Written by: Chris Janssen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I felt overwhelmed and fearful the other night for our world—unrest in Afghanistan, the earthquake aftermath in Haiti, wildfires in the West, floods and hurricanes in the East and the continuing global pandemic. My husband asked a simple question that propelled me to change my perspective. “What are you afraid of exactly?” In pondering how to answer him I realized that all my anxiety stemmed from 'what ifs.' What if life as I know it is gone for good? What if our troops don’t return from Afghanistan safely? What if a natural disaster hits my town next? What if my family gets sick? What if I get sick? What if more people lose their jobs? What if more businesses close? What if more people die? What if I die? What if, what if, what if?
There are new unknowns about the future of life, health, business and human rights now—just like there always have been.
Did I really know when my loved ones or I would die, or what tomorrow held, before? I did not. The 'what ifs' I was fearing were outside of my control. Challenging events happened before, are happening now, and will continue to happen.
Your fear over a life circumstance will not change the circumstance. Your mindset during any event will determine how you show up for it, and encourage those around you to show up productively as well. If you already have a problem, adding fear to that problem is just layering on a second problem. The more you layer, the more anxious, brain-fogged and unable to problem-solve you’ll get. There is great power in layering clarity and calmness on instead. Problems happen. You fear the problems you expect shouldn't exist. You face problems when you believe you already have everything you need within you in each moment to keep showing up and moving forward. Showing up for life when it’s scary does not feel safe. It takes bravery. And you are brave.
Fear is natural. Overwhelm and anxiety is just one option for responding to fear. There are other options. You have the power to choose your response. If you want to face fear and use it to fuel you instead of deflate you, first ask yourself the question my husband asked me, what are you afraid of exactly? You must know the target in order to throw a dart at it. Now you can grab a piece of paper or a notebook and list the things you have control over at that moment. For example, what you choose to focus on, your thoughts, what you eat or drink, your beliefs, your words, your actions, what you read, what you watch, what you listen to, how you manage your time, how you pray, what headlines you focus on and what stories you tell yourself. Make a second list of what you cannot control. This is usually the circumstance or event that triggered the fear. The second list is a reminder. If you fret over anything on that second list, remember it is outside of your sphere of influence, so celebrate—you are off the hook for managing that thing. Keep bringing focus back to the list of what you can control in that present moment.
There have always been and continue to be real threats to the human race’s way of life and survival. You will be most effective in facing any unwanted fear when you do not give that threat the power to control your mind and emotions. You get to decide to give away your power to choose a fruitful mindset in the midst of an unfruitful situation or not. By choosing a focused and meaningful mindset, we choose effective action over ineffective fear.
My oldest child recently finished three years of active duty with the US Army, 82nd Airborne. Currently, his brothers and sisters in arms are serving in Afghanistan, some of them on their first deployment. In the midst of immense turmoil, these soldiers are able to offer fierce compassion in action because they have been trained to focus on what they can control instead of fearing what they cannot control. They cannot control the hurtful choices of other people and groups. They can control their trained response to current events.
You cannot manage all of your life circumstances. You can manage your response to and interpretation of them. You can train yourself how to respond by:
Use your emotions as alarm bells. If you feel a way you don't want to feel, stop and celebrate your awareness. To this point, it is just a feeling, nothing more.
Immediately ask yourself, what just went through my brain? Some thought happened, either consciously or subconsciously, to give you the unwanted feeling. What was it? Find it. It may have been in the form of a question like, why is this happening or why does this always happen to me?
Now that you’ve found the triggering thought and brought it to awareness, you are able to manage it. This is great news! If the thought was a question, flip it to a question that serves you instead. Whenever your brain asks a lousy question like, why is this happening? the brain will also provide a lousy answer like some version of, because life stinks. So flip the question to something like, what skills or strengths will I discover in myself because this happened? How will I get to be creative and play a part in the solution?
Now condition your new thought or question. You can turn this thought into a mantra and repeat it throughout the day, out loud or to yourself. Write it down. Take a screenshot of it for your phone or computer wallpaper. Scribble it on your bathroom mirror. Record yourself reciting the mantra with hand motions and re-watch the video. You retain information differently from others. Find what works best for you to get the new thought into your physiology and nervous system. You will disrupt an old neural pathway and develop a better one that serves you.
It takes time to create new patterns of thinking. Be patient. It took time to develop your old go-to thought patterns and it takes repetition to condition the new ones as well. You may need to repeat an empowering mantra several times before you believe it. It’s okay to decide what you want to think cognitively and allow your feelings to catch up to that truth over time. Keep using your emotions to alert you when it’s time to be extra vigilant about the thoughts you are entertaining. Continue replacing the unhelpful thoughts with helpful thoughts.
If a thought doesn’t serve you, dump it and replace it. In doing so, you will serve others and your environment most effectively.
Shifting your focus from what you cannot manage to what you can manage, will save unnecessary and unproductive anxiety over circumstances. Depending on the life event, sadness or grief may remain. That’s okay. You can let these and other natural emotions in most productively once fear clears out.
How will you feel when you shift your focus to now and what you can manage? What’s great about the present moment? What have you gained since the event you’re tempted to fear? What can you do right now that will benefit you and others in 6-12 months from now? Write your answers down.
What if your Higher Power took away your illusion of control over the future so you would lean into that Power even more completely? What would you trust your Higher Power with? Write it down and celebrate your bravery.
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Chris Janssen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Chris Janssen is a Board Certified Life Coach with an honest, strategic style who helps her clients master habits and skills to move toward and thrive in what they love. Chris excels in working with high performers and understands the character traits associated with driven achievers. As a trained Business Coach, Chris specializes in closing the gap between where a company or individual is and where they want to be. Chris partners with her clients to access their creativity and resourcefulness necessary to achieve the sustainable results they want. She cares deeply about her clients' careers, relationships, spirituality, wellness, health, patterns, and mindsets. Chris says her clients are experts at what they do and she is an expert at the psychology of what they do. Together they are unstoppable.
