The Two Keys To Unlocking Confidence
- Oct 22, 2021
- 5 min read
Updated: Jul 22, 2022
Written by: Sarah Moody, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I used to joke that as a woman in the tech industry, believing I wasn’t smart enough was just an occupational hazard. Being surrounded by the most brilliant people on the planet every day is amazing...at least until the compare-and-despair sets in. Then, you find yourself slowly sliding down the slippery slope of “I’m not smart enough”--it creeps in when you notice how great that other manager’s team meeting went, it second guesses you when you want to share in that meeting, and it jumps out when you consider applying for that promotion. And that dream job at another company? Yeah right, it’s too stressful to even consider updating your LinkedIn! If you’ve noticed that vague anxiety of self-doubt running through your brain all day, you’re not alone. I call this Insecure Overachiever Syndrome and I’m guessing that millions of people around the globe are suffering from it every day. Thankfully, there is a cure.
The funny thing about Insecure Overachiever Syndrome is that your brain is TRYING to help you, it’s just not particularly effective. Neuroscience tells us that because humans evolved as pack animals, our brains are hardwired to be constantly assessing our status in comparison to others. In fact, our primitive brains are so concerned with gathering data to avoid being thrown out of the group, we have developed unconscious filtering that excludes any evidence contrary to what we already believe is important. You might have heard this phenomenon called cognitive bias. At some point in time, when our ability to survive depended on our belonging to a small social group, this probably served us pretty well! But current studies tell us that consistent negative self-comparison isn’t just holding us back at work, it’s making us more anxious, depressed, lonely, and risk-averse than ever before. This is especially true for women, and even more exacerbated by things like high pressure work environments. So perhaps I was right, this is an occupational hazard!
But like I said, there is an antidote to Insecure Overachiever Syndrome. If compare-and-despair is the problem, then the solution is compare-and-explore. “Compare-and-explore” was coined by English researcher Edward Noon, and refers to the way that your brain’s natural tendencies can be redirected to support positive identity development. Translation: you can actually reprogram your brain to create confidence, without changing anything external to you.
The first step in reprogramming your brain is learning to neutralize your brain’s current default patterns. Often, our automatic reaction to negative thoughts is to try to jump to a positive thought or tell ourselves the negative thought isn’t true. Unfortunately, this is rarely effective--it's like slamming on the gas and the brake at the same time. At best, it doesn’t get you anywhere, and at worst, it leaves you feeling even more depleted than you already did.
Instead, try noticing your thoughts, and creating a neutral “bridge thought” that moves you towards your goal thought. For example, if your current thought is, “I’m not qualified enough for that position” and your goal thought is “I’m amazing for position,” start by practicing “It’s possible that I am a better fit for that job than I believe I am.” To ensure that your bridge thought is effective, make sure to check in with your body. How does it feel when you think about it? Maybe you feel a little less anxious like you’re able to take a deeper breath or relax your shoulders when you think that. If you don’t notice any change, try a new bridge thought and make it even more neutral. You can literally start with something as basic as “I have a job now.”
The second step in reprogramming your brain is training your brain to seek evidence for what you would like to believe, instead of whatever BS it's fixated on right now. Think about it this way: your brain’s currently in the habit of finding evidence for all of your insecurities. You can repurpose that brain power to serve as evidence for whatever you want to believe, by practicing new neural pathways focused on those goals. The best strategy I have found for building those new patterns is visualizing your Future Self. Don’t worry, this isn’t woo-woo crystals and affirmations. Empirical studies have documented the power of visualization in maximizing performance for decades, with everyone from first graders to Olympic athletes. You can do the same thing.
Start by thinking about yourself 5 years from now. In your wildest dreams, what would you hope you are doing? What are you wearing? What do you eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Who are you talking to? What are you thinking about? Dig into those granular details of your life that you wish were different. Now ask yourself, what would my future self tell me to start doing today? What would my future self tell me to stop doing? What thought does my future self believe that I don’t right now? Answering these questions will give you a map of where to practice new bridge thoughts. Finally, if you were your future self, what would you be feeling emotionally? Maybe it's proud, or excited, or clear. Whatever it is, think about how that emotion feels in your body. Can you feel it? That emotion is a powerful incentive for your primitive brain. Practice that feeling each day by finding small wins to trigger it, even if it’s just congratulating yourself for reading this article. Baby steps might not be sexy, but they sure are effective.
If you want to exit the hamster wheel of self-doubt and insecurity, you have the option to do so, simply by exercising that beautiful 3 lb brain of yours. Remember: this shit isn’t a quick fix and your Type A tendencies are likely to rebel against the idea of incremental change. But I promise that if you practice these two tools, bridging thoughts and future self visualization, for thirty days, you can transform your own brain. So now the question becomes, what will you do when you stop believing you’re not smart enough?
Sarah Moody, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sarah is the only certified coach who:
Recovered from decades of anorexia and bulimia.
Has been a tech veteran for the past 20 years and started a company from scratch after getting fired from a job in 2001. Clients are some of the largest software enterprises in the world, and the company has grown by over 400% in revenue.
Has coached hundreds of clients and is on a mission to help other high achievers like herself, break through burnout and bring magic back into their career and life.
