Written by Christina Carras, Leadership Coach Christina Carras is an ICF-accredited leadership coach based in Brisbane. She specialises in guiding leaders with compassion, collaboration, and practical experience. With 30 years of experience in senior management, she helps both emerging and established leaders build confidence, develop people skills, and gain clarity on their leadership journey. I remember coaching a leader who was highly capable, well prepared, and deeply respected by her team. Every time we spoke, it was clear she understood the work inside and out. She had thoughtful insights, strong technical knowledge, and a genuine desire to make a difference. Yet, in leadership meetings, she rarely contributed. When I asked her why, she quietly admitted, "I don't speak up because I'm worried I don't have all the answers." That single sentence stayed with me because I know she's not alone. Many talented leaders believe they need certainty before they earn the right to have a voice. They wait until they're completely confident, only to discover that the conversation has moved on without them. I challenged her to think differently. Leadership is not about having every answer. It's about being curious enough to ask the questions that move the conversation forward. Sometimes the most valuable contribution a leader makes isn't an answer at all, it's the question that helps everyone see an issue from a new perspective. That shift changed how she showed up. She stopped measuring her value by what she knew and started recognising the power of her voice to create understanding, invite collaboration, and lead with confidence. Leadership isn't about having the loudest voice in the room or having all the answers. It's about finding the voice that reflects your values, your experience, and your purpose. Your voice is one of the most powerful leadership tools you possess. It's how confidence becomes visible. It's how presence becomes influence. It's how trust is built. I often say that I help leaders find their voice. What I really mean is helping people find the confidence to express who they already are. What does it mean to find your voice? Finding your voice as a leader is about much more than becoming a better communicator. It is about having the confidence to express your ideas, values, and perspective in a way that is authentic to who you are. Your leadership voice is shaped by knowing what you stand for, speaking with honesty and clarity, and being willing to contribute even when you are not fully certain or when the conversation feels uncomfortable. It is not about being the loudest person in the room or having all the answers. It is about showing up with courage and offering your perspective to serve the conversation. Your leadership voice develops long before you stand in front of an audience or deliver a presentation. It is built in everyday moments, in meetings where you speak up, in one-on-one conversations where you ask thoughtful questions, in difficult feedback discussions, and in countless interactions that shape trust and influence. Every time you choose authenticity over silence, you strengthen your voice as a leader. A question worth reflecting on, "Where do you currently hold back your voice, and what might change if you chose to use it?" Why so many leaders lose their voice One of the greatest privileges of coaching leaders is creating a space where they can explore the stories they tell themselves about their own capability. Time and again, I work with talented, experienced professionals who have not lost their knowledge or expertise, they have lost confidence in using their voice. Some are navigating imposter syndrome and questioning whether they belong in the room. Others worry about being wrong, being judged, or saying something that will expose what they don't know. I also see leaders who have recently stepped into leadership roles, as well as technical experts who have spent years being recognised for their specialist knowledge but are now expected to lead through people, influence, and conversation. For many, previous workplaces have taught them that speaking up was risky, so silence became a form of self-protection. As a coach, I help leaders recognise that these experiences do not define their leadership potential. We unpack the beliefs that are keeping them quiet and reframe leadership as something very different from having all the answers. Many emerging leaders have spent years proving their competence through excellent work. Leadership asks something new of them, it asks them to contribute ideas, ask thoughtful questions, challenge respectfully, and create dialogue. Finding your voice often begins by changing the conversation you are having with yourself. A question I often ask my clients is, "What story are you telling yourself before you decide whether to speak up?" Confidence gives voice permission In my previous article on confidence, I explored the idea that confidence is not something we have or don't have, it is something we build through experience, action, and reflection. The same is true of finding our leadership voice. We can spend a great deal of time waiting to feel confident enough to speak, but confidence rarely arrives before we take the first step. It grows because we use our voice. Every time we contribute an idea, ask a question, offer an alternative perspective, or have a conversation that feels uncomfortable, we create another opportunity to strengthen our confidence. This is where courage becomes more important than certainty. You do not need to know exactly how a conversation will unfold before you enter it, nor do you need to have every answer before you contribute. Sometimes leadership means being willing to say, "I don't know, but I would like to explore this," or "I see it differently, can we consider another perspective?" These small moments matter. They may seem insignificant at the time, but each one builds our capacity to speak with greater confidence and authenticity. Every meaningful leadership conversation strengthens your voice. Presence gives voice impact Finding your voice is not simply about speaking more, it is about being present when you do. In my previous article on presence, I explored how powerful it can be to slow down, listen deeply, and genuinely connect with the people around us. These same qualities shape the impact of our voice as leaders. Listening before speaking allows us to understand rather than respond. Curiosity helps us ask questions without judgement, while emotional intelligence helps us recognise how others may receive our words, tone, and timing. A leader's voice can invite conversation or shut it down, it can create confidence or create caution. This is why presence and voice are so closely connected. When we are present, we create psychological safety for others to speak openly, challenge ideas, and contribute their perspectives. Presence is what helps people feel heard. Voice is what helps people hear you. Together, they create the foundation for meaningful connection, trust, and influence. Four ways leaders can strengthen their voice Finding your leadership voice is a practice, not a destination. There are simple ways to begin strengthening it every day. Speak with clarity, not perfection. You don't need to craft every word or have the perfect response. Focus instead on being clear about what you are trying to say and why it matters. Let your values guide your words. When your communication is grounded in what you believe and stand for, it becomes more authentic and easier for others to trust. Ask courageous questions. You don't need to have all the answers to make a valuable contribution. A thoughtful question can challenge assumptions, open new thinking, and move a conversation forward. Finally, practise difficult conversations before they become necessary. Think about what you want to say, how you want the other person to feel, and what outcome you hope to achieve. Rehearsing a challenging conversation with a coach, trusted colleague, or mentor can help you find the words and confidence to have it when the moment comes. Small, intentional steps like these can gradually turn hesitation into confidence and help your voice become a more natural and authentic part of your leadership. Voice creates influence When we think about leadership influence, it is easy to think about the people who speak the most, have the strongest opinions, or naturally command a room. But the leaders we remember are often remembered for something much deeper, the way they used their voice to make a difference in the lives of others. They encouraged people when they needed confidence, spoke truth with honesty and respect, and created an environment where others felt safe enough to contribute, question, and grow. This is at the heart of human-centred leadership for me. Leadership is not about proving how much we know or ensuring our voice is always the one that is heard. It is about using our experience, perspective, and influence in a way that brings others with us. The strongest leaders don't use their voice to dominate a room. They use it to create space for others to find theirs. When we lead this way, our influence extends beyond what we say in the moment. We leave people feeling more capable, more confident, and more willing to use their own voice, and perhaps that is one of the most meaningful measures of leadership we can leave behind. Finding your voice is a leadership journey When I think back to the leader I described at the beginning of this article, what stands out most is not that she suddenly became more confident or started speaking in every meeting. It was that she began to see her contribution differently. She realised that her value did not depend on having every answer. Her knowledge, curiosity, and ability to ask thoughtful questions were equally valuable forms of leadership. Over time, she became more willing to contribute, challenge ideas, and ask questions others may not have considered. For me, this is what finding your voice is about. It is not about becoming someone louder or more outspoken. It is about becoming more comfortable with who you are, what you know, what you don't know, and what you have to offer. Your voice isn't something you discover overnight. It is something you develop every time you choose authenticity over approval, courage over silence, and connection over performance. As leaders, we have a responsibility not only to find our own voice but to create the conditions for others to find theirs. Leadership begins when you believe your voice matters, and great leadership grows when you help others believe theirs matters too. Follow me on LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Christina Carras Christina Carras, Leadership Coach With more than thirty years of leadership experience, Christina Carras is committed to helping individuals find the confidence to express their own voice. As a leadership coach, she collaborates with professionals to enhance self-belief, clarity, and authentic influence. Christina believes leadership is not defined by one's position but by service, courage, and the desire to uplift others. Her work centres on unlocking potential and cultivating leaders who inspire trust, foster growth, and drive positive change.

Miss K is the creator and voice behind Uncaged Mind, a podcast built for people who refuse to stop questioning. Guided by “Where Curiosity Leads,” she turns bold curiosity into conversations that challenge assumptions, make complex ideas accessible, and invite listeners to think beyond what they have been taught to accept. In this exclusive interview, Miss K opens up about the personal realization that shaped Uncaged Mind, the courage it took to reclaim her own voice, and the bigger vision behind the platform designed for minds that were never meant to stay caged. Miss K, Founder & Host of Uncaged Mind Before Uncaged Mind and the identity of “Miss K,” who were you and what shaped the woman you are today? Before Miss K, I was simply a girl who was endlessly curious about the world. I was the child who always had another “why?” about people, beliefs, society, life, and anything that did not quite make sense to me. I never wanted to know something just because I was told it was true, I wanted to understand why it was true. That curiosity shaped me more than any title ever could. But so did ambition. From a young age, I wanted my life to mean something beyond personal success. I have always been drawn to leadership, creating, speaking, and ideas that can genuinely move people. Miss K is not a character I created to become somebody else. She is almost the opposite. She represents the version of me that stopped asking for permission to be curious, ambitious, outspoken, or unconventional. Everything I am building today comes back to that, having the courage to think independently, use my voice, and create something meaningful from it. You describe yourself as an intensely curious child who eventually learned to question less. When did you realize that part of you had been “caged”? I don’t think there was one dramatic moment. That is what makes the experience so relatable and perhaps more dangerous. Sometimes the cage is built so gradually that you do not realize you are inside it. As children, we question everything without embarrassment. Then we grow up and begin absorbing invisible rules, what is acceptable to say, what success should look like, which opinions are respectable, when we should remain quiet, and how much of ourselves is “too much.” Eventually, I realized that the girl who once questioned everything had become far more concerned with fitting into expectations. That realization confronted me. I started asking myself, "When did I stop being curious? When did I become afraid of my own questions? How many of my beliefs were actually mine?" That was my cage. Breaking it meant consciously returning to the part of myself I had almost abandoned. I realized I did not need to become someone new. I needed to reclaim someone I had always been. What made you decide to turn that personal realization into Uncaged Mind? Once I recognized my own cage, I started noticing cages everywhere, the invisible boundaries around what we are encouraged to question, discuss, believe, and become. I could have kept that realization personal. Instead, I wanted to build the space I wished existed, somewhere curiosity could be followed without apology, difficult questions could be explored without immediately demanding a comfortable conclusion, and conversations could go beyond what we already know. That became Uncaged Mind. The name is deeply intentional. To me, an uncaged mind is not a mind that believes it knows everything. It is a mind brave enough to question what it thinks it knows. The podcast became my way of sitting across from people who know things I do not, entering their worlds, and asking the questions I genuinely want answered. I am learning alongside my audience. That is why Uncaged Mind feels so personal. It is not simply something I host. It represents the intellectual freedom I had to reclaim for myself. In a world obsessed with finding a niche, why have you chosen to let curiosity, not a category, define Uncaged Mind? Because human curiosity does not exist in categories. We can become fascinated by the human mind today, question an aspect of society tomorrow, and find ourselves completely absorbed by an idea we had never encountered the following week. Why should curiosity need permission to cross those boundaries? I understand why niches exist, but I never wanted to build Uncaged Mind around what an algorithm could easily categorize. I wanted to build it around what a genuinely curious person might want to understand. That is why “Where Curiosity Leads” became our philosophy rather than simply a slogan. I do not want to know where every conversation will take me before I begin it. That uncertainty is part of the magic. Uncaged Mind is ultimately for people whose minds refuse to stay in one lane, for the person with fifty tabs open, ten questions forming, and the courage to explore the eleventh. There is one boundary I want the platform to protect fiercely, curiosity itself should have no cage. When you sit across from an expert, what allows you to ask questions without entering the conversation with a conclusion already in mind? I remind myself that my responsibility is not to appear like the smartest person in the room. It is to be curious enough to learn from the smartest person in the room. There is enormous freedom in saying, “I don’t know, help me understand.” Research has always been something I genuinely love. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve enjoyed going down research rabbit holes simply because I wanted to understand something better. So I come deeply prepared for every Uncaged Mind conversation, but preparation should sharpen curiosity, not predetermine the conclusion. My intention with Uncaged Mind is to take ideas that may initially seem complex or intimidating and make them accessible to any mind curious enough to learn. I want someone completely unfamiliar with a topic to finish an episode thinking, “I actually understand this now.” That is why I’ll ask the seemingly simple question, even when I know the answer. Intellectual conversations should not become performances reserved for people who already understand the vocabulary. Knowledge should invite people in, not intimidate them out. Why do you believe critical thinking has become so important in the world we live in today? Because we have extraordinary access to information, but access to information is not the same thing as knowing how to think. Every day, we are surrounded by opinions, headlines, algorithms, trends, communities, and people competing to tell us what deserves our attention and what we should believe. The danger is not simply misinformation. It is becoming so accustomed to receiving conclusions that we forget how to arrive at our own. For me, critical thinking begins with intellectual self-awareness, "Why do I believe this? Where did this belief come from? What evidence would make me reconsider it? Have I genuinely listened to another perspective?" That does not mean distrusting everything or disagreeing for the sake of appearing intelligent. It means refusing to outsource your mind. If Uncaged Mind can achieve one thing, I hope it makes people curious enough to examine their own certainty. The most powerful mind is not necessarily the one with the strongest opinions. Sometimes, it is the one courageous enough to say, “Maybe there is something here I haven’t understood yet.” What do you think we lose when media becomes faster, shorter, and increasingly unwilling to sit with complexity? We lose nuance, and when nuance disappears, understanding often disappears with it. We are becoming accustomed to consuming enormous ideas in seconds. Complex human experiences become headlines. Difficult debates become clips. Someone can spend years developing expertise, and we may encounter their thinking through thirty seconds selected to provoke the strongest reaction. I enjoy short-form media too, the problem begins when brevity becomes our only way of understanding the world. Some ideas deserve time. Some questions require context. Sometimes two seemingly contradictory things can contain truth simultaneously. Sometimes the most intellectually responsible answer is, “It’s complicated.” That is something I want Uncaged Mind to protect, the permission to stay with a question long enough for it to become uncomfortable, surprising, or transformative. I am not interested in creating conversations people simply consume and forget. I want someone to finish an episode, put their phone down, and continue thinking about it hours later. To me, that lingering thought is far more valuable than another piece of content instantly replaced by the next. As a young woman building a public voice, what have you learned about refusing to make yourself smaller to fit society’s expectations? One experience that partially influenced Uncaged Mind came from a disagreement I had with someone I knew. I was presenting factual information, while he continued dismissing it in favour of his own opinion. What stayed with me was not the disagreement itself, but the realization it triggered. A woman can come prepared with evidence, articulate herself clearly, and still find herself fighting simply to be heard. It made me think about how often women feel they must be extraordinary just to receive the visibility or credibility that men are given more freely. I remember thinking, if speaking up can still get you dismissed, imagine what happens when you stop speaking altogether. That became deeply personal to me. Uncaged Mind was partially born from that realization. I decided I would rather risk being challenged than make myself smaller to remain comfortable for others. That is something I want other women to recognize too. The world may try to cage your voice. Your responsibility is not to shrink until you fit inside it. It is to break the cage. When you imagine Uncaged Mind years from now, what do you ultimately want it to become? I see Uncaged Mind becoming much bigger than a podcast. My vision is to build a global intellectual platform where curiosity connects people who might otherwise never enter the same conversation, experts, thinkers, creators, unconventional voices, and audiences who simply want to understand the world more deeply. I want Uncaged Mind to become synonymous with conversations people trust to challenge them. A place where depth is accessible, disagreement is not automatically hostility, difficult subjects are approached with courage, and listeners never quite know where their curiosity might take them next. But growth, numbers, and recognition are not the ultimate measurement for me. The real ambition is cultural. Years from now, I want someone to say that Uncaged Mind made them question something they had accepted their entire life, discover an idea they never knew existed, speak when they previously would have stayed silent, or become curious again. If I can build something that protects that instinct in people, then Uncaged Mind will have become exactly what I envisioned, not simply content to consume, but a catalyst for minds that refuse to be caged. If someone reading this wanted to begin living by “Where Curiosity Leads,” what is the one question you would encourage them to start asking themselves? I would encourage them to ask, “What have I accepted as true simply because I never thought to question it?” Then I would tell them not to rush the answer. Look at the beliefs you inherited, the life you were told to want, the limits you placed on yourself, the opinions you repeat, and even the person you believe you are. Not everything needs to be rejected. But everything meaningful deserves the dignity of conscious examination. That is what “Where Curiosity Leads” means to me. Curiosity is not merely wanting to collect more information. At its deepest, it is having the courage to discover that you may have been wrong, that there may be another perspective, or that the cage you thought was reality actually had a door. I built Uncaged Mind after realizing how much of my own curiosity I had allowed the world to quiet. So if there is one thing I hope people take from my journey, it is this. Protect the part of you that still asks “why.” Follow it. You never know which cage that question might open. Visit my website for more info! Read more from Miss K

Written by Mary Rose Connolly, Wellbeing-Led Education Consultant Mary Rose Connolly is the founder of POSA Consulting and an experienced international educator with over 20 years in schools in Ireland and the UAE. She works with teens, families, and schools, bringing a strong background in positive health, wellbeing, and safeguarding to provide clear, personalised educational guidance. When it comes to wellbeing, we are often searching for the golden solution. The perfect morning routine. The ideal meditation practice. The latest food trend. The exercise programme that promises to transform not only our bodies but also our mood, relationships, and career. The reality is rather less straightforward. Research from positive psychology and lifestyle medicine increasingly suggests that flourishing is rarely built on one habit alone. Instead, sustainable wellbeing emerges from a collection of practices that work together and adapt as our lives change. Rather than relying on a single intervention, the most resilient people appear to develop what might best be described as a thriving toolkit, a personalised set of evidence-based strategies that support physical health, psychological wellbeing, meaningful relationships, and purposeful living. Perhaps the greatest lesson from positive health is that wellbeing is less about finding the perfect tool and more about knowing which one to reach for at the right time. There is no universal wellbeing formula One of the most encouraging developments in positive psychology is the growing recognition that people respond differently to wellbeing interventions. For years, wellbeing advice often implied that everyone should follow the same path. Keep a gratitude journal. Meditate daily. Exercise every morning. While these practices can certainly be beneficial, research suggests their effectiveness depends largely on the individual. Positive psychology presents the idea that interventions are most effective when they align with an individual's values, motivations, and circumstances. Similarly, research into vantage sensitivity demonstrates that some people naturally respond more strongly to positive interventions than others. This is liberating. If a particular wellbeing practice has not worked for you, it does not necessarily mean you have failed. It may simply mean you have chosen the wrong tool. Start with awareness Every effective toolkit begins with awareness. Before changing behaviour, we first need to notice what is happening. How does stress show up in the body? When does energy begin to dip? Which relationships leave us feeling restored, and which consistently drain us? Positive health places considerable emphasis on developing self-awareness because meaningful change becomes far more difficult without it. Sustainable wellbeing depends on recognising patterns early enough to respond intentionally rather than reactively. Awareness creates choice. Without it, we tend to repeat the same habits regardless of whether they continue to serve us. 1. Emotional regulation Life will always present uncertainty. The goal is not to eliminate stress but to respond to it more effectively. Meditation and mindfulness have become some of the most widely researched approaches to improving emotional regulation. Studies have demonstrated improvements in attention, mood, resilience, and emotional control, even with relatively brief daily practice. At the same time, researchers caution against viewing mindfulness as a universal solution, recognising that different people benefit from different approaches. Emotional regulation can also be strengthened through breathing techniques, reflective practices, coaching conversations, physical activity, and simply creating deliberate pauses during demanding days. The method matters less than developing the capacity to notice emotional responses before they become overwhelming. 2. Self-compassion Many people possess a remarkably forgiving attitude towards others while maintaining an unforgiving relationship with themselves. Positive psychology challenges this imbalance. Kristin Neff's research has consistently shown that self-compassion supports resilience, reduces rumination, and enables healthier emotional regulation. Importantly, it does not encourage complacency. Instead, it allows people to recover more effectively from setbacks because mistakes are met with curiosity rather than harsh self-criticism. For many high performers, this may be one of the most valuable tools in the entire toolkit. Performance can often be sustained through discipline. Long-term flourishing requires kindness too. 3. Relationships Few findings within wellbeing science have proved as remarkably consistent as the importance of human connection. The Harvard Study of Adult Development continues to demonstrate that supportive relationships remain among the strongest predictors of long-term health and happiness. The implication is that wellbeing cannot be built in isolation. A thriving toolkit therefore includes intentional investment in relationships, not simply expanding social circles but nurturing those relationships that provide trust, encouragement, and psychological safety. Connection is not an optional extra, it is part of the infrastructure of wellbeing. 4. Strengths Positive psychology has shifted attention away from constantly fixing weaknesses towards understanding what people naturally do well. Character strengths, including curiosity, kindness, perseverance, leadership, humility, and courage, represent qualities that individuals can intentionally develop and apply across different situations. However, strengths become most effective when used wisely. Ryan Niemiec's concept of the golden mean reminds us that every strength has the potential to be overused or underused. Confidence without humility becomes arrogance. Prudence without courage may become avoidance. Thriving depends on learning how to use our strengths with flexibility rather than simply using them more often. 5. Purpose Purpose is often misunderstood as discovering one defining life mission. In reality, positive psychology suggests something much more practical. Purpose emerges when daily actions align with personal values. It provides direction during periods of uncertainty and helps sustain motivation when challenges inevitably arise. Importantly, purpose evolves. What feels meaningful at one stage of life may change dramatically following career transitions, family responsibilities, or significant life events. A thriving toolkit therefore requires regular reflection. Rather than asking, “What is my purpose?” perhaps the better question is, “Does the way I spend my time still reflect what matters most?” 6. Recovery One of the most overlooked components of flourishing is recovery. Modern culture frequently rewards constant productivity while undervaluing rest. Positive health offers a different perspective. Recovery is not the opposite of productivity, it is what makes sustainable productivity possible. Exercise improves health because the body is allowed to recover afterward. Learning strengthens the brain because periods of rest consolidate memory. Creative thinking often emerges after stepping away from difficult problems rather than working through them relentlessly. A thriving toolkit therefore includes boundaries, time away from work, sleep, movement, and moments of stillness. These are not interruptions to performance. They are part of performance itself. 7. Adaptability Perhaps the most important tool is adaptability. Positive health consistently demonstrates that flourishing is dynamic rather than fixed. Circumstances change. Stress levels fluctuate. Priorities evolve. The strategies that supported wellbeing six months ago may no longer be sufficient today. Rather than following rigid routines, thriving individuals continually evaluate which practices remain helpful and which need adjusting. This ongoing process of reflection and adaptation is one of the defining characteristics of sustainable wellbeing. In many ways, adaptability is the tool that keeps every other tool relevant. From toolkit to way of life A thriving toolkit encourages us to develop a flexible collection of practices that can support us through changing seasons of life. Some days, we may need movement. On others, meaningful conversation. Sometimes recovery. Sometimes courage. Sometimes self-compassion. The science increasingly suggests that flourishing is not achieved through heroic effort or flawless routines. It is built gradually through intentional, evidence-informed practices that strengthen our capacity to respond well to whatever life presents. Ultimately, the most valuable toolkit is not the one containing the greatest number of strategies. It is the one we know how and when to use. Follow me on Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Mary Rose Connolly Mary Rose Connolly, Wellbeing-Led Education Consultant Mary Rose Connolly is an international educator and school leader with over 20 years’ experience supporting young people and families in Ireland and the United Arab Emirates. Beginning as an English teacher, she developed a lasting belief in student voice and in empowering teenagers to grow into confident, capable adults. As a senior leader, she embedded well-being into school culture to strengthen relationships and drive outcomes. In 2025, she founded POSA Consulting to champion young people and provide trusted, unbiased guidance to families throughout their educational journey.

Faraday Fearnside is a coach, mentor and educator with a keen interest in the impact of trauma on human behaviour and the nervous system. Her own experience of recovering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) led to a deeper interest in understanding how our experiences can shape the way we think, feel and behave, and how we can begin to break patterns that no longer serve us. In this interview, Faraday shares her personal perspective on healing, survival patterns, self-sabotage, authenticity and trauma-informed manifestation. She explores why lasting change can be difficult, the importance of understanding the nervous system, and what it really takes to break patterns and create meaningful change. Drawing on her own experience, she shares why she believes healing is possible, even when we have been told it isn't. Faraday Fearnside, Coach, Mentor and Educator Your work helps people understand the hidden patterns shaping their lives, so what first drew you to this approach? As long as I can remember, I’ve always been intrigued by human behaviour. I loved watching the early series of Big Brother and how contestants interacted. I intuitively knew that behaviours weren't random, even when I didn't fully understand what was driving them. Then, when I started healing and recognising my own emotional patterns, I became fascinated by how our past and trauma can shape our behaviour and keep us stuck on repeat. What I call trauma loops. Our past experiences can influence what we expect, tolerate, choose and respond to in the present. We often assume that change is about trying harder or thinking differently, but if we don't recognise what is driving the pattern underneath, we keep returning to the same place. I did, over and over. I kept finding myself in traumatic situations, or falling into the same financial and relationship patterns, no matter how hard I worked. It was so frustrating. We aren't broken; we're simply repeating survival patterns that once protected us. So once we become consciously aware of those patterns, we have the opportunity to heal, interrupt and make different choices. They no longer control us. You describe survival patterns as intelligent adaptations rather than flaws, so how does that perspective change the way people begin healing? When we understand that we are functioning exactly as a human nervous system is designed to function, something shifts. We stop seeing ourselves as broken and start seeing ourselves as human. Survival patterns aren't flaws; they are adaptations in our behaviour to keep us safe. That's a brilliant human design. At its core, our survival system has one primary job: to keep us alive. It does, albeit a little too well at times, as it can keep us in a familiar hell rather than shifting to an unfamiliar but healthier heaven. When those adaptations become stuck in a loop, they ultimately become maladaptive. They run riot. What kept us safe as a child, or during a traumatic period of our lives, can continue running long after the danger has passed. So we end up living from old predictions rather than present reality. When we understand that our brain and nervous system are constantly predicting what might happen next based on past experiences, everything starts to make sense. We stop asking, "What's wrong with me?" and instead ask, "What is my system trying to protect me from?" Then, when we begin to feel safe, we're far more willing to let go of patterns that no longer serve us. Trauma-informed manifestation is still an emerging conversation, so what does it mean in practice and how does it differ from mainstream manifestation teachings? For me, trauma-informed manifestation means recognising that unresolved trauma and chronic survival states make lasting change incredibly challenging. My personal view is that the energy of trauma – fear, resistance and constriction – conflicts with the state many manifestation teachings encourage: love, abundance and being open to receive. When we're living in survival mode, our brain and body are focused on safety, not possibility. We make choices based on fear, familiarity and protection. We predict the future through the lens of our past; if that past was traumatic, we then become caught in repeating the same familiar hell. Many trauma survivors also carry deeply rooted beliefs that they're not good enough, not worthy or that the world isn't safe. This is where I think mainstream manifestation often misses an important piece of the puzzle. The current narrative around visualisation and energy doesn't necessarily address the underlying survival patterns or beliefs. We cannot just shift emotional energy when it is not safe to do so. I spent years trying to create a better life while unconsciously recreating the same patterns; it was hell. Healing first creates the conditions for change; we then naturally become more open to creating a future that isn't simply a repetition of our past. Why do you think so many personal development methods overlook the role of the nervous system? We live in a culture of instant gratification; a quick fix sells. The messy process of trauma healing and nervous system work is not quick or glamorous. Reality asks something very different of us. Promises of changing your life in 30 days, rewiring your mind overnight, or simply thinking positively are far more appealing than hearing that lasting change is painful, messy, and takes time, repetition, and patience. We spend so much of our lives trying not to feel uncomfortable emotions. We distract ourselves with work, food, alcohol, drugs, exercise, social media, personal development, anything that helps us avoid what is happening inside us. But avoidance doesn't resolve what's underneath. You can tell someone to think differently or step outside their comfort zone, but if their nervous system has learned to associate the unfamiliar with danger, it may be working hard to keep them safe rather than allowing change. You can't mindset your way out of a nervous system that is constantly telling you that you're not safe. Healing requires us to gradually and safely turn towards the parts of ourselves we've spent years avoiding. It isn't about being more productive, thinking positively or simply trying harder. What are some of the signs that someone is living from old protective strategies rather than making conscious choices? One of the biggest signs is repetition. When we find ourselves in the same type of relationships, repeating the same arguments, struggling with the same financial habits, people-pleasing, avoiding conflict or constantly putting everyone else's needs before our own, we are still operating from our protective strategies. People often tell the same story. Some of the details change, but the emotional pattern stays the same, and they are always the protagonist. We want to change, yet we keep ending up back in the same place, like Groundhog Day. There is often self-criticism, defensiveness, or a belief that you are simply "bad at relationships", "not good enough", or "this is just who I am”. Most people don't realise that many of these behaviours are protective strategies helping them survive. Not who they are! Protective strategies operate automatically. When we're living from survival, we're reacting from the past. When we're living consciously, we're responding to what's happening in the present. Conscious choices involve awareness, flexibility and intention. You can't change a pattern you can't see. But once you become aware of it and recognise it for what it is – a survival strategy rather than a character flaw – you finally have the opportunity to choose something different. For someone who feels stuck in cycles of self-sabotage, what is the first practical step toward creating lasting change? The first step is genuinely wanting to change, followed by awareness. Before we can change a pattern, we have to observe it. Start by noticing the patterns, triggers, behaviours, thoughts, and moments when you react or do something that takes you away from what you say you want. What happened? What were you feeling? What were you afraid might happen if you did or didn't do it? Often, the sabotaging behaviour serves a protective function. Underneath, there might be fear, anxiety, shame, or a nervous system that has learned to associate change, vulnerability, or even receiving good things with risk. I know what it's like to desperately want something, only to unconsciously do things that take you further away from it. I took an emotional sledgehammer to a few things because unconscious beliefs would take over. But we can approach these protective parts of ourselves with curiosity and compassion rather than frustration. After all, those parts aren't trying to sabotage us; they're trying to protect us, which is, ironically, something to be thankful for. Once you understand what the behaviour is trying to protect you from, you can start finding safer ways to meet that need. Lasting change can begin there. You have written that authenticity often requires unlearning, so what does becoming more authentic actually look like? Authenticity is less about finding yourself and more about unlearning who you had to become to survive. Trauma teaches us to hide parts of ourselves and adapt to our surroundings by becoming people-pleasers, perfectionists, or high achievers. We become defensive to protect ourselves, or we may avoid many aspects of life to stay safe. We learn to stay quiet, play small, avoid conflict or put everyone else's needs before our own, all for the sake of our survival. As we heal, we uncover which parts genuinely reflect who we are and how we want to live. Trauma strips away choice, and healing gives it back. We stop making decisions based on our survival and start making choices that align with our own values, needs and purpose. To me, authenticity is not always about being unapologetically yourself and shouting about it. It's those quieter moments of having the courage to say no without guilt, to express what you think without feeling threatened, to set healthy boundaries and to stop carrying the shame that never belonged to you in the first place. Authenticity isn't about approval. It's about no longer abandoning yourself to gain acceptance from your external world. Your own recovery from severe PTSD has shaped your work, so how has that experience influenced the way you support others today? My own recovery has enabled me to hold space for people in a way I never experienced. I never felt truly safe growing up, and that lack of safety persisted into adulthood. My therapist once told me that we often give others what we didn't have in childhood, and I think that's what I do: I provide a safe space combined with foundational techniques I was never given. Early in my healing, I worked with practitioners who didn't fully understand trauma or know how to help me safely contain what was coming up. My nervous system became overwhelmed, and I was re-traumatised. For a long time, I felt like I was flailing around in the dark, like a pinball bouncing around, desperately trying to find somewhere to land. My healing taught me what works, what doesn't, and that recovery isn't all unicorns and rainbows. So, I never bullshit my clients. Trauma recovery is hard work, but healing is possible. I don't promise quick fixes. You learn to slowly build safety, recognise patterns and triggers, and develop the capacity to be with difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed. Healing isn't about forcing yourself through pain; it's about creating the conditions where change can happen safely. If readers could take away one new understanding about healing, trauma, and personal growth, what would you hope it is? If there is one thing I want readers to take away, it’s this: healing is truly possible. Don't be put off by social media influencers and clickbait telling you that if something isn't working, you're doing it wrong. You're not. Healing doesn't just happen; we have to engage in the right processes. I was written off by a doctor and psychiatrist who told me I would never be well. But when I looked at my challenges and well-being through the lens of trauma, I was able to approach my healing from this place and make progress. We have an incredible capacity to heal and adapt. When a bone breaks, the body knows how to repair it; we don't have to consciously tell it how. We create the conditions that support the process. I believe emotional healing is similar. Our brains and bodies have a remarkable capacity for recovery and change. We just have to learn how to support ourselves through it. Trauma recovery isn't about becoming perfect or never struggling again. It's about no longer being controlled by the survival patterns that once ran your life. So, if healing was possible for me, I believe it is possible for far more people than we're led to believe. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Faraday Fearnside

Written by Victoria (Vicky) Russ, Managing Director and Leadership Coach Vicky Russ is a leadership coach and former CEO with 20+ years’ experience across the public, health and education sectors. She specialises in leadership, transformation and helping leaders navigate complex change and life transitions. Every year, hundreds of thousands of people in the UK return to work after maternity leave, long-term illness, burnout, redundancy, or other life events. Most are expected to slot back in as if nothing happened. Many are told by employers, by colleagues, and sometimes by the people closest to them that they should be grateful to have a job at all. This article challenges that narrative, examines why so many returners struggle in silence, and offers ten evidence-informed strategies for going back on your own terms, without guilt and without apology. A crisis hiding in plain sight The numbers are staggering. In the UK in 2024/25, 964,000 workers suffered from work-related stress, depression, or anxiety, the highest figure ever recorded, according to the Health and Safety Executive. That is a 24 percent increase on the previous year and more than double the rate recorded when annual collection began in 2001. It resulted in 22.1 million working days lost. Stress, anxiety, and depression now account for 52 percent of all work-related ill health. And yet, when people take time away from work, whether through illness, burnout, maternity leave, redundancy, or caring responsibilities, the expectation when they return is often the same, get on with it. Be grateful. Slot back in. It is, after all, "just a job." Except it is never just a job. And the idea that it should be is one of the most damaging myths in modern working life. It was never "just a job" Work gives us structure, identity, social connection, purpose, and a sense of competence. It organises our days, our relationships, and, for many of us, our sense of who we are. When that is disrupted, the impact is not merely logistical. It is psychological, emotional, and often deeply personal. A woman returning from maternity leave is not simply resuming her duties. She is navigating a fundamental shift in identity, from the person she was to the person she has become, while managing guilt, sleep deprivation, and often a workplace that has moved on without her. Research from the Careers After Babies report found that 74,000 women in the UK lose their job every year for getting pregnant or taking maternity leave. Among those who returned to a different role in the same organisation, 57 percent left within two years. A person returning after burnout is not coming back from a holiday. They are re-entering the very environment that broke them, often without any meaningful change to the conditions that caused the burnout in the first place. Mental Health UK's 2026 Burnout Report found that 63 percent of UK employees show clear signs of burnout, with 62 percent citing toxic workplace culture as the primary cause. If the culture has not changed, the return is not a recovery. It is a countdown to the next collapse. A person returning after redundancy is carrying grief, rejection, and often a fractured sense of professional identity. They may be entering a new organisation while still processing the loss of the old one, and doing so while pretending to be fine because the world has told them they should be. And someone returning after long-term illness is facing all of this with the added weight of a body or mind that may not yet be fully healed, in a system that measures recovery by whether you can sit at a desk for eight hours, not by whether you are actually well. The guilt that nobody talks about One of the most corrosive aspects of returning to work is the guilt. Guilt for being away. Guilt for needing time. Guilt for not being "over it" yet. Guilt for struggling when you are supposed to be grateful and strong. And, perhaps most damaging of all, guilt for the very reasonable thought that you might not want to go back at all. This guilt is not a personal failing. It is a cultural product. We live in a society that values resilience as strength, treats vulnerability as weakness, and frames workplace distress as a problem with the individual rather than the environment. If you burned out, you were not resilient enough, or perhaps you struggled because you weren’t good enough at your job. If you struggled after maternity leave, you were not committed enough. If you could not bounce back from redundancy, you were not strong or competent enough. This framing is not just wrong. It is dangerous. It shifts responsibility from the system to the person. And it creates a population of returners who are so busy managing their guilt that they never ask the question that actually matters, "Is this environment safe for me to return to? Does it value me?" I know because I have been there I know this because I have lived it, more than once. I returned to work twice after having babies. I returned after Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). I returned after burnout. Every single time, the experience was the same, anxiety-inducing, guilt-ridden, and utterly lacking in compassion. I was expected to hit the ground running. To catch up, even if that meant extra hours and extra work. My absence was treated not as recovery or as one of the most significant experiences of my life, but as time off. A gap. Something dangerously close to a paid holiday. Every single return felt like penance for having had the audacity to be away. Not once did anyone ask how my absence had affected me and who I was now. Not once was there a conversation about what I might need to ease my transition or any recognition that I was coming back as a different person from the one who had left. The unspoken message was clear, you have had your time off. Now prove you still deserve to be here. And later, as a senior leader and Chief Executive Officer (CEO), I saw it from the other side, watching large organisations fail their returning staff with the same lack of compassion, the same hollow processes, and the same unspoken expectation that people should simply get on with it and be grateful to still have a job. The system that fails returners The evidence that organisations are failing their returning workers is overwhelming. One in five workers who took time off due to stress received no support whatsoever upon their return. Only 17 per cent had a formal return-to-work plan in place. More than a quarter of mothers either do not return after maternity leave or leave within a year of coming back, with most citing a lack of support or poor return-to-work policies. Among those who did return but to a different role, 57 per cent left the organisation within two years. The picture for long-term sickness absence is even starker. Workers who have been absent for six months or more have less than a 50 per cent chance of ever returning to employment at all. And those who do return often find themselves back in the same conditions, with the same pressures, and the same lack of support, which is why so many leave again within months. The cost to UK businesses is estimated at £650 million annually in lost talent from maternity returners alone. Factor in the £85 billion annual cost of long-term sickness absence, including £47 billion in lost output, and the scale of the failure becomes clear. This is not support. It is performance. And it is why so many returners, intelligent, capable, experienced professionals, find themselves sitting at their desk within weeks of coming back, quietly wondering whether they have made a terrible mistake. It is not your fault, but it is your life I do want to be clear about something here. If you struggled when you returned to work, that does not mean there is something wrong with you. It almost certainly means there was something wrong with the support you received, or did not receive. The research is unambiguous and logical: well-managed, phased returns with proper psychological support produce significantly better outcomes than the "just get on with it" approach that remains the norm in most UK workplaces. But here is the part that matters most. While you cannot always control the system, you can control how you re-enter it. You can set boundaries. You can name your needs. You can refuse to carry guilt for something that was never your fault. And you can approach your return not as a retreat back to who you were, but as a deliberate, conscious step forward into who you are becoming. That is not selfishness. That is self-leadership. And it is the difference between a return that sustains you and one that slowly breaks you down again. Ten tips for returning to work on your terms Drop the guilt at the door. You do not owe anyone an apology for being away. Whatever the reason, maternity, illness, burnout, redundancy, or caring, you took the time you needed and were entitled to. Guilt is not a sign that you did something wrong. It is a sign that you have internalised someone else's expectations. Name it, challenge it, and let it go. Reject the "just a job" narrative. If work were "just a job," losing it would not hurt, returning to it would not be frightening, and toxic cultures would not cause illness. Work is tied to your identity, your relationships, your sense of purpose, and your mental health. Acknowledging that is not weakness. It is honesty. And honesty is the foundation of a healthy return. Define your terms before you walk through the door. Before your first day back, get clear on what you need. Not what you think your employer will accept, what you actually need. Flexible hours? A phased return? A quiet space? Reduced meetings in the first week? Write it down. Present it. Do not wait to be offered what you should be asking for. Have the conversation you are avoiding. If you are anxious about going back, say so, to your manager, to Human Resources (HR), to your General Practitioner (GP), or to someone you trust. Research consistently shows that open, early communication about return-to-work needs produces better outcomes. The conversation you are avoiding is almost always the conversation that will help you most. Prepare for the identity shift. You are not the same person you were when you left. That is not a problem, it is reality. You may have become a parent, survived an illness, recovered from a breakdown, or simply had time to think about what actually matters to you. Do not try to pretend nothing has changed. Bring the whole of who you are now back with you, it’s your superpower. Set boundaries early and hold them. The first week sets the precedent. If you answer emails at 10pm in your first week back, you will be expected to answer emails at 10pm forever. If you skip lunch to prove you are committed, you will skip lunch indefinitely. Set the boundaries that protect your wellbeing from day one, because it is much harder to introduce them later. Build your support network before you need it. Identify the people who will help you, not just at work, but outside it. A trusted colleague, a mentor, a coach, or a friend who will check in on you. Returning to work can feel isolating, especially if your workplace has changed while you were away, as well as you. You need people in your corner, identify them. Watch for the warning signs. If you find yourself dreading Mondays again within weeks of returning, pay attention. If your sleep is deteriorating, your anxiety is climbing, or you are counting the hours until you can leave, those are not signs that you should try harder. They are signs that something in the environment is not right. Do not ignore them. They are your early warning system. Remember, staying is a choice, not an obligation. You are not trapped. If the environment that caused your absence has not changed, you are allowed to decide that it is not the right place for you. Leaving is not failure. Sometimes the bravest and most self-respecting thing you can do is walk away from a situation that is harming you and build something better on your own terms. Get professional support. You do not have to figure this out alone. A coach, a therapist, or a career adviser, someone who can help you process what happened, rebuild your confidence, and plan a return that actually works for you. Returning to work after a significant absence is one of the most complex transitions in adult life. Treat it with the seriousness it deserves. Take control of your first week back The first week of any return to work sets the tone for everything that follows. Get it right, and you build momentum, confidence, and a sense of control. Get it wrong, or have it managed badly for you, and you become another statistic, another returner who quietly walks away because nobody helped them come back properly. The research tells us that more than half of workers who return to a changed role leave within two years, and that those absent for six months have less than a 50 per cent chance of returning at all. These are not numbers about weak people. They are numbers about broken systems. That is the real reason I wrote Your First Week Back: Returning to Work After Extended Leave, on Your Terms. Not from theory, from lived experience, both as a returner and as a manager who witnessed first-hand how unsupportive large organisations can be. It is a practical, coaching-led guide for anyone returning to work after maternity leave, long-term sickness, bereavement, burnout, or redundancy. It walks you through the emotional, practical, and psychological challenges of re-entry and gives you the tools to do it on your terms, not theirs. A supporting online course is also available for those who want structured, step-by-step, video-led guidance. If you are preparing to return to work and want to do it with confidence, clarity, and self-compassion, Your First Week Back is available on Amazon, search "Vicky Russ" or visit vickyrusslifecoach.com. And if you would like to learn more about coaching support for your return, book a free discovery call. You do not have to go back alone. Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Victoria (Vicky) Russ Victoria (Vicky) Russ, Managing Director and Leadership Coach Vicky Russ is a leadership coach and former CEO with over 20 years’ experience across the public, health and education sectors. She specialises in leadership, transformation and helping leaders navigate complex change and life transitions. Her work focuses on supporting leaders to maintain performance while creating psychologically safe, high-performing cultures. Vicky is also a teacher of Positive Psychology Leadership and brings a practical, human approach to even the most challenging situations. She is passionate about “protecting the protectors” and helping leaders move from pressure to purpose. References: Careers After Babies (2025). Employment Pathways and Occupational Change After Childbirth. Health and Safety Executive (2025). Work-Related Stress, Anxiety and Depression Statistics in Great Britain, 2025. LiveCareer (2025). Mind the Gap: 2025 UK Employment Gap Report. Mental Health UK (2026). Burnout Report 2026. Available at: mentalhealth-uk.org Office for National Statistics (2025). Sickness Absence in the UK Labour Market: 2025. Peppy Health (2026). How to Improve Parental Leave Retention in 2026. Pregnant Then Screwed and Women in Data (2025). Maternity Discrimination in the UK. Yomly (2026). Workplace Mental Health Statistics for 2026: Key Data and Trends.

Written by Emily Pankratz, Clinical Nutritionist Emily Pankratz is a functional nutritionist who is best known for her work in digestive health and hormonal imbalances. She is the founder of Emily Pankratz Nutrition, where she uses a holistic and natural approach in her clinical practice to support the root cause of disease for her clients. If you've been searching for support with bloating, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), digestive health, hormone balance, or simply feeling better in your body, you may have wondered what the difference is between a dietitian and a nutritionist, and which one is right for you. While both professionals can provide nutrition-related support, their education, professional designations, regulation, and approaches can differ. Understanding the difference can help you find the right practitioner for your individual needs. At Emily Pankratz Nutrition, my approach is rooted in holistic nutrition, personalized care, and looking beyond the symptom to understand the bigger picture of health. Rather than focusing solely on what is on your plate, I take a whole-body and functional approach that considers nutrition alongside digestion, stress, sleep, movement, lifestyle, and other foundations of wellness. Dietitian vs. Nutritionist in British Columbia: What's the difference? One of the most important distinctions to understand is that dietitian is a regulated title in British Columbia, while the term nutritionist is not regulated in the same way. What is a dietitian? A Registered Dietitian (RD) is a regulated healthcare professional in British Columbia. Dietitians must complete specific education and practical training requirements and be registered with the provincial regulatory body. Dietitians can provide evidence-based nutrition counselling and medical nutrition therapy for a wide range of health conditions. They may work in hospitals, primary care, private practice, community health, research, and other healthcare settings. For someone who requires medical nutrition therapy for a diagnosed condition or needs nutrition care closely integrated with medical treatment, a registered dietitian may be an appropriate choice. What is a certified holistic nutritionist? A holistic nutritionist takes a broader approach to nutrition, looking at how food and lifestyle interact with the health of the whole person. Rather than focusing exclusively on a specific diagnosis or nutrition prescription, holistic nutrition often considers areas such as: Digestion and gut health Food quality and nourishment Sleep Stress and nervous system regulation Movement Hydration Meal timing and eating patterns Lifestyle Energy and overall wellbeing It's important to note that the term nutritionist itself is not a regulated healthcare title in British Columbia. Because of this, the education, certification, and scope of practice of nutritionists can vary. A Certified Holistic Nutritionist (CHN) has completed training and certification through a holistic nutrition education or certification organization. Depending on the specific certification and professional organization, a certified holistic nutritionist may also maintain professional membership, liability insurance, a code of ethics, and professional standards through a recognized organization. If your extended health plan specifically covers your certification or professional association, your nutrition services may be eligible for reimbursement. Coverage varies significantly between insurance providers and plans, so it is important to check your individual benefits before booking. Dietitian vs. Holistic nutritionist in Abbotsford, BC If you're looking for a nutritionist in Abbotsford, you may be deciding between working with a registered dietitian or a holistic nutritionist. The right choice depends on what you're hoping to accomplish. If you require medical nutrition therapy for a diagnosed condition, a registered dietitian may be the appropriate professional to work with. If you're looking for personalized nutrition, digestive support, lifestyle guidance, and a whole-body approach to wellness, working with a holistic nutritionist may be a good fit. At Emily Pankratz Nutrition, my work with clients in Abbotsford focuses on understanding the bigger picture rather than simply handing you another diet or list of foods to avoid. Dietitian vs. Holistic nutritionist in Vancouver, BC For those searching for a nutritionist in Vancouver, the same distinction applies. A registered dietitian and a holistic nutritionist can offer different types of support, and one isn't necessarily "better" than the other. It comes down to your individual needs and the type of care you're looking for. My approach is designed for clients who want to take a deeper look at their health through a functional and holistic nutrition lens. Rather than asking only, "What should I eat?" we can also explore: Why am I experiencing these symptoms? What might be contributing to them? What foundations of health need more support? How can we make changes without creating another restrictive diet? A functional approach: Looking beyond the symptom One of the biggest differences you may notice in my approach is the focus on why you're experiencing a symptom. For example, if you're experiencing bloating, the goal isn't automatically to give you a long list of foods to eliminate. Instead, we can step back and ask: What is happening with your digestion? How are you eating throughout the day? Are you eating enough? How is your stress affecting your digestion? Are you getting adequate sleep? What does your fibre intake look like? Are there patterns in your symptoms? Are there other lifestyle factors that may be contributing? This is what I mean by taking a root cause approach. It doesn't mean assuming there is one hidden cause behind every symptom. Instead, it means looking at the different factors that may be contributing to how you're feeling and creating a personalized plan from there. A whole-body approach to nutrition Your health doesn't exist in separate categories. Digestion, nutrition, sleep, stress, movement, hormones, energy, and lifestyle are all interconnected. That's why nutrition counselling doesn't have to be limited to a meal plan. At Emily Pankratz Nutrition, I look at the fundamentals of health and wellness alongside nutrition. Together, we may explore: Nutrition: Are you getting enough nourishment and variety? Digestion: How are you digesting and responding to your food? Sleep: Are you getting enough quality rest? Stress: What is your current stress load, and how might it be affecting your wellbeing? Movement: Are you moving your body in a way that supports your health? Lifestyle: What does your daily routine actually look like? Mindset and relationship with food: Does your approach to eating feel sustainable? Together, these areas create a more complete picture of your health. Gut health through the lens of a certified nutritionist If you've experienced bloating or IBS, you've probably heard about elimination diets. Low Fermentable Oligosaccharides, Disaccharides, Monosaccharides and Polyols (FODMAP), gluten-free, dairy-free, and other elimination approaches can have a place in nutrition care when they're appropriate and professionally guided. But elimination doesn't have to be the starting point, and it doesn't have to be the end goal. If you've already spent years restricting foods, constantly wondering what you can and can't eat, or feeling anxious about your next meal, adding another restrictive diet may not be the answer. Instead, my approach is to look at the bigger picture of your digestion and overall health. The goal isn't to create a longer list of foods you can't eat. The goal is to help you understand your body, support your foundations of health, and build a way of eating that is nourishing, sustainable, and realistic. Personalized nutrition, root cause support, and BIE My practice combines personalized holistic nutrition, functional thinking, root cause support, and BioEnergetic Intolerance Elimination (BIE) where appropriate. BIE is used as a complementary modality within my broader approach and is not intended to replace medical diagnosis or treatment. Every person is different, which means there isn't one nutrition protocol, supplement routine, or lifestyle plan that will work for everyone. Instead, we start with you, your symptoms, your history, your goals, your lifestyle, and the patterns you're experiencing. From there, we can determine where to focus. Is a dietitian or certified nutritionist the best option for you? There isn't one universally "better" practitioner. A registered dietitian may be the right choice if you're looking for regulated medical nutrition therapy or nutrition care related to a diagnosed medical condition. A certified holistic nutritionist may be a good fit if you're looking for personalized nutrition and whole-body wellness support that considers nutrition alongside the broader foundations of health. Sometimes, the best approach is to work with multiple practitioners. I believe strongly in collaboration and in recognizing when another healthcare professional may be better suited to a particular concern. My approach at Emily Pankratz Nutrition My goal isn't to give you another diet to follow. It's to help you understand your body and build a healthier relationship with nutrition and wellness. My approach is centred around: Personalized nutrition: Your recommendations are tailored to your individual needs, lifestyle, symptoms, and goals. A functional lens: We look at patterns and contributing factors rather than focusing only on individual symptoms. Root cause support: Instead of asking only, "How do we manage this symptom?" we also ask, "What could be contributing to it?" Whole body wellness: Nutrition is considered alongside digestion, sleep, stress, movement, lifestyle, and other foundations of health. Less restriction, more nourishment: You don't need to live on an elimination diet to support your gut. The goal is to create a sustainable approach that works in real life. Collaborative care: Nutrition support can complement your existing healthcare team, and referrals or collaboration with other practitioners can be incorporated when appropriate. You don't need another restrictive diet If you've tried diet after diet, eliminated food after food, or feel like eating has become complicated because of your digestive symptoms, you may be ready for a different approach. Instead of asking, "What else can I remove?" let's ask, "What does my body need?" Your nutrition should support your health, not make your life smaller. If you're looking for personalized holistic nutrition support for IBS, bloating, digestion, hormone health, or overall wellness, I would love to help you take a deeper look at the bigger picture. Nutrition support is available in Vancouver and Abbotsford, British Columbia (BC). Book a FREE discovery call in Vancouver Book a FREE discovery call in Abbotsford Nutrition services are not a substitute for medical diagnosis or treatment. If you have a medical condition or persistent or concerning symptoms, please work with your physician or an appropriate regulated healthcare professional alongside your nutrition care. Follow me on Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Emily Pankratz Emily Pankratz, Clinical Nutritionist Emily Pankratz is a leader in the alternative health and wellness space. She utilizes natural health modalities and holistic medicine to support her clients in getting to the root cause of their health conditions and symptoms. She is best known for her work with digestive and hormonal imbalances, along with autoimmune conditions and oncology-related support. Emily is extremely passionate about health and supporting her clients in finding complete wholeness and recovery. Her mission: that every one of her clients will feel empowered with their health and understand how they are able to heal themselves.

Written by Nick Ronald, Elite Mindset Coach Nick Ronald is a mindset coach and public speaking trainer with experience as a Toastmasters Club President and Area Director. He is the founder of Confidence Mindset Club, helping individuals build the confidence to speak up, stand out, and lead. You got the promotion. The title changed. The salary, hopefully, went up. So why does it feel like you have no idea what you're doing? Here's the truth nobody tells you at the celebration drinks: being good at your job and being good at leading people who do your old job are two completely different skill sets. Research from Gartner and Corporate Executive Board (CEB) backs this up in sobering terms. Sixty percent of new managers fail within their first 24 months, and it's rarely because they weren't smart enough or didn't work hard enough. It's because nobody helped them make the internal shift the role actually demands. The Chartered Management Institute puts a finer point on it: 82% of new managers step into their first leadership role with zero formal training. They're handed a team, a spreadsheet of targets, and a "you've got this," then left to figure out the rest through trial, error, and the occasional 2 am spiral of self-doubt. I've coached founders, team leads, and newly promoted managers through exactly this transition at Confidence Mindset Club, and I've made most of these mistakes myself before I ever coached anyone else through them. The good news? Leadership isn't a personality trait you either have or don't. It's a set of mindset shifts you can choose to make, starting today. Here are the five that matter most. 1. From "I need all the answers" to "I need all the questions" Sound familiar? You get promoted because you were the person with the answers. You knew the process, you solved the problems, you were the safe pair of hands. So naturally, when your new team comes to you with a problem, your instinct is to solve it for them. This is the single fastest way to burn out as a first-time leader and accidentally train your team to stop thinking for themselves. The shift: your job is no longer to have the best answer in the room. It's to ask the question that helps someone else find it. Early in my own coaching practice, I caught myself doing this constantly, jumping in to "rescue" a client's thinking instead of holding space for them to arrive at their own insight. The moment I started asking, "What do you think the next step is?" instead of telling people what the next step was, the quality of the work around me improved, and I got my evenings back. Try this: Next time someone brings you a problem, resist answering for the first ten seconds. Ask, "What have you already considered?" instead. 2. From managing tasks to managing energy New leaders obsess over task lists, who's doing what, by when, ticked off or not. It feels productive. It's also incomplete. Development Dimensions International (DDI) Global Leadership Forecast, which surveyed over 10,000 leaders across 50 countries, found that 71% of leaders report significantly higher stress since stepping into their role. A huge part of that stress comes from treating people like task executors rather than humans with fluctuating energy, motivation, and confidence. The best leaders I've worked with, and the best mentors I've had, shaped a lot of my early thinking on public speaking and presence. They pay as much attention to how someone shows up as what they produce. A brilliant task list means nothing if your team is quietly disengaging. The shift: start noticing energy, not just output. Who lit up in that meeting? Who went quiet? Who's been consistently "fine" for three weeks running, which usually means they're not fine at all? Try this: In your next 1:1, open with, "How are you feeling about the workload?" before asking, "Where are we on the project?" 3. From being liked to being trusted This one stings, but it needs saying: if your primary goal as a leader is to be liked, you will make bad decisions. You'll avoid the difficult conversation. You'll let underperformance slide. You'll say yes to things you should say no to. Ironically, your team will trust you less, not more, because people can sense when a leader is managing their own anxiety rather than managing the team. I know this shift personally because it's the one that took me the longest. As a Certified Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner and someone who trained formally in counselling and psychotherapy, I understand exactly why we crave approval. It's wired into us. But leadership asks you to tolerate short-term discomfort (someone being annoyed with you) in service of long-term respect (someone trusting that your word means something). Research collected by Training Industry found that four in ten employees rate first-time managers as weak specifically in "handling difficult situations" and "providing quality feedback." That's not a coincidence. It's the same root cause wearing different outfits. The shift: swap "will they like this?" for "is this the right call?" Trust is built through consistency and honesty, not through comfort. 4. From doing to delegating properly Delegation sounds simple. In practice, it's one of the hardest transitions for a first-time leader because handing something off often feels slower and riskier than just doing it yourself. The stats are blunt here. One recent analysis found that only 19% of rising leaders have the delegation skills needed to operate effectively as managers rather than senior individual contributors. Most people aren't taught delegation. They're taught to be excellent doers, then thrown into a role that punishes doing everything yourself. Here's what I tell every client wrestling with this: delegation isn't dumping a task and hoping for the best, and it isn't hovering over someone's shoulder either. It's being clear on the outcome, generous with context, and disciplined about stepping back. Poor delegation isn't a trust problem with your team. It's usually a control problem with you. Try this: Before you delegate something, write one sentence describing what "done well" looks like. If you can't write that sentence, you're not ready to hand it off yet. You need more clarity, not more control. 5. From individual contributor identity to leadership identity This is the deepest shift, and it's the one most organisations never help you make. For years, your sense of competence and worth came from doing the work well. Now, your value comes from enabling other people to do the work well. It's a completely different source of satisfaction and, for many new leaders, a genuinely disorienting one. This isn't just a skills gap. It's an identity gap. It explains why so many capable people struggle in their first leadership role even when they're clearly talented. The problem was never their competence. It was that nobody told them the psychological job had changed, not just the practical one. I built AI Entrepreneur Hub partly around this same principle, helping people navigate identity shifts as tools and roles change faster than ever. Whether it's stepping into leadership or adapting to new ways of working with AI, the pattern is the same: the external change is the easy part. The internal permission to see yourself differently is the hard part. The shift: give yourself explicit permission to let go of your old identity as "the best individual performer" and step into a new one as "the person who makes the team the best version of itself." That's not a demotion of your value. It's an expansion of it. The bottom line None of these shifts happen overnight, and none of them happen by accident. The 60% failure statistic isn't a reflection of first-time leaders' potential. It's a reflection of how rarely anyone teaches the internal work leadership actually requires. You don't need to have this figured out today. You need to be willing to notice where you're still leading like an individual contributor and gently, deliberately, start leading like a leader instead. Which of these five shifts do you find hardest? Want more on building genuine confidence in leadership and public speaking? Explore more at Confidence Mindset Club, or if you're navigating how Artificial Intelligence (AI) is reshaping the way we work and lead, check out AI Entrepreneur Hub. Follow me on Facebook and LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Nick Ronald Nick Ronald, Elite Mindset Coach Nick Ronald is a mindset coach and public speaking trainer dedicated to helping people unlock their confidence and find their voice. Having overcome his own confidence challenges, Nick understands firsthand what it takes to silence self-doubt and step into your power. He is the founder of Confidence Mindset Club, an online platform offering coaching, resources, and community for those ready to transform how they think, speak, and lead. A seasoned Toastmasters leader and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) Practitioner, Nick brings real-world experience to everything he teaches. His mission is simple: to help you become the most confident version of yourself.

Irene Tasho is an experienced reflexologist, educator, speaker and industry leader dedicated to advancing the practice and recognition of reflexology in Australia and internationally. As the founder of Sole to Soul Reflexology, Irene has spent more than 18 years helping clients improve their wellbeing through professional reflexology treatments. Irene Tasho, Principal, Lead Educator & Practitioner Reflexology has become more visible in recent years, but what do you think still holds the profession back from wider recognition within healthcare? Reflexology is slowly becoming more recognised by the general public and in some hospitals or medical facilities around the world, but there is a greater need for research or trials to produce convincing evidence. This, of course, is slowed down by the limited research funds available to conduct the rigorous trials or studies needed to produce the necessary evidence. Due to the nature of the therapy, it is hard to establish a strong and consistent evidence base. Outcomes related to pain and anxiety are often subjective due to contextual effects such as relaxation, touch, and therapeutic relationships. There are no clear, plausible mechanisms explaining the links between foot and hand reflexes and specific organs, glands, and systems, or their effects on health. This makes clinicians skeptical. There is also limited integration with biomedical systems. Reflexologists usually operate outside mainstream care facilities, such as in wellness or alternative therapy clinics. This can also lead clinicians to dismiss reflexology as nontherapeutic. The opportunity to work with medical professionals and show them, through patient feedback, how reflexology may be beneficial for symptom management, sleep, and improved quality of life would greatly help us gain more recognition throughout the healthcare system. After nearly two decades in clinical practice, what has most changed about the way you think reflexology supports health and wellbeing? A lot has changed over the last two decades with regard to how reflexology is recognised and how it supports wellbeing. It is slowly being integrated into clinical supportive care roles in hospitals and hospices to help with symptom management and relief, including pain, anxiety, nausea, and sleep problems, especially in settings such as oncology, palliative care, maternity care, and primary care. There is wider recognition that a person needs not just medical attention but also holistic support to help with their recovery. People are seeking more nonpharmacological and person-centred options. This is also coming from some medically trained specialists who have themselves gone through traumatic diagnoses and realised that the human body may need deeper alternative supportive care. This is raising the visibility and awareness of reflexology. Reflexology is recognised more strongly in relation to autonomic regulation, whereby it may help balance the nervous system, therefore helping with stress-related conditions, relaxation, mental health, and wellbeing. There is more emphasis on standards of professional training and clearer practice frameworks. There are more specialised training courses, allowing for better support for specific conditions. There is also greater use of validated outcomes reported by patients regarding their levels of anxiety, pain, and quality of life, as well as simple physiological markers such as heart rate variability and sleep quality. There have been more clinical trials. Results are still mixed, but research is more methodical and focused on outcomes than it was before. As both an educator and Research Director, how do you encourage practitioners to embrace evidence while preserving the person-centred nature of reflexology? I would like to mention that when students come to learn reflexology, they already have a deeper sense that humanity needs more person-centred care. They also have the inner intuition and sensitivity needed, which is why they come to learn in the first place. This is the most valuable skill a reflexologist can have, but at the same time, the need for evidence is essential, as it would give the therapist more confidence. I think most practitioners these days would welcome more evidence, as this would support and give value to what they do. It is challenging when there is such skepticism about the possible benefits of reflexology. This is mainly due to a lack of awareness or understanding, which can cause people to judge. I know it is a difficult therapy to explain, which is why more evidence is needed. However, I don’t believe evidence will take away from the holistic and intuitive nature of reflexology. In fact, I think it would reinforce the fact that what we do can be incredibly powerful. It is important to teach practitioners critical appraisal and evidence literacy so they can judge the relevance and quality of studies when making everyday decisions. We must continue the effort to combine quantitative and qualitative outcomes. We should celebrate person-centred outcomes as evidence and highlight stories showing how tailored interventions have improved wellbeing, together with aggregated outcomes, so practitioners value both numbers and narratives. Research should be presented as a way to improve care and justify client-centred choices, not replace them. Where do you think reflexology practitioners have the greatest opportunity to raise professional standards over the next decade? The first step towards raising reflexology standards in Australia would be to establish a professional, standardised level of education. It would be incredible if we could partner with universities to create diplomas or even degrees. Postgraduate courses are imperative for increasing the knowledge and skills of professional therapists, and these are encouraged and offered to all practitioners. Training reflexologists in basic clinical language and communication, documentation, and referral etiquette would help them work effectively with clinicians and multidisciplinary teams. The opportunity to collaborate with hospitals by creating pilot programmes in oncology supportive care, palliative care, and pain clinics for symptom management would raise not only professional standards but also recognition of reflexology. We should run cost-effective studies to demonstrate the realistic benefits and true value of reflexology, such as reduced medication use, shorter hospital stays, and improved quality of life, to hospital administrators, insurers, and other health services. Research partnerships with additional funding would allow for well-designed trials that provide objective outcomes and the evidence-based information needed by clinicians and patients. This, in turn, would ensure that professional standards are raised. Your work spans women’s health, pain management, and chronic illness. What patterns have you consistently observed across these very different client groups? Even though the above are very different groups with various presentations of symptoms, we often find that there is an underlying component that is consistent across them. I would say stress is one of the biggest contributors to many conditions. Trauma experienced at any time, but especially in early childhood, can have a significant impact on how you progress through life and the issues that may appear in the physical body later in life. Chronic symptoms rarely appear out of nowhere. They build slowly and are your body’s way of asking for deeper support. Often, these patterns begin during a time of emotional strain or burnout. The body remembers what the mind tries to move past, and this then becomes the new normal. Reflexology works beautifully for all these groups because it doesn’t separate the emotional from the physical. While working on the feet, we are not just working on the physical body. We also reach the deeper emotional and spiritual parts of the person, potentially allowing the client to release emotional issues and stressful events that are often related to or major contributors to the conditions above. You’ve worked in cancer support, maternity care, and children’s palliative care. What have those experiences taught you about the role of touch and presence in healing? Working with cancer patients experiencing the trauma of diagnosis and treatment, as well as with children dealing with life-limiting conditions, I have found that mindful touch can send signals of safety to the body. In a clinical environment that can often feel threatening, touch may help regulate the nervous system, reduce stress, and allow the body to shift into a more relaxed state. Touch doesn’t operate as a cure but as a therapeutic intervention focused on comfort and connection. When using gentle, intentional touch, you are communicating care without the need for verbal language. For children experiencing anxiety or pain who are unable to express themselves, touch can provide support and validation. I often find that physical touch during a reflexology session provides a grounding and nurturing effect in the present moment, helping to distract from pain and other forms of distress, including the profound sense of isolation that often accompanies serious illness. Maternity care is a very different situation from cancer and palliative care. However, touch also offers a calming and supportive effect, helping the expectant mother manage the physical and hormonal changes that the body goes through during the nine months, as well as preparing her for birth and postnatal changes. In all cases, touch, combined with the practitioner’s focused attention, can amplify the physical benefits of the techniques. While reflexology is a complementary therapy, the value of stable and empathetic touch in oncology and palliative settings is increasingly recognised for its ability to enhance the human side of medicine. When mentoring new practitioners, what habits or mindsets separate those who become exceptional clinicians from those who simply master the techniques? During their training, all practitioners learn the techniques with precision. Eventually, with experience, they start developing more sensitivity and a greater understanding of what they feel and what it means. Some already come from a background in a form of manual therapy or energy work, which helps them progress more quickly beyond the mechanical form of treatment. An exceptional practitioner is one who is fully present with the client, without judgement, using sensitivity, timing, and the ability to adapt from moment to moment. They can read the client as a whole, including what they say and what they don’t say. Intuition and trust play a very important part in the sessions, as they allow the therapist to listen to what the feet are telling them and recognise that every session may need to be different. Their grounded and calm attention can be deeply regulating, and this often becomes part of the healing. Most reflexologists will have some aspect of these qualities, as this is usually what brought them to learn in the first place. It is important for practitioners to understand and allow the free flow of energy without forced action or expectations. This is what ultimately separates the exceptional clinician from others. Looking back on your journey from ballet teacher to international reflexology educator, what has that path taught you about helping others through meaningful change? Change is never easy, especially when it involves giving up something you love or when life circumstances have pushed you in a different direction. The first thing that comes to mind is that it helps to be open to something new because there is always a possibility that it could bring you just as much joy, if not more, or a different form of gratification from what you experienced in the past. I learned to help others see and celebrate even the smallest positive changes that were occurring. Resilience is not something that can be taught easily, but helping others develop coping strategies and encouraging them is vitally important. Life has taught me to be compassionate, and this has helped me support others. It is important to allow people to explore their own strengths because those strengths are what will help them through change. If you could change one misconception about reflexology among healthcare professionals and the public, what would it be, and why? There are many misconceptions about reflexology, unfortunately, but if I were to choose one, it would be when people say, “It is just a foot massage.” There are some key differences between reflexology and massage. Reflexology is based on the principle that the hands, feet, ears, and face mirror the body. Therefore, the organs, glands, muscles, and bones are mapped onto those areas. By working on them, practitioners believe they may identify areas of imbalance or congestion and use certain techniques with the intention of supporting relaxation, wellbeing, and the body’s natural processes. It is incredibly relaxing, as it may help regulate the nervous system by calming the sympathetic system, which keeps a person in a fight-or-flight state, and activating the parasympathetic system. This may support the functioning of the cardiovascular, respiratory, and digestive systems. Massage, on the other hand, is a way to relax the muscles and relieve tension in the area being worked on. This is also very relaxing and has therapeutic benefits. Clients often say they feel that reflexology is more purposeful and that they can feel it targeting specific parts of the body. They report that it can be powerful in helping with symptom management, stress, overwhelm, and coping, and that it can have lasting effects on their wellbeing. I wish people would be more curious than judgemental. Many people don’t know what reflexology is or how it works, yet they are quick to make negative comments or judgements. I would love for them to do some research or have a session to find out how powerful it can be and what it may do for them. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Irene Tasho

Written by Joanna Hulton, Ph.D., Family Therapist, Author & Educator Joanna Hulton, Ph.D., practices and teaches eclectic parenting psychotherapy, integrating psychoanalytic psychotherapy, attachment theory, and brain development. It was my last appointment of the day. I was in session with a young father who had been working for months, trying to understand his kids so he could speak “childrenese” more fluently. On this particular evening, we were talking about the difficulty of being a parent in today's world. Together, we understood that the way he had been parented was not only unhelpful but also causing painful conflicts. Chronic dissatisfaction left him feeling depleted and unhappy. At one point, he leaned back against the sofa and sighed, “Do you know what I am suffering from? Parent fatigue syndrome.” With that phrase, he captured what so many of the parents who come to my office are experiencing. What leads to parent fatigue syndrome? How did we get here, and why has it become so exhausting to raise children? Consider this article your official invitation to explore the concerns of so many, as well as solutions that will combat this syndrome. I guarantee that you will feel empowered by the realization that understanding your child ultimately helps you understand yourself. Let us begin. "In every nursery there are ghosts. They are the visitors from the unremembered past of the parents: the uninvited guests at the christening. Under favorable circumstances, the unfriendly and unbidden spirits are banished from the nursery and return to their subterranean dwelling place. This is not to say that ghosts cannot invent mischief from their burial places. Even among families where the love bonds are stable and strong, the intruders from the parental past may break through the magic circle in an unguarded moment, and a parent and his child might find themselves reenacting a moment or scene from another time with another set of characters." – Selected Writings of Selma Fraiberg Your childhood as a remembering context In the quotation above, psychoanalyst Selma Fraiberg reminds us of the inevitable: every new parent engages in the “mental work” necessary to become the parent they want to be. In that process, we can't help but recall our own caregivers and identify with them. Our daily acts of caregiving become an intense and highly influential “remembering context” for our experiences and feelings from when we were children. While we as parents can be sure that this remembering will happen, it is not assured whether the process will happen consciously through stories we share with chosen witnesses or unconsciously through episodes with our children that may be “reenacting a moment or scene from another time with another set of characters.” This difference is crucial. Whether the remembering occurs consciously or unconsciously determines whether we will be able to liberate ourselves from the “ghosts in the nursery” or become dragged down by them and engulfed in parent fatigue. If pursued consciously, the act of remembering is a gift that you give yourself and your child, for it is only after we speak about and understand the past that we can use the memories to move freely into the future. Only by doing our best to recall both our good and bad childhood experiences can we redefine ourselves and establish the proper priorities of claims upon our time and emotions to meet the all-consuming needs of children. When conventional wisdom is not very wise There is considerable research explaining how individuals reidentify with their own parents after having children of their own. We are all hardwired to scan our memories so that we can engage in the tremendous task of being a parent. The gift of remembering may not come easily. As we consciously recall our past as children, we are likely to come face to face with our ambivalence towards our own parents. It is here that we often collide with the conventional wisdom of the past. Some of the wisdom sounds like this: Do what I say, not what I do! Spare the rod, spoil the child! Children are to be seen and not heard! Speak only when spoken to! Only girls do that! Only boys do that! Respect your elders! Wait until your father gets home! How about these, which I gathered from a book of vintage quotations: "Tired mothers find that spanking takes less time than reasoning and penetrates sooner to the seat of memory." "Who loves well chastises well." "My mother protects me from the world, my father threatens me with it." Alas, some of this wisdom passed down to us clearly has no place in our postmodern age, where our children have both greater freedoms and fewer responsibilities. Children in the present day learn early on that they have some of the same entitlements to self-expression and self-determination as adults. At the same time, children do not play the same economic role today, with its responsibilities, that they did over a century ago. During the preindustrial era, children may have farmed the land and tended the livestock. At the very least, each of them was required to make a contribution to the survival of the family. Likely, very few of our children work the family farm in the morning. What do our children really need? Quoting Penelope Leach in Children First, “Children in the postindustrial West have the longest compulsory childhood that the world has ever seen. With all those years of enforced dependence ahead of them, we have to learn that letting them take their own time over growing up is what is best for them now, and what will best help them fulfill their own potential when they are grown. It will not be an easy lesson.” As parents, we are in conflict. We need to believe that the values of the past are helpful, since not being or acting like our parents might confirm our worst fear, that we as children were, at times, not treated well. So we cling to the conventional wisdom of the past while we are trying to move our children successfully into the future. Alternately, we may have promised ourselves that we would never do to our children what our parents did to us. But from this impossible promise, we can end up hating the very child who causes us to behave like the parent we vowed never to be. Such conflicts create enormous fatigue. But what is a parent to do? We can start by revisiting that important question: What is the purpose of children, and how do they contribute to today's family? Some sociologists over the years have suggested that we have become fascinated with being part of a leisure class and take pride in having an economic surplus. While this might describe a better life for all of us, it may also adversely influence how we encourage our children to spend their time. The “longest compulsory childhood” has pressured us to find ways to fill their time productively. Amid the economic upheaval of the 21st century, one must additionally wonder how and if this further complicates how we feel about our so-called prosperity. We want our children to be smart, capable, and successful, and we worry that they will not be ready for the competitive world that awaits. As a result, we have created some of our own conventional wisdom. It sounds like this: "The earlier they go to school, the smarter and more social the child." "Start training early, or they will fall behind." "Deprive them of medication, and you set your child up for failure." Some results of this new wisdom are in. In his book Generation Rx, Greg Critser cites example after example of young adults who depended on drugs to learn, yet felt crippled when faced with the important challenges of college and beyond. David Elkind, in The Hurried Child, warns us about the dangers of growing up too quickly. His eloquence brings into clear relief the preciousness of each stage of a child's development. He challenges us not to be seduced by a society that pushes children forward without understanding their essential needs. But what do children really need, and how do we as parents provide for them? I have spent many years studying parent and child development. The many books that I have read offered differing opinions that sometimes confused me as I tried to cobble together a unified approach that could truly support and inform. In addition, these books contradicted what many have learned from their parents, only perpetuating a low sense of self-efficacy. I believe that our evolutionary purpose is to keep the traditions of one's family while innovating so as to adapt to the ever-changing world. In doing so, we honor our parents, have empathy for their life journey, and, most importantly, give ourselves permission to create a caregiving style that they might not fully agree with or understand. Considering that young parents are designed to seek approval and recognition from their own parents, I have found that this lack of understanding can put them at odds with the very people whose approval they seek. How do we combat parent fatigue syndrome? I wondered what I could do to help parents choose a new path. It was this sacred mission that guided me to write Parent Fatigue Syndrome: What To Do When Conventional Wisdom Is Not Very Wise. Stay with me. Together, we will continue to understand and combat the exhaustion you feel as you parent during this most unusual time. I promise that you will understand parent fatigue at its deepest core. In the coming months, I will contribute more articles that will further define and explain Parent Fatigue Syndrome and, most importantly, help combat it. Next: "Understanding the Absolutely Essential Needs of Children and Their Caregivers" Visit my website for more info! Read more from Joanna Hulton, Ph.D. Joanna Hulton, Ph.D., Family Therapist, Author & Educator Joanna Hulton, Ph.D. has dedicated herself for the past 35 years as a teacher, workshop leader, and practicing psychoanalyst. She is committed to improving children's self-esteem, feelings of personal efficacy, and ability to learn by transforming the role of family, school, and community. Her interdisciplinary approach inspires her ongoing commitment to exploring ideas and issues from multiple perspectives. As such, her mission is to support the implementation of community programs that promote the mental health of children, as well as the adults in their lives.

Written by Jan Turner, Executive Coach and Strategic Advisor Jan Turner works at the intersection of leadership, resilience, and conscious transformation. As an executive coach, former C-suite leader, and 2x burnout survivor, she brings the human back to organizations and guides leaders home to themselves. I will never forget meeting a senior colleague at a community event where we were both volunteering. He had just returned from a six-month sabbatical to fulfill a dream of traveling the country. After obtaining his truck driver’s license, he drove a big rig around the nation, meeting people of all kinds, living simply and reconnecting with what truly mattered to his soul. He had returned to work uplifted and recharged and continued an impressive trajectory of leadership and impact. That conversation deeply inspired me. As an executive coach, I’ve supported leader after leader who is disconnected from the natural rhythms that nurture us as human beings. Many professionals have shaped their identities and built work cultures around the often unstated belief that taking a meaningful break signals weakness or equates to failure. Rest can feel like a privilege you have to earn instead of a basic necessity. Organizations and executives can benefit from taking a page out of the playbook of farmers who, for centuries, have understood that this perspective is deeply misguided. The value of a fallow field In agriculture, fallowing is the process of leaving land intentionally unplanted for one or more growing seasons. This practice allows the soil to regain nutrient content and disrupts pests and pathogens. Combined with crop rotation, fallowing enables farmers to generate optimal yields more effectively and efficiently. When farmers ignore these steps, they can see their production decline until they potentially reach a point where the soil can no longer meet their demands. This concept applies to leaders as well. Just as our bodies and minds need true rest to recharge, we must take time to restore the cognitive and emotional energy that high performance requires. A 2025 United Kingdom-based study confirmed that recovery from work is an active process through which psychological and physiological systems return to baseline after strain. Without it, chronic exhaustion follows, impairing performance and decision-making and potentially leading to burnout and its cocktail of challenging symptoms: negativity, apathy, relationship strain and illness, among others. What stopping produces Extended rest provides leaders a host of benefits. A Harvard Business Review study found that 75% of leaders return from sabbaticals with fresh organizational visions, and nearly half successfully implement those innovations. Additionally, research from the University of Tampere found that extended rest significantly reduced stress and increased wellbeing, with effects lasting months after return, producing greater creativity, emotional resilience and improved cognitive function. Furthermore, extended breaks from work create distance, which can be a powerful condition under which perspective becomes possible. Dynamics such as mindset, decision-making, and behavioral patterns that can be very challenging to see from inside an organizational system become more readily apparent from outside it. Organizations can also benefit when leaders take a meaningful pause from their work. When employees see their careers as a decades-long marathon, engagement and retention can suffer over time. Occasional extended breaks have been shown to lessen these risks. Additionally, when leaders step aside for a period of time, there is more headroom and opportunity for those on their teams to step up and contribute at a higher level, potentially uncovering talent that was lacking visibility and sufficient ‘at-bat’ opportunities. Interestingly, 60% of senior executives who took sabbaticals reported that their boards became more effective because of the planning their absence required. Why we say no anyway High-achieving professionals can pass up experiences that could truly benefit them, in part because of a deeply ingrained belief that their presence is essential and that taking time out from day-to-day projects is a weakness or an unrealistic pipe dream. Examples include not taking vacation time, carrying it over into the next calendar year and then failing to use it again, not taking paid time off, and/or requesting leave only when illness, medical conditions, or qualifying situations arise for themselves or their loved ones. This dynamic stems at least in part from identity. When your self-worth is tied to your output, taking a break can feel like you're fading away or admitting defeat. Culture can also play a role. Many corporate settings tend to reward those who are always visible and taking on more. Employees may feel they are signaling to superiors and colleagues that they’re not serious about advancement, and they may fear sidetracking their career by intentionally ‘tapping the brakes’ at work. They may worry that a crisis will arise while they are away, or worse, that their job will be on the line if they step away for even a brief time. A MetLife survey of over 2,600 full-time employees found that 66% wish they had access to paid sabbatical programs. The desire is definitely there, but in most organizations, the authentic support and appropriate programs are not. What it means to be intentional about rest Rejuvenation for leaders can come in many forms. What matters most is the intention behind it. Here are some ways to make a period of conscious rest meaningfully rich. Set clear boundaries: Research on the way humans recover from workplace stress shows that truly stepping away from work on occasion is essential for our mental health. Establishing clear boundaries and openly communicating with colleagues about your non-negotiables for time away is an important act of personal leadership. This also includes letting others know the conditions under which you can be reached in a truly urgent situation. Use the time to ask the questions you don’t make space for: This can include questions like these: What do I most need from this time away and for my next chapter? What have I been sidestepping or avoiding? How can I show up from a place of my highest self when I return to work? Ask the questions that most driven professionals rarely give themselves focused time or permission to contemplate. Reconnect with who you are beyond the role: Many leaders share that after taking a sabbatical, they reconnect with aspects of their lives that had been put on hold for years, such as old hobbies, meaningful relationships, and learning new skills. Back in the workplace, experiences like these can increase leaders’ capacity to nurture others through genuine presence and curiosity. It’s hard to tap into such essential qualities when you are often running on empty. Role model sustainable leadership: Leaders who prioritize wholeness in their own lives set a powerful and potentially life-altering example for others, whether they are colleagues, business partners, community members, or loved ones. When leaders take occasional extended breaks, they can encourage more employees to want to advance within the organization and take on the greater risk/reward trade-off of senior roles. It’s not just about sabbaticals; make it a recurring practice: Leaders often take an extended break only when their bodies force them through illness, burnout, or life-changing situations. The professionals who best sustain their energy and overall wellbeing prioritize and build into their schedule ways to stay present, purposeful, and resilient. They then readily call upon these capacities when facing a significant obstacle or challenge. This can be practiced in different ways and to varying degrees: Designate one day a week with no screens, no news, and no work-related input. Spend time in nature, even briefly. Research consistently shows it reduces stress and restores attention. Return to something you did before you became who you are at work: a creative practice, a physical pursuit, a form of play. Take up a skill where you have no expertise, no reputation, and no performance pressure. Sit with silence intentionally, whether through meditation or contemplative practice. Inspiration lies within and without I vividly recall a coaching client telling me he had only one professional regret: turning down his firm’s offer of a 30-day sabbatical earlier in his career. Now a partner, he wondered if such an option could ever be on the table again. He was describing a window that had opened and closed, and a version of himself he never got to meet. That ‘other version’ of each of us is within reach and is waiting to be uncovered. As a leader, what steps could you take to prepare for what is yet to come in your work, career, or life? How could you support your team members in their own growth and leadership journeys? What could your organization do to better support employees and become an exemplar in its industry as the macro, technological, and competitive forces shift with ever-greater uncertainty? When we take on the mindset of a cultivator, we can help ensure that whatever springs forth as the seasons inevitably change will be more resilient than what came before. The high-performing professionals and teams I work with often carry more than they realize. Integrative Coaching creates the space to name what is happening and rebuild from a stronger, more sustainable foundation. If you or your team are navigating a transition or wondering what it would mean to lead from a fuller place, explore more here. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn Read more from Jan Turner Jan Turner, Executive Coach and Strategic Advisor Jan Turner is an executive coach, strategic advisor, and former C-suite leader with over 25 years of experience in global financial services. Having led teams across 11 different functions and survived burnout twice, she guides leaders and teams through significant transitions, helping them build trust, grow in confidence, and move beyond self-defeating habits. Jan’s approach combines whole-person development, mindfulness, business acumen, and practical leadership techniques that deepen presence, resilience, and overall impact. She helps organizations and teams to navigate complexity and drive results by fostering personal growth and transformative leadership. Her mission: bring the human back to organizations and leaders, home to themselves. References: Affinity Health at Work, 2025, Regular Breaks, Detachment and Recovery: The Hidden Drivers of Wellbeing and Performance Harvard Business Review, 2025, When Employees Take Sabbaticals, Organizations Benefit University of Tampere, 2021, Why More Professionals Are Taking Sabbaticals — And How It's Transforming Work and Well-Being (Forbes, citing University of Tampere study) Atlassian / TSNE Mission Works, 2018, Is It Really Worth It to Take a Sabbatical? Forbes / MetLife, 2025, Why More Employers Offer Paid Sabbaticals to Combat Burnout

Written by Kirsty Marie Denny, Kinesiologist and Neurodivergence Specialist Kirsty Marie Denny specialises in trauma, neurodivergence, and sensitivity, empowering her clients to transform their lives through energetic kinesiology. She focuses on each individual’s unique gifts and challenges, and the root causes of distressing symptoms. More and more celebrities as well as everyday people are ‘coming out’ as dyslexic, signalling a societal shift away from stigmatisation of dyslexia. There is also increasing awareness of dyslexia as much more than a simple difficulty with reading. Rather, it may be characterised as a different way of thinking and perceiving, which comes with strengths as well as challenges. In the past, dyslexics were frequently written off as not being academic and ‘relegated’ to trades and practical jobs. Of course, in spite of not fitting the mould, or maybe because of it, there have been many influential people over the years who are either known or assumed to have been dyslexic, ranging from Einstein to Cher. The history of reading Reading is clearly an important facet of modern culture, and we take it for granted that learning to read is imperative. However, in the grand scheme of human evolution, reading is a relatively new development, with cuneiform dating to around 3200 BCE. It is even more recent in terms of being accessible to the masses, rather than reserved for the upper tiers of society. Literacy gained momentum with the invention of the printing press in the 15th Century, really taking off with tuition in public schools in the 19th Century (see Havenread, The History of Reading). Whereas learning to speak is fairly instinctive for babies, learning to read is less so. It is often assumed that if children are motivated, surrounded by books and frequently read to, they will easily learn to read. However, although records on reading difficulties in antiquity are limited, as early as the late 19th century, ‘word blindness’ was noted in children who otherwise appeared to be of at least average intelligence and who received tuition. Rudolf Berlin coined the term dyslexia, meaning difficulty with words, in 1887. Diagnosing dyslexia In essence, a diagnosis of dyslexia requires persistent difficulty or lack of fluency with reading despite a lack of generalised intellectual impairment or visual problems. In the DSM 5, dyslexia now falls under the umbrella of Specific Learning Disorders, with the specifier ‘with impairment in reading’. Other options include ‘with impairment in written expression’ (dysgraphia) or in mathematics (dyscalculia). Read more about diagnosis here. Dyslexic strengths As previously mentioned, many famous or influential people are officially or unofficially dyslexic. Dyslexic people often show above-average visuo-spatial skills, imagination, creativity, ‘out of the box’ or multidimensional thinking and associated problem-solving capacity. Common careers where dyslexic people tend to thrive include, but are certainly not limited to, the arts, business, engineering, graphic design, sports, culinary pursuits and the tech industry. Learn more here. How to assist dyslexics Structured literacy: The standard approach to assisting dyslexic people is structured literacy. A key aspect of structured literacy is explicit instruction in phonemic awareness, the ability to break words down into their individual sounds. This phonemic awareness is combined with learning about other common language structures and ‘rules’ as well as the common exceptions to the rules, which, in English, are plentiful! Multi-sensorial learning: Within many approaches to structured literacy, including the Orton Gillingham philosophy, there is a heavy emphasis on utilising multiple neural pathways simultaneously, e.g. auditory, visual and kinesthetic, for more efficient learning. An example of this may be tracing a letter in sand whilst saying it aloud. The idea is that this creates backup options for learning and recall while catering to a variety of learning styles (see this useful guide and references within). The Davis method: The Davis Method is another method that many dyslexic learners experience great success with. This approach is notable as it initially grew out of Ron Davis’s own experiences as a young boy struggling with dyslexia and autism, and what helped him to learn. There are similarities with structured literacy in the focus on multisensory learning, e.g. modelling letters in clay and creating models to illustrate tricky words. However, the method diverges significantly: it focuses not on phonics but on understanding and harnessing the dyslexic individual’s visual and multidimensional strengths. In his book The Gift of Dyslexia, Davis opines that from very early in life, dyslexic people develop perceptual differences, being able to visualise multidimensionally, for example, that are adaptive in general, but not in the case of learning to read. He suggests techniques for avoiding confusion and focusing the ‘mind’s eye’ whilst reading that allow dyslexics to learn with relative ease alongside specific techniques for remembering words that aren’t easy to visually conceptualise. Davis also strongly emphasises that the gifts that come with the multidimensional perspective may be retained whilst learning to read and write proficiently. The Steiner approach: In Steiner Schools, there is generally a holistic introduction to literacy utilising songs, story, rhymes and artistic representations. So, what did Rudolf Steiner think about dyslexia? Although he was not formally diagnosed as dyslexic, many who study Rudolf Steiner's work believe he may have been. It is interesting that Steiner recommends avoiding the abstractions of learning to read in the early years, along with integrating creative, visual, and kinesthetic learning styles. This certainly aligns with some aspects of the Davis method as well as the multisensorial elements of structured literacy. Are we learning to read too young? Steiner schools are well known for not promoting literacy until age 7, but some of Rudolf’s writings suggest he considered somewhere around age 12 more appropriate. This is, of course, very much at odds with our education systems and would be considered radical. It does, however, align with child development in that we become capable of more abstracted ways of thinking around this age. It also dovetails with the more spiritual/philosophical musings of Joseph Chilton Pearce in his book Magical Child, which considers the holistic development of the child with their creativity and intuition intact. Of course, in reality, every child is different, and some will naturally learn to read and love it very young. However, it’s interesting and reassuring to consider that our ideas about the benefits of learning to read very early on may be based largely on social norms rather than hard science. Although our brains are primed for language acquisition early in life, there is no age limit on learning, and that certainly includes learning to read and write! Technological supports: While reading and writing remain key skills in our society, we are increasingly moving into a technological era. Technology, including voice-to-text for writing or audiobooks for study, can be hugely beneficial, allowing dyslexics to stay up to date, get their ideas across, and share their talents with the world without the impediment of slower reading and writing. In my opinion, it would be a shame to create an over-reliance on technology that discourages the use of the most wonderful technology of all: the human brain! However, it is a very useful tool when accessible, and each individual or family must find the appropriate balance for themselves. In addition to IT supports, dyslexic people may be eligible for other accommodations in their schools or workplaces, such as extra time on assessments, printed handouts or note takers, something worth investigating for your local area or institution. Primitive reflexes: It’s worth taking a small detour here and mentioning primitive reflexes as being of potential relevance to dyslexia. These are instinctive patterns of movement that are important for our survival in infancy and lay the foundation for further development. These primitive reflexes should be temporary and become ‘integrated’, making way for more mature sensorimotor responses. However, they are often retained, potentially leading to energetically costly adaptations. Retention of reflexes is often correlated with neurodevelopmental delays including dyslexia [1,2]. Thankfully, it is relatively easy to work with simple exercises to help integrate these reflexes at any age. Although there may not yet be much hard scientific proof for these interventions, therapists regularly note greater ease with a variety of academic and day-to-day tasks after working with them. So, what is going on in the brain? Before brain imaging technology, ideas about the function of different brain areas were drawn from studying people who had lost specific functions after an injury. This is how Broca’s area was identified as important for physically producing clear speech, whereas Wernicke’s area is involved in understanding language [3]. It is assumed that in dyslexia, rather than there being physical damage to the brain, there is a difference in the wiring from early in life, affecting phonological awareness, being able to pull apart and put together the individual sounds of words for both speech and reading [4]. Several functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) experiments have engaged dyslexic people and proficient readers in reading exercises to explore differences in brain activation. These studies show normal healthy brain structures in dyslexics, but clearly indicate the use of different pathways for reading compared with the norm [4,5,6,7]. Proficient readers generally activate a web of neural systems for reading predominantly on the left side of the brain, with the posterior regions being of particular importance [4,5,6,7]. Within these posterior regions, the temporoparietal cortex is involved with phonological processing, and the occipitotemporal region is important for recognition of whole words and includes the visual word form area [8]. This area may be a meeting point where visual perception, speech sounds, and meaning are integrated for more efficient reading [9]. Dyslexic readers show markedly less activation in these left-brain areas, as well as reduced connectivity between the visual word form area and other parts of the brain [6,10,11]. What this means in a practical sense is that reading doesn’t easily become automatic in dyslexic readers, so that they must rely on slower, more analytical recognition of words and alternative, compensatory brain networks [11,9]. Dyslexic readers generally show increased activation in the right side of the brain [11,12,13], as well as in more anterior regions of the left brain [13]. Disrupted connectivity between systems for reading and attention, and crossover with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) diagnoses have also been suggested as factors in dyslexia [4,6]. The effect of these brain differences can be amplified by the impact of the stress of ‘failure’ on a child’s brain integration and motivation. It’s no wonder our neurodivergent kids and adults often struggle with self-esteem. Integrating the information These brain scan findings align with the approaches to learning that tend to assist dyslexic people: more explicit phonological learning and engagement of multisensory systems to provide alternate ways to anchor the information and learning. A recent study showed that the visual word form area did increase in size in dyslexic readers following intensive tuition. However, disparities in this area persisted compared with typical readers after a year [14]. How does this relate to Davis’ ideas about multidimensional thinking and orientation of the mind's eye? Do dyslexics develop creative thinking because of some ‘mistake’ in the phonemic circuitry? Or is the creative thinking already present, meaning they don’t need the standard circuitry and are more efficient without it, until it comes to reading? The idea that dyslexic people are more right-brained, holistic thinkers is also supported by the research showing increased activation on the right-hand side of the brain [15,13,11,12,16]. Whilst many are focused on whether attempts to normalise left-brain activity improve reading, a New Zealand-based research group challenges this idea with their finding of a positive correlation between right brain activation and reading performance in dyslexic people [15]. Therefore, rather than painfully trying to activate the same pathways as in ‘normal’ readers, perhaps we should be encouraging adaptation using the dyslexic person’s right-brained strengths, just as suggested by Ron Davis. Food for thought. Future focus Inevitably, our understanding of what specifically is going on in the brains of dyslexic readers will continue to evolve with further research. Whilst early brain imaging and mapping efforts have focused on assigning specific regions to specific functions, we are increasingly coming to understand the brain's incredible adaptability. An excellent resource here is the book Soft-Wired by Dr. Michael Merzenich, one of the pioneers of neuroplasticity research. This idea of neuroplasticity opens up whole new worlds of possibility [17]. When we focus on the innate strengths and passions of dyslexic people, I believe there are multiple ways of building bridges to reading skills, or any other areas of challenge. For some, reading and writing may never be the most important skills, but they can provide useful scaffolding for sharing unique gifts with the world. More broadly speaking, I think we can all take a leaf out of Davis’s book and learn to shift our perspective in ways that serve us. For example, an analytical, left-brain thinker can learn to access intuitive, big-picture thinking, just as a dyslexic person can learn to narrow their focus for reading when it suits. Working with kinesiology provides a huge opportunity to support dyslexic individuals, as it’s so holistic. For example, I can provide energetic support for accessing different brain areas as well as encouraging connectivity between areas via white matter tracts and the neuroglial system. Additionally, we can work with reducing emotional stress or self-esteem issues, addressing any retained primitive reflexes as well as prioritising therapies, interventions or exercises that may assist. I’d love to hear what supported you or your child on your dyslexia journey. Contact me here or book a session here. Here’s to you and your amazing brain. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kirsty Marie Denny Kirsty Marie Denny, Kinesiologist and Neurodivergence Specialist Kirsty Marie is an energetic kinesiologist who believes in each human’s capacity to thrive as their unique and authentic self. Kirsty navigated chronic health challenges in her 20s and an intensely stressful early parenthood experience. Having transformed her own life and her children’s, she is on a mission to empower others. She specialises in supporting those who are highly sensitive, neurodivergent, or who have experienced trauma. Her approach is truly holistic, incorporating practical lifestyle coaching as well as energetic processes to balance the brain and body and transmute emotional stress. References: [1] Martello, J.M., 2023 [2] Hazzaa, N. et al., 2023 [3] Carey, D.P., 2021 [4] Shaywitz, S.E. & Shaywitz, B.A., 2008 [5] Richlan, F., Kronbichler, M. & Wimmer, H., 2009 [6] Paulesu, E., Danelli, L. & Berlingeri, M., 2014 [7] Mitchell, J.L., et al., 2026 [8]​Glezer, L.S., et al., 2017 [9]​Shaywitz, S., & Shaywitz, J., 2020 book [10] ​van der Mark, S., et al., 2011 [11] Finn, E.S., et al., 2013 [12] Shaywitz, B.A. et al., 2002 [13] Hoeft, F. et al., 2011 [14] Mitchell, J.L. et al., 2026 [15] Waldie, K.E. et al., 2017 [16] Shaywitz, S.E. et al., 1998 [17] Gazerani, P. 2025 Related article: How Stress Hijacks Learning

Written by Vinitha Edward, Life Transformation Coach Vinitha Edward is a Life Transformation Coach and Founder of Transform & Thrive, empowering women to build meaningful habits and shift their mindset through journaling. She inspires women to embrace personal growth and create lasting transformation. Every parent wants their child to be successful. We celebrate good grades, athletic achievements, and awards because they are visible signs that our children are doing well. But what if the greatest predictor of your child's future success isn't found on a report card? It's found in their ability to understand, express, and manage their emotions. In today's fast-paced world, emotional intelligence is becoming one of the most valuable life skills a child can develop. As parents, we have the incredible opportunity and responsibility to nurture this skill every single day. What is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize emotions, understand why we feel them, manage emotional responses, show empathy toward others, and build healthy relationships. Unlike IQ, emotional intelligence isn't something children are simply born with. It is learned, practiced, and strengthened through daily interactions with the adults who raise them. Children learn more from what we model than what we teach Parents often tell children: "Use kind words." "Calm down." "Be respectful." But children pay far more attention to what we do than what we say. When they watch us apologize after making a mistake, they learn humility. When they see us handle disappointment with grace, they learn resilience. When we stay calm during stressful moments, they discover that emotions don't have to control behavior. Every interaction becomes a lesson. The missing piece: Emotionally intelligent parents One truth we don't hear often enough is this: "You cannot consistently teach emotional regulation if you are emotionally exhausted." Parenting is demanding. Between work, household responsibilities, school activities, finances, and caring for everyone else, many parents are operating in survival mode. When we're overwhelmed, our brains naturally become more reactive and less reflective. That's when patience wears thin, voices get louder, and connection becomes harder. This isn't because you're a bad parent. It's because you're a human being. The healthier your emotional well-being, the more available you are to guide your child through theirs. Self-care isn't selfish, it's part of parenting Many parents, especially mothers, put themselves at the bottom of every priority list. We often believe taking care of ourselves means taking time away from our children. In reality, the opposite is true. When you sleep well, manage stress, nourish your body, and create moments of rest, you're building the emotional capacity to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. Your children benefit from the healthiest version of you, not the most exhausted one. Sometimes self-care is as simple as: Taking a 15-minute walk. Spending quiet time in prayer or reflection. Talking with a trusted friend. Exercising regularly. Saying "no" to unnecessary commitments. Allowing yourself to rest without guilt. These aren't luxuries. They are investments in your family's emotional health. Strong parents know when to ask for help One of the greatest myths in parenting is that good parents should be able to do everything alone. Emotionally intelligent parents recognize their limits. They ask for help before burnout turns into resentment. Whether it's reaching out to grandparents, trusted friends, a counselor, a parenting coach, or your faith community, seeking support is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Children also learn an important lesson when they see parents ask for help, strong people don't have to carry every burden alone. Parenting is a team effort If you're parenting with a spouse or partner, emotional intelligence grows when you share parenting responsibilities. Too often, one parent becomes the family's emotional manager while the other steps in only when needed. This imbalance can lead to exhaustion and frustration. Instead, regularly ask one another: "How are you doing emotionally this week?" "What do you need from me?" "How can we support each other better?" "Which responsibilities can we redistribute?" Delegating household tasks, sharing childcare, and giving each other opportunities to rest creates a healthier emotional environment for everyone. When parents support each other, children experience greater stability and security. Instead of correcting the behavior, understand the emotion Many parenting struggles begin because we focus only on the behavior. A child slams the door. A teenager rolls her eyes. A sibling starts an argument. Instead of asking, "Why are you behaving like this?" Try asking, "What might you be feeling right now?" Behavior is often communication. Behind anger may be disappointment. Behind defiance may be fear. Behind tears may be frustration. When parents respond to the emotion instead of simply reacting to the behavior, children feel understood rather than judged. Validation is not the same as permission One common misunderstanding is that validating emotions means agreeing with every behavior. It doesn't. You can say, "I understand you're angry because your friend hurt your feelings." While also saying, "It's not okay to hit your brother." Children need both empathy and boundaries. The emotion is accepted. The harmful behavior is redirected. This balance builds both emotional security and self-control. Five daily habits that build emotionally intelligent families Building emotional intelligence doesn't require perfect parenting. It requires intentional habits. Check in with yourself before responding to your child: Pause and ask, "What am I feeling right now?" Model healthy emotional expression: Let your children hear you say, "I'm feeling frustrated, so I'm going to take a few deep breaths before we continue talking." Share responsibilities with your partner or support system: Protect your emotional energy by remembering you don't have to carry everything alone. Listen to understand before trying to fix: Children often need empathy before solutions. Repair after conflict. Every parent makes mistakes: Apologizing teaches accountability, humility, and the strength of healthy relationships. The goal isn't perfect children or perfect parents No parent responds perfectly every time. There will be moments when we lose patience, raise our voice, or wish we had handled things differently. Emotionally intelligent parenting isn't about perfection. It's about awareness, growth, and repair. The more emotionally healthy we become, the better equipped we are to raise emotionally healthy children. Our children don't need perfect parents. They need parents who are willing to grow alongside them. Final thoughts Children borrow emotional regulation from the adults who care for them before they learn to regulate themselves. That means one of the greatest gifts we can give our children isn't having all the answers. It's doing the inner work ourselves. When we care for our emotional well-being, ask for help when we need it, and support one another as parents, we create a home where emotional intelligence can flourish. The legacy we leave isn't just well-behaved children. It's emotionally healthy adults who know how to love well, lead wisely, and build meaningful relationships. It all begins with one emotionally healthy parent choosing to grow, one day at a time. Follow me on Instagram and LinkedIn for more info! Read more from Vinitha Edward Vinitha Edward, Life Transformation Coach Vinitha Edward is a Certified Life Transformation Coach and Founder of Transform & Thrive, a platform that empowers women to create meaningful habits and mindset shifts through journaling and conscious living. She helps women overcome obstacles, build confidence, and find balance through intentional growth. Blending practical strategies with emotional awareness, Vinitha guides clients to move from feeling stuck to thriving with purpose. Her mission is to transform lives one step at a time.