the emotion, thus creating the same chemical reactions in the body over and over. To stop the cycle, we must stop those thoughts and create new ones, thereby giving our body new information. In order to do that, we must understand our ego and shadow. Ego is defined in a number of ways: A feeling of inflated pride and/or superiority to others The masks we take on when in public or social circles, i.e., roles we take on in this life A symptom of your shadow and its accumulated stories Shadow: The unconscious mind, survival, and the parts of yourself you repress or suppress to hide from yourself A reflection of our emotional survival mechanisms that combine to impulse us with mental, emotional, and physical motivations to hide from being aware of our ego stories and programming Be aware that we all have a shadow and ego side, as well as carrying the light. It is a product of being born on the earth at this time. We were all born into separation from our Higher Selves and Source. The ultimate act of Self-Love is putting the mental fragments of yourself back together. These mental fragments are caused by the repeating thought patterns we subconsciously hold onto. Shadow and ego reflect your doubts, worries, fears, and more. Being able to trust your intuition means you have to make a choice between Love, from your Heart, or fear, from ego and shadow. The contrast of duality is important because we learn to discern what our intuition feels like when we’ve made a decision from a place of fear and when it is out of Love. Sometimes we don’t know until we’ve made a decision. For example, we can take a job out of desperation for money. While we need that money to survive financially, it may have been out of fear for our survival, rather than a love for the type of work. Eventually, we will make a choice that is out of love and not fear, even in situations where we need financial stability. The contrast in how you feel and the subsequent thoughts you have tell you the difference. The need to survive also means we love ourselves enough to do what is necessary to be okay. We have to watch what our mind does with that information. It can be easy to keep ourselves down because of what we’ve come to believe about our situation. However, our situation changes second to second when we choose to believe new information about ourselves. Every decision we make affects every cell of our body. Fostering a deep connection to your body means that, in those instances where you are uncertain, you can step out of fight, flight, fawn, or freeze to help foster the element of discernment and choose a course of action that is right for you. So, how can you develop that? Take note of your physical reactions in the body when you feel emotions. Where do these physical sensations take place? How does it make that particular area of the body feel? How long does it last? When emotions arise, what thoughts are associated? Are there stories or patterns you observe that are trying to replay themselves in your life? Trauma, for example, and the associated emotions, trigger physical reactions in our bodies. Knowing the difference between an emotional trigger and trauma requires us to stop our thoughts so we can discern whether we are being traumatized again or experiencing a similar situation that triggers those emotions. When we realize it’s a trigger, we can inform our body that it is not a trauma, that we are okay, and that the feeling will pass. It’s easy to get carried away with runaway thoughts and the subsequent stories they conjure in our minds. It is key to notice when this happens and redirect yourself. A physical tool paired with a breathwork practice can help tremendously in this instance. Earth Marrow Washing is a Qigong breathwork technique we share with our students all the time. Here’s a brief explanation of how to do it. Rest back in your chair and close your eyes. Sit with your feet flat on the floor and place your hands on your thighs. As you inhale, visualize the breath coming up from Mother Earth into your left foot, all the way up your left leg to your left hip. Then see it rise up your abdomen and chest, crossing over to your right shoulder. As you exhale, visualize the breath moving across to your left shoulder, then crossing and travelling down the chest and abdomen to your right hip. Watch it travel down your right leg and out into Mother Earth through your right foot. Note: This is a figure 8. Repeat for 10 to 20 breaths. Allow any thoughts to enter and leave. You can also do this from anywhere, at any time, and while standing. Always remember to reach for the Earth. Remember, you are a spiritual being having a physical experience. Tending to your body on all levels is key to maintaining good health. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for more info! Read more from Kellie Winzinowich and Kelly Whelan-Enns Kellie Winzinowich and Kelly Whelan-Enns, Active Embodiment Coaches Kelly Whelan-Enns is a master of Shaolin Qi Healing, Qigong, and the internal art of Baguazhang. Plagued by asthma and hypoglycemic in his youth, Kelly's journey of healing and self-mastery has spanned over 35 years, training with master teachers, and studying Taoist, Zen Buddhist, and Tibetan meditation, teaching many along the way. Kellie Winzinowich is a former elite gymnast whose journey brought her to Qigong and the study of internal alchemy. Now a Certified Hypnotherapist, she helps others navigate personal transformation. Together, Kellie and Kelly guide others to embody lasting change through physical, emotional, and spiritual self-mastery.

Written by Sandra Merula, Mental Health Coach, Neurodiversity Mentor Sandra Merula is a Mental Health & Life Coach, author of “ADHD and Autism. The ‘Together’ People,” working as a mentor with Autism, ADHD, and AuDHD, as well as trauma and narcissistic abuse recovery. Known for her direct yet unique approach with cat-assisted philosophy, she combines professional expertise with lived experience and a bit of magic. A raw and powerful manifesto on late autism diagnosis, self-recognition, and the freedom that comes from no longer performing “normal.” Through grief, motherhood, identity, and reclaimed intensity, this article celebrates the neurodivergent woman who finally stops shrinking and starts living honestly. They are not here for a small life, they just don’t know it yet Before I knew I was autistic, I spent years trying to look as normal as possible. Which is ironic now, considering that the woman hiding underneath all that adaptation was covered in tattoos, dressed in black even when nobody was watching, emotionally intense, deeply obsessive, creatively chaotic, and looked like what they used to silently call “The Agony Woman” with the personality of an emotional golden retriever. Back then, none of that felt funny. Back then, it felt dangerous. Because when you grow up feeling fundamentally different without understanding why, normality becomes survival. So I learned how to perform it. I worked in the fashion industry for years. While very young, I became a general manager in the sales of jewellery and beauty products. My life was built around people, schedules, noise, expectations, performance, lights, pressure, conversations, and social adaptation. Externally, I looked highly functioning. Internally, I was bleeding from the exhaustion of trying to maintain that image every single day. The strange thing about high-functioning autistic women is that the world often mistakes survival for success. If you are intelligent enough, attractive enough, socially trained enough, and emotionally hyper-aware enough, you can spend years appearing functional while privately feeling like your nervous system is quietly collapsing underneath your skin. That was my reality. I did not understand why certain sounds could ruin my entire day emotionally. I did not understand why relationships exhausted me so deeply, why I could hyperfocus obsessively for hours but struggle with basic structure, or why social interaction often felt less like connection and more like performance art with consequences. I only knew one thing for certain, whatever everybody else seemed to do naturally, I was manually calculating. Every reaction. Every facial expression. Every tone. Every version of myself. Because I did not know I was neurodivergent, I explained all of this to myself the only way many women do, something must be wrong with me. The invisible war of high-functioning women Perhaps one of the most painful consequences of living undiagnosed for so long is how vulnerable many neurodivergent women become to psychological abuse. Not because they are weak. Quite the opposite. Many autistic women are deeply open-hearted, intensely loyal, emotionally honest, and painfully willing to see good in people long after others would walk away. We are often taught to question ourselves before questioning someone else’s behaviour. So when manipulation enters the picture, many of us do not immediately recognise it as abuse. We interpret it as a misunderstanding. Miscommunication. Oversensitivity. Another personal failure to “function correctly” and because high-functioning autistic women frequently spend years adapting themselves to make other people comfortable, they can become dangerously tolerant of emotional environments that slowly destroy them. Not only in romantic relationships. In families. In friendships. At work. In social circles. Anywhere love, approval, belonging, or authority becomes emotionally conditional. Many neurodivergent women grow up learning that acceptance is something earned through performance. Through being agreeable enough, useful enough, and emotionally manageable enough. So they become hyper-aware of everyone else’s emotions while quietly disconnecting from their own instincts. That is why so many autistic women end up trapped in psychologically abusive dynamics without fully understanding why they feel constantly exhausted, anxious, guilty, or emotionally unsafe. Their nervous systems recognise the danger long before their minds can name it. When you spend enough years disconnected from your own internal signals, you stop trusting yourself altogether. That is where many women disappear. Not physically. Psychologically. The diagnosis that did not break her, but returned her to herself The strangest thing about finally understanding you are neurodivergent is that the diagnosis itself changes nothing externally, and yet somehow changes absolutely everything internally. The world looks the same the next morning. The streets are still loud. Your nervous system still reacts intensely. You still forget things, hyperfocus too deeply, overthink conversations, feel emotions with terrifying depth, and become exhausted by environments other people seem to navigate effortlessly. Yet something fundamental shifts. Because for the first time in your life, your experiences stop looking random. The chaos becomes structured. The confusion becomes language. The woman who spent years believing she was failing at being human suddenly realises something almost impossible to describe, she was never failing at life. She was trying to operate a neurodivergent nervous system according to neurotypical rules. That realisation changed my life more than any therapy session, relationship, achievement, or professional milestone ever could. Not because autism magically solved my problems. But because understanding creates a form of peace that self-hatred never can. For years, I explained my exhaustion as weakness. My overstimulation as emotional instability. My intensity as “too muchness.” My social exhaustion as personal failure. My emotional depth as dysfunction. But suddenly everything connected. The burnout. The masking. The addictions. The obsessive thinking. The relationship patterns. The constant feeling of existing half a step outside the world around me. It was not randomness. It was pattern. Perhaps the most emotional part of late diagnosis is grief. Not grief for being autistic. Grief for the years spent misunderstanding yourself. Grief for the younger version of you who genuinely believed she was broken. Grief for every moment you forced yourself to stay in environments that were destroying your nervous system because everybody else seemed capable of handling them. Grief for every relationship where you accepted emotional confusion as normal because you had spent your whole life distrusting your own instincts. Underneath that grief, something else slowly begins to emerge, relief. Massive, life-altering relief. Because when you finally understand how your mind actually works, you stop fighting yourself constantly. The energy that once went into survival suddenly becomes available for something else entirely, creation, purpose, identity, life. For me, that was the moment everything began changing. Not overnight. Not perfectly. But honestly. I stopped trying to become smaller. I stopped trying to become easier to digest. I stopped trying to perform “normal” at the cost of my nervous system. Ironically, that was the exact moment I became more powerful than I had ever been before. Because once a neurodivergent woman understands herself properly, she stops wasting extraordinary energy trying to become someone else and that amount of reclaimed energy can change an entire life. The advantages nobody talks about What nobody tells you about neurodivergence is that once shame disappears, many of the traits you spent years trying to suppress begin transforming into advantages. Not cute little “superpowers.” Real advantages. The kind that quietly change the direction of an entire life once you understand how to work with your mind instead of against it. High-functioning autistic women are often extraordinarily perceptive. We notice patterns quickly. We sense emotional shifts instantly. We remember details other people miss. We become deeply immersed in subjects that matter to us. We think intensely, feel intensely, love intensely, and create intensely. Once those traits stop being buried underneath survival, something remarkable starts happening. The same mind that once felt impossible to manage becomes capable of extraordinary depth. For me, one of the biggest changes was finally understanding that my intensity was never the enemy. It was fuel. The hyperfocus that once consumed me became the foundation for building methodologies, studying human behaviour obsessively, understanding emotional patterns, and eventually creating work that feels deeply aligned with who I actually am. The emotional sensitivity that once made relationships painful became the exact thing that allows me to understand people beyond surface-level conversations. The pattern recognition that once overwhelmed me became one of the strongest tools in my professional life. Perhaps most importantly, my inability to tolerate superficiality stopped being a social problem and became a compass. Neurodivergent people often struggle inside systems built on performance, emotional dishonesty, hierarchy, social games, and unspoken rules. But once we stop forcing ourselves into environments that damage us, many of us become exceptionally powerful in spaces built on authenticity, creativity, emotional intelligence, innovation, and meaning. That is the part modern society still misunderstands about autism. An autistic mind is not automatically weak because it struggles in artificial environments. A tiger would also look dysfunctional in the middle of the ocean. Context matters. Once the environment changes, the same traits that once looked problematic can become extraordinary. That realisation changed motherhood for me, too. Understanding my own neurodivergence allowed me to raise my son differently, not through fear, shame, punishment, or constant correction, but through understanding. I know what it feels like to grow up believing your natural self needs editing. I know what it feels like to be constantly self-aware of your personality just to be acceptable. Perhaps that is the greatest irony of all. The very thing I spent years trying to hide eventually became the foundation of everything beautiful in my life, my work, my purpose, my motherhood, my voice, my methodology, my ability to help others, even this version of myself. The woman who is deeply alive, wonderfully weird, and no longer remotely interested in becoming smaller just to make other people feel comfortable. Once a neurodivergent woman truly understands herself, she stops asking, “How do I become normal?” and starts asking a much more dangerous question, “What could I become if I used my mind exactly the way it was designed to work?” The woman she became Maybe that is where the real story finally begins. Not in diagnosis. Not in survival. But in the moment a woman stops experiencing herself as a problem to solve and starts recognising herself as a system to understand. Once I stopped forcing myself into lives that looked socially successful but felt psychologically suffocating, everything began changing in ways I never expected. Not only professionally. Existentially. For the first time in my life, solitude stopped feeling like failure. That was one of the biggest surprises. For years, I thought relationships were proof of worth, closeness, success, and emotional value. Like many women, I was taught that being chosen mattered more than choosing yourself. So I stayed too long in environments that exhausted me emotionally, because I believed love meant adaptation. Now I understand something completely different. Peace is not loneliness or boredom and self-abandonment is not love. Today, I live very differently. My life is quieter externally and infinitely louder internally, in the best possible way. I no longer build my identity around being understandable to everyone around me. I build it around being honest with myself. That changed everything. The way I dress changed. The way I speak changed. The way I work has changed. The way I love has changed. Ironically, I became far more “myself” after diagnosis than I had ever been before. The tattoos no longer felt like rebellion. They felt like recognition. The intensity, the emotional depth, the obsession with meaning, the refusal to participate in superficial social performances, none of it was random personality chaos anymore. It was coherence. For the first time, my outside finally started matching my inside. That alignment creates a type of confidence that has very little to do with self-esteem in the traditional sense. It is deeper than confidence. It is self-recognition. The calm that appears when your nervous system no longer spends every second trying to become someone else. That is also the moment my work completely transformed. Because when you spend your entire life learning human behaviour from the inside out, eventually, you begin to understand people on a level that is difficult to teach academically. You recognise emotional patterns quickly. You sense hidden dynamics instinctively. You hear contradictions between words and nervous systems. You notice survival mechanisms underneath personalities. Suddenly, the things that once made life harder begin making your work extraordinary. That is how the Merula Methodology was born. Not from theory alone, but from observation, from survival, from pattern recognition. Emotional intelligence is built through necessity. From understanding what it feels like to search for answers your entire life and constantly receive the wrong ones. I did not want to create another polished self-help system teaching people how to become more socially acceptable while privately miserable. I wanted to create something human. Something emotionally honest. Something that helps people stop performing healing and start actually reconnecting with themselves. That is also why I work so differently from traditional coaching structures. I do not believe transformation happens through endless scripted conversations detached from real emotional experience. I believe people change when they finally feel safe enough to understand themselves honestly. Sometimes that understanding happens during a dialogue. Sometimes during a monologue. Sometimes, while sitting on the floor surrounded by enormous Maine Coon cats who somehow understand nervous system regulation better than half the wellness industry. Maybe that sounds strange to some people. But then again, almost every beautiful thing in my life began the moment I stopped being afraid of the weird and the strange. The weird gave me my purpose. The strange gave me my voice. It gave me the ability to help people who spent years feeling emotionally homeless inside themselves, like me. Perhaps most importantly, the strange gave me back to myself. The son Perhaps the most emotional part of me being so “weird” my whole life, and thanks to a special someone, understanding my neurodivergence was realising that it changed not only my life, but the special someone’s, a.k.a. my son’s life, from the very beginning. When you grow up undiagnosed, you spend years learning how to survive yourself before you ever learn how to understand yourself. Many neurodivergent children are taught adaptation before identity. They learn very early which parts of themselves are “too much,” too emotional, too sensitive, too intense, too different. I know that pain intimately and because I know it, my son received something I never truly had growing up, a mother who understands what it means to live behind glass doors, inside a nervous system that feels everything so deeply. A mother who does not immediately mistake sensitivity for weakness. A mother who understands overstimulation, emotional exhaustion, hyperfocus, shutdowns, intensity, emotional honesty, and the desperate need for safety in a world that often feels unbearably loud. But perhaps most importantly, he had a natural possibility of becoming himself before becoming socially acceptable. That changes everything because neurodivergent children do not become emotionally free by learning how to perform perfectly, they become emotionally safe by learning that who they naturally are is not something shameful they must hide. In so many ways, my son became part of my own healing, too. Through him, I began seeing my own mind differently. More gently. More honestly. More compassionately. He was not born as simply my son. He was the reason I finally understood myself, my angel. The final ascension Maybe that is the biggest misunderstanding about neurodivergence of all. People think the goal is to become “less autistic.” Less sensitive. Less intense. Less emotional. Less obsessive. Less different. As if healing means reducing yourself into something more digestible for the comfort of the world around you. I no longer believe that. I think the real transformation begins when a neurodivergent person finally understands which parts of themselves were never wounds to begin with. Yes, there are things I had to learn, emotional regulation, boundaries, nervous system awareness, rest, self-respect, recognising manipulation, understanding burnout before collapse, and building a life that works with my mind instead of against it. Understanding those things did not make me less myself. It made me more myself. Stronger. Calmer. More intentional. More alive. That is the difference. People often assume that self-awareness softens intensity. Sometimes it does the opposite. Sometimes self-awareness removes shame, and what remains underneath is a person who finally stops apologising for their depth. That is what happened to me. I no longer see my emotional intensity as weakness. It allows me to connect profoundly with people. It became the foundation of my work, my writing, and my methodology. I no longer see my sensitivity as a dysfunction. It became the reason people feel emotionally safe around me. Even the parts of me that once looked chaotic now make sense through the correct lens, the tattoos, the refusal to live superficially, the hunger for honesty, the inability to tolerate emotionally performative environments, and the deep need for meaning in everything I build. None of it was random. It was identity trying to survive before identity had language. Honestly? I think many neurodivergent women experience that same silent loneliness for years. The feeling that there is a version of themselves trapped underneath adaptation, underneath performance, underneath the endless attempt to become socially acceptable enough to feel loved safely. Eventually, something shifts. It means recognising that some minds are not built to fit neatly inside existing structures because they were built to create entirely new ones. Today, I no longer want a smaller personality, a quieter mind, or a more socially convenient identity. I want the truth. I want depth. I want meaning. I want emotional honesty. I want a life that actually feels like mine. So no, I would never choose to become “normal.” I was never meant for a small life. I was meant for an honest one. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Sandra Merula Sandra Merula, Mental Health Coach, Neurodiversity Mentor Sandra Merula is a Mental Health & Life Coach, author of “ADHD and Autism. The ‘Together’ People,” working as a mentor at the intersection of Autism, ADHD, trauma, and power dynamics. A neurodivergent thinker herself, she challenges rigid diagnostic narratives and explores identity beyond labels. Her work blends structure with intuition, psychology with depth, and clarity with unapologetic honesty. Through her writing and cat-assisted philosophy, she invites individuals to rebuild identity consciously, not obediently.

Written by DDL Smith, Author DDL Smith is a British novelist known for ‘Detective Dion’ and the eco-horror novel ‘Decay’. His independently published novels have attained global reach with his ‘think like a publisher’ mentality. Detective Dion Knight is a seasoned, sharp edged detective, relentless, emotionally guarded, and, by the third novel, an increasingly unwilling traveller. Last week, my new novel, Detective Dion: Grey Knight, reached shelves in the UK and US, completing the trilogy built around him. In this final novel, Dion’s battle with ADHD is confirmed outright, although many readers had already sensed it in the earlier books, in the way his mind moves, the way he follows instinct, the way he notices what others overlook, and the way he reaches the truth by routes that are not always conventional. His methods can seem unorthodox, sometimes chaotic. Yet, somehow, they remain elegant. Dion gets there in the end. Writing a series of novels with ADHD is not always quite so elegant. The third novel began its life almost immediately after the second book was completed, before that second instalment had even been released. Then, as many creative projects do, it sat for months, gathering digital dust on my desktop while other ideas, responsibilities, and distractions wandered in. Half a science fiction draft, a growing pile of ghostwriting projects, and programming work for a new game all marched in like they had booked the place. Finally, it came time to focus back on the novel before attention for it would be lost forever. Overcoming mental paralysis became the hardest part of the process. The restless mind behind the mystery Mystery fiction demands control. Turning a mystery trilogy into a thriller demands restraint. These are two qualities I admire enormously, usually from a safe distance. Readers must unveil clues and discover information in fragments. Writers may know the whole truth, but they are forced to reveal it in breadcrumbs. A twist in a novel should be surprising, yet upon reflection, inevitable. The genre is built on the tension between what is visible and what is true. Sometimes the most important clue is not the object on the floor, but the reason someone noticed it too quickly, ignored it too carefully, or mentioned it in the wrong way. That is where Dion and I began to overlap. Dion’s mind does not work like a neat filing cabinet. It is closer to a desk covered in photographs, notes, coffee stains, and one piece of evidence that nobody else thinks matters yet. He can be difficult, blunt, obsessive, and emotionally guarded. He can miss the obvious while fixating on something apparently irrelevant. But he is also capable of seeing through noise. He follows instinct, not because he is reckless, but because his brain is constantly testing patterns. Writing to him meant thinking carefully about ADHD, not as a label or a symptom of behaviour. Writing to him became a way to describe my way of experiencing the world. In Grey Knight, Dion travels with a fake passport. I should probably clarify that I do not. My crimes against international travel are limited to booking flights too late, packing too badly, and complaining at airport desks about missed connections that physics had already ruled impossible. But beneath the more dramatic elements of the novel, there is something honest in that impulse. I know the feeling of needing to escape to a new city just to complete work that could have been done at my desk. I know the strange logic of booking a flight while en route to an airport because the destination has become tied to an answer, even when that answer may be emotional rather than practical. To other people, it can look impulsive. To the person doing it, that feels like momentum. That became central to Dion’s character in the final book. His pursuit of Victor Stanton is not only about justice. It is about fixation, grief, and unfinished history. ADHD is often discussed in terms of distraction, yet hyperfocus can be just as defining. Sometimes the problem is not that the mind cannot pay attention. Sometimes the problem is that it cannot let go. That is where fiction becomes useful. It is a canvas for projection. It lets you exaggerate the emotional truth until it becomes visible. I have never chased a killer across Europe under a false identity, which is probably for the best and certainly better for my passport renewal prospects. But I do recognise the feeling of being pulled by a goal that seems completely logical inside your own mind, even if others cannot see the thread connecting it all together. In Grey Knight, Dion’s ADHD is not simply a trait added to his character. It shapes the rhythm of the story. It affects the way he investigates, the risks he takes, and the people he pushes away. His mind is restless, but the novel asks what happens when restlessness narrows into obsession. Writing Dion as a person, not a symptom That distinction became crucial, Dion had to be a person first, not a diagnosis wearing a detective’s coat. ADHD could not simply be a character note in the margin, something to be mentioned once for inclusivity, then never mentioned again. If it was going to be part of him, it had to be part of the whole man. The first two entries in the series touched upon this. For the last, it felt vital that this became apparent. There is always a risk, when writing any neurodivergent character, of reducing them to a recognisable set of behaviours. Restless. Impulsive. Blunt. Chaotic. Difficult. These traits may be familiar, but they are not a person. A real character needs contradictions. Dion can be sharp and careless, perceptive and emotionally blind, disciplined in one area and completely reckless in another. He can see the flaw in a witness statement, yet miss the damage he is doing to someone standing right in front of him. That, to me, felt more honest. I did not want his ADHD to become a convenient explanation for every flaw, nor a neat justification for every strength. People are not puzzles that can be solved by naming one part of them. Dion’s ADHD influences him, but it does not excuse him. It shapes his instincts, his urgency, his frustrations, and his ability to connect pieces of information at speed. But his choices are still his choices, and his mistakes still have consequences. The people around him still have to live with the impact of his behaviour. That balance became important across the series, especially in Grey Knight. By the third book, Dion is under pressure not only from the case but also from grief, history, obsession, and the slow erosion of the structures that usually keep him grounded. But Dion is not only his restlessness. He is also a detective shaped by loss. Unresolved family loss, the loss of his badge, and the loss of his friend. He had grown used to hiding vulnerability behind coldness. He became someone who often appears detached because detachment feels safer than admitting how deeply he is affected. One of the things I wanted to avoid was the familiar idea that ADHD is only valuable when it produces something useful. The brilliant deduction. The sudden insight. The burst of creativity. The impressive moment that makes everyone forgive the mess around it. Those moments can exist, but they are not the whole story. ADHD is not only interesting when it benefits other people. There are subtleties, too. There’s exhaustion after intensity. Guilt after impulsiveness. The frustration of being misunderstood after something he explained badly, or when a joke sounded mean and caused a negative response. Dion carries some of that, as do I, even when he would never describe it so openly himself. So the challenge was to let the reader see what Dion himself might not say. The hardest part wasn’t starting, it was staying Starting a novel is often the seductive part. There is a particular electricity at the beginning of a project, even when starting a new novel based on two before it. The world feels full of possibility. The plot has not yet been revealed in your head, so anything could happen. Every idea feels useful. Every idea could work with enough effort. For an ADHD mind, that beginning can be especially powerful. Novelty is fuel. A new idea sparks a million more, a wonderful, chaotic mess. It has atmosphere, voices, questions, danger, and jokes. But then there’s the task of organising strands of inspiration into something others will actually find cohesive. That part never comes easily. The real difficulty is not always beginning. It is returning. Returning to the same manuscript after the first rush has faded can almost feel like a chore. As pages fill up, ideas need to be more focused. Not everything will work or fit in anymore. Ideas have to be discarded, and other projects with more freedom feel more promising. That was one of the hardest parts of writing the Detective Dion trilogy. Ideas had been set in place. While that doesn’t limit creativity, it can feel like it limits freedom. Each book had its own demands, but the series as a whole required a longer kind of attention. While others may fear a blank page and the feeling that writing a whole novel is a monumental task, I find starting easy. But once the rush has worn off, continuing becomes the challenge. It was not enough to have one good idea. I had to remember what had already happened, what had been promised, what had changed, and what could not be contradicted. Notes became scattered across a desk, then the wall, then the floor. The chaos of changing, flowing ideas became unorganised, fixed chaos. A trilogy asks for continuity. ADHD often asks whether we might instead do something completely different for a while. The third book made that tension impossible to ignore. Grey Knight began almost immediately after the second novel was completed, before that second book had even reached readers. Then it got stuck in paralysis. Other projects arrived. Other responsibilities became more apparent. The manuscript sat on my desktop, gathering digital dust. As I started writing yet another unfinished novel, ideas for a video game expansion, and then a whole new video game project, the unfinished trilogy became just another item on a to do list I rarely got to. Coming back to it required more than inspiration. Inspiration is wonderful, but it is also unreliable. It arrives like the weather. You can welcome it, but you cannot build a house on it. What helped was structure. Notes, timelines, and details needed to be organised. Old drafts and lists of unresolved questions became a catalyst to dive back in, knowing what I needed to write next. Those systems became a second brain. They held the parts of the story that my own memory could not always be trusted to keep in order. Don’t get me wrong, my desk was still a colossal mess of unstapled papers and scribbled notes I couldn’t read. But small goals became visible and helpful reminders. In a way, writing Grey Knight mirrored Dion’s own journey. He is pulled by obsession, but he survives through persistence. He follows instinct, but he still has to face consequences. He moves through chaos, but the story only works if he eventually finds meaning inside it. Finishing the trilogy didn’t feel like conquering ADHD. That would be too neat, and life is rarely that generous with its metaphors. It felt more like learning how to work alongside it, to accept the bursts of intensity, to plan for the disappearances of focus, to forgive the delays, and to keep returning to the page anyway. That, more than starting, was the achievement. Final thought on the case Writing the Detective Dion trilogy taught me that creativity does not always look calm, organised, or graceful from the inside. Sometimes it looks like scattered notes, unfinished drafts, sudden ideas, late nights, long gaps, and the strange stubbornness of returning to something even after your attention has wandered elsewhere. Sometimes it looks like building a world while also fighting the part of your brain that keeps trying to run into another one. But it is still creativity. It is still craft. It still counts. Something I struggle with during creative projects is knowing when to stop. Ideas come and go constantly. There’s always something new and exciting to add. There’s always the urge to think one more idea could make the project so expansive that it will become a magnum opus and change the face of an industry. This is why it ends up feeling like every project lies unfinished. No project ever feels like it has truly come to fruition, despite the hundreds of hours of work, solid and expansive plans, and 90% of the work being complete. But a project never gets past a finish line because there can always be something else to add that doubles the workload once more. In Grey Knight, Dion’s journey across London, Berlin, and Malmö is not only a chase through physical places. It is also a chase through grief, memory, obsession, and identity. It asks what happens when a man who has built his life around solving other people’s mysteries is finally forced to confront the one that has shaped him most deeply. Then, not just confronting that mystery, but finishing it and laying it to rest. For me, finishing the book also meant confronting something personal, the fear that long projects are always at risk of slipping away. That the excitement will fade. That another idea will interrupt. That the story will become too tangled to finish. This trilogy ends with the third book completed. A huge undertaking of three novels. If I had told myself, when planning the first book, that I’d need to complete three entire novels within this world, plus another novel on the side, I would’ve deemed it impossible and found another fixation for a few months to take up my free time. But now that the third is complete, it’s safe to say the project is complete. So, as I close this article at a desk once again covered in photographs, notes, coffee stains, and papers I definitely organised two hours ago, forgetting how this article even started, I can say this, ADHD did not make writing the Detective Dion trilogy easy. It made the process messy, restless, impulsive, and often difficult to return to. But it also shaped the way I understood the main character, the way I followed the story, and the way I finally learned to finish it. The case is closed, and a project is fully complete. Detective Dion: Grey Knight is now available from Barnes & Noble, Waterstones, and Amazon. Follow me on Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from DDL Smith DDL Smith, Author DDL Smith is a London-based novelist whose cross-genre, contemporary fiction reflects issues and fears in modern society. His creative roots started from a young age with theatre and scriptwriting for online content. When transitioning to novels, his goal was to use marketing techniques to ‘think like a publisher’ while staying independent. A tactic that has his books available in book chains across the globe.

Written by Daniela Aneva, Executive and Team Coach Daniela Aneva is widely recognized for helping leaders and teams perform at their best. She’s an executive and team coach, an OD consultant, and a small business owner, known for practical, people-centered work that drives real behavior change and measurable results. No team is an island. A sales team that closes deals without coordinating with operations creates fulfillment chaos. A product team building features without aligning with customer success generates churn. A finance function optimizing for cost reduction while the business development arm pursues growth creates organizational whiplash. The dysfunction we routinely attribute to individual performance or poor leadership often has a different root: the system itself is broken. Systemic team coaching offers a powerful answer, not by fixing individuals, or even individual teams, but by attending to the living, complex web of relationships, interdependencies, and flows that constitute how an organization actually functions. Beyond the team as unit Traditional coaching focuses on individuals. Even team coaching, in its conventional form, treats the team as a bounded unit, working on its internal dynamics, communication, and performance. This is valuable. But it misses something critical. In any mid-sized or large organization, teams do not perform in isolation. They exist within a broader ecosystem, connected to other teams through shared goals, competing priorities, resource dependencies, information flows, and cultural norms that span departments. The real performance bottlenecks, the persistent miscommunications, the recurring conflicts between streams, these do not live inside any single team. They live in the white space between teams. Systemic team coaching, as developed and articulated by practitioners like Peter Hawkins, shifts the unit of analysis from the team to the system in which the team is embedded. It asks not only, "How is this team performing?" but "How is this team serving its stakeholders, and how is it functioning as one node in the larger organizational network?" This distinction is not semantic. It is architecturally transformative. What systemic team coaching actually does At its core, systemic team coaching operates across five interconnected disciplines: commissioning and clarifying the team's mandate within the organizational system; co-creating and building the team's internal capacity; connecting the team to all its key stakeholders; core learning through reflection and adaptation; and deepening the team's collective leadership presence over time. In large and mid-sized organizations, where multiple teams, departments, and workstreams must coordinate, this approach creates tangible impact at several levels. First, it surfaces hidden interdependencies. Many organizations suffer not from poor strategy, but from poor translation of strategy across team boundaries. Systemic team coaching creates the conditions in which teams can see, often for the first time, how their behaviors and decisions ripple across the organization. A technology team discovers that its sprint planning cycle inadvertently creates bottlenecks for three downstream departments. A marketing team recognizes that its campaign launch timelines are built on assumptions the supply chain team has never been consulted to validate. Visibility transforms the conversation. Second, it builds lateral intelligence. Vertical accountability, up and down the hierarchy, is well-developed in most organizations. Lateral accountability, the mutual commitments teams make to each other, is typically fragile. Systemic team coaching strengthens this horizontal architecture. Teams develop shared language, agreed protocols, and genuine relational trust with the functions they depend on and the functions that depend on them. The result is collaboration that does not require constant escalation. Third, it aligns purpose across levels. One of the most destabilizing forces in complex organizations is purpose fragmentation, where each team optimizes for its own KPIs in ways that are locally rational but systemically incoherent. A systemic coaching intervention works with leadership teams to articulate organizational purpose clearly, then helps each team understand how its specific contribution serves that larger purpose. This is not a communications exercise. It is a meaning-making process that fundamentally changes how teams prioritize, negotiate, and make decisions under pressure. The multi-team system challenge Mid-sized organizations, typically those with 200 to 2,000 employees, face a particular version of this challenge. They are too large for the informal coordination that works in startups, yet not large enough to afford the elaborate systems integration mechanisms of the enterprise. Teams proliferate. Streams multiply. Coordination costs rise. Leaders find themselves spending increasing amounts of time managing conflict between functions rather than driving strategy. Systemic team coaching at this scale typically works at three levels simultaneously. At the senior leadership team level, the coaching creates clarity of organizational purpose, stakeholder priorities, and cross-functional accountabilities. At the department or function level, it builds each team's understanding of its role within the wider system and strengthens its capacity to operate as a high-performing collective. At the inter-team level, it facilitates structured dialogue across team boundaries, surfacing tensions, negotiating interdependencies, and building the connective tissue that allows a complex system to move coherently. In large enterprises, organizations with thousands of employees, multiple business units, and geographically distributed operations, the challenge is scale and fragmentation. Business units develop distinct subcultures. Centers of excellence operate in silos. Shared services are perpetually caught between competing demands. Systemic team coaching in this context is less about individual team performance and more about organizational coherence. It becomes a vehicle for building what might be called institutional agility: the capacity of a large, complex organization to act with the coordination and responsiveness of something much smaller. Communication, collaboration, and the space between Two of the most commonly cited organizational problems, poor communication and poor collaboration, are typically treated as behavioral issues. People need to communicate better. Teams need to collaborate more. Training is provided. Values are posted on walls. The problems persist. Systemic team coaching reframes these challenges structurally. Poor communication between teams is rarely the result of individual communicators failing. It is the result of inadequate feedback loops, unclear role boundaries, misaligned incentives, and the absence of legitimate forums for cross-team dialogue. When a systemic coaching approach creates those structures, regular inter-team conversations with clear purpose, shared accountability frameworks, visible dependency maps, communication improves not because people try harder, but because the system makes communication possible. The same principle applies to collaboration. Collaboration does not emerge from goodwill alone. It requires shared goals, mutually understood constraints, trust that others will honor their commitments, and a psychological safety that allows teams to acknowledge difficulties rather than managing appearances. Systemic team coaching builds the conditions in which genuine collaboration becomes rational, where it is in each team's enlightened self-interest to coordinate, because they can see clearly how their success depends on the success of the system. The leadership imperative None of this works without leadership teams who are willing to be coached systemically themselves. The senior leadership team is the most important team in any systemic coaching engagement, because its dynamics, its silos, its unspoken conflicts, and its blind spots are faithfully reproduced throughout the organization. A leadership team that operates as a collection of functional representatives rather than a genuine collective will generate fragmentation at every level below it. Systemic team coaching holds up a mirror to that leadership team. It asks: are you modeling the cross-functional collaboration you are asking the rest of the organization to demonstrate? Are you providing clarity of purpose that enables your teams to make aligned decisions without constant escalation? Are you attending to your external stakeholders, customers, partners, board, community, as a collective, or handling each relationship in your own functional lane? These are uncomfortable questions. They are also the most important questions in organizational life. From intervention to capability The deepest value of systemic team coaching is not what it accomplishes in any single engagement. It is what it builds over time: the organizational capability to self-regulate, to surface and address systemic tensions before they become crises, and to continuously evolve how teams work together as the organization's context changes. Organizations that develop this capability, call it systemic intelligence, become genuinely adaptive. They do not just respond to disruption; they see it coming earlier, distribute the response more effectively, and emerge from it stronger than their less systemically aware competitors. In a landscape defined by complexity, interdependence, and accelerating change, systemic team coaching is not a luxury. It is a strategic necessity. Follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Daniela Aneva Daniela Aneva, Executive and Team Coach Daniela Aneva is an international executive and team coach, coaching supervisor, professional speaker, and author. With over 25 years of executive experience in multinational organizations, Daniela has supported the growth of more than 5,000 leaders and teams across the globe. She is a council member at Forbes, a mentor at Rice University’s Doerr Institute, and has co-authored books with Brian Tracy, Jonathan Passmore, and contributed to Team of Teams by Peter Hawkins and Catherine Carr.

Written by Kirsty Marie Denny, Kinesiologist and Neurodivergence Specialist Kirsty Marie Denny specialises in trauma, neurodivergence, and sensitivity, empowering her clients to transform their lives through energetic kinesiology. Her focus is on each individual’s unique gifts and challenges and the root causes of distressing symptoms. When we become parents, naturally our focus shifts heavily from self to other and this is part of the beauty of raising a child. However, this focus can sometimes lead us to deny or not fully process our emotions, including the experience of grief, whether or not anybody has died. What is grief? Grief can be defined as the intense pain or distress that accompanies loss. In the case of parents, the most obvious cause of grief is the death of a baby or child, including miscarriage at any stage of pregnancy. This kind of loss is, of course, a terrible pain to bear. Parents who have lost a child often report total shock, as if the world is crumbling around them, a deep sense of the injustice of losing someone so young, and a profound longing to see and hold their child again. This type of grief is deep and wide and can’t be circumnavigated without serious consequences. Grief is, as many would say, love with nowhere to go, and this energy of love is a powerful force. Until recently, miscarriage or stillbirth was often not spoken of much publicly, and friends and family of those experiencing it were unsure whether to acknowledge it. Fortunately, the tide is turning on this, and many parents of babies miscarried or stillborn are choosing to publicly acknowledge their loss and commemorate their babies in beautiful ways. Acknowledging loss I haven’t personally experienced the death of a child, but what stands out to me about people’s reports is their desire not to have their pain sanitised or swept aside. They wish to have their children acknowledged and for people to continue speaking their names and telling their stories. They don’t want to forget, love and pain want somewhere to go. In this way, we are moving towards a healthier recognition of grief, particularly in the West, where there is often less tradition and more discomfort around death and dying. There is growing awareness that ignoring grief, tucking it away into a dark corner of our soul, is not healthy other than as a very short term survival strategy, for example, in the very early days after a loss when we’re in shock and must organise logistics, or if we’re in an unsafe situation and need to save the full force of our grief for later. The stages of grief Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross famously described five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She later added an initial shock phase and a testing phase between depression and acceptance, where a person will begin to re engage in life in new ways. Read more about the seven stages of grief here. These stages are certainly a useful reference, but it is widely recognised that not everyone goes through all these stages, certainly not in a specific order, and that the experience of grief is deeply personal and dynamic. Grief without bereavement But what about the kind of grief where nobody died? Is this real grief? There can be a sense of not being entitled to name and feel this type of loss. Kenneth Doka came up with the term disenfranchised grief in his 1989 book about hidden sorrow to describe this type of often unacknowledged loss. The pain of grief isn’t a competition, it doesn’t bend to the laws of logic, and just as in the case of a bereavement, it doesn’t go away because of a reluctance to feel or process it. This type of grief may also be referred to as non death, ambiguous, or nonfinite loss in different contexts. Types of non-death parenting grief There are many types of disenfranchised grief that can arise for parents. Often, these are related to situations where the reality is in stark contrast to how they imagined parenthood and their child’s life would be. Birth trauma and grief Trauma and grief can be interconnected in complex ways, and one of the most common types of grief is that related to a traumatic birth, or simply one that didn’t align with the parents’ vision. This can involve a mixture of factors such as physical pain, injury, and fear, or feeling disempowered and even bullied into unwanted interventions by medical providers, usually well meaning. With or without significant trauma, a birth that was difficult or not aligned with the parents’ hopes for themselves and their baby can create an intense feeling of loss. This grief can be compounded by separation from the baby if they require medical care in a neonatal unit. What’s more, grief over a traumatic birth tends to be eclipsed by the immediate need to intensely care for a new life. Many new mothers will have heard the phrase, ‘the important thing is that you have a healthy baby’, or similar, and wondered at the conflicted feelings they have about this statement. Naturally, they agree that their baby’s welfare is the most important thing. This conflict isn’t selfishness, but the sense of being subtly gaslit, of being told that their experience simply doesn’t matter. Breastfeeding grief This one is personal for me, so I’ll recount some of my story by way of illustration. Of course, whether breastfeeding is felt as a loss is personal to each individual. For me, breastfeeding was a huge part of my vision of motherhood and how I would bond with my baby. I expected it to come fairly naturally. Then my first son was born and everything just felt hard. He had significant feeding problems, tongue tie, reflux, torticollis, gut issues, and he cried and cried and cried. My dream of how motherhood would be was miles apart from the reality, creating a real sense of loss. I felt like I was letting my baby down as he was so unsettled, and breastfeeding was by far the most painful aspect of this ‘failure’ for me. It elicited the type of grief that feels like a gaping wound with jagged edges despite the fact that nobody died. Of course, things could have been much worse, my baby was growing well, but people’s assurances that he was basically fine and that I should focus on this didn’t help, quite the opposite, in fact. Breastfeeding grief can also be related to women feeling betrayed by their own bodies, or by a lack of support or healthcare around breastfeeding. There can also be a feeling of being judged or excluded due to the way they feed their babies. Other common sources of parenting grief include, but are not limited to: Babies being preterm or having health problems requiring separation from parents and hospital stays. Having a medically complex or high needs baby, or children being diagnosed with chronic illnesses or disabilities at any age. Loss of your old life, body, or career. Loss of the pre baby relationship with your partner or other changes in relationships. Grief that is not directly related to parenting, for example, the death of a friend or wider family member, or the end of a relationship, may also be complicated or prolonged due to the intensity of caring for children, especially in the early years. In the case of new mothers, feelings of grief can be intensified or complicated by the huge hormonal changes that occur and the risk of postpartum depression. Don’t compare or trivialise Of course, the specific scenarios that trigger a grief response and its intensity are individual to each parent. Having a child with a life threatening long term disability, for example, is a different scenario from breastfeeding grief or having had an unplanned C section. However, the truth is that comparing or rationalising our pain doesn’t erase it, and it’s important to allow ourselves to feel what we feel and to acknowledge and navigate our grief rather than trying to skirt around the edges. None of the above causes of grief, or any other, is a reason to feel guilty, even if the loss seems trivial or self centred, for example, the loss of your old identity or way of life. Unacknowledged grief can lead to depression, low self esteem, resentment, physical ailments, and an overall reduction in the ability to be present and move forward with life. In my personal experience of breastfeeding grief, the advice I would give to my postpartum self would be to get more support with processing the stress and loss. I did have a little bit of counselling, but frankly I was more focused on fixing and coping at the time. With the schedule of pumping, sterilising, trying to feed, trying to settle, and hoping that the next day would be the day it magically got better, there wasn’t much room for feeling my feelings in a healthy way. Ways to work with parenting grief As previously mentioned, try to allow your grief, making space for it and not minimising it through comparison with the grief of others. Often it is therapeutic to find someone to deeply listen and be present with you in your pain, whether this is a counsellor, psychologist, healer, or simply a friend or family member who has this capacity. In addition to talking to a trusted person, find ways to move and express the energy of grief without shutting it down. Activities that may help you to process include exercise, dance, visual arts, music, journaling, meditation, or energy work. Grief as a catalyst Any type of dramatic change or emotional upheaval, including grief, can reveal existing wounds, pain points, and limiting beliefs. Grief is a process in and of itself in response to loss, but additionally can point us to deeper truths about ourselves and our subconscious conditioning. Even when there is no particular grief involved, parenting is itself a masterclass in becoming aware of our own stressors and pain points through the way we are triggered by our children’s behaviour and challenges. When we can be conscious of our emotional responses as parents, for example, we feel angry or overwhelmed when our child is angry because we were not allowed to express anger as children, this can initiate a process of reflecting on some of the less optimal facets of our own childhoods, and another type of grief. In my case, breastfeeding grief, and the many other ways my parenting experience didn’t align with what I imagined, exposed much deeper levels of my own subconscious beliefs. These included a sense of not being good enough, needing to be perfect, and being helpless in the face of suffering. The process of illuminating these beliefs and patterns and working through them was painful, but ultimately transformative. Grief as a vision quest In many cases, once we’ve navigated the initial stages, the experience of grief can be a catalyst for finding deeper purpose in our lives. Loss naturally leads us to turn inwards and to consider what is of true importance to us in life and perhaps, how we can alchemise an experience of pain to be of service to others. Honour your own individual journey. Remember that babies and children are incredibly perceptive and if you are harbouring grief and hurt, they will feel it, even if they are unaware of exactly what it is they are feeling. By addressing your pain, you are creating a much clearer emotional space for your children as well as yourself. There is timeless wisdom in the saying, associated with the Haudenosaunee Confederacy and other Indigenous traditions, that healing yourself affects seven generations forward and back, or more. The inner work you do creates profound and sometimes unexpected ripples of healing and transformation in the world. Pathways towards integration Grief isn’t necessarily something we completely move on from, particularly in the case of a bereavement. Many prefer the idea of growing your life around the grief, as in Lois Tonkin’s Jar Model of grief, read more about this here, or integrating it such that though the grief still exists, so does joy and meaning in life. There are many ways to work with grief, and what works for you may not be what works for another. Explore your options, perhaps counselling of various types, working somatically with the body, addressing the realms of subtle energy and intuition, or any combination thereof. Kinesiology is a powerful yet gentle way to work with grief, including the stages, the way it’s stored in the energetic body, the way it links to past grief, and our subconscious beliefs about ourselves and the world. This type of work can also provide powerful assistance with reconnecting to a sense of purpose and meaning in life. It’s always a deep honour for me to hold someone in courageous acknowledgement of their grief, whatever type it is. Kinesiology sessions are available online worldwide, or get in touch for an in person session in Auckland, New Zealand, by appointment. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kirsty Marie Denny Kirsty Marie Denny, Kinesiologist and Neurodivergence Specialist Kirsty Marie is an energetic kinesiologist who believes in each human’s capacity to thrive as their unique and authentic self. Kirsty navigated chronic health challenges in her 20s and an intensely stressful early parenthood experience. Having transformed her own life as well as her children’s, she is on a mission to empower others. She specialises in supporting those who are highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or who have experienced trauma. Her approach is truly holistic, incorporating practical lifestyle coaching as well as energetic processes for balancing the brain and body and transmuting emotional stress.

Written by KeKe Chanel, Author, Host, and Certified Life and Book Coach KeKe Chanel is an award-winning author, certified life and book coach, and host of Kickin' It With KeKe Podcast. KeKe is also the owner of KeKe Chanel LLC and Nineteen Lifestyle Magazine. June feels different. Maybe it's because we're halfway through the year. Maybe it's because summer has a way of making us slow down long enough to hear ourselves think, or maybe it's because the little version of you, the one who still lives somewhere beneath the responsibilities, deadlines, heartbreaks, and expectations is asking for your attention. Not your perfection. Your attention. Many of us spend years trying to fix our mindset without ever addressing the child who helped create it. The child who learned that love had to be earned. The child who became the peacemaker because conflict felt unsafe. The child who learned to shrink because being seen attracted criticism. The child who decided, "If I do everything right, maybe nobody will leave." That child grew up. But many of those beliefs grew up too. The beautiful thing about mindset is that it isn't a life sentence. It's a collection of thoughts, experiences, interpretations, and stories that can be rewritten. It weeds out the noise of tradition and chaotic cycles, opening new paths of possibilities we don’t think we deserve. This June, instead of chasing a better life, consider introducing your inner child to a better story. Mindset shift 1: Stop asking "What's wrong with me?", ask "What happened to me?" This question changes everything. When something triggers you, disappoints you, or causes you to react in ways you don't understand, don't immediately criticize yourself. Give yourself grace. Get curious. Get intentional. Your inner child isn't looking for punishment. It’s looking for understanding. For permission to move differently, to use your imagination and push past barriers that create tunnel vision or comfort. The next time you find yourself spiraling, ask "What experience taught me to think this way?" You'll be surprised how many adult struggles are simply childhood lessons that were never updated. Mindset shift 2: Become the adult you needed Most people spend years searching for someone to give them what they missed. Validation. Protection. Encouragement. Consistency. What if June became the month you stopped outsourcing those needs? What if June was the turning point you overlooked, holding on to "Grandma said this way is best" or "Mama did it that way." Every morning ask yourself "What would the younger version of me need to hear today?" Then say it. Out loud. Not because it's cheesy. Because it's healing. Healing isn’t designed to be pretty. It’s messy, it’s necessary. It’s access to a new normal that challenges you to want more. Why? Because you deserve more. Mindset shift 3: Create a "proof folder" Your inner child remembers every rejection. Your adult self needs help remembering every victory. Create a digital folder called Proof. Save screenshots of compliments. Messages that encouraged you. Photos of accomplishments. Moments when you showed courage. On difficult days, review the evidence. Not your fears. The evidence. No matter how uncomfortable some of those things are, take them in and allow them to fuel you. Mindset shifts happen when facts become louder than insecurities. Mindset shift 4: Celebrate tiny wins like a child would Children celebrate everything. A drawing. A cartwheel. Finding a cool rock. Seeing a bug on a window. Adults wait until they achieve something massive before feeling proud. What if June became the month you celebrated differently? Finished the workout? Celebrate. Had the difficult conversation? Celebrate. Rested without guilt? Celebrate. Growth responds to acknowledgment. If the small wins matter, reward yourself. Post it. Tell anyone who listens. Mindset shift 5: Replace self criticism with self conversation Your inner child is always listening. Imagine speaking to a seven-year-old version of yourself the way you speak to yourself after making a mistake. Would they feel encouraged? Or defeated? This month, challenge yourself to respond differently. Instead of, "I messed everything up." Try, "I didn't get the outcome I wanted, but I'm learning." One creates shame. The other creates growth. No more negative self talk moving forward. Let that go. Mindset shift 6: Give yourself permission to outgrow old identities Sometimes the biggest mindset shift isn't learning something new. It's releasing something old. You are allowed to outgrow the identity of: The people pleaser. The fixer. The overachiever. The one who always has it together. The person everyone depends on. Your inner child may have created those roles for survival, but your adult self gets to choose whether they still fit. Here’s a challenge for you: A June challenge for your inner child Every day this month, write down one belief that no longer serves you. Then write a replacement belief beneath it. For example: "I have to earn love." Becomes, "I am worthy of love because I exist." "I always mess things up." Becomes, "I am learning, growing, and improving every day." By the end of June, you'll have a collection of mindset shifts that prove you are not the same person who entered the month. Final thoughts Dear Inner Child, Thank you for doing your best with what you knew. Thank you for protecting me when you thought you had to. Thank you for carrying dreams, hopes, and possibilities that adulthood sometimes forgot. This June, I’m not abandoning you. I’m taking your hand. I’m updating the story. I’m choosing new beliefs. Together, we're becoming someone neither of us has met yet. Someone healed. Someone whole. Someone free. The best version of me. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from KeKe Chanel KeKe Chanel, Author, Host, and Certified Life and Book Coach KeKe Chanel is an award-winning author, certified life coach, and host of Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, and All That Other SH&T Podcast. KeKe is the proud owner and CEO of P.U.S.H. Life Coaching & KeKe Chanel LLC. At PUSH, KeKe helps individuals unpack their mental packages to create a new mindset through positive personal growth. Her hobbies include reading, watching horror movies, and spending time with people who recharge her in a positive way. KeKe recently founded Kickin’ It With KeKe Media and launched her lifestyle magazine, Nineteen, in January of 2024. KeKe resides in Louisiana with her family.

Written by Laura Cole, Solution-Focused Coach, Speaker & Professor Laura Cole is a Solution-Focused practitioner working with organizations to build resilient and empowered cultures during times of change. She is the founder of Your Latitude, and the creator of innovative leadership tools including Watson’s Rule: 3 Essentials to Empower Action. We have all said it. People don’t like change. It is such a common phrase associated with change management that both leaders and team members use it as a blanket phrase to explain away the tension and frustration they are feeling in times of change. In over 20 years of corporate change management, I have heard this phrase uttered countless times and every time it is with the same defeated tone, a resignation that this tension is inevitable and hopeless. But that doesn’t need to be the case. This article will unpack what’s behind this cliché and show you how to use it to generate hope in times of change. People don’t like change? Let’s first sit with all the assumptions and unspoken rules that seem to come with the empty cliché, people don’t like change. This phrase has been dissected and discussed in so many ways it is almost treated like a riddle that holds the magic key to understanding change management. There was even a leadership trend for a while where we treated this phrase like a myth arguing the opposite in an attempt to convince everyone that people did like change. You remember the trend where examples would be given of change people did enjoy, like vacations or buying a car, with the hope this comparison would make the current change more palatable. Unfortunately, the trend of comparing a vacation to a corporate restructure doesn’t work. But what this focus and ongoing debate did do was uncover a very important relationship between change management and hope. The purpose of hope in change management When leaders and team members say people don’t like change, they are saying more than simply an empty cliché, they are signally that they have lost hope. For example, “The team isn’t onboard with the new process and there is nothing I can do about that because people don’t like change.” The defeated tone is unmistakable and signals a sense of hopelessness that this experience could be different for the leader or the team. In over 20 years of corporate change management, I have witnessed the turning point of hopelessness lead to the same outcomes of blame, suspicion and mistrust from leaders and team members. At a time when collaboration is more important than ever hopelessness creates a divide that seems inevitable and permanent. Finding ways to generate hope in change management should be more important than debating whether people like change, and the impact has the possibility to create collaboration, creativity and a sense of empowerment. Start here, at the beginning The problem isn’t whether people do or don’t like change, it is understandable that people may not like change, hopelessness shows up when this phrase is used as an ending, instead of a beginning. For example, “The team isn’t onboard with the new process because people don’t like change. The end.” Or, “I’m having a hard time with this new structure because people don’t like change. The end.” Honouring that people don’t like change can be hopeful if used as a beginning instead of an ending. For example, “People don’t like change, so resistance to this new process should be expected and isn’t a sign of failure or lack of team spirit, but rather something we should plan for. What would that look like?” Or, “People don’t like change, so it makes sense that I am feeling frustrated today and that doesn’t mean that my leader is untrustworthy or incompetent. What do I need to move forward?” So, what if the focus of change management was not on the likability of the change, but on the presence of hope? If the same empty cliché could be used to generate hope instead of dismissing the possibility, what difference would that make? Follow me on Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Laura Cole Laura Cole, Solution-Focused Coach, Speaker & Professor Laura Cole is a Solution-Focused leadership and communication coach, and the creator of tools and frameworks designed to empower action, transform conflict and build collaboration in times of change. She is the creator of Watson’s Rule: 3 Essentials to Empower Action, an innovative leadership tool inspired by Equine Assisted Learning. Laura is a professor, facilitator, executive coach and international keynote speaker with a degree in Communication and MBA in Innovation.

Written by Litra Simms, Real Estate Broker, Author & Speaker Litra Simms is a seasoned real estate broker, author, and speaker with over 20 years of experience helping entrepreneurs, investors, and professionals harmonize success in business and life through strategy, balance, and growth. May is a powerful month. It’s the bridge between intention and execution. The moment where spring energy meets real results. By now, the excitement of a new year has settled. The goals you set in January are either in motion or quietly collecting dust. If you’re honest, you may be feeling a mix of pressure, fatigue, or even doubt. But here’s the truth is you’re not behind, you’re being realigned. May is not about starting over. It’s about moving forward with intention. From burnout to breakthrough Many high achievers enter May running on low energy, the push from Q1, the reset of April, the ongoing demands of life, business, and leadership, and what often follows is a silent question, “Can I keep going at this pace?” The answer is not like this. After more than 20 years in real estate, managing multiple businesses, and leading with purpose, I’ve learned that momentum without alignment leads to burnout. That realization is what inspired my book, Harmonizing Success, and my podcast of the same name, creating a space for leaders to learn how to build success without sacrificing themselves in the process. Because success isn’t just about acceleration. It’s about sustainability. The power of may the month of movement May represents motion. Nature is no longer preparing, it’s producing. Seeds planted earlier are beginning to grow. In your life, this is the moment to ask, "What’s working?" "What needs adjusting?" "What am I holding onto that’s slowing me down?" This is where many people either gain traction or lose momentum entirely. The difference? Intentional action. 4 ways to reignite your momentum this may 1. Reconnect with your “Why” When motivation fades, purpose fuels you forward. Why did you start your business? Why did you set those goals? Who are you becoming through this journey? When your “why” is clear, your “how” becomes easier. In Harmonizing Success, I emphasize that alignment begins with clarity. You don’t need more motivation, you need deeper meaning. 2. Shift from overworking to strategic execution More effort does not always equal more results. Many professionals stay busy, but not productive. May is the time to shift from: Doing everything → doing what matters Reacting → leading Hustling → executing Ask yourself, "What are the top 3 actions that will actually move my life or business forward this month?" Focus there. 3. Protect your energy like it’s an asset, because it is Your energy is your most valuable resource. Without it, your ideas stall. Your leadership weakens. Your results suffer. This month, commit to setting boundaries without guilt, prioritizing rest as part of your strategy, and eliminating energy drains in your schedule. In my podcast, I often say, “You can’t create a powerful life from a depleted place.” It’s true. 4. Celebrate progress, not just outcomes One of the biggest reasons people lose momentum is because they only celebrate the finish line. But success is built in the small wins. Showing up when it’s hard. Making the call. Taking the step. Choosing discipline over distraction. Momentum grows when progress is acknowledged. So pause this month and ask, "What have I done right?" That awareness fuels confidence, and confidence fuels consistency. Stop waiting for perfect conditions Too many people are waiting. Waiting for clarity. Waiting for motivation. Waiting for the “right time.” But May is your reminder that progress doesn’t require perfection, it requires movement. You don’t need to have everything figured out. You just need to take the next aligned step. Your may momentum plan If you’re ready to move forward with clarity and confidence, start here: Revisit your goals and refine, not abandon, them Identify one area where you’ve been stuck and take action Block out time for strategy, not just execution Recommit to your well being as part of your success plan Most importantly, dive into Harmonizing Success for a deeper framework on aligning ambition, wellness, and wealth. Tune into the Harmonizing Success Podcast for real, practical conversations on building a life that works The life you’re building requires you at your best At Simms and Associates, every transaction represents more than a deal, it represents a life, a family, a future. The same is true for you. Every decision you make this month is shaping your next season. So don’t move in chaos. Move with clarity. Don’t operate from pressure. Operate from purpose. Don’t just chase success. Harmonize it. Final thought May is not asking you to do more. It’s asking you to do what matters better. So take the step. Make the shift. Reclaim your energy. Step into the momentum that’s already waiting for you. This is your season to move. Move with intention. Move with power. Move with purpose. Most importantly, move in harmony. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, or visit my website for more info! Read more from Litra Simms Litra Simms, Real Estate Broker, Author & Speaker Litra Simms, Broker and Owner of Simms and Associates, is a real estate expert, author, and speaker who helps clients and entrepreneurs harmonize success in business and life through real estate, leadership, and community impact.

Written by Carla Madeleine Kupe, Executive Leadership Advisor Carla Madeleine is an attorney, executive leader, and advisor who guides executives in integrating unexamined inner aspects so their leadership becomes examined rather than reactive. Her work bridges authority, authenticity, and inner transformation, particularly during moments of personal and organizational transition. Many leaders genuinely believe they are fostering accountability, high standards, and strong performance, yet some of the behaviors they rely on may be quietly communicating something very different. This article explores how distrust can become embedded in leadership practices and organizational systems, often limiting the very ownership, initiative, and innovation leaders hope to inspire. Let’s play a round of “Have I Ever?” Give yourself one point for each behavior described that you embodied within the last 10 days. Here we go: Have you ever rewritten work that was already good because it was not done the way you would have done it? Have you ever added another approval step "just to be safe"? Have you ever asked for input while already knowing which answer you wanted? Have you ever struggled to delegate something because doing it yourself felt faster, easier, or less risky? Have you ever said you wanted initiative from your team, then felt uneasy when people exercised independent judgment? Have you ever monitored people more closely during moments of uncertainty, pressure, or change? Have you ever interpreted a mistake as evidence that tighter control was needed? How did you do? No one I have supported has ever scored less than 1. Heck, based on the last 10 days, I scored a 4. The undercurrent beneath the behavior Many of these behavior patterns are often framed as diligence, high standards, accountability, or leadership rigor. Sure, sometimes they are. But often they are something else, distrust. Not necessarily malicious distrust. Not even conscious distrust. But distrust nonetheless. Modern leadership culture has become increasingly fluent in the language of "empowerment" while simultaneously designing systems rooted in control. Organizations ask people to innovate, take ownership, move quickly, and think creatively while surrounding them with layers of monitoring, approvals, over measurement, excessive meetings, and decision bottlenecks that quietly communicate the opposite. We often speak about trust as though it is a soft cultural value rather than a structural force. But distrust shapes behavior. It shapes systems. It shapes how people show up in rooms, how quickly decisions move, how much initiative employees take, and whether people feel safe enough to think, risk, challenge, create, or tell the truth. In many workplaces, distrust has become normalized. Sometimes it looks like leaders constantly checking work that does not actually require checking. Sometimes it looks like over engineered reporting structures designed to soothe leadership anxiety more than support meaningful outcomes. Other times it looks like endless approval chains that slow decisions to a crawl. Sometimes it looks like leaders unintentionally training teams to seek permission for everything because independent thinking feels risky. The result is not stronger organizations. The result is tension. When distrust quietly shapes leadership culture, organizations become slower, more brittle, and more dependent. Employees stop exercising judgment because they learn that judgment is not actually trusted. Innovation declines because experimentation becomes emotionally expensive. Initiative shrinks because people begin optimizing for safety rather than contribution. Over time, cultures shaped by chronic distrust train people to disengage from their own intelligence. This matters because many organizations are operating in conditions of immense uncertainty right now. Economic instability, rapid technological shifts, public scrutiny, political polarization, and ongoing workforce transformation have created increasing pressure for leaders. Given those dynamics, control can feel comforting. Monitoring can feel responsible. Tightening oversight can feel like protection. But leadership anxiety does not become wisdom simply because it is institutionalized. Control and accountability are not the same thing. Discernment and surveillance are not the same thing. Trust does not mean the absence of standards, feedback, responsibility, or consequences. Healthy leadership requires accountability. But accountability rooted in trust looks different from accountability rooted in fear. One expands capacity. The other narrows it. One cultivates stewardship. The other cultivates dependence. One strengthens discernment. The other trains compliance. The cost of distrust over time Over time, this erosion becomes expensive in ways many organizations fail to measure. People stop bringing forward early concerns because they no longer believe honesty is truly welcome. Teams become performative rather than collaborative, spending more energy managing perception than solving problems. Resentment quietly accumulates beneath professionalism. High capacity employees either leave, emotionally withdraw, or shrink themselves to fit the limits of the system. Leaders, often without realizing it, become increasingly isolated from the very truth, creativity, and relational feedback needed to navigate complexity well. The true question Perhaps the deeper question is not whether leaders trust their employees. Perhaps the deeper question is whether leaders trust themselves enough to lead without trying to control every variable. Because underneath many control oriented leadership behaviors is often an unspoken fear, fear of mistakes, fear of unpredictability, fear of reputational harm, fear of losing authority, fear of uncertainty, fear of what might emerge without constant oversight, or fear of becoming obsolete or replaceable. But people can feel when systems do not trust them. Even when the language says otherwise. Eventually, cultures built on distrust produce exactly what they fear most, disengagement, passivity, fragility, and diminished ownership. The future will not belong to organizations that perfect surveillance. It will belong to organizations capable of cultivating discernment, relational trust, adaptability, and shared stewardship strong enough to withstand uncertainty. So perhaps the invitation is not simply to ask whether your organization values trust. Perhaps the invitation is to ask: Where in your leadership are you calling control by the name of accountability? What behaviors might your systems actually be training in the people around you? Where has pressure or uncertainty narrowed your capacity to trust? Are your employees spending more energy managing leadership anxiety than exercising their own judgment? What would become possible if your organization cultivated discernment instead of dependence? What kind of leadership becomes available when trust is treated not as a slogan, but as a practice? What realizations come up for you? Follow me on LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Carla Madeleine Kupe Carla Madeleine Kupe, Executive Leadership Advisor Carla Madeleine is an attorney, executive leader, and trusted advisor who works with leaders navigating power, responsibility, and transition. With a background in law, executive leadership, and organizational change, she helps individuals identify and integrate unexamined inner patterns that quietly shape decision-making, authority, and trust, particularly during periods of uncertainty, contraction, and reimagination. Carla writes at the intersection of leadership, inner work, and change, offering grounded insight for those shaping the future.

Written by Mayumi Beckers, Shamanic Practitioner, Shamans Directory Cofounder Mayumi Beckers is a Shamanic Practitioner devoted to guiding individuals on a path of transformation, empowerment, and soul remembrance. She offers private sessions, ceremonies, and sacred travels. She is also the Co-Founder of Shamans Directory, an online global platform dedicated to bringing shamanic earth-based services to the world's doorstep. True healing is not found in isolation, but in the relationships that connect us to ourselves, one another, the Earth, and Spirit. This article reflects on the next chapter of Shamans Directory and its mission to support living wisdom traditions with humility, integrity, and collective care. A vision that began as a whisper Five years ago, Shamans Directory began as a whisper, a vision to create a respectful home for authentic lineage based healers, wisdom keepers, ceremonialists, and earth based traditions from around the world. It was born from the understanding that healing is sacred, relational, and deeply rooted in community. What began as a heartfelt vision has grown into a global nonprofit platform dedicated to bringing shamanic, earth based, lineage based wisdom and medicine traditions to the world’s doorstep, supporting both individual and collective transformation. Yet, more than a platform, Shamans Directory has become a living community, one shaped by service, humility, reverence, and shared responsibility. Healing is remembering relationship In many modern systems, healing is approached as something external, something we seek to fix, solve, or acquire. Earth based traditions remind us of something deeper, healing is also an act of remembrance. A remembering of our relationship with Spirit. A remembering of our relationship with Mother Earth. A remembering of our relationship with one another. Perhaps most importantly, a remembering of our relationship with ourselves. True healing begins when we return to right relationship with these things. Honoring living lineages Over the years, we have had the profound honor of working alongside extraordinary medicine people, healers, and teachers who carry living traditions rooted in lineage, responsibility, humility, and lifelong devotion. These are not paths that can be self appointed or easily defined. They are carried through community, apprenticeship, reverence, and direct relationship with land, ancestors, and spirit. As modern seekers turn toward deeper forms of healing, it becomes essential that these traditions are approached with integrity, respect, and cultural humility. Bridging ancient wisdom and modern seekers We are living in a time when many people are searching for reconnection. Reconnection to nature, to community, to inner balance, and to living meaningful lives. Shamans Directory was created to help bridge this space, bringing original medicine holders, Indigenous wisdom keepers, and lineage trained practitioners together as colleagues in one respectful and inclusive global network. Our intention is not only to make healing and teachings more accessible, but also to help preserve living wisdom traditions while creating bridges between ancient knowledge and the modern world. Why relationship matters more than ever As a human family, we are facing unprecedented challenges, ecological imbalance, cultural fragmentation, burnout, grief, and a growing sense of separation. In earth based traditions, healing is never isolated. It happens through relationship, with the Earth, with community, with ancestors, with spirit, responsibility, and reciprocity. True transformation begins not through individual achievement alone, but through the healing that happens as part of a community. A global movement rooted in stewardship At its heart, Shamans Directory is more than a directory. It is part of a growing global movement rooted in stewardship. A place where traditions are honored, where healing is approached with integrity, where wisdom is shared responsibly, and where seekers and practitioners can meet in respectful relationship. As founders, we have come to understand that our role is not simply to build something, but to steward it with humility, care, and devotion. One fire, many traditions As we move into the next chapter, our vision continues to deepen: Expanding access to authentic healing and teaching Creating meaningful global gatherings Strengthening respectful cross cultural relationships Supporting Indigenous voices and lineage based traditions Preserving sacred wisdom for future generations Building bridges between spirituality, healing, and collective well being At a time when so much asks us to separate, perhaps the deeper invitation is to remember that we belong to one another. Healing is not only personal. It is relational. It is collective. It is sacred and when gathered in reverence, humility, and shared purpose, together, we become powerful medicine. Stewarding the next five years together As Shamans Directory enters its next chapter, we do so with humility, gratitude, and a deep sense of responsibility. As a global community rooted in healing, relationship, and sacred stewardship, we know this work is larger than any one of us. In order to continue our work of supporting authentic healing, preserving lineage based wisdom, amplifying Indigenous voices, and building a stronger platform that can serve our global community for years to come, we are now stepping into our next phase of growth. If earth based wisdom has inspired you, supported your healing path, connected you with meaningful teachings, or helped you feel part of something greater, we warmly invite you to support our fundraising campaign as we steward the next five years of this vision together. Support our fundraising campaign here. Because true healing is collective, every act of support, whether through contribution, sharing, or simply walking alongside us, helps strengthen this living web of medicine, wisdom, and relationship. A solstice gathering in celebration As part of this next unfolding, we also warmly invite you to join us in ceremony and celebration. This June Solstice marks not only a sacred turning point in nature, but also Shamans Directory turning five years old, a beautiful moment to honor all that has been created and all that is still to come. Join us for a special live gathering in ceremony, reflection, and shared vision for the future: Shamans Directory Is Five, Solstice Benefit Gathering With Andean Medicine Men Wilbert Salas Atasi and Don Mariano Quispe Flores Saturday, 20 June 2026 8am PDT / 11am EDT / 5pm CET Approximately 2 hours Open to all Add this event to your calendar here. Together, we will gather in gratitude, prayer, and celebration, honoring the Solstice, our shared path, and the living traditions that continue to guide healing and remembrance. One fire. Many traditions. One living web of healing. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Follow Shamans Directory on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and LinkedIn! Read more from Mayumi Beckers Mayumi Beckers, Shamanic Practitioner, Shamans Directory Cofounder Mayumi Beckers is a Shamanic Practitioner based in the Netherlands, dedicated to supporting people on their path of healing, transformation, and empowerment. With a deep focus on helping others return to their natural alignment and essence, she facilitates reconnection with the true self and with nature, aspects often forgotten, suppressed, or fragmented through trauma, conditioning, and modern life experiences. Mayumi offers one-on-one sessions, both in person and remotely, as well as ceremonial healing work, group workshops, and sacred travel opportunities. She is also the Co-Founder of Shamans Directory, a global nonprofit platform committed to bringing shamanic earth-based services to the world’s doorstep.

Florida keeps growing. New residents arrive every day. Housing demand stays high. But growth without direction can weaken communities. Larry Michael Baum has spent his career trying to guide that growth the right way. As Managing Partner of Stellar Communities in Aventura, Florida, he has led the development of more than 3,000 eco-friendly homes across the state. His focus is not just construction. It is long-term community design. “If you’re going to build in Florida, you have to think ahead,” Larry Michael Baum says. “The environment isn’t a side note. It’s part of the foundation.” His career shows how that belief turned into action. From Miami Beach to Florida State University Larry Michael Baum was born in Miami Beach. He grew up watching Florida expand. New neighborhoods. New skylines. Constant change. He chose to study real estate and finance at Florida State University. He wanted to understand both land and numbers. “Real estate touches everything,” he says. “It affects how people live, commute, and raise families.” After graduating from FSU, he entered the industry and never left. Development was not a short-term move. It became his life’s work. Building Stellar Communities More than 15 years ago, Larry Michael Baum stepped into leadership at Stellar Communities. The mission was clear. Develop housing that balances sustainability with economic strength. Over time, the company built more than 3,000 homes across Florida. Projects included both rental communities and for-sale neighborhoods. “Green development has to be practical,” he says. “If it doesn’t work economically, it won’t last.” That mindset shaped every decision. Site selection. Materials. Infrastructure planning. Community layout. He believed sustainability should not be decorative. It should be operational. What makes sustainable development work in Florida? Florida ranks among the fastest-growing states in the country. It also faces environmental pressure. Rising energy use. Storm risk. Infrastructure strain. Larry Michael Baum saw that early. “You can’t separate housing from climate,” he says. “If you ignore long-term realities, you create bigger problems.” At Stellar Communities, green principles became standard practice. Energy-conscious design. Thoughtful density. Long-term durability. The company received multiple green awards for sustainable housing efforts. “Awards are recognition,” he says. “But the real test is performance over time.” That focus on performance defines his leadership style. Missing middle housing and smarter urbanism One of Larry Michael Baum’s core interests is missing middle housing. These are mid-scale homes like townhouses and small multifamily buildings. Florida’s housing often swings between large single-family homes and high-rise towers. The middle ground is limited. “Communities need options,” he says. “Not everyone fits into one housing model.” He believes balanced density supports stronger neighborhoods. It improves walkability. It supports local businesses. It strengthens community ties. Urbanism matters to him. Not in theory. In execution. “If you design with intention, people feel it,” he says. How Larry Michael Baum approaches leadership Larry Michael Baum does not describe his work in flashy terms. He focuses on structure. “Development is long-term thinking,” he says. “You’re shaping something that will outlast you.” His approach blends finance discipline with environmental planning. He understands capital constraints. He also understands environmental responsibility. That balance allowed Stellar Communities to grow without abandoning its principles. “Sustainability and economic resilience move together,” he says. “They have to.” His career shows steady growth. Not sudden spikes. Not reactive moves. Consistency defines his strategy. Awards, growth, and industry impact Stellar Communities has earned recognition for green building practices. These awards reflect consistent standards. But Larry Michael Baum sees industry impact differently. “I look at how communities function five or ten years later,” he says. “That tells you if you built correctly.” Florida’s positive growth depends on developers who plan beyond immediate demand. Housing shapes traffic patterns. Utility systems. Public services. He understands that scale. “You don’t rush development,” he says. “You align it.” That alignment is what separates short-term construction from long-term community building. The future of sustainable real estate in Florida Florida will continue to grow. Climate and population pressures will continue to test infrastructure. Larry Michael Baum believes sustainable communities will become the norm, not the niche. “Wellness buildings. Smarter density. Responsible materials,” he says. “These are not trends. They’re requirements.” He sees real estate development as stewardship. “You are responsible for what you leave behind,” he says. That idea guided him from Miami Beach to FSU to leading a company that built thousands of homes. Why Larry Michael Baum’s career matters Larry Michael Baum did not chase buzzwords. He focused on execution. He brought green development principles into mainstream housing. He balanced sustainability with economic discipline. He advanced missing middle housing in Florida. His work reflects a clear pattern: Understand the numbers. Respect the environment. Build with intention. Florida’s future depends on leaders who treat growth as a responsibility. Larry Michael Baum has spent more than 15 years proving that idea works.