Why You Can’t Switch Off and the Hidden Link Between Hustle Culture and Emotional Pain
Written by Anna Marson, Registered Psychotherapist
Anna Marson, Doctor of Psychology (PsyD), registered psychotherapist (RP), and Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC), is the founder of Heartfulness Psychotherapy. With 14 years of clinical experience specializing in trauma and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), she helps adults who perform at a high level understand their nervous systems and create lasting change.
Why overworking can become a way to regulate emotions, maintain self-worth, and avoid the discomfort of switching off. In a culture that rewards productivity, working long hours can look like ambition, dedication, or success. But sometimes, the drive to keep working has less to do with what needs to be accomplished and more to do with what happens internally when we stop.
For some people, work provides structure, stimulation, validation, or relief from difficult emotions. Being busy can feel safer than being still. Achievement can temporarily quiet self-doubt, while constant activity can keep painful thoughts and feelings at a distance. The question, then, is not simply how much we work, but what work provides psychologically and what becomes difficult when we step away from it.
When hard work becomes hard to control
Working long hours does not automatically mean someone has a work addiction. The terms workaholism and work addiction are defined differently across the research, but concerns extend beyond hours worked to a person's relationship with work: difficulty disengaging, feeling compelled to work, and continuing despite negative consequences for health, relationships, or functioning.[1] [2]
Two people might work equally long hours for very different reasons. One may find meaning in their work and feel able to switch off, the other may feel restless, guilty, or anxious whenever they are not being productive. Understanding this distinction requires looking beneath the behaviour to the psychological needs it may be serving.
Work as emotional regulation
The self-medication hypothesis, developed by psychiatrist Dr. Edward Khantzian (1997), proposes that people may use substances to manage painful emotional states.[3] More broadly, people may gravitate toward experiences that temporarily relieve distress or help them manage feelings they struggle to regulate. Although developed primarily in relation to substance use, this framework offers a useful lens for considering how compulsive working may also serve a regulatory function. Work can provide temporary relief from anxiety, shame, loneliness, uncertainty, or feelings of inadequacy.
Dr. Gabor Maté (2008) has also explored how addictive patterns can develop in the context of emotional pain, adversity, and unmet needs.[4] His work emphasizes understanding the function a behaviour serves rather than viewing it simply as a failure of willpower. Applied to overworking, these perspectives invite a compassionate inquiry: What might working be doing for me? Is it helping me avoid, soothe, or feel something?
For example, checking email may briefly relieve anxiety about falling behind. That relief reinforces the behaviour, making it more likely to recur. Over time, work can become a familiar way to regulate discomfort, even when it creates additional stress.
This does not mean every hardworking person is avoiding emotional pain. Work can be genuinely meaningful, financially necessary, or demanding. The concern arises when it becomes a primary or increasingly inflexible way of managing inner experience.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and the pull of work
For some adults with ADHD, the relationship with work may also involve differences in attention regulation, motivation, and responsiveness to immediate rewards. Tasks that offer novelty, urgency, challenge, or rapid feedback can be especially engaging. Under these conditions, some people experience hyperfocus: periods of intense absorption that can make disengaging difficult.[5] Work may also provide external structure and a sense of competence, particularly for those who have experienced years of criticism or struggled to meet conventional expectations.
However, ADHD does not inevitably lead to overworking, and hyperfocus is not unique to ADHD. Some people work excessively to pursue stimulation, others may overprepare or remain constantly busy to compensate for perceived shortcomings or fear of making mistakes. These patterns can overlap with anxiety, perfectionism, and shame. Understanding the individual pathway matters more than assuming a single explanation.
The cost of relying on work
When work becomes a central source of emotional regulation or self-worth, stepping away can feel surprisingly uncomfortable. Unfinished tasks may trigger anxiety, rest may evoke guilt, and quiet moments may allow difficult feelings to surface.
Over time, this reliance can narrow a person's sources of satisfaction and stability. Relationships may receive less attention, physical needs may be postponed, and exhaustion may become normalised. The very strategy that once offered relief can begin to undermine wellbeing.
Workplace culture also matters. Constant availability, understaffing, financial pressure, and expectations of relentless productivity can reinforce overworking. Not every long workday reflects an individual psychological difficulty, sometimes the demands are genuinely unreasonable. Personal reflection should not obscure the structural conditions that make disengagement difficult.
5 areas worth exploring
If switching off feels uncomfortable, consider what may be happening beneath the urge to keep working. These are possibilities to explore, not diagnoses. More than one may apply, and the reasons for overworking can change over time.
Emotional regulation: What feelings arise when you stop? Anxiety, sadness, restlessness, loneliness, or guilt may point toward emotions that work helps you manage. The aim is not to eliminate these feelings, but to develop additional ways of responding to them.
Stimulation and engagement: Does work provide challenge, novelty, or momentum that is difficult to find elsewhere? If so, consider whether other meaningful activities could offer stimulation without requiring constant productivity.
Self-worth and identity: Does being productive help you feel capable, valuable, or deserving of respect? If your sense of worth depends heavily on achievement, rest may feel like evidence of inadequacy rather than a normal human need.
Relationships and connection: Does work sometimes provide a reason to postpone difficult conversations, vulnerability, or closeness? This is not always conscious, and work may genuinely compete with connection for time and energy. Consider whether busyness is occasionally easier than being emotionally present.
Control and certainty: Does staying busy help you feel prepared or in control? When life feels uncertain, work can offer measurable tasks and clear goals. Yet some uncertainty cannot be resolved through greater effort, and trying to control every outcome can become exhausting.
Beginning to change the pattern
Change does not require abandoning ambition or forcing yourself into extended periods of inactivity. It begins with noticing the relationship between discomfort and the urge to work.
Pause before responding. When you feel compelled to check email or start another task, briefly notice what you are feeling and what you hope working will provide.
Practise small moments of disengagement. Take a short break or leave a task unfinished until the next work period. Notice any discomfort without immediately trying to resolve it.
Broaden your sources of wellbeing. Invest in relationships, movement, creativity, rest, or other meaningful experiences that support connection and self-worth outside achievement.
If overworking feels difficult to control or is significantly affecting your health and relationships, psychotherapy or coaching can help explore the underlying patterns and build alternative ways of regulating emotions. The goal is not simply to work less, but to develop greater choice in how you respond to internal discomfort.
A different relationship with work
Work can be a meaningful source of purpose, connection, and accomplishment. The difficulty arises when it becomes the primary way we feel capable, worthwhile, or emotionally safe.
Understanding what keeps us working can open the door to change. Rather than judging the behaviour, we can become curious about the needs beneath it and begin meeting those needs in more flexible ways. Sometimes, the most important step toward a healthier relationship with work is learning that we do not have to earn our right to rest.
Read more from Anna Marson
Anna Marson, Registered Psychotherapist
Anna Marson, PsyD, RP, CCC, is a registered psychotherapist and founder of Heartfulness Psychotherapy, with a Doctor of Psychology and 14 years of clinical experience specializing in trauma, ADHD, attachment, brain injury, and addiction. Her doctoral research established a trauma-informed framework for understanding ADHD's interpersonal neurobiological roots. Drawing on this work, she helps clients understand their nervous systems and build lasting pathways to change. She was a guest presenter on PESI's webinar, "Rethinking ADHD with Gabor Maté and Terry Matlen: From Origins to Healing." She believes every brain holds the capacity to heal and that the right map makes all the difference.
References:
[1] Andreassen, C. S. (2014). Workaholism: An overview and current status of the research. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 3(1), 1 to 11.
[2] Griffiths, M. D., Demetrovics, Z., & Atroszko, P. A. (2018). Ten myths about work addiction. Journal of Behavioral Addictions, 7(4), 845 to 857.
[3] Khantzian, E. J. (1997). The self-medication hypothesis of substance use disorders: A reconsideration and recent applications. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 4(5), 231 to 244.
[4] Maté, G. (2008). In the realm of hungry ghosts: Close encounters with addiction. Knopf Canada.
[5] Kooij, J. J. S., Bijlenga, D., Salerno, L., Jaeschke, R., Bitter, I., Balazs, J., Thome, J., Dom, G., Kasper, S., Nunes Filipe, C., Stes, S., Mohr, P., Leppämäki, S., Casas, M., Bobes, J., McCarthy, J. M., Richarte, V., Kjems Philipsen, A., Pehlivanidis, A., Asherson, P. (2019). Updated European consensus statement on diagnosis and treatment of adult ADHD. European Psychiatry, 56(1), 14 to 34.
