Why Do We Say Yes When Really, We Want To Say No?
- Aug 23, 2023
- 4 min read
Written by: Natalie Johnston, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Learn what is causing you to overcommit and lose sight of your own desires, resulting in feelings of resentfulness and overwhelm. By listening to your inner knowing and making choices aligned with your true desires, you will become authentic and magnetic, attracting others through your genuine happiness.
We get ourselves into some right old messes, don’t we? We are so used to saying yes. Our people-pleasing tendencies override our true desires and before we know it, we’ve taken on 10 extra projects at work, agreed to take part in the school bake sale, and volunteered to host our neighbors for a dinner party.
Of course, these are just some examples, but they could be smaller things, such as agreeing to a meeting that is not a priority for you to attend or it could be accepting that after-work drink when you in fact want to go to the gym or just go home and read a book.
All these little moments across all areas of our life, work, home, and friendships, we say yes, when deep down we know, we want to say no.
You may say, Natalie “I don’t know what I want to do, so sometimes it's easier to just go with the flow.” I would argue that you do know. Your body always knows.
You need to connect with your intuition. That gut feeling that happens inside your body. You must become aware of your senses. Next time you are asked to do something, take a step back, and notice, do you get small feelings of hesitation. Or do you even have a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach? These are all signs.
“If it’s not hell yes, then it’s a no”
You may have heard the saying, ‘If it’s not a hell yes, then it’s a no” and I believe this to be one of the truest quotes written. If it’s a wholehearted yes, you will know it immediately in your mind and body. You will feel the excitement, you will feel happiness, you will feel joy, you will feel energised.
If it’s a no, or I’m not sure, you will feel hesitation. You will feel the need to question and weigh up the pros and cons before making a choice. You may even get a feeling of dread in your stomach.
The thing is, our bodies always know and are always telling us. We just need to identify the signs. When we start to notice these signs, it becomes impossible to ignore them.
We try to override our inner knowing by rationalising
However, so many of us try to override our body’s inner knowing by rationalising things in our brains. “Well I really should go to Sandra’s after-work drinks, because it will look really bad if I don’t go”, “I should accept this meeting because it will show management how willing and hard working I am” “I should take part in the school coffee morning because it means I have "done my bit" for the school and the staff will know I’m an active parent”.
Do you notice a trend with these internal narratives? We override what we want to do and our own needs, usually through trying to please or gain acceptance from others. We try to alleviate the things that others can say about us and tell ourselves “If we just do all the 'right things' then nobody can say anything bad about us.” We fear what others will think or say.
But where does that leave us? Usually overcommitted, time-poor, and doing things day in, day out that don’t bring us joy or happiness. We say yes when we want to say no because of fear. Fear of being judged, fear of negative ramifications, fear of being left out, fear of what others will say. FEAR.
When we start to listen to our inner knowing, we become magnetic
What if I told you that when you start to listen and tune into your body, making decisions based on your terms, on what you really wanted to do, you will get all those excited and energised feelings? You will build trust in your choices and decision-making, and over time, you will no longer feel fears or guilt when making decisions. Instead, you will become magnetic.
What do I mean by this? Well, it is so rare in life to come across people that are living authentically, living their truth, following their passions, saying yes and meaning it, making choices from a place of joy rather than fear, and doing things that light their soul on fire.
Others are drawn to these types of people like a magnet because they can see how happy and content they are. Because honestly, who doesn't want to be happy? True happiness shines through and isn’t something that can be easily faked.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying never help anyone, great joy and fulfillment can be found in helping others, but make sure it’s the right people and a choice that feels great for you.
Remember if it's not a hell yes it’s a no.
Next time you catch your mind trying to overrule your gut instinct, pause, stop yourself, and remember there is nothing to fear by saying no. You can not control other people anyway, so you may as well stop trying
Be you, listen to your inner knowing, live your authentic truth and please stop saying yes, when in fact you want to say no.
Follow TTM Coaching on Instagram, Linkedin, and TikTok, or visit our website. Or you can find me, Natalie on Instagram, LinkedIn, and TikTok.
Natalie Johnston, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Natalie Johnston is Founder of TTM Coaching. Natalie is an accredited coach, BA graduate, speaker and experienced marketeer. She has spent her working career in Scotland, North America, and London. TTM Coaching was born from her belief that we can all become the best version of ourselves and when we do the work on the inside, the impact is felt on the outside, creating the ‘ripple effect’ of positive change. Fuelled by her desire to ensure the workplace, of which we rely on to meet so many of our physical and psychological human needs, is a place where individuals can grow and thrive. Natalie dedicates her time to working with individuals and organisations to unlock their full potential.
