You Get What You Allow – What Do You Really Want to Allow?
- Mar 11
- 3 min read
Written by Marie-Louise Gessner, Life Coach
Marie Gessner, a powerful ACC coach, is working to support you in finding your answers in life's areas. She brings my listening, and together we explore your answers.
There’s an old Swedish proverb that says, “You get what you allow.” At first glance, this may seem like a simple truth, but if you really pause and reflect, there’s a deeper layer beneath it. What does it actually mean? And how does it affect the way we live, our relationships, and above all, our self-image?
Setting boundaries: Taking responsibility for your life
Setting boundaries is a key concept in understanding what we allow in our lives. Creating boundaries isn’t just about saying no to others, it’s just as much about saying yes to yourself. For many, it can feel uncomfortable to stand up for themselves, especially in a culture where consensus and cooperation are highly valued. However, lacking boundaries often leads to being overlooked, taken advantage of, or worn out. Simply put, you get what you yourself have allowed, for better or worse.
Relationship: What do you accept?
In romantic relationships, friendships, and at work, boundaries are essential for healthy connections. If you allow someone to speak disparagingly to you, chances are it will continue. On the other hand, when you clearly indicate what’s acceptable and what’s not, you show through your actions the respect you have for yourself. Those who stand firm in their values and don’t compromise their well-being tend to attract relationships built on mutual respect.
Work life: Setting the ground rules
Many people experience stress and exhaustion at work, often because they allow excessive workloads or unclear expectations. Clarifying your boundaries can be crucial for feeling good at work. It’s about daring to say no to unreasonable demands and expressing what you need to perform at your best. In fact, many managers appreciate employees who are clear about their needs for delivering and feeling good, as it helps create a sustainable work environment for everyone.
Your inner dialogue: What do you say to yourself?
Often, it’s your inner voice that sets the strictest boundaries, or conversely, lets everything slide. If you allow negative thoughts, self-criticism, or worry to guide your life, it affects both your self-esteem and your ability to take action. Practicing questioning your inner dialogue and choosing which thoughts to make room for is just as important as setting boundaries with the outside world.
What do you allow?
Reflecting on what you actually want to allow is about self-awareness. What do you want more of in your life? Which behaviors, situations, or relationships strengthen you, and which ones drain you? When you identify this, it becomes easier to be clear both with yourself and others. It’s not selfish to prioritize your own well-being, it’s a prerequisite for being able to show up for others.
Ways to practice and think to get clearer about your boundaries:
Reflect regularly, write down what you currently allow and what you would like to change.
Practice saying no, start with small, low-risk situations and build your confidence.
Be clear about your needs, communicate openly and honestly, without apologizing for your feelings.
Accept that not everyone will like your boundaries, and that’s perfectly okay.
Remind yourself that you deserve respect, both from yourself and others.
What thoughts about boundaries come up when you think about your recent experiences?
What’s stopping you from setting clearer boundaries, and what would happen if you did?
How does it feel in your body when you say yes but really want to say no?
What would you want to change if you knew you couldn’t fail?
How can you remind yourself that you have the right to set boundaries, even if it’s uncomfortable?
In the end, it’s about taking responsibility for your life and understanding that you get what you allow. By becoming aware of the boundaries you have, and those you want to set, you can create a richer, more meaningful, and respectful life. So ask yourself, what do you really want to allow?
Marie-Louise Gessner, Life Coach
Marie’s mission is to see others rise and live the life they want. With coaching as a method, Marie helps individuals and groups find clarity, overcome obstacles, set plans, and develop potential and personal growth. Through powerful dialogues in listening, she brings you the supportive tools, and you decide if you will take action on your own answers between the sessions. You do the work, and she is behind you for support.
