The Power of Mindfulness in Parenting – Exclusive Interview with Noreen Chadha

Noreen Chadha is a transformational coach in the field of leadership and conscious parenting. With a background in hospitality operations and emotional intelligence assessments, she has been coaching and leading workshops on a variety of themes for people all over the world. Drawing from her knowledge of mindfulness techniques and fundamental neuroscience, Noreen supports her clients in their quest to move towards a more present, joyful and peaceful way of living, leading and parenting.

Noreen Chadha, Leadership & Conscious Parenting Coach

Where does your interest in mindfulness and neuroscience come from, and how does it help your clients?

Out of everything I’ve tried over the years, I have found that the practice of total presence has been the most powerful way to get to know myself and have more self compassion. Being able to observe my thoughts and how my body feels has ultimately helped me the most in bringing about change. The work of Michael Singer and Eckhart Tolle have had a big impact on me. I spent so many years trying to escape and not feel the “stuff” that comes up, but unfortunately the only way forward is through.

The many benefits of mindfulness are backed up by science. The state of being fully aware of all our senses in the present moment helps us switch from our sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) to our parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest). This allows more creativity and social connection, and engages our prefrontal cortex, the more rational part of our brain that deals with decision making and consequences. Knowing the fundamentals of how our brain functions to keep us safe, is something my clients find extremely useful in figuring out why they act the way they do. It creates a nice starting point for exploration.

The majority of your clients in the past years have been senior leaders in major corporations. What made you want to shift focus towards working with parents? 

I noticed that many of my clients were also coming to me with challenges that were showing up at home, the relationship with their children being a big one. As any parent will tell you, when things don’t go smoothly with one or all of your kids, it can take up all your energy and make it hard to focus on other things. As a (sometimes frustrated and exhausted) parent of two myself, I realized that we could all use some support in that arena. 

What is conscious parenting exactly? 

I got introduced to the concept through the world’s leading expert in the field, Dr Shefali Tsabary, whose coaching institute I ended up joining. Combining Western psychology with Eastern philosophy, she realized after decades of working with families, that there is more to parenting than what’s on the surface. Our children trigger things in us, hold up mirrors for us, and teach us a lot about ourselves and about life.

Conscious parenting is a powerful and at the same time non judgemental approach. It focuses on the growth and self awareness of us as parents ourselves. This encourages us to respect our children for who they are, the stage of development they are in and what their brains are capable of at each age. 

How is it different from other parenting styles ?

There are so many different styles of parenting these days, “gentle parenting” “positive parenting”, “free range”, “authoritative” vs “authoritarian” the list goes on. Conscious parenting isn’t actually a style of parenting I would say, it’s more of a mindset, a perspective a parent can take. It’s one where you regularly practice introspection and build your inner awareness. This allows parents to see their children for who they really are and what they really need. It creates a lot more authenticity, compassion and peace in a family.

I had a client who fought with his son every night over doing homework. The son just wanted to play video games or chat on the phone, and ignored the father completely. It drove the father crazy and they ended up arguing almost every evening.The situation affected the energy in the house, dinner time and the younger sibling. The father felt that getting good grades was extremely important and believed his son was lazy. The son thought his father was way too strict and didn’t understand him. 

Together we started to look at what was underneath the issue. What were the fears? What were the triggers? Where did they come from? What did the son really need? Was it “laziness” or was there something else going on? We began to create room for curiosity and empathy. From that place the father could start to re-connect with his son and have more productive conversations. In the end the son needed a lot more support and understanding. The father needed to let go of the control and his fears around his son’s future. Ultimately the dynamic in the home shifted and there is now a lot more respect for each other. 

Why do you feel this work towards consciousness as parents is so important now?

The post baby boomer generations of parents in the Western world today are much more involved in their children’s lives than ever before. To name a few, Jonathan Haidt, Gabor Mate and Julie Lythcott-Haims have researched this quite extensively. Due to the ease of technology (we can look up anything and track our kids), and the fact that we live our lives more individually, means that there is less of a community taking care of our kids, and a much more one on one approach to parenting these days. 

On the one hand, the culture many of us live in today has caused us to take on too much when it comes to our kids. Our kids aren’t outside as much doing their own thing, they are much more under our wing. Yet at the same time, because we are so distracted by our constant connectedness, as well as our desire to “do it all”, we aren’t able to be as present. The pressure we are under as parents is intense, so it’s only understandable that we often crumble under that pressure. 

A parent who is more conscious might look at the “perfect parent” culture with a more critical eye, and put less pressure on themselves., They will have a much bigger tool box available to them to see things through a cleaner lens so to speak. They might discover a way to be more curious and compassionate towards themselves, and therefore also towards their children. Conscious parenting ultimately helps pave the road for more enjoyment in the parenting arena. 

What’s been the biggest learning for you as a parent over the years?

That you can read all the parenting books in the world and say all the “right things”, but your children will be influenced by your behavior, your patterns and your energy above all else. 

A baby is born fully authentic, crying when they need something like food or touch or sleep or a diaper change. A baby doesn’t think “let me not cry because my mother seems anxious”. Yet very soon they start to pick up on our habits, and they start to adjust, prioritizing attachment over authenticity. “I’d rather be safe and loved, than fully express my needs.” It’s a sad idea isn’t it? This is not something we can avoid, but being conscious of this idea and how our children might be adapting to the world (partially because of us) may be very helpful.

What’s the hardest part of parenting for you ? 

I find it extremely tempting to want to remove discomfort. To make sure they are ok, that they don’t suffer, that they won’t be left out, that they aren’t lost etc etc. Yet it’s so important (despite it being so difficult!) to trust that the experience of life is all these things: pain, pleasure, ups, downs, heart break AND celebration. Over protecting them would mean removing their opportunities to learn and grow, and developing their own tools for handling life. 

What are some of the most common misconceptions you face?

People often think that a coach “tells you what to do”, and that they have all the answers. I see the client coaching relationship very differently. You go on a journey of self discovery together, and through certain exercises, meditations and exploratory conversations, the clients find their own answers as they get to know themselves better. The work I do is different every time, as everyone’s story and challenges are unique.

If someone wants to work with you, what would they do?

They can book a first free session with me directly via my website, so we can learn more about each other and to see whether it’s a good fit. No pressure, no commitment. It needs to feel right for both of us. My approach is going to encourage people to reflect, to explore, to zoom out and to look at the parent child dynamic (and the relationship with themselves) in a more holistic way. 

Visit my website for more info!

Read more from Noreen Chadha