Nicky Clinch is a Master Maturation Facilitator & Teacher, workshop leader, Hay House author and Shamanic Healer. Nicky leads people from all over the world through profound life-changing processes, allowing them to heal from the root, becoming free of their past and come home to who they truly are. A leading expert in the field of human behaviour and the human condition, ontology, healing trauma and energetic intelligence, Nicky is dedicated to using her life to serve the evolution of human consciousness on our planet and for human beings to discover their truest infinite potential. Founding and leading The Alchemy of Being: Academy of Maturation Coaching, she has now trained hundreds of people globally. Nicky Clinch, Master Maturation Coach + Shamanic Healer Introduce yourself! Please tell us about you and your life, so we can get to know you better. Well this year I turned 43 which feels like a big deal somehow. I have been with my husband for 12 years and I have 2 beautiful children, a 4yr old son and a 9yr old daughter. We live on the most beautiful land on the edge of the NZ bush in West Auckland where we are committed to becoming as fully self-sustainable as we can. We are building a bio-dynamic kitchen garden on the land, growing as much as we can. We have three chickens that roam freely, two bunnies, five wild ducks that live on the pond and our beautiful black cat (that thinks he’s a panther) called Pango (which is the Maori word for black). Let’s just say we live a full and nourishing life. I’m extremely grateful. I run my entire business from the home ‒ my office has two walls of glass that allows me to sit at my desk and look out over the land. It is the most incredible thing to be able to sit and connect with people all over the planet every single day and run my company that is primarily based in UK and Europe all whilst living this life immersed in nature. I don’t think of my work as work, it is without a doubt my purpose and my passion. I feel lucky every single day to do be able to do what I do and doing it every day feeds my life and makes it better. I count myself extremely lucky to be able to have such a relationship with my work ‒ rising and evolving consciousness, deep healing and connection are my passions. I also love to cook, grow food, I love travel and adventure, exploring stunning areas of nature. I love people, connecting, socialising and equally I love being alone at home. I am one of those people that just need both in equal measure. My heritage is I am Chinese/Malaysian/Thai mixed with English and Russian. I grew up in Hong Kong and spent most of my childhood travelling all over Asia. I flew on my first transatlantic flight alone at the age of 5 so I often feel like no one country is my home but the whole planet. This aligns with my work where I feel like no one kind of person is my focus but the human species. What is your business name and how do you help your clients? My business name is Nicky Clinch Ltd. and our company vision is for human beings to come home to being so they can pass it on to the children and the next generation. We help human beings become free of the human condition and the suffering that is generated from this. The work we offer is immensely deep, it takes real courage and commitment but the gift, the promise is real freedom and coming home to one’s true self. I don’t mean this in a ‘woo woo’ way ‒ Maturation is a very grounded rooted ontological process of educating people on the mechanism and functionality of the human mind and how we generate our appearing reality. By working through our maturation process, we help people break free of their attachments to their stories and identities generated by the human mind, that keep people stuck in repeated patterns and loops of their pasts. These repeating patterns create immense levels of suffering and struggle, rob people of their true power, freedom and life-force and then get passed on through the generations. When people come to work with us and become free of the attachments to the stories, identities and movement of the human mind, they can truly come into alignment on a bodymind level and start to live from a space of infinite possibility and presence. Allowing them to start generating life from the present (rather than repeating the past), opening the possibility of creating a new paradigm from the future. What kind of audience do you target your business towards? Well in honesty, in Maturation, if you are human then it relates to you as we work with the human condition. Generally, the people that come to us are those that have already done a substantial amount of work, self-actualization and healing on themselves and even though they are already ok, they keep finding themselves repeating similar patterns that are limiting them from the immense possibility of what they dream. We work with both men and women; our target age group is 32-50. These people are usually done with finding more strategies to manage life and are interested in living from a space of freedom, self-accountability and presence. What are your current goals for your business? We have a goal to impact 1 million human beings, facilitating them to break free of the past and live beyond the story so they can pass on a new level of consciousness to future generations. Who inspires you to be the best that you can be? Hands down my children inspire me every single day. Every time I look at them I see our future and I feel the responsibility to teach them how to be the leaders of our future. The children of our world are our future leaders and they are learning from who we as the adults are being much more than what we are doing or saying. If we are filled with resentment, fear, anger, blame; if we are judging each other and fighting for more war and separation, they are learning from us and will repeat these patterns for generations to come. That is the nature of the human condition. And so, we have an immense responsibility right now on our planet; who each of us are being in our lives and with each other, is what is going to sculpt the future. And so, my children are my inspiration. Second to that, my clients. I count myself to be immensely lucky to be able to work with many human beings at extremely deep levels. I feel lucky people are willing to tell me the truth about themselves every day and allow me/us to take them to the deepest roots of themselves in service of their maturation. To be able to witness human beings heal deeply and break free of suffering and come home to who they truly are is a gift. Every day I witness this and it gifts me with quite an extraordinary viewpoint on life and the value of every single moment we get to be here alive on earth. Therefore, beyond my children, my clients gift me this every day and it inspires me to want to be better. What is your work inspired by? All the old teachers ‒ David Bohm, Jiddu Krishnamurti, Adyashanti, Mooji, Ken Wilber, Anthony Demasio, Prema Chodron, Thich Nhat Hanh… but also, the ancient wisdom of Chinese medicine and five elements theory I absorbed and learnt from my Buddhist Thai/Chinese grandparents, who taught me just from who they were being, the natural flow of change that is life and to live from a place of compassion and non-attachment. Tell us about your greatest career achievement so far. So many and I must admit, many of the most fulfilling ones happen inside a 1:1 client session or our Listening to Life programme, where not many publicly will see. That moment when a human being releases something of their past they’ve carried for a lifetime, and it literally changes how they appear right in front of us. Wow, it makes everything worthwhile. Publicly, launching my first book. When we hit our first million in the company. When our hero programme, Listening to Life became fully international where we enable participants from all over the planet to be all in one room. Selling out our Alchemy of Being 2022 maturation coaching programme in 6 weeks ‒ that was amazing. If you could change one thing about your industry, what would it be and why? Gosh, I am not interested in being judgmental but I feel there are so many coaches offering services to others without truly having done the deeper healing work on themselves. Which often leads to trauma and survival patterns and identities running the show. We have 80% coaches and psychotherapists in our current Alchemy of Being training programme and they are surprised to discover how much they carry unresolved within them that they didn’t even know about. The more we can truly offer service from a space beyond trauma, beyond survival within our own self ‒ the more we can break the cycles and create a new paradigm of living and being for our species. Tell us about a pivotal moment in your life that brought you to where you are today. I have had many but I know I would not be who I am today if I hadn’t gone through such challenges and dark times in my younger years. Facing the absolute hell that comes with addiction as a young person and the shame and hopelessness that comes with that was one of the greatest gifts of my life. Why? Because I not only overcame it but I have truly become free of it and it will forever gift me with a deep sense of gratitude for life and for being here. It also allows me to be with other humans in their darkest places, because whatever they struggle with or have been to, I have been there myself. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info!

Written by: Nicola Wakeling , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. How do you choose whether you need therapy or coaching? On my very first coaching course, much of the conversation centred around where coaching stopped and therapy started. Later when I got together with a psychotherapy group, the same conversation was happening! So if we are all confused, what does that mean for everyone else? As with all good therapists/counsellors/coaches, I will ask another question that might clean things up for you – What is it that you are trying to achieve? If you are trying to make some changes in your life that will return some sort of ‘normality’, you want life to be as it was ‘before' the problem. You have an idea of how life should be – and you don’t want to suffer anymore. This generally falls into the category of Therapy and Counselling. We will return to these and distinguish between them later on. If you want some new horizons, to be able to express a new aspect of your life, maximising on what you already have, then that would mostly be Coaching. The interesting thing is that most people start by wantingto change something, and when that has dissolved, they then want to move forwards in new and exciting ways. In these instances, Therapy and Coaching are intertwined and that’s where the line blurs. Then there are the people who have taken a wrong turn in their life somewhere and have ended up in a less that satisfying place and that may be causing them all manner of distress. So you can see that by the definition above, this may be coaching or therapy… and it’s even more complicated when you might consider that you may not know where you are or what you want! But let’s continue on. Therapy is an umbrella term that can cover anything from Physical Massage, Reiki, and Somatic Movement, right through to Psychotherapy and Counselling. It would also be used to describe different forms of talking therapies such as hypnotherapy, trauma therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy and other newer modalities that have excellent results in specific circumstances. Counselling is more specific in that it approaches change through conversation – with the counsellor specifically trained to lead you into finding the information that you need to understand your problem and move forwards. Counselling is not specifically solution based, in that it isn’t looking for ways of solving problems, more about bringing a full acceptance and understanding of your position and how to move forwards is formulated in the fullness of time. Other talking therapies look more specifically for ways of integrating other tools to bring about more rapid change. Hypnosis is very effective at bringing about relief and has some amazing study results proving efficacy. So whilst you might be trying to decide which route to go, you will find that many professionals out there are already combining many ‘modalities’ together. So another way of working out ‘Which is better for me, counselling, therapy or coaching?’ would be to ask your friends and family. See who has already been down this route. For whatever reason, we still don’t discuss these subjects amongst friends and family, but you may be surprised at who has a recommendation for you. Very few of my clients share their journeys with a wide group of friends – but they will often recommend if they hear of someone in a similar situation. Look at the websites and feeds of local therapists/coaches and look for posts that resonate in some way with you. Perhaps you are looking for a fast-paced, motivational solution, perhaps you are looking for gentle nurturing, or perhaps you are looking for a pragmatic and irreverent service that throws all sorts of challenging ideas at you. Some professionals are led by challenging their intellect and others will take a more holistic and intuitive, emotional approach. Mostly we pick someone who echoes our own approach to life – it’s not a bad policy – you will likely pick the professional that seems to ‘speak’ your language. The most important aspect of any therapeutic/ coaching relationship is rapport – this refers to the quality of the relationship that you have with your professional. Go with your instinct. There are a million different configurations of coaches, therapists and coaches/therapists out there – many will train in one modality and then specialise, while others will add more and more tools and understanding, that will enable them to be able to ‘follow’ you and bring you exactly what you need. Counsellors also train in Coaching, Coaches add in Hypnosis, and Trauma Therapists sometimes add in Massage. But nearly all of them will offer some sort of consultation or first appointment so that you can make your choice with a better understanding. Don’t be put off by someone that appears to ‘specialise’ in a broad range of problems, or a huge array of goals. When we are looking for a surgical intervention then it makes sense to choose someone that does it all day every day, but I would say that this isn’t necessarily the case with coaching/therapy. Some interesting questions to ask during your first consultation or session – How would you summarise your specific style of therapy/coaching? Have you seen someone before that is similar to me and what was the outcome? Do you work with other professionals in different fields? How would you summarise my situation and how would you see us progressing from here? What would you expect to be the signs that I would notice first if this is the right path for me to go down? These questions might give you an idea of the ‘flavour’ of the therapist/coach. From there, go on instinct – if it feels like a good match and fit for you – make the commitment and move forwards. Personally, I started with Hypnotherapy as it is proven, effective and often a bit like magic, and then carried on with Integrative Psychotherapy, Applied Neuroscience and Generative Coaching. I have studied for hundreds of hours and read hundreds of studies and books. I have been mentored and supervised for years by master coach Mark Schwimmer who, with 30 years of highly skilled work in transformation, challenges me to master my skills. I aim to bring not just results but also systemic change to my clients so that they get so much more than they ever thought was possible. I am also a skills-based coach for therapists/coaches to help integrate their work to a higher level. I mash everything together and often work with clients who have tried many other modalities and often traditional counselling and don’t seem to be getting to where they want to go. Whatever your need, there are many professionals out there who can work with you to help you get the outcomes you want. There is never one straight path or one answer. Ask for book recommendations and be prepared to really reflect on the changes that are happening and what then is possible for you. Professional coaching or therapy is not like going to a doctor to be made better. We cannot ever see our own issues and goals clearly and this is exactly what professional help is all about – having another set of highly skilled eyes to see where to put your attention to get what it is that you want. Good luck! Follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Nicola! Nicola Wakeling, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Nicola Wakeling is an exceptional and passionate Therapist and Coach combining hypnosis, NLP, neuroscience, generative coaching and existential psychotherapy together into a fast-paced results driven practice. With years of SME experience and national award-winning businesses under her belt, she is passionate about optimising growth from within using all possible resources, even when they have to be discovered and unleashed first. Nicola is also a skills-based Mentor for Coaches. She has a private practice both online and one to one in Buckinghamshire, UK

When the ships are out and sailing for months, there is consequently a need for water resources as well. One of the primary reasons you need Ballast water treatment is to ensure that ballast water is pumped and, consequently, there are complete safe operating measures throughout the voyage journey. The primary aim of this particular water treatment is to ensure that the water quality is maintained under all circumstances; hence, we are here at Bawat to help you! Furthermore, this specific treatment's primary aim is to reduce the stress on the hull and ensure ultimate efficiency. What Does Our Ballast Water Treatment Do? The Ballast water treatment plant is one of the most promising machines, which ensures that the ultimate security is provided to the water management of the sailing fleets. Not only the ships but also ensure we can aid other potent types of fleets, like heavy lift vessels, divers, dredgers, cruise ships, barges, yachts, and ferries. We can say that this particular system is quite a breakthrough, and we have ensured that the energy that is onboard and not used or often referred to as waste energy, treats the onboard water during the voyage journey. Why Collaborate with Bawat Ballast Water Management System (BWMS) Consequently, it becomes essential to ask why you should choose us at Bawat when there are a few other options in the market. Some of the most critical factors that make us different from others are: A Global Brand We have tried to make sure that we can provide you with Ballast water treatment in more than one country, and this includes India, Italy, Norway, China, Japan, Korea, the USA, Taiwan, and much more! The Machine's efficiency The Ballast water treatment machine we have incorporated is exceptionally efficient. It ensures that we can guarantee you complete safe water onboard. US Coast Guard Approved Finally, one of the primary reasons you should contact us is that we have got approval from the US Coast Guard. Hence, we can vouch that all the regulations are maintained, and therefore there is complete security in Ballast water treatment. Bawat is here to aid you with the best Ballast water treatment so that you can maintain the quality of water onboard, and that too while maintaining the topmost quality. Get in touch with us today to learn more about Bawat Ballast Water Management System (BWMS).

Written by: Lauren Cartigny, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Ouch! Hard truths can be hard to hear sometimes. This article aims to uncover the challenges leaders face to make a difference in reducing suffering in the workplace and encourage you to ask yourself hard questions to help you overcome them. “Sacrificing health and family for work is not an expression of loyalty. It’s a sign of poor priorities.” –Adam Grant How many leaders can truly say they believe that high performance from a place of well-being is possible? How many can say they have mastered self-awareness and self-regulating skills to reduce stress and deal with high pressures from a place of calm? The answer is likely to be very few. That is to be expected based on the stressful world we live in. We will not go from one extreme to another overnight. Those who have learnt to perform from a place of well-being, most likely have had the support of an Executive Coach. So how can leaders confidently become advocates of well-being and make a difference in the workplace now? Hard Truth Number 1 High performance from a place of suffering is normalised. Most traditional high performance training focuses on asking us to change our mindset, to focus, to be more resilient, to keep going, to never give up, and to win at all costs. All these approaches have only resulted in rewarding overworking, normalising the numbing of our feelings, and ignoring our body’s alarm bells trying to warn us that it needs a break. Is determination, hard work and willpower part of success? Yes absolutely. Are these the sole answer? No. Perseverance and consistently working non-stop, without stopping to recharge our energy, and our bodies, without relaxing our minds, and without feeling our emotions, are simply ways of justifying working in auto-pilot mode. This is a mode where we are disconnected from ourselves. We stop feeling our bodies, our emotions and we purely run on adrenaline. With all adrenaline highs, come adrenaline lows. This fluctuation over time causes chronic illnesses. High achievers tend to know this well, because yes, this way of working does deliver results, but at what cost? For me, success in auto-pilot mode cost me my health due to undiagnosed chronic stress over years of seeing myself as a resilient high achiever. I felt I managed stress fine until my usual way of recharging at weekends was disrupted by personal commitments. This tipped my body over the edge. I started having severe acne due to internal inflammation. I thought it was due to my skincare. I developed stomach pains. I thought I was intolerant to gluten. I lost a lot of weight. I thought my fitness regime was working. My athletic body became constantly achy and fragile. I thought it was due to exercising. I often felt dizzy. I just thought I was dehydrated. All these together were symptoms of chronic stress. People don’t tend to realise that if you feel pain in your body continually for over six months this is unprocessed emotions stuck in your body. Chronic stress is a result of unprocessed emotions. Delivering high performance from a place of chronic stress has a negative impact on our health, and most often we simply don’t realise it. We are not educated to look out for the signs. We blame old sports injuries, indigestion, drinking too much, worrying about a specific one-off situation, or not having enough sleep. There are always excuses to avoid the hard truth that we are suffering from stress. Most of us suffer symptoms of chronic stress to some degree. This tends to go hand in hand with having high-powered roles. Are you willing to challenge the status quo? On a scale of 1 to 10, how stressed are you on average? What pain do you feel in your body that you have had for longer than 6 months? Could these be symptoms of chronic stress? Are you willing to put the same effort into your work, into learning to manage your physical and mental health? Hard Truth Number 2 There is a stigma in sharing vulnerability in the workplace. Despite all the social media visibility of promoting well-being in the workplace, the stigma attached to speaking up about our health is still very real. 39% of UK Business Executives admitted not seeking help for fear that it would impact their reputation if they admitted struggling. And yet … 78% of UK Business Leaders have experienced fatigue, lack of motivation, mood swings and disturbed sleep since the lockdown. Bupa Survey Dec 2020 It can be hard to admit to ourselves that we may be suffering, let alone admit it openly to other people who influence our careers and our earnings. Great power can be found in our vulnerability, but this requires better understanding ourselves to find understanding and learnings in what holds us back. Leaders who have been coached tend to be more confident in speaking of their challenges because they understand them and have made progress in overcoming them. If you can develop compassion for your own vulnerability, then you are implying that you will have compassion for your teams’. Why does this matter? Because you can’t change what you can’t see. So, if your team isn’t telling you what they struggle with to deliver, how can you help them? Are you confident enough to find power in your vulnerability? Is the culture of your company serious about employee well-being? How confident are you in your capacity to deliver results? How much support have you had to learn to manage stress? How comfortable are you in sharing your experience with your team? How comfortable is your team sharing their challenges with you? Hard Truth Number 3 People do what you do, not what you say. I have met many leaders who want to do more about well-being, but they often tell me they feel like an imposter as they don’t take lunch breaks, they are asked to put pressure on their teams, and they know they display signs of stress themselves. Will being an example of delivering results from a place of calm be inspiring to your team? Yes. Will they want to learn from you? Yes. Is it realistic to think you will be an example of this overnight. No. We don’t need to be perfect to be credible. We just need to have a strong intention, a passion to put effort in managing our own well-being and demonstrate progress in prioritising well-being when driving results. That is enough to start momentum. This shift will take years to make, but it won’t happen without leaders starting to take small tangible incremental steps. To refer to Adam Grant’s opening quote, a lot of the work is about prioritising the right things. As a manager, the biggest impact you can have now is to empower your team to take responsibility for their well-being by helping them set their own boundaries to manage workloads. Your role is to help them honour those boundaries and manage the implications of that. Do you have imposter syndrome when advocating well-being in your workplace? What indicators do you use to measure when a member of your team has reached max capacity? Have you given your team permission to tell you when they have reached their limit? Do they feel safe to do so? Do you switch off when you take your holiday? Do you take breaks during your day? Do your team members understand how stress manifests in themselves? Are they equipped to self-regulate their predictable stress symptoms? Are you? Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Lauren Cartigny, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Lauren Cartigny is a Business and Life Professional Coach for Executives and Conscious Leadership Trainer. Following a successful international corporate career in Sales for leading Tech firms, Lauren faced an unexpected burnout. After re-learning how to perform from a place of well-being as opposed to delivering results from a place of suffering, Lauren has created transformative coaching and training programs for high achieving Leaders seeking to empower themselves with self-knowledge to improve their well-being, their relationships, and their results. Lauren is the Founder of The Self-Science Lab a personal development training company for professionals seeking to find Peace, Power and Purpose.

Written by: Gina Martin , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Most high-achievers have this innate ability to push through any situation or life demands, no matter how stressful or demanding. We are go-getters at heart and mind and always go, go, go. This is great because it enables you to achieve above others, but sometimes it comes at a cost. Burnout! I get it; this used to be me (sometimes I still do, but catch myself). Constantly overworking and overachieving because that's how I knew I could prove my worth. This is not sustainable. Eventually, the body or mind breaks down. Have you ever gotten sick and become upset because you missed work, or do you find laying down, resting, and being sick unproductive? Or Are you good at listening to your body's warning signals? When we don't feel well, whether it is our mind feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and like working against the current, or our body feeling drained, tense, or tired, it is because our body is trying to tell us it is time to rest, recover and re-charge. We need to learn to be in tune with our bodies and realize that when we do make it a priority to listen to how we feel mentally and physically, we can make a conscious choice on how to move forward and find the harmony we need in between being productive and recharging our batteries. So, my question to you is: How do you find work/life harmony ? Here are a few things I've learned to practice that I found have helped me find harmony: When I feel like my creativity is lacking - I walk away and take a long walk. Then I think about what project I'm working on and why I began doing it. Then, I re-schedule it for the time of day when I know I get the most energy and flow. When I wake up sick - I give myself the day off. I practice centering exercises or meditation to ensure that my mind is at ease and that they do not judge me for taking time off. I make it a point to eat a nice healthy lunch and call a friend that always makes me feel better. Self-care - is part of my business plan and monthly schedule. It is not an "if I can fit in" I schedule it on my calendar and show up as if it was a client waiting for me. Of course, self-care means something different for all of us, but whatever that is for you, make the time for you. When you take care of yourself, you are better able to be the best leader, mother, partner, and friend for your loved ones. I would love to hear from you; comment below. How do you find harmony? Part of the work I do as a Life & Leadership Coach is to help my clients find work/life harmony while increasing productivity and improving well-being and relationships. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Gina! Gina Martin, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Gina Martin is an Executive Leadership and High-Performance Coach, Mental Fitness Advocate, Entrepreneur, Mother, and Breast Cancer survivor. Gina’s Self-Leadership journey started when she became a single mother and immigrated to the US before turning 18. As an entrepreneur, she built two direct sales businesses where she drove record personal and team sales and received national recognition and multiple awards. Her passion for sales, love for people, and personal development led her to start her Retail Leadership journey. She trained, promoted, and impacted hundreds of individuals over a twenty-year career. She has led cross-functional teams of up to 600 people for prestigious brands such as Victoria's Secret, GUESS, Inc., and Gap. She is the founder of Gina Martin Coaching. Her mission as an Executive Leadership Coach & High-Performance Coach is to help her clients discover and develop their self-leadership skills, unlock what's keeping them from achieving the success they desire, and inspire them to take massive action toward creating the lifestyle they've always dreamed of and deserve.

Written by: Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. When life seems complicated, the simple act of writing on paper has a number of benefits that might surprise you. Especially when you are faced with a complicated project or a self-development challenge, overwhelm easily pops up and will block the progress you are aiming for. And the simple tools I highly recommend are using pen and paper. What happens when you put pen on paper? 1. Brain activity Writing engages the brain in language, memory and muscle movement: directing the movement of the hand, recalling the shape of letters and finding the right words. 2. Emotional connection Handwriting is unique for each individual and can express emotions. Imagine angry writing or reflective, with lots of corrections, representing a process. 3. Remembering better Note-taking with a pen and paper enables you to better digest and remember the information as research shows. There is immediate rephrasing as it is impossible to write everything down and filtering out the crucial elements you have to immediately rephrase the information into your own words and filter out only the crucial parts. 4. Improves focus and introspection Using a digital device easily distracts, where writing can take place in the cocoon of your own thoughts, helping introspection. How to use pen on paper? Journaling – capturing what has happened each day. You can describe events, thoughts, feelings and anything else that seems relevant. It is helpful to record experiences, like a holiday, or change. When I discovered that my mother was a narcissist, journaling helped me to understand and deal with the situation. Downloading / Dust writing – subconscious writing aimed to literally get the dust out of your head, enabling you to enter deeper lawyers. Your download pages are not meant to be read again. They are simply part of a process. Recording events – especially helpful when you are the target of emotional abuse, manipulation and gaslighting. The emotional abuser, often a narcissist, will twist what really happened, causing you to doubt yourself. When you have documented the events, dialogues or situations, you can check for yourself what happened. In a work situation it will help to explain and support a situation. Planning – a things-to-do list, activities, or a simple shopping list. Capturing fleeting thoughts – Fleeting thoughts and ideas are invaluable, but also easily forgotten. I carry with me a beautiful little notebook, which I use to scribble down whatever pops up. Like this blog post. Its original version was jotted down when I waited for a train, a while ago. Doodling – scribbling aimlessly, creating a picture. Often you might do that when listening on the phone. It helps to concentrate, but can also be an act of mindfulness. Tips to discover the power of pen and paper Get yourself a nice notebook. Not too big, so it can travel with you. Something that is nice to look at and lovely to touch. Maybe get a special pen as well. Start trying the different options. Choose one a day. Find out which techniques help you the most when you feel overwhelmed, confused, or emotional. Continue writing. For more info, follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website! Read more from Mariette! Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr Mariette Jansen is a successful coach, therapist, and blogger for over 20 years. Also, author of best-selling self-help book 'From Victim to Victor' for victims of narcissistic abuse. She grew up with a narcissistic mother and had several romantic relationships with narcissists. Her mission is to empower and educate on life skills, narcissistic abuse, and thinking patterns. She offers a free coaching session via her website. Originally from the Netherlands, she now lives in the UK.

Written by: Melissa Skoff, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Budgeting can be scary. Taking a close look at your budget can be overwhelming. Money is a reflection of your priorities and sometimes we don’t realize it until we dive deep into the nooks and crannies of our finances. Budgeting is a tool to make yourself behave with your money and also to align your money with your goals. If you feel like you make good money but still live paycheck to paycheck, your best bet is to review your budget on a regular and stick to it. Budgeting doesn’t have to be scary! Here are some tips to make budgeting less scary. First, try giving that dreaded budget meeting a new name. I like to call it a dream meeting; because that really is what it is. A budget meeting is a chance to align your money with your goals. Since both time and money are limited resources, it is important to realign your budget, your priorities, and your goals regularly. Second, use a regular budgeting app throughout the month. Instead of waiting to look at your budget until the end of the month and wondering where all of your money went, try carrying it with you and looking at it frequently. If you keep a close eye on things, the chances are you will keep yourself in check. Lack of clarity is the scariest part! So take out your budgeting skeletons out of your closet and shed some light on them. I promise there is nothing to fear. Third, work with a money coach! Having a professional in your corner to help you stay on track and keep your goals crystal clear is key to success. Working with a money coach can help you see areas in your budget you can improve on and expand your financial literacy. You don’t know what you don’t know! Working with a money coach is essential to your long-term success. So, if your budget is scaring you, have no fear, your money coach is here! Follow Melissa on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin, and visit her website for more info. Read more from Melissa! Melissa Skoff, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Mel, the Money Coach, is a leader within the world of financial coaching. She is known as the Medical Professional's Go-To Money Coach as she is also a Nurse Practitioner and Graduate Nursing Educator. After Mel and her husband paid off $160,000 in 20 months, she set out to help others do the same. She has the heart of a teacher and has dedicated her career to helping others win with money, especially medical professionals. She is the creator of Money Masterminds, a group coaching platform where she helps her clients improve their financial literacy and hone their budgeting, saving, and investing skills. She also has a YouTube channel called Mel the Money Coach, where she helps her listeners learn all things related to finances. Her mission: Everyone deserves to live financially free.

Written by: Canse Karatas, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise If everything were limitless, what would you choose to do for work? Are you surviving or thriving? Quite often people start a business to find complete freedom doing what they love. From ideas and planning it can feel possible. Taking those first steps. Piece by piece pulling things together. Building a brand. Growing revenue. Feeling proud of every achievement along the way. What is not to love right? Well, there are a lot of things to consider before you take the jump. It is not for everyone and that is okay and some people may even turn back. Also, completely okay. I thought I would share some of my own first-hand experiences along with some of my peers’ reflections on what is behind the scenes of a start-up. Unanimously everyone agreed that being in control of your own schedule is one of the biggest benefits. However, this does also mean that in that first year especially whilst building the business there are lots of working over hours. It is hard to turn off only leading to burn out when not careful. Another positive is that it can feel empowering: making all your own decisions, not having to explain or follow someone else’s design. Again, difficulties in this can be that decisions can become anxiety provoking. Every decision, through you. Sometimes hard and fast. When they go well great but if not also, on you. Saying that, in times of reflection it is so special to see what you are creating. Feeling this true sense of self and connection to your purpose. In times of stress, along with the lack of stability this can be a trigger button to every single trauma you have experienced. Imposter syndrome is real! Flooding can be common too. Building yourself up is crucial for the process as you have to purge that old version of you. Your business can only grow as much as you are. That pain you feel, you have got to find a way to recycle it and make sacrifices. This journey can be incredibly lonely. Nevertheless, dreams are a gift given to us and when that aligns it is precious. There are lots of ways to combat some of these difficulties and it really starts with yourself. My first tip is routine routine routine. Factoring in exercise and nutrition is crucial. Self-Care Sunday has got to become your favourite day of the week! Plan ahead for some time off you need the balance. Whatever helps strengthen your mindset has to be part of your rituals be it: journalling, affirmations, reading, blogs, podcasts, documentaries etc. Learning to drown out the noise from previous scripts/conditioning is a superpower. When in doubt look inward with Coaching or Therapy. Find your people but do not expect everyone to get it. Soak up knowledge wherever possible, trading skills or learning but find your own way too. Do not fear a fall and learn from them too. They will happen. Almost all businesses that do not work is through lack of planning. Flexibility is also key as you cannot expect instant results plus sometimes it may take a hundred times of trying a variety of things until you land on the one that works. Stay consistent as well as being real with yourself. The simpler you can keep things the better, do not fix what is not broken. Remember that is what clients or customers want too, a fast and easy service. Try not waste money on unnecessary things, build up because you must have money coming in before it goes out. Do not compare or worry about how everyone else looks, you are doing your own thing. There are so many positives and negatives to all of this. Likewise, with having a job too. You have to weigh it up for you. This is your life. If your purpose feels intense this may outweigh the overwhelming stress. Maybe the loneliness will swallow you and lead you back to a team in a stable job. Potentially there is an option to create your own team. When you play the long game, you realise that you do not need everything lined up these things are all figureoutable along the way. My biggest learning is that motivation is not always going to be there at the least do one single thing for yourself and one thing to move your business forward every single day. Even a mini thing. Small achievable goals. The big one’s will come you do not have to know how right now. Also, ultimately you have to absolutely believe in yourself, that can waver at times but when everything feels like it is falling apart you must dig really deep and know that you will handle it! Hopefully, this blog has got you thinking and made you question things. If you feel you would like to explore in more depth, please get in touch for free initial call to help put you at ease and discuss what you would like to get from Therapy. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Canse! Canse Karatas, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Canse Karatas, has her own Counselling & Psychotherapy Private Practice. Has 10 years experience working for a range of services with a variety of issues like abuse, anxiety, depression, loneliness, low confidence, schizophrenia, self-harm, suicide and much more. She also worked in a Therapeutic Community which was DBT focused with ladies who have a personality disorder. Canse is Passionate about mental health awareness and actively seeks ways to help people. Her therapeutic influence is from an Integrative Approach mostly linked to Humanistic, Relational & Creative ways of working. Being mixed race she really values diversity and open-mindedness. Canse believes that we all have the resources within us to be the best version of ourselves for the future we deserve.

Written by: Andrée Funnell, Senior Level Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Has your confidence been eroded at work by toxic bosses or peers? Perhaps you feel disrespected, not listened to, undervalued or overwhelmed. Well, you are not alone! Many of my clients feel exactly like this however do not have the confidence to step out of their comfort zone and say enough is enough! ‘Claiming your Power’ back feels uncomfortable and perhaps out of your reach, particularly if you are struggling with your self-esteem and confidence. All of us would love to have personal power The power to manifest our dreams The power to remain calm and loving in the face of fear The power to stay centred in us in the face of attack. Our society often confuses personal power – “power within” – with “power over,” which is about controlling others. There is a vast difference between personal power and control. Personal power comes from an inner and deep sense of confidence and security, from knowing who you are, what you want and how to get it. It also includes knowing your worth and whether you are living your values to achieve your goals. It is the power that flows through you when you are connected to and feel your oneness with your heart centred Purpose. It is the power that is the eventual result of doing deep inner emotional and sometimes spiritual work to heal the fears and limiting beliefs acquired in childhood. Without this inner work to heal the LIMITING BELIEFS that create our limitations and produce barriers that stop us moving forward and achieving the success we desire, we then get stuck in our egos, our wounded selves. The very basis of the ego is the desire for control, for power over others and outcomes. Our Alter Ego Our ego is the self we created to attempt to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. We create our ego self which I call IMPOSTER SYNDROME. We wear a mask or live as an imposter in our skin in our attempt to protect ourselves from the losses we fear: Loss of self Loss of other Loss of security Loss of face. So where does this alter ego come from? As children, when we didn’t get the love we needed, we decided that our true self must be unlovable. In our attempt to feel safe, we buried our true Self and created the false self – the ego, our wounded self. The ego self then went about learning how to feel safe through trying to control others and outcomes. The ego believes that having control over how people see us and feel about us, as well as over the outcome of things, will give us the safety we seek. Well let me tell you as someone who wore a mask and experienced imposter syndrome when working as a Senior Manager (HR & Training) in corporate organisations this strategy did not serve me well, in fact I ended up overwhelmed, stressed, unfulfilled, unhappy and burnt out as do many of my clients. Even if you do manage to have some control through anger, criticism, judgment, or money, this will never give you THE PERSONAL POWER you seek. Living as an imposter long term, will never fill you with peace and joy and an inner sense of safety. Control may give you a sense of safety short term, but it will never give you the deep sense of safety that comes from knowing your intrinsic worth and what you want in life. All the while that your safety and worth are being defined by external sources and material things such as your money, your looks, your performance, your power over others – you will feel not only feel anxious but will also feel unfulfilled. By concentrating on eternal qualities such as gratitude, caring, compassion, and kindness we feel more fulfilled our values are met, we live our PURPOSE, live AUTHENTICALLY and helps us claim our POWER back. For example, I have come across many people who have made lots of money, have a great lifestyle, a lovely family yet they are anxious and unfulfilled. They are so busy building their empire and financial status, they have no time for friends, family, leisure interests which leads to loneliness, heartache and unhappiness. These people operate totally out of their ego self, believing that having control through anger and money will bring him the happiness and safety they seek. They are empty inside and have no sense of their true and amazing self or the beauty within them. Life is based on externals rather than on the spiritual values of love, compassion, honesty and kindness. Five Ways to Re-claim your Inner Power for success! Personal power comes from: Embracing your core values & living by them Discovering and knowing your authentic self Believe and love yourself (warts and all) Have clear goals and aims Know your worth and never accept second best When the soul has dominion over the body, you have tremendous personal power and create your own future, get clarity on your destination and goals to achieve the success you DESERVE and DESIRE. When you ‘Claim back your Power’ live authentically, re-boost your CONFIDENCE and courage, know your WORTH then you will have the power to manifest your dreams into reality and live a happy and fulfilled life. Because once you have claimed your power back YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING!! ‘Behind the Mask’ is Andree’s literary debut about ‘Authenticity.’ It’s an essential interactive step by step guide to self-discovery to help you turn your life around and claim back your inner power chapter by chapter – www.behind-the-mask-book.com Call me today +44 (0)7702 818665 to arrange a 15 minute Clarity Call to find out how I can help you achieve the success and growth you want in your life. Alternatively email me at training@afcconsultants.co.uk Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, connect with me on LinkedIn and visit my website for more info! Read more from Andrée! Andrée Funnell, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Andrée is a multi-award-winning Coach, Learning & Development Consultant, best-selling author, and speaker. She is the founder and driving force behind the success of Aspiring Future Competence (AFC). Since its inception in 2002, AFC has helped clients across a wide range of business sectors to get visible, get heard, and get ahead by applying inspirational ways to bring about positive change and empowerment. She has over 20 years of HR & training experience working in corporate organizations and a further 20 years delivering development solutions that make a difference to people’s careers and lives. She is a qualified coach, professional trainer, and NLP Practitioner. She discovered that Authenticity is the key to happiness, fulfillment, and success and is keen to get the message out there to others. ‘Behind the Mask’ is Andrée’s literary debut about ‘Authenticity.’ It’s an essential interactive step-by-step guide to turning your life around and achieving the kind of life you deserve by living authentically.

Written by: Mari Grande, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Anger. This heavy word carries with it a burdensome load of emotions, especially for those who experienced a Mother Wound. For many in this situation, they were taught that anger is wrong to feel and “bad” to express. As a result, the complexity of emotions beneath the anger are left unattended to. When the layers of anger are peeled back, many discover a well of hurt that drives their thoughts, actions, and emotional patterns. In order to heal, the anger needs to be recognized, shared, and befriended so that the hurt can be seen, held, and understood. The Burden of Anger and the Depth of Hurt Anger is a powerful blend of emotions, and it can be difficult to manage. When you begin to process the burden of anger, you’re bound to find a cornucopia of underlying feelings. Sadness, disappointment, shame, and hopelessness, are often lurking beneath its shadows. At the root of many of these overwhelming feelings is hurt. It drives our responses, determines how we approach relationships, and is a breeding ground for anger to fester if left ignored. The way we cope with this burden depends on our personality traits and childhood experiences—both of which influence how we deal with stress and suffering throughout life. Those who experienced an insecure attachment with a mother figure are often taught that the expression of anger is selfish, immature, and even harmful. As a result, the underlying hurt becomes stuck in a holding pattern, locked in the darkness and unable to be harnessed for healing. If you learned that expressing your true feelings leads to rejection or abandonment, this cycle of repression continues into adulthood. Anger can have many functions, but at its heart it is an emotion that tells us something within ourselves or our environment is hurting and needs to be healed. It is a life force that allows us to find truth, reclaim our power, and discover resilience. When this incredible energy is invalidated, punished, or silenced, our direct connection becomes lost. Despite what you may have learned, anger is not bad. In fact, it plays a vital role in coping with attachment wounds and the resulting trauma and hurt. The beauty of recognizing anger is that it opens you up to a world of emotional vulnerability. By becoming aware of the feelings that lie beneath, you’re able to understand your past, cope with the present, and move towards lasting healing. Anger, Hurt, and the Mother Wound Anger is a natural reaction to a lack of security, warmth, and love in childhood. Afterall, every child expects and deserves to be loved securely by their primary attachment figure, the mother. Those who have experienced a Mother Wound are hurting and angry, and rightfully so. Some know it, some show it, some hide it even to themselves. While there are several types of Mother Wounds, they all have one major underlying hurt in common: Not Being Valued for Who They Are. When you have a critical, absent, narcissistic, or overbearing mother, your feelings don’t matter, your thoughts don’t matter, and even your purpose doesn't matter. This experience of belittling your very worth leads to anger at your caregiver, anger at those who might not have protected you, and potentially anger at the world around you. Moving into adulthood, interpersonal relationships and social environments become a breeding ground for the anger and underlying hurt to resurface. Any situation that challenges your value to others can open up the well of anger from your childhood experience. Feeling slighted, rejected, unseen or criticized suddenly elicits a level of emotion that is difficult to understand outside of the context of the attachment wound. This makes it incredibly challenging to move throughout the world without developing anxiety, depression, aversion to vulnerability, and a lack of self-worth. When left unacknowledged, the anger from the Mother Wound becomes toxic—it eats away at your self-esteem, undermines your relationships with others, destroys self-confidence and self-worth, and can lead you down destructive paths. In order to move past this cycle, our relationship to anger must change. Rather than viewing the anger as bad, scary, or unwarranted, healing a Mother Wound requires acknowledging that anger is simply hurt in disguise. It’s the dismissed parts of ourselves communicating that they need care, compassion, and a voice that is heard. By seeing it as a tool for healing and a valid reaction to attachment trauma, anger becomes a powerful tool for change. How to Deal With Anger Anger is usually much more accessible than what you may be feeling underneath. The roots beneath the anger are much more tender, vulnerable, and in pain. Your anger is trying to help you feel, see, and validate the underlying hurt, but it can be challenging to allow its voice to surface in a positive way. Processing anger that resulted from a Mother Wound is an uphill journey. Along the way, you will likely feel overwhelmed, uncertain if it is worth the pain, and frustrated with the effort it takes to heal. However, you are not alone. By reaching out for support and being gentle with yourself throughout the process, you can and will, find lasting healing. The first step is to recognize the anger when it surfaces. You can do this by simply stating, “I’m noticing I’m feeling angry.” Once you’ve identified the emotion, try freehand journaling about the feeling. Where do you notice it in your body? Does it have a color associated with it? Can you identify any secondary emotions that are beneath the anger? Next, share your anger with someone close to you who will listen without judgment and help you work through it together. This could be a friend or family member who has been there for you through thick and thin—someone who knows what kind of person you are at heart and won't judge your feelings. Alternatively, reach out to a professional counselor to offer guidance as you work through the anger. Finally, befriend your anger. Acknowledge it as a helpful guide that is sharing important information about your inner self. What is your anger communicating to you? Is there a hurt it is disguising? Whatever the answer, it’s essential to respond with validation. Your feelings are justifiable, important, and worthy of being heard. Try and get curious about what you notice, and try to not rush this process. Repeat after me, anger is not a bad word. If you experienced a Mother Wound, you have the power to use your anger as a guide for healing the hurt that lies within. With support and self-compassion, you can use your anger as a helpful tool for rebuilding your self-worth, strengthening your emotional resilience, and improving your ability to connect with yourself and others. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Mari! Mari Grande, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Mari Grande is a New York City-based licensed Creative Arts Therapist, Clinical Social Worker, Thought Leader, Educator, and Coach with more than 20 years of experience in trauma healing and recovery. By working closely with the mind/body connection, attachment theory, and the power of creativity, she draws upon her integrative background to alleviate the impacts of relational and generational trauma. Mari is passionate about working with women who have experienced a Mother Wound and offers various online courses that provide guidance, support, and insight through the Overcoming the Mother Wound program.

Written by: Christian Thomson, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. People may assume that as a former world kickboxing champion I am used to solo successes, and carry this on into my business life. But actually, the reverse is true. In kickboxing, I may well have been the one in the ring, with the spotlight on me, but I certainly didn’t get there alone. A raft of specialists helped me get there – trainers, coaches, physio and nutritionists – each with their area of expertise that I needed to help me perform my best. And so, the same is true in business. I am an entrepreneur, and whilst that means I need to put the work in, have the big ideas and the conviction to press ahead with them, I cannot do it alone. Any entrepreneur who thinks they can ‘go it alone’ is set to fail. But what makes the perfect team, and why is it so important? The saying goes that two heads are better than one, and I have certainly found this to be true. Take for example, my business partner Virgis Silinskas, with whom I launched our Precision Health Gyms business last month. Virgis is a perfect counterbalance to myself, and we often find that by looking at things from different perspectives we come to ideas and solutions that neither of us would have arrived at alone. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and we all have our blind spots. As a sportsperson, I know this better than most. In sports we focus on those weaknesses, and a coach may bring in a specialist to focus on that particular area. In business, and in my other role at health and wellbeing platform OMNOS, its equally vital we identify our areas for growth – both in our business and in ourselves. Then in the same way a coach would, we build our team accordingly. Diversity within the team is vital. When recruiting staff, it’s a common mistake to choose a whole team of people who think the same way as yourself. While this no doubt can create a harmonious team of like-minded people, often there will be shared blind spots, which cause detriment to the business. In the simplest of terms, assume that you are a quick to act, happy go lucky, big thinker. If all your team are made in the same mold, collectively you might find your business taking big risks. Without a healthy balance of detail-focused, numbers-driven thinkers in the team, those risks might not be sense checked enough to work out the way you hoped. Self-awareness is vital, although not always easy. Often we don’t see – or want to acknowledge – our areas of weakness. But if you are an entrepreneur, just like any sporting professional at the top of their game, it is vital that you know yourself completely. Large corporations spend a lot of money running psychometric test programmes for potential employees and internal teams for just this reason. As the owner of your business, your role is to build the team that your business needs, not the team that makes you feel comfortable. It’s when you step out of your comfort zone that the growth happens. Visit my website for more info! Christian Thomson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Christian Thomson is a former kick-boxing world champion, award-winning coach and accredited health consultant. He is also co-founder of Precision Health Gyms - the UK's first physiology and fitness gym in the UK which offers members high-tech full body laboratory-grade testing. This includes biomechanics, physiological, metabolic and biochemical testing which helps build a precise physiological picture of the individual.

Written by: Alison Rothman, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Conflict is an inevitable aspect of life in relationship. How we work with, channel, and express this conflict can either enhance our lives and relationships or diminish and cause detriment to us and our relations. Of course, there are infinite approaches to analyze oneself and our patterns of attachment, how we “deal” with conflict, and our habitual ways of showing up in our relationships. Rather than go to that place of analysis, I am inviting you to get curious about your unique ways of meeting conflict in your relationships. What your “go to” is when the rub starts happening within your relations… and, to turn towards yourself from this place of awareness. To get clear in yourself around what it is in your patterning that is interfering with your capacity to connect authentically and vulnerably. This is *not* an opportunity to berate oneself for past relationship breakdowns, but, rather, a window of possibility to deepen in your own relationship with yourself, so that you may simultaneously deepen in your relations to others. So many avoid conflict, do whatever they possibly can to not brush against it, numb themselves so as to disconnect from the need to meet the conflict, and skirt around issues in deterring and shielding oneself from any possibility of meeting another with dissonance. Note: I am not saying that we need to create conflict to grow in our relationships, I am acknowledging the humanness of conflict and how learning how to meet it with integrity, self-awareness, compassion, and a willingness to grow can be absolutely pivotal for our relationships success and progression. Choosing to see conflict as a gateway towards a deepening in oneself, is an empowering step along the human path. How can we navigate conflict so that it is productive and pro-active along our path of growth? How can we shift our own habitual ways of meeting conflict so as to deepen in our connections, rather than create distance? What do we need to do in our own inner process of life to gain the skills essential for tapping into the medicine of conflict and all that those moments provide in creating solid ground for forward momentum? Big questions without a doubt and extremely important ones in the continuous evolution of ourselves as humans in relation to other humans. This offering is one of taking a look at some tangible tactics to use while in the thick of a conflictual moment in relationship. By no means is this a complete list, yet, rather, an invitation to begin your own process of self-inquiry in the realm of relationship patterns and moving through conflict. Take what lands for you and leave the rest. Navigating Conflict Consciously and Productively: Self-ownership. Projection onto others is epidemic. I am certain that we all can relate to pointing the finger outward towards our partner, children, friends, and/or family members around who did what to whom and who is responsible for what. It is comfortable to do this. When we can make the conscious choice to turn back towards ourselves and tune in, taking ownership for our role in the conflict or situation, then the space opens for healing and growth. Always projecting outwards and never looking inwards is a recipe for breakdown that may or may not be able to be repaired. If we can do this simple, yet complex gesture of self-ownership, we have the opportunity to create new ridges in our relationship patterns…beginning from deep within our own true selves. Do no harm. When we are in the thick of a conflict, argument, or disagreement, it can be *easy* to go for the jugular. To pull out all of the punches, so-to-speak. To be mean. To bring in all of the qualities that we may not enjoy about the other… you get the picture. Here is a HUGE message for us all to breathe in. If we can learn how to argue without doing harm to another, we have the opportunity to gain some incredible human life skills of integrity, compassion, and empathy. First, for ourselves, as when we are mean and critical of others it is a direct mirror of how we feel about ourselves, and, then, of others, as we are all HUMAN. Taking space when needed. It is healthy to create space when in the thick of a heated conflict. To step away, to take some deep breaths and get oneself resourced. To come back to ourselves in midst of the swirls of an argument. Everyone needs different amounts of time with this. For some, perhaps just stepping away for a few minutes brings them back to center, others may need longer to locate themselves. To be clear, this is not about avoidance. This is about taking care of oneself so that we can meet each other from a place of integrity and wholeness…with consciousness and care. Be patient with each other. Keep it current. This one is tricky without a doubt, especially if there is a backlog of issues that haven’t been sifted through (all the more reason to make sure that we carve out the time and space with our people to TALK!). It is so important to keep the conflict current… what is happening *now*, not 2 weeks ago or 5 years ago, etc. If that stuff needs to be processed, by all means do so, yet issues that are past and are carrying a charge, need care in sorting through. If you find yourself in that backlog, it may be a wonderful gesture to seek professional support in navigating that terrain. Sometimes you just need to let things out. There’s nothing wrong with this per se. When it becomes not okay/wrong, is when we are harmful. So, if you can come to the table of an argument with the intention of moving through something with authenticity, but also respect, then arguing, disagreeing, and/or hashing things out can be productive, empowering, and life altering for yourself and whomever you’re in relationship with. A breakdown in a relationship is a wonderful opportunity to grow and deepen. Breakdowns happen when there is a disconnect of some sort. There is generally some deeper level severance on a fundamental level that is the impetus for the breakdown. I can boldly state that many breakdowns in relationship are caused by a disconnection from ourselves and our aligned truth. This then plays out in a division within our relationships. Sure, there are issues in relationships. Always. Yet, bigger breakdowns where you just are not on the same plane with the other, is very much about not being in sync with yourself...not being in alignment and in integrity with yourself. When a breakdown happens, it truly is an opportunity to deepen in growth within the container of your relationship,*if* both parties are willing and capable of turning towards themselves and each other and are open to the repair process. The power of repair. I believe that the repair process is equally as important as every other aspect of a relationship. It is a constant dance of fine-tuning in self-reflection, humbleness, surrender, heart-melting, and authenticity. Everyone and every relationship are unique in how they navigate the terrain of repair, yet, I cannot emphasize enough how crucial it is to do it with consciousness, mindfulness, intentionality, and with the health of your relationship at the forefront. Do not bypass this step!! It can absolutely bring you closer to your people and allow the experience of healing on a deep and palpable level and propel you to the next level in your relations. Relationship can be a spiritual practice if you choose for it to be. I am certainly not referring solely to intimate relationships, although that is where our edges are revealed, our shadows transparent, and our capacity to heal on a deeply embodied level are present. All relationships can provide a mirror of inquiry into the gaps within our humanness and the opportunity to grow immensely. Relationship can be a platform to lean on and a landing pad to lean into. There are infinite opportunities to grow on fundamental and foundational levels if we can take a look at our relationships as the mirror to our healing. The mirror to your shadows, the mirror to your amazingness, the mirror to your dysfunctional and habitual patterns… All of it. With that comes a choice point within the bubble of relationship…between you and the other… to utilize your relationship for the highest good and to mutually choose to grow both together and apart. To do your own individual work so that you may meet the other from that place of connection and intimacy with self. It is a calling, a responsibility, a mission… most certainly not an *easy* path to choose, but one that can enrich your life and state of being in immense ways. Wherever this time of year finds you, may you access a deeper layer of yourself so as to continue in your evolution as a beautiful human navigating this wild human life. Tap into the medicine of these times. And, as always, if you are struggling, please reach out for support. Schedule a complimentary 20-minute Clarity Call with me here. Please use the code: BRAINLOVE at checkout for 10% off all coaching sessions and packages. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin or visit my website for more info! Read more from Alison! Alison Rothman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Alison Rothman MA CYT, is a Body-Centered Holistic Empowerment Coach and Transformational Group Facilitator with 25+ years of study and experiences in somatic healing arts and therapy, yoga and meditation, authentic embodiment, and holistic healing. Through her extensive studies, practices, and experiences she provides clients and students with the ability to tap into their innate inner resource and release debilitating life patterns in order to access their truth, power, and reclaim their body, mind, heart, and soul connection. Alison is passionate about supporting and empowering women and men to unwind their nervous systems, make peace with themselves, and remember who they truly are. She is zealous about studying the art of relationship and has a commitment to bridge the gap between men and women so as to bring greater harmony, peace, and love into the world of relationship, partnership, and dating. She has survived several highly traumatizing life events including a house fire and a near death experience. Additionally, Alison has navigated divorce and single motherhood for over a decade, utilizing her practices in support of her own embodiment during times of stress and challenge. She carries with her an embodied understanding of the wisdom and intelligence of the body and brings to her sessions, groups, and writing a deep intimacy with herself, her own process of life experiences, and a passion for supporting and inspiring others in utilizing the magic of everyday living as medicine for growth and healing. Alison is an expert in the realm of trauma, eating disorder and addiction recovery, body image issues, and utilizing holistic wellness practices to attain sustainable, embodied, and empowered healing. In addition to her one-on-one work she facilitates retreats, runs women’s groups (both virtual and in person), writes, speaks and is the host of the podcast "Embodied and Awake." She lives in beautiful Boulder, Colorado with her partner and 13-year old son.