When Love Feels Like Friendship but it Hurts and How to Rekindle Passion in Your Relationship
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 2
- 4 min read
Written by Ariane & Beatriz, Sex Coach
"BliXX is a somatic-spiritual version of a cutting-edge therapeutic modality. It goes deep and is absolutely life-changing."
Many couples find themselves in a relationship that is peaceful, harmonious, and filled with mutual respect, yet something crucial is missing: passion. The dynamic may feel more like a deep friendship than a romantic relationship. You feel safe, relaxed, and comfortable with your partner, but the spark that once made your heart race has dimmed.
Over time, intimacy can become routine, mismatched libidos can create frustration, and unspoken desires can lead to a cat-and-mouse game of unfulfilled longing. Sometimes, we assume our partner still enjoys the same things they did years ago, ignoring their personal growth and changing desires. Other times, we may fantasize about something new, dream about passion elsewhere, or even find ourselves tempted to cheat. If you recognize yourself in any of these scenarios, don’t worry; you’re not alone, and there are ways to reignite attraction.
Understanding the problem
Before finding solutions, it’s important to identify the root causes of fading passion:
Routine and predictability: Comfort is essential in a relationship, but too much predictability kills excitement. The brain craves new experiences; doing the same thing repeatedly can diminish desire.
Unexpressed desires: Many people fear rejection or embarrassment when it comes to discussing their sexual wants.
Mismatched libidos: Differences in sexual desire can lead to one partner feeling rejected and the other feeling pressured.
Mental fantasies and emotional distance: If your imagination is more exciting than reality, or if you’re emotionally distant, attraction naturally fades.
Lack of understanding of the “click”: Most of us have a trigger that instantly ignites desire, such as a scent, a certain tone of voice, a dominant gesture, or a deeply personal fetish. When that "click" is unknown and missing, attraction can feel forced or absent, making intimacy feel like an obligation rather than an organic, electric connection.
How to reignite attraction in a relationship
If you want to bring back passion, you need to break patterns and reintroduce mystery, excitement, and vulnerability into your relationship.
1. Communicate openly about desires
Honest conversations about sexual needs and fantasies can bridge the emotional and physical gap between you and your partner. Try the following:
Set aside a relaxed, judgment-free time to talk about what excites you.
Instead of criticizing what’s missing, focus on what you’d love to explore together.
Use playful language rather than pressure; curiosity breeds openness.
2. Rediscover each other as new people
One mistake long-term couples make is assuming they already know everything about each other. But people change! Try this:
Ask each other fun, deep, and even intimate questions as if you were dating again.
Engage in activities that neither of you has done before to create novelty.
Dress up for each other like you would in the early days of your relationship.
3. Flirt again like strangers
Flirting isn’t just for new couples; it’s a powerful tool to reignite attraction:
Send teasing messages during the day.
Make lingering eye contact across the room.
Compliment each other in unexpected ways.
Play hard to get occasionally to create anticipation.
4. Introduce playfulness and adventure
Adventure and playfulness create dopamine, the same chemical responsible for early-stage romantic attraction:
Plan spontaneous dates with surprises.
Play sensual games where you explore each other’s fantasies.
Change locations to take intimacy outside the bedroom for a fresh experience.
5. Prioritize physical intimacy beyond sex
Sometimes, couples only touch when they expect sex, which can create pressure. Try reconnecting through:
Holding hands, hugging, and gentle touches throughout the day.
Giving each other massages to build closeness without expectation.
Spend time and have conversations being naked around each other.
Practicing mindful presence during intimacy rather than just focusing on the outcome.
6. Break the “chaser-runner” dynamic
If one partner is always initiating and the other is avoiding, shift the energy:
The initiator should step back and allow space for their partner to desire them.
The less enthusiastic partner can make small moves to show interest without pressure.
Creating moments of mystery (spending some time apart, having separate interests) can reignite longing.
7. Create polarity to spark desire
Counterintuitively, too much closeness can reduce attraction. A little space can make the heart grow fonder:
Spend time pursuing separate hobbies or socializing apart.
Travel solo or take a weekend away to miss each other.
Embrace the dance of masculine and feminine energies to restore passion and desire.
8. Explore fantasy in a safe way
If your mind wanders to forbidden places, it might be a sign that you need to inject excitement into your relationship. Consider:
Reading erotic stories together to open discussions about desires.
Role-playing different dynamics to break routine.
Trying new experiences within your comfort zone.
9. Experience the ultimate reconnection at our tantra & BDSM retreat
If you’re looking for a powerful way to reignite passion, break old patterns, and explore new depths of intimacy, join us at our exclusive Tantra & BDSM retreat. Designed to help couples rediscover attraction through conscious sensuality, polarity, and playful exploration, our retreat provides:
Guided experiences to unlock hidden desires.
Tools to deepen connection and break routine.
A safe space to explore passion and intimacy in new ways.
Conclusion
A relationship that feels like friendship isn’t necessarily doomed; it’s a solid foundation that just needs a spark. Passion isn’t something that fades permanently; it’s something that can be reignited with effort, curiosity, and a willingness to explore beyond routine. By fostering open communication, embracing novelty, and allowing space for desire to grow, you can transform your relationship from “comfortable companionship” back into a love affair filled with excitement and deep intimacy.
Read more from Ariane & Beatriz
Ariane & Beatriz, Sex Coach
At BliXX, we believe that personal development or therapy must include the body, that's why we are using conscious kink as a transforamtive tool that impacts all areas of life. Having touched over 2,500 lives globally, we're committed to helping people transfrom shame into authenticity and power. We offer deep transformational experiences through one-on-one coaching and week-long retreats for individuals and couples.
