Why Balancing Non-Judgment, Empathy, and Compassion Is the Key to Understanding Others
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 23
- 3 min read
Updated: Oct 26
Michelle Sherbun came to her career first as a vocalist and an actor. And while she no longer performs, the listening and improv skills she honed on stage became the foundation for the leadership coaching she does today.
A story: Judgment, empathy, and compassion walk into a bar. Judgment pushes ahead of everyone else and orders first. Empathy asks what's really going on with the bartender today. He normally handles bullying customers. Compassion, well, compassion quietly picks up everyone's tab.
While it makes for an interesting joke, reality is not far off.
True story, I remember a friend telling me about standing in a pharmacy line with a small group of customers during COVID. A gentleman rushed in and stepped ahead of everyone else to get a prescription. The group openly expressed their anger at what the man had done and were frustrated that the pharmacist had just let him ignore the line (judgment). Then the group saw how upset the gentleman was. Once he had the prescription, he rushed off. The group realized it was an emergency and commented on how concerned the gentleman looked (empathy). Then someone in the group said they were sorry they had reacted without knowing what was going on (compassion).
As simple as this story may be, it’s a great example of judging others. The reality is, we get triggered often. Our emotions erupt before we can realize, or even understand, what just happened. We move from a neutral stance to emotional judgment in a nanosecond. Unfortunately, when we judge, we create distance. We disconnect. We see those we judge as objects or obstructions rather than meeting them as people.
So, how do we create greater awareness to avoid getting triggered? Practice. Practice with the goal of tapping into empathy. Carl Rogers, an American psychologist and one of the founders of humanistic psychology, described empathy as “the highest expression of accepting and non-judgment.” However, what if empathy by itself is not enough?
Beyond empathy is compassion, the desire to alleviate suffering. Compassion requires that we activate empathy. In this shared partnership, we create a way to be in the world that’s more open, connected, and responsive to all the complexities of our human experience. We literally free ourselves from judgment. We recognize suffering as suffering, worthy of compassion.
This belief, the partnering of empathy and compassion, also allows us to better relate to and understand ourselves. Self-compassion requires the same kind of nonjudgment toward our own struggles and the empathy to understand our inner experiences with love and openness. Suspending judgment, allowing ourselves to fully immerse in the experience (empathy), and responding with kindness (compassion) awaken our curiosity and enable us to meet life with openness rather than armored evaluation. When we live a life of self-compassion, we nurture compassion for the world we live in.
The power of connection through nonjudgment, empathy, and compassion
“The nature of humanity, its essence, is to feel another’s pain as one’s own. And to act to take that pain away. There is nobility in compassion. A beauty in empathy. A grace in forgiveness.” – John Connolly, Irish Poet
Yes, we live in a tumultuous world, and our nonjudgment, empathy, and compassion are desperately needed now more than ever, if not for sanity in the world, then for sanity within ourselves.
Remember, turmoil brews self-judgment inward and outward, so seek clarity. What emotions are we feeling? Where are they coming from? Then give the emotions a name and take away their power. When we acknowledge the emotions swirling around us, we are reminded that judging will only add layers of criticism that keep us from learning, growing, and accepting ourselves and others.
So, work to be like compassion in the story above. Take a breath, silently, and simply pick up the tab.
“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.” – Walt Whitman
Michelle M Sherbun, Executive Leadership Coach
Michelle Sherbun came to her career first as a vocalist and an actor. And while she no longer performs, the listening and improv skills she honed on stage became the foundation for the leadership coaching she does today. Whether partnering with an individual leader or working with a nonprofit or business team, she taps and nurtures their courage, curiosity, and creativity to create the possible. Her favorite question: WHY?
