Your Job And Life Purpose – What I Absolutely Will Not Do – Part 9
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 11, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: Apr 26, 2024
Written by: David Lutes, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Regardless of which type of compromise pressure comes our way, we need to know our ‘no compromise,’ ‘red line in the sand,’ ‘no way will I do that!’ – position. If we want to avoid ulcers and to sleep better at night, we need to define it and try to lock it into our hearts and wills. Not easy to do, but it could be the moment of decision for your career sanity and peace … that day when we are asked to betray or violate our values.
For me, I absolutely will not eat peppers – of any kind or color! Ever! But making that very important point (hear the sarcasm) is probably not particularly helpful, given the purpose of this article. To make some of the real point, however, I will tell a personal work-life story to better-illustrate the objective of this article. I sincerely hope it isn’t anything close to your own experience.
It was a very difficult, but very instructive, moment in my career.
Many years ago, when I was living in the UK, a work opportunity (a big-budget, European Social Fund project) came up that ‘pushed all the right personal values, dreams, hopes, skills-use, and career ‘heart buttons’ inside me. When I looked into the role and its objectives, and the skills I would need to use to do it successfully, a very loud ‘Yes!’ sounded excitedly in my heart. It incredibly and beautifully aligned with what I would love to be doing at that time of my career and life.
My education was focused on, and my career history, up to that time, was predominantly Christian/church-based ministry. I had realized some years before, however, that I was not a good institutional church guy – not really cut out for it – and rather I needed to be amongst ‘the people’ – mixing it up with the rank and file of normal life and not in the pulpit in an ‘official’ capacity. In the church context, which was my life, I wanted simply to be a ‘gift amongst other gifts’. Authentically. Helpfully. Practically.
While far, far short of perfect, my heart was about guiding others to find meaning, purpose, and direction in their lives – and helping them to learn, grow, and improve. I longed to support others to find balance and peace in their hearts, lives, and careers … just not through sermons only. I had discovered more of my own Must Be and Meant to Be by this time. This inner discovery about myself resulted in me, in collaboration with churches in the area, offering counseling and workshops for people who had been laid off (made redundant) during a difficult economic downturn.
You need to discover more of your ‘must be’ and ‘meant to be’
I successfully got through the three-stage interviewing process with the HR Department and eventually found myself on the opposite side of the desk, from ‘the boss’ (Mr. David K.). The final decision would be made by him – right then and there.
As I entered his office, he shook my hand well enough, but generally gave me no personal attention – only a bit of a curt ‘have a seat’ wave of his hand – no eye contact whatsoever. He just sat there and read over my resume/CV that he held in his hands. After a few minutes, he finally just threw it onto the desk and looked up at me. With no preamble or introductory comment, he simply said…
“I’ve looked at your CV David, and to be honest with you, I don’t think you can do this job.”
I was near-speechless but managed to mumble out, “Why do you say that?”
He said, “I see from your education and work history that you are a principled, spiritual, ethical, and moral person. That won’t fly here. You see, I don’t care who I hurt, who I step on, what corners I cut, in what ways I need to cheat, or how I compromise on the truth – or what lies I need to tell. I will do anything that is needed to make sure I win.
If someone gets in my way, opposes me, or tries to block me … I will walk or roll over them and hurt them. I win. That’s what I do. I win. And I don’t think you can cut it in this department and working with me.”
Keanu Reeves, playing the defense lawyer, Kevin Lomax, in the film The Devil’s Advocate comes to mind as I write these words. “I win! That’s what I do! I win!”
I was totally non-plussed. That someone would publicly admit to having values like that; to having a nature and character like that, was startling in the extreme. Here was someone completely lacking in moral or professional integrity – and was proud of it! More than that, he’d just violated about a dozen UK labor laws.
Moment of decision time. I really, really wanted this job. And I really, really needed it for much more than just the money. It was connected somehow to my own calling and purpose. I just knew it – deep in my ‘knower’.
Hard swallow; sweat dripping down my spine; dry mouth; armpits soaked; pounding heart. I looked him straight in the eye. (My dad always told me to look someone directly in the eye, especially when you need to tell them a hard truth).
“Mr. K, thank you for meeting with me and being straight with me. But I also need to say absolutely honestly to you … I know without a doubt that I can do this work – and do it very, very well – and make the project and this department successful – and make you look good in the process (imagine shy smile). No question in my mind at all.
But to be honest with you, my biggest problem and conflict in my head and heart is coming to terms with what people will think of me if they know I work for you.”
Probably not the wisest of career and interview moves. My ‘gulp’ was obvious, if not, audible. I continued to look him in the eye.
Blank stare, he looked at me, paused, then grinned – and said, “I like you! You’re hired!” He stood up and reached across the desk and shook my hand.
Nine months later the police escorted him from the building in handcuffs – for embezzlement – and from part of my project budget! By the way, the project was a huge success and truly launched my career on a very interesting career trajectory in the years that followed.
It takes years to build trust – And only seconds to destroy it. Compromising our values does that
What’s my point? I doubt many of us will ever find ourselves in a situation exactly like the one I’ve described – certainly not before the job even begins! But it may not be unusual for you to work in a context or situation where compliance issues – with possible alternative options and compromises – present themselves often. Rules, laws, regulations, standards, benchmarks … for quality, health, safety, security, environment – or a variety of harassment, ethical or legal conflicts or even simple HR-related issues and situations. Or you may just want to punch your boss in the nose or give them a long-overdue slap on their face.
I often coach and train leaders in other parts of the world – and in certain types of organizational cultures – where compromise on the truth, bending the rules, skating on grey-area ice – is considered commendable and is even encouraged.
I tell them the same things that I will tell ‘us’ here.
Regardless of what is socially or culturally acceptable, if you lie to your people, colleagues, or friends; if you ask them to cheat, to do something illegal or unethical or to also lie – even with your ‘blessing’ – you have lost your right, mandate, and privilege to lead – or to even do the job. We need to define and embrace and revisit and reaffirm what we claim to uncompromisingly believe; what values we claim to shape our lives – and live and work with no compromise … authentically.
This is so much easier said than done. Pace, pressure, people, priorities, politics, and power, all factor into our lives at work and normal lives more than we could possibly know. There are forces at work all around us that, it seems sometimes, even conspire against us to make our Achilles Heels (see Article 3) all that much more exposed.
You must know yourself – your values and your own heart. We absolutely must know not only where we draw the line in the sand but have peace and assurance in our hearts that we are ‘called’ to something higher and better. If we honor that call on our hearts, and maybe honor God as well while we do so, and stand on what is right, ethical, and morally sound, we can discover and know the clarity or our ultimate purpose.
If you embark on that discovery process, rest assured the blessings and rewards are great. But be warned, the pain of going against the stream and being true to yourself – and being truly authentic – may be a hard and heavy load to bear sometimes. Not everyone can make a ‘stand’ in the same way or with the same degree of passion.
But if it’s your ‘stand’, and yours alone, then it cannot be disconnected from your purpose and destiny. (David Lutes)
You will need to find your own path, methods, and space for this – and discover your authentic True North. You’ll be very glad when you do. (Read about this in Article 12 in the coming months)
But what about when your company/organization’s values and practices conflict with your own? As we’ve said, it might not, actually will not, be easy. If you know your values – I mean really ‘know’ them, abide by them, live them without necessarily preaching about them (‘truly live out of your heart’) – then you already know how the battle can sometimes rage in your mind and soul.
To compromise = Betrayal of your heart
To cross ‘that line’ = an internal agony. To rationalize bad, unethical, unkind, manipulative work practice; to sit back or ignore or be pressured into supporting corner-cutting on quality, health, safety, security, integrity – is not the work culture you want or need. You don’t want to live like this – in a cycle of regret, repentance, and renewal – lather, rinse, repeat.
“You can’t put a price on not being able to live with and being true to yourself.” (David Lutes)
Not trying to get ‘preachy’ with you, but if we can try to hang the following Bible verse paraphrase on the wall of our office and ask God to inscribe them on the walls of our heart … ‘He is our ever-present help in our time of need’ (Psalm 46:1) – that’s where our purpose is more secure. It can be our heart’s ‘line in the sand’ in those tough moments when you are confronted with, I Absolutely Will Not and Cannot Do That! Come hell or high water.
David Lutes, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
David Lutes is a global talent management, organizational development and leadership coach, consultant and trainer. A former church pastor, he is radically and passionately committed to helping people discover their meaning, purpose and direction for their life and career. He has been described as a 'gift and latent skill detector and developer', as he helps people and the organizations they work in discover the wealth and richness within their people.
