Why You Think You Can’t Have It All?
Written by: Prue Sulicich, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
This is for all the mums and wives who want it all.
You can take the woman out of the home, but you can’t take the homemaker out of the woman.
I am a wife, mum and have a house to run. Therefore, I am a homemaker. Yes, that is an old-fashioned term, but one that I have decided to look at from a different perspective.
And why can’t I embrace it? What is so bad about wanting to be a homemaker as well as an entrepreneur? Why do we have to choose?
As a child, I was always maternal and nurturing. I dreamed about having children, creating a loving home, and looking after them with home-cooked meals, quality time, and old-fashioned values.
As I grew and this became a reality, I wanted more. I wanted to be in business. And I have decided it does not need to be an either/or situation. We can have it all! We can be a loving wife, mother and be amazing, successful business women. I plan to do just that, and also help other women do the same.
Starting a business was what I imagined as the perfect balance between wife, mum and success.
Juggling time and energy came with the role, yet I loved it. But, for some reason guilt kept surfacing. As did doubt and imposter syndrome. So what kept me from fully embracing my choices? Because it was my choice. My choice to have kids. My choice to stay home and take on the homemaker role, my choice to start a business. MY CHOICE.
Then why did guilt and doubt keep surfacing? It’s simple.
Outdated beliefs.
Yep, those pesky thoughts we believe to be true, but are actually not! It’s because they have been so well-practiced, they come easily and readily! You can always count on them to slide in when you are about to do something hard, or new, or when things are falling apart in the moment.
Here are the Top 3 beliefs that keep us feeling we are failing at it all, when really, what is happening is we are living our dreams!
ONE: Being a homemaker is unworthy.
You may think you are not contributing financially, therefore are not equal. You may think others do not see the value in your work. Plus, you hear the term housewife and we imagine the 1950’s. No choice but to be a housewife. No equality. Undervalued. No say.
This, my friends, is now not true.
The path laid by our forewomen has given us our independence. To be truly equal in my eyes is to have the choice to do what we want as individuals. We are there. We have the choice.
I don’t spend my days in an apron and headscarf jumping to every whim or need of my family; what I do is keep the place going to a standard I am happy with, that keeps me in a place of mentally being satisfied. I am fulfilling my role to my own standard and doing what makes me happy in my own life.
TWO: We can’t have it all. We can’t be a good Mum and a good business woman.
This thought is very common. But so is the scenario of women having it all. It was not long ago in our history that women did not have a choice. Of course, we are going to think this.
But it also stems from expectation. We hold ourselves to such high expectations that we are bound to fail.
THREE: You can’t outearn your husband/partner if they work a job and have a career.
WOW! This is my own personal favourite. Of course I am going to stay small and play safe if I believe this. This thought is just a flow-on from the first two and no wonder, right?
But it is simply not true! Of course, it is possible to outearn our spouses.
So now what? We have discovered it’s our beliefs holding us back; what do we do with them?
This is my favourite part.
Awareness - write down everything that you think that is keeping you feeling terrible. Then stay in awareness by doing this exercise daily.
Decide - to not think the old thought anymore. I love saying out loud, “I see you old thoughts, thanks for popping in, but I am not thinking of you anymore.” Call it out!
Tweak it. Find a new sentence that you can counter the old thought with in the moment. For example; Being a homemaker is unworthy. To tweak it say; “I am being and doing what I want to please me and my family.”
Then rinse and repeat.
The road to this realization and perspective was long and bumpy. It has taken me years to realize that it is OK to choose the role of homemaker and entrepreneur and validate myself. I don't need anyone else to validate my worthiness.
I know this is true for many women who are entrepreneurs but also mothers and wives.
Don’t dull down your aspirations to be the best housewife, mum, or wife ever just because you want to be an awesome business woman. Do it all! Be it all! It is possible.
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Prue Sulicich, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Prue Sulicich is passionate about offering women the opportunity to know themselves so well, nothing can stand in their way to reach their dreams. Prue identified as a dreamer, but was held back by the belief that women are mothers and wives first. Prue was nervous, shy and someone who never liked to be in the spotlight. Over the last decade, Prue started successful businesses but never took them beyond being a "hobby" because of this belief, even though deep down, aspired for more. After coming out the other side of a major family crisis, Prue was able to hold strong and took her own self-development to the next level. Completing a Life Coaching certification honed her newly found passion to a skill, Prue then founded her business, Head Coach, and is now offering help to women similar to herself, achieve their dreams, be it, weight loss, self-love or anything in between. Prue has big goals in this space and is determined to use her own transformation as an example to other women struggling with self-belief or lost identity by taking small steps to make big changes.
