What Do I Do When My Inner Circle Is Not Supportive?
Written by: Mona AlHebsi, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
During one of our casual sister talks, a sister of mine has asked me to write about this topic; and was interested to learn my insights about the matter.
I know this topic will be relevant to so many of you, especially at times when you are thinking to bring about a change in your life, do something completely new or unconventional in your surroundings or focus more on yourself and interests rather than being readily available to everyone else. On such occasions, rather than getting emotional support and encouragement from those people closest to us, most of us will be usually faced with gloomy remarks, sarcasm, or even emotional blackmailing just because we’ve decided to be different, design our life and own our destiny.
Many of us respond to these weird behaviors by doubting ourselves and our dreams and wondering whether they are realistic. But hey, wait… who said dreams and aspirations need to be realistic?! In the same way, who said that we can achieve anything better or bigger than what we currently have by staying the same as we are?
Of course, societal norms, status quo, peer pressure and negative people will always be there to instigate our hidden fears and provoke our inner saboteur so as to restrain us from rising towards our dreams and confine us to what we already know and call it “a comfort zone”, but is it really comfortable in anyway? This reminds me of a remarkable quote by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend that goes: “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change”. How true!
So, in such a life scenario when let’s say I’m in great physical or emotional pain due to my current behaviors, surroundings, convictions or choices; would it really matter to me an ounce what others around me thinking or feeling about my new life plan?! I think this must be the mindset for those who complain about not having a supportive inner circle. I will even go further and ask you to evaluate why you chose to have such people in your inner circle in the first place?! Unless you are talking about members from your close family (which is understandable), but otherwise you really need to pick and choose your close circle or tribe.
Besides nurturing a positive mindset, we also need to create situations & scenarios that will contribute towards charging our energy and enthusiasm to help us focus on our goals and turn them into reality, and certainly, our inner circle has a big impact on that.
Now let’s tackle the issues that may stem from self-sabotage and limiting beliefs that mostly originate from a difficult childhood or a wounded inner child. These issues will mostly reveal themselves to us through the repeated patterns we see in our lives especially through our relationships. Unless we identify those patterns and do intense inner work, we will be inverting in the same rollercoaster. I love how beautifully Carl Jung articulated this: “Until you make the unconscious conscious; it will direct your life and you will call it fate”.
As we continue healing our childhood traumas and programming, we would also need to step up and believe in ourselves and our infinite potential to direct our life and steer it towards our desired destination. We must adopt “Self-Assurance” as a way of life, and this is by the way one of the 34 dominant themes in Clifton Strength Finder Assessment. In a nutshell, people with high self-assurance have the confidence in their abilities to take risks, meet new challenges and manage their own life. They do this by using their inner compass that gives them certainty in their decisions because they don’t just have the confidence in their abilities, but in their judgment as well.
So, in order to facilitate this, I urge you to make self-reflection a regular practice in your routine. During this sacred self-retreat, It’s worth taking a moment and asking yourself the following questions:
What will make me happy & alive?
What am I waiting for?
What is the cost of waiting?
What made me decide to start in the first place?
Why am I putting unnecessary pressure on myself?
How can I get started with a small step TODAY itself?
And so on…
To sum up, there wouldn’t be a better time to gain new perspectives on life and think seriously about taking courageous steps towards creating your best life than TODAY! As we are preparing to welcome THE NEW YEAR 2022, let’s ensure that the life foundation we layout to get there and to move on from there is an AUTHENTIC and SOLID one. This foundation must be laid for us by us to honor our dreams and turn them into actionable goals worth living or even dying for when necessary. Stop scarifying your dreams for others, there is nothing inspiring in that, what’s more inspiring rather is to stay true to yourself and calling despite the myriad external attempts to distract you.
So, my plain answer to the question of “What Do I Do When My Inner Circle Are Not Supportive”? Is: “Choose Yourself”! Such people are not worth keeping in your circle anyways if they are not supportive and encouraging. And remember, you are not created to be a MARTYR but to be a WINNER!
I’ve read this somewhere and will quote it here for your benefit: “Notice the people who celebrate your achievements, wish you a happy birthday, get excited about your goals, and encourage you to do better without losing your sense of self. Those are the people worth keeping around”. In other words, once you find yourself, your worry about losing others will become secondary!
If you find yourself struggling to overcome toxic work patterns and feel stuck in a mediocre job, know that you are not alone. Career & Success Coaches like myself can help you be aware of your blind spots while guiding you towards career options that will make you achieve personal effectiveness and fulfillment. You can email me at info@monaalhebsi.com
Mona AlHebsi, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Mona AlHebsi, is an Award Winning Hotelier, HR Practitioner, Success Coach, Renowned Author and Speaker. She has recently been named as “Most Influential Woman in Hospitality Human Capital” and "Inspirational Female Leader" due to her eminent contributions in the hospitality industry and Human Resources profession.
Through her book “Beat The Odds”, Mona is aiming to provide a roadmap to all hoteliers and working professionals on how to make their work a vehicle to delivering excellence and achieving astounding success. She instinctively knows how to ignite the courage in others to stay true to their values and capitalize on their strengths, which will ultimately steer them towards success and fulfilment. Mona's life mantra is "The more odds you beat, the greater will be your feat"!
