You Don’t Have to Earn Your Right to Exist
- 10 hours ago
- 7 min read
Franziska Ursula Stalder is a Swiss trauma-informed coach, hypnotherapist and spiritual mentor. Through her practice FeritaS, a holistic wellbeing space near Bern, she guides children, adolescents and adults back to inner connection, safety and clarity using hypnotherapy, mental coaching, systemic constellations and gentle energy-based therapies.
We live in the age of knowledge. Never before have we had so much access to knowledge as we do today, through education, books, magazines, media, podcasts, social media, everything is available, anytime.
We have heard it all, about the nervous system, about beliefs, about self-love, about inner child work and manifestation.
We know we should set boundaries, that we should put ourselves first, that we are allowed to take care of ourselves, that we are enough.
Still, we struggle with change in our lives, we keep repeating patterns, even when they don’t serve us well.
Why? Because knowledge lives in the mind, change happens through the body.
The big question is, "How do we connect mind and body, and thus our entire body intelligence, and get into action, into change and personal growth?"
I am Franziska Stalder, Life-Essence Expert and founder of feritas.ch. Healing through Love. I guide people back to their life-essence, to what has been within them since the very beginning, holistically, with hypnotherapy, mental coaching, systemic work, Human Design and essences from nature.
Because our body is not just an executive organ for the mind, it is pure intelligence. It regulates everything, breathing, heartbeat, health, without us having to think about it, and it stores what the mind has long forgotten, emotions, imprints, inherited stories.
We don’t connect mind and body by thinking even more, we connect them by learning to feel again, with love for ourselves, by lovingly dissolving the separation between the mind and the rest of the body and beginning to perceive, recognize and honour our needs and emotions.
I know the other side very well, too, the side of looking away.
My strategy of looking away
As a child, I often asked myself, "What am I doing here?" I didn’t feel right. Not beautiful. Alone. Not loved. More like a wrong delivery in this world. At school, I was bullied, at 12 years old, I weighed 108 kilos. I tried to fill my inner emptiness with food.
As a teenager, I lost 30 kilos. Through discipline and willpower, the outside changed. The inner emptiness remained.
Then came the next strategy, being strong. Controlling. Functioning. Carrying. Organizing. Being there for others. My beliefs were, only trust yourself. Keep control, then everything will be fine. I solve problems on my own.
On the outside, everything was working, partner, family, job, own home. On the inside, I had become exhausted because my own strategy was draining me. I knew a lot about personal development. Still, I practiced looking away to perfection. Just one more day. Just one more “I’m fine.” Just one more reason not to do it.
Until my moment of enough! I cannot go on like this.
What really guides us, we have often inherited
Then, in a moment when we truly cannot go on anymore, we realize something that changes everything.
What guides us, we have often inherited and mistaken for our own truth, our deep emotions, our fear of not belonging, our shame, our conviction that we have to be strong.
It was passed down to us over generations, with love and to the best of their knowledge and belief, because back then it was necessary to belong and to be safe.
Perhaps a look that made us insecure, a sentence that stuck, “You’ll never make it”, an experience of war, loss, or silence and secrets in the family, a pattern that was once vital for survival.
Today, it no longer is. Today, it feels limiting, exhausting, heavy.
In my constellation work, I see this every day, with so much heart and respect for every story, a child who plays the class clown because it unconsciously holds a place for another little soul in the system, a woman who cannot trust because trust was dangerous in her family of origin. We carry feelings that are not our own and hold them to be our truth. Why do children find access so quickly? Because they are still closer to their body intelligence, because they still feel.
As long as we believe we are this emotion, change is hard. When we realize, I HAVE an emotion, but I AM not it, space opens up, and in this space, healing begins. We start not only to have needs and emotions, but to truly perceive them.
We are allowed to let go of the need to perform, with love
So many of us live with this quiet drive, I have to perform to be allowed to belong. I have to function to be loved. I have to prove that I am worthy of being here.
But do you know what? From the heart, you don’t have to earn your right to exist.
You are already loved when you are born. You come into this world as a gift, not as a task that still needs to be solved.
With this birth, everything is already within you, self-love. Self-trust. Self-confidence. Self-worth. Life force. Your life-essence.
It was never gone.
Through experiences, imprints and inherited emotions over generations, perhaps only the access was covered, like a layer of clouds in front of the sun. The sun is always there, we just cannot see it right now, and that is exactly why the Lotus Path at feritas.ch exists.
The solution, therefore, is not to become more. It is to regain access. To yourself. To your life-essence. To what has been within you since the very beginning. In self-love.
The hole in the vessel and the growing hurdle
Tthat is exactly why we don’t get into action. We pour water into a vessel that has a hole, more performance, more validation, more knowledge, another book, another course, another podcast. It feels good for a moment, then it drains out again.
We want to break out. We feel, I cannot go on like this. At the last moment, we find a reason not to do it. No time. No money. Not the right moment.
Every time we pull back just before the leap, something happens, the hurdle grows bigger. The old gets stronger. We confirm to ourselves. See, I can’t do it after all. The inner pressure has to keep rising until, at some point, it becomes unbearable.
Does it really have to be like that? Does it have to get so loud that we can no longer look away?
No, from the bottom of my heart, it doesn’t need more pressure, it needs courage and love for yourself.
Take courage by the hand, with heart
Courage is not a feeling that will come someday, courage is a decision in the now. That is what two people who have deeply shaped me teach us around the world.
Tony Robbins says, "Motion creates emotion." You cannot wait until you feel courageous, you have to move. Change your body, your breath, your state, first the movement, then the feeling. Knowledge is not power, implementation is power.
Joe Dispenza says, as long as you live with the thoughts and feelings of yesterday, and often of yesterday from generations ago, you create the same tomorrow over and over again. Real change doesn’t happen when you wait for the future, it happens when you start now to feel like the person you want to be, in "being", not only in doing. This new "being" must be anchored in the body as a new emotion.
This is exactly where the circle closes to the question, "How do we connect mind and body and get into action?"
By stopping to ignore the body. By inviting it again as an intelligent partner. With heart.
What happens when we take courage by the hand, or in other words, when our adult self takes our child self by the hand and says, we are going now, with love.
Suddenly, the perspective changes. With perspective, perception changes.
Things that seemed dark and heavy before suddenly feel different. Not because the outside has become lighter, but because you stand more upright inside.
With courage, you take responsibility for yourself, you no longer live as a marionette led by others, you no longer rely on the outside to feel safe, you give yourself safety. You say, I give back what does not belong to me, and I keep what I truly am, out of love for myself.
For me, this is embodiment, this is arriving in your life-essence, this is arriving in "being", when mind and body speak to each other again, separation is dissolved, and you finally get into action.
Arriving at yourself and arriving in "being"
At feritas.ch, Healing through Love, everything begins with a sentence that comes from the heart, everything you need is already within you. You are enough. Your life-essence was never gone, only the access is covered or interrupted.
My Lotus Path guides you exactly there, in five steps that you can take in your own order, always with heart:
Self-love: Feeling yourself again. Meeting yourself with kindness. With heart.
Life force: Arriving in calm. Regulating your nervous system. Breathing.
Growth: Lovingly giving back old patterns and inherited stories.
Orientation: Finding clarity. What do I no longer want? What do I truly want, from the heart?
Embodiment: Not only understanding the new, but anchoring it in the body as a new emotion and living it.
You don’t need to know what the whole path looks like. You may simply say, I don’t want to continue like this. That is enough. From the heart.
Your small heart moment today, your first step
From the heart, I invite you to a small moment with yourself, 30 seconds that reconnect mind and body. Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly. Breathe in and out deeply. Feel, "What is truly there right now, without judging it?"
Then take a sheet of paper and honestly answer two questions from your heart:
What is enough? What do I no longer want in my life? What no longer feels good, even if I may give it back with love?
What do I want? How do I nourish myself? What feels good, from the heart?
Make it small, make it real, make it today, with heart. It’s never too late to feel yourself anew, never too early to find yourself again. Dare to take the first step.
Read more from Franziska Ursula Stalder
Franziska Ursula Stalder, Holistic Trauma-Informed Coach & Hypnotherapist
Franziska Stalder is a trauma-informed coach, hypnotherapist and spiritual mentor from Switzerland. As the founder of FeritaS, a practice for holistic wellbeing near Bern, she supports children, adolescents and adults who feel overwhelmed, disconnected or shaped by early stress and trauma. After years of working with families and deep training in hypnotherapy, mental coaching and systemic work, she developed a gentle yet powerful way to guide people back to inner safety, self-trust and clarity. She believes that every person already carries the key to their own development and helps activate the inner resources needed for their true potential to unfold. Her mission is healing through love and reconnection.
