The Power of Female Selection, the Driving Force of Evolution
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 9
- 10 min read
Written by Kate Alderman, Somatic Sexologist
Kate Alderman is a Somatic Sexologist, Intimacy & Relationships Coach, Psychedelic Integration Coach, and the founder of: You’re A Strong Woman Foundation – Domestic Violence Prevention and Recovery. With a decade of experience in plant medicines and extensive expertise in sexual empowerment, trauma-informed healing, and somatic coaching, Kate empowers individuals and couples to reclaim their power and thrive through embodied practices and transformative coaching.
Sexual selection by females is a driving force of evolution. It’s not just biological — it’s emotional and spiritual. The choices women make in who they allow into their bodies, their hearts, their lives — this is an act of creation. These choices ripple out into the world, shaping not only their lives, but the very fabric of collective consciousness and human evolution.
Across many species, including humans, females often choose mates based on traits that signal genetic fitness, such as strength, status, or resourcefulness. Over generations, these preferences shape which traits become more common in males. But in humans, evolution is not just physical – it's relational, emotional, and cultural.
This is about rebalancing power. It’s about remembering that your discernment as a woman has power. It is not rejection, it’s redirection. Selection is sovereignty. And it’s time we started using that power — not from trauma, not from fear, not from scarcity — but from clarity, from truth, from wholeness.
Redefining power
Dominance, control, abuse, and violence are not part of our future.
Historically, traits such as assertiveness or competitiveness may have conferred survival advantages, but they were often rewarded in systems shaped by hierarchy and fear. Now, as we evolve, so too must our understanding of strength.
Traits such as empathy, emotional intelligence, cooperation, willingness, self-awareness and accountability are not signs of weakness – these are the new markers of evolutionary fitness. They are essential in human communities where deep connection and collaboration are fundamental to thriving.
We were never taught that feminine power lives in our capacity to choose, not just to say yes, but to say no. To say, “Not this”, “Not yet”, or “Not until it aligns with my truth”. We were conditioned to believe that we are lucky to be chosen, rather than remembering we are the choosers.
We were taught that our power was to be desired, to be wanted, to be validated by the masculine gaze, rather than to be self-sourced in our power and wise in our discernment. We were taught that having a partner was the goal, rather than to become so whole within ourselves that our partnerships are built on mutual respect and sovereignty, not survival.
Deconstructing patriarchy in the body
Patriarchy –a social system where men hold power, and it’s reinforced and amplified dominance- based traits. Through control of institutions, religion, and family structures, it has normalised male dominance and excused abuse and violence. Abusive and violent behaviours are not natural or inevitable. They stem from unprocessed trauma, fear, insecurity, or learned behaviour. Abuse is never about love, it’s about power and control used to mask deep inner inadequacy.
Reframing power and masculinity means moving away from outdated, fear-based models of dominance, and toward a grounded, embodied strength grounded in integrity, presence, and relational capacity.
The patriarchal model has taught women to be pleasing, passive, agreeable, and grateful for male attention, regardless of the emotional maturity, integrity, or alignment of the man giving it. We have unconsciously internalised this programming into our nervous systems: the freeze, the fawn, the “I’ll just wait and see” that gets us stuck in a relationship with an abuser.
Patriarchy hurts everyone, not just women. It teaches men to suppress emotions, fear vulnerability, and seek validation through control. Challenging these beliefs in ourselves, in others, and in the systems we live in creates space for healthier expressions of masculinity to emerge.
This old patriarchal model is crumbling, our bodies know it, and our psyche knows it. Our ancestors knew it, and we are all now remembering.
The ‘alpha’ age is over
The old archetype of dominance-based masculinity, the emotionally shut-down, high-status, unavailable man, no longer holds power over a woman who has done her inner work. Women who have reconnected with their somatic truth, their boundaries, and their womb wisdom no longer mistake intensity for intimacy. We don’t desire power over – we desire power with.
We’re not drawn to chaos – we seek coherence.
We’re not chasing adrenaline – we’re attuning to emotional safety.
We’re not craving chemistry that exhausts us – we’re feeling for resonance that nourishes us. We are not here to entertain boyish delusions or fragile fantasies of the wounded masculine.
We are here to choose, to lead with our bodies, and to call forward men who can meet us in truth, presence, and reciprocity.
Embracing healthy masculinity (in all of us)
Healthy masculinity includes accountability, empathy, emotional intelligence, respect for boundaries and vulnerability. It honours both assertiveness and receptivity, action and stillness, balancing the traditional "yang" with the needed "yin." Masculinity isn’t “abusive” in nature, but it can become abusive when there’s no heart, no listening and no accountability. Both men and women play a part in reframing by embodying, encouraging and co-creating new models of what it means to be powerful and whole.
Honouring the feminine (in all of us)
Reclaiming the value of the feminine traits, such as intuition, emotional depth, creativity, fluidity, and wisdom, allows everyone to feel whole. When the inner feminine is honoured, external relationships with women shift naturally toward equality and reverence. Honouring female selection is a reclamation of feminine power, not as domination or control, but as discernment, alignment, and deep self-respect. Female selection has always been a potent evolutionary force. When awakened, empowered women choose from their healed, whole selves, and we then reshape the future.
Female selection is the force that evolves the masculine
When women refuse to tolerate abuse, violence, manipulation, and emotional unavailability, we withdraw life-force from those patterns. This isn’t just personal healing, it’s evolutionary leadership that no longer feeds the systems that enable harm.
Turning inward, doing the emotional work, and facing your wounds is how you become a clear channel for truth. You have been taught how to oppress yourself, and you learn how to break free from this by expressing your truth. You then no longer attract from need or fear, but from resonance and alignment.
When women embody wholeness, the bar rises. The world begins to demand more from men, not from shame, but from invitation. Conscious selection encourages men to rise into their fully integrated masculine, or step aside. This is not about women becoming more masculine, it’s about women embodying a strong feminine grace. When others see this, they experience boundaries, gentleness, and strength – this empowers other women to make similar choices. You become part of a lineage of healing, and our ancestors watch with pride.
This is not about perfection; it’s about presence and becoming so attuned to your nervous system, your own body, your truth, that you choose from coherence, not from programming. This
is how you evolve the masculine, not by fixing or mothering or shaming, but by choosing only the man who meets you with equal respect and honour. A man who is safe enough to open yourself to, and you have the self-respect to walk away from anyone who is not.
We don’t teach men through punishment. We teach through selection.
When women withdraw their life force from emotionally unavailable men, from abusive men, from spiritually bypassing men, from inconsistent and confusing men, we create a gap in the field. That gap is not emptiness, it’s an invitation and initiation. It’s the space in which men must meet themselves, or fall away.
Women shape the masculine by calling forward through their discernment.
Select only for men who are
Safe
Emotionally integrated
Self-aware
Accountable
Empathetic
Grounded in their nervous system
Consistent
Disciplined
Devotional
Contained
Honest with themselves and others
Willing to be seen in their imperfection
Capable of resolution
Anchored in purpose
Wholesome
Wild
This is how we evolve the masculine – not by changing men, but by changing what we allow into our lives. And in doing so, we become powerful mirrors. We demonstrate to the world what love, harmony, and genuine partnership truly look like.
The manifesto of conscious female selection
I no longer choose from fear, lack, or longing. I choose from wholeness.
I turn inward to heal, integrate, and remember who I am. I am stable, secure, consistent, and harmonious.
I embody the love I once searched for outside myself. From this place of deep integrity, I choose.
I choose men who are emotionally integrated, self-aware, grounded, and empathetic.
Men who are stable in their presence, consistent in their actions, disciplined in their desires, and reverent with my heart.
I do not say “no” to others out of cruelty – I am simply protecting my energy. I honour my worth through discernment.
My "no" is not a wall, it’s a boundary lined with truth.
Each time I walk away from violence, abuse, chaos, manipulation, control or neglect, I withdraw life-force from the old paradigm.
I say to the world: This is not acceptable.
I understand that the feminine directs evolution.
Through my conscious choice, I contribute to the rise of emotionally mature, integrated men and the creation of relationships grounded in mutual respect, safety, trust, love, growth, compassion, and joy.
I am not waiting or longing to be chosen, I am the chooser. And from this grounded space, I call in only what honours me.
The power of female selection and the rise of the integrated woman
For far too long, we’ve been conditioned to wait to be chosen, to be validated, to be rescued, to be seen. However, the truth is, female selection has always driven evolution.
From the wild roots of our biology to the deep currents of our culture, it is the woman who chooses. Not just partners, but patterns, values, futures. And now, in this rising tide of remembrance, more and more women are waking up to the truth. We are here to choose from our wholeness. What happens when women stop choosing from an activated sympathetic nervous system and unintegrated trauma, and start choosing from truth?
Evolution!
Healing isn’t just a mindset. It’s a full-body reclamation. As we regulate our nervous systems, clear the old imprints of violence, abuse, manipulation, abandonment, and betrayal, we begin to feel truth again. When we trust our bodies as our compass and honour our instincts, we anchor into our inner safety and naturally lose the pull toward partners who are unsafe, unavailable, or unstable. We don’t just think differently – we desire differently.
The “alpha male” is no longer interesting, dominance becomes repulsive, and we crave integrity, presence, peace and emotional fluency. A man who is as safe with his rage as he is with his tenderness. A man who desires to contain, not control.
Here’s the secret patriarchy never wanted women to remember – when women stop selecting wounded men, the masculine must rise or be left behind. We are not here to mother or rehabilitate anyone, and we are not here to prove our worth through tolerance. We are here to embody the standard and select accordingly. As we do, we don’t just transform our own lives, we shift the collective evolution.
Conscious female selection is not rejection, it’s redirection – it shapes families, generations, and relationship templates. It begins with a single choice: What will I allow into my body, my heart, and my life?
The somatic shift into becoming the chooser
You no longer choose from trauma, self-abandonment, fantasy, or charm. You choose from truth, from your body, your depth, and your alignment. You are not waiting to be chosen, because you remember: your love is a privilege, your life-force is medicine, your womb is creative intelligence, your nervous system sets the tone, and your standards shape reality.
To become the chooser is to become whole – to grieve, to rage, to untangle from old patterns that once felt like home but only kept you small. This isn’t just healing; it’s liberation.
You no longer chase love – you are love. You no longer seek safety – you are safety.
You choose, and from that wholeness, only what honours you can remain.
Let no one convince you to settle, shrink or lower your standards. You are the gatekeeper of love and evolution, your nervous system is the compass. When you walk away from dysfunction, you unplug us all from it. When you choose from wholeness, you break the old pattern. When you embody peace, you protect the peace we all deserve.
When a woman regulates her nervous system, heals her trauma, and returns to her body, she becomes unavailable for what once enticed her. The pull toward intensity fades. The chaos no longer seduces, and attention is no longer mistaken for love. Her “no” breaks cycles, and her “yes” opens doors to futures built on truth.
Healing your wounds is relational reprogramming. When you choose safety over spark, when you stop chasing what hurts, you’re not just healing yourself, you’re shifting your lineage. You’re
teaching your daughter and young women what love feels like. You’re showing your sons and young men what love requires.
The invitation
If you're in the midst of transformation – rising, healing, remembering who you are – know this: you don’t have to walk it alone. I work with women who are ready to reclaim their power through the body, release trauma patterns, and step into the magnetic clarity of conscious selection.
This isn’t surface-level empowerment, this is deep nervous system regulation, somatic integration, sovereignty, and discernment that cannot be shaken.
Because when you're whole, you don't just attract better – you only allow what honours your truth.
If your body says yes, trust it.
Reach out. Let’s walk this path together.
To the women tired of heartbreak, breadcrumbing, and settling – I feel you.
To the women who’ve done the inner work, who know their worth, yet find themselves stuck in old dynamics – I see you.
This work is deep. It’s emotional. It’s somatic. It’s ancestral. And it’s profoundly practical. This is where transformation becomes embodied and lasting.
It’s an honour to guide women through this process.
You Are the Evolutionary Force.
You are not here to mother, fix, or shrink for anyone. You are here to be met – fully, deeply, and in truth.
Let your boundaries be firm. Let your love be earned.
Let your nervous system lead. You are the evolutionary force.
Kate Alderman, Somatic Sexologist
Kate Alderman is a Somatic Sexologist, Intimacy & Relationships Coach, Psychedelic Integration Coach, EFT Practitioner, and the founder of: You’re A Strong Woman Foundation – Domestic Violence Prevention and Recovery. With over a decade of experience in plant medicine and extensive expertise in sexual empowerment, Kate supports individuals and couples in reclaiming their power, healing, and thriving through embodied practices and transformative coaching. She offers a safe, judgment-free, compassionate space for deep healing and integration, using somatic therapy, EFT, and a trauma-informed, body-based approach. As a survivor of intimate partner violence, Kate is committed to supporting others on their recovery journey and raising awareness about domestic violence. She excels at bridging the gap between science and spirituality, delivering her wisdom in a practical context that inspires, motivates, and offers new perspectives.
