The Hidden Cost of Being Available – Why Generosity Needs Boundaries
- Brainz Magazine
- Nov 14
- 5 min read
Helena Demuynck is the women’s leadership architect and transformation catalyst, and author of It’s Your Turn, guiding high-achievers to shatter glass ceilings from within. She hosts The Boundary Breakers Collective and Power Talks for Remarkable Females, reshaping modern female leadership.
There is a quiet exhaustion that lives beneath the surface of so many women’s lives. It does not come from weakness or lack of ambition, it comes from caring too much, too often, for too many.
From saying yes when the heart whispers no. From mistaking self-abandonment for love and endless availability for strength. We celebrate giving, nurturing, and showing up, but few of us were ever taught how to do so without losing ourselves in the process. That is the hidden cost of being available, the steady leak of energy that leaves us running on empty, even as we keep showing up with a smile.
Most women do not struggle with strength, they struggle with energy. Not because they are weak, but because their energy keeps leaking into everything and everyone around them.
We have been conditioned to believe that generosity means being endlessly available. That care equals sacrifice. That saying yes is what makes us kind, capable, and worthy. Yet this constant openness often carries a quiet cost, the erosion of our vitality.
Every yes that goes against our intuition drains a little more life from the core of who we are. Over time, that depletion becomes so normal we mistake it for commitment. We call it dedication, love, or loyalty, when in truth, it is exhaustion wearing good intentions.
When generosity turns into exhaustion
Many women live in a constant state of overextension, giving beyond what is sustainable, staying accessible long after their energy is gone, feeling responsible for everyone’s comfort. What begins as generosity turns into a subtle form of self-betrayal.
The danger lies not in giving, but in forgetting that giving without limits depletes the very essence that allows us to give meaningfully. Without boundaries, we start rewarding poor organisation in others, stepping in to fix what was never ours to fix. We absorb other people’s urgency, pain, and pressure as if we were built to hold it all.
It is an invisible drain, the meeting we agree to after hours, the favour we say yes to out of guilt, the silence we keep instead of expressing a need. Slowly, the distance between what we value and where our energy goes widens, until our days feel full but our hearts feel empty.
The cultural code of constant availability
From a very young age, women are taught to connect their worth to care. To be accommodating, adaptable, and agreeable. To prioritise harmony over honesty. We learn that love is earned through service and that saying no risks rejection.
This conditioning does not disappear when we grow up, it simply changes form. In our personal lives, we hold everyone’s emotions. In our professional lives, we overdeliver, overprepare, and overcompensate. We become the ones others rely on, the emotional anchors, the peacekeepers, the ones who hold it all together.
But the truth is that being endlessly available is not love. It is a slow disappearance. The absence of boundaries does not make us more caring, it makes us more absent from ourselves. And the more disconnected we become, the less creative, grounded, and fulfilled we feel, no matter how strong we appear on the outside.
Redefining generosity as alignment
What if true generosity is not about saying yes to everyone, but about saying yes to what aligns with your energy and values?
Boundaries do not make you less generous. They make your generosity conscious. They transform your giving from obligation into intention, from depletion into flow.
Imagine your energy as a river. Without banks, it floods everything and loses direction. With gentle boundaries, it gains power and movement. Boundaries do not restrict you, they help you channel your energy toward what truly matters.
Healthy boundaries invite clarity about what you are available for, what you are not, and why. They are not about control but coherence. They bring your choices, emotions, and actions into alignment.
And here is the paradox. The moment you stop trying to please everyone, your impact deepens. You give from overflow, not from scarcity. You connect from truth, not performance.
Practicing conscious boundaries in daily life
Start small. Protect one hour a week that is fully yours, not for anyone else, not even for productivity. Let it be unstructured. A walk, a bath, a stretch of stillness. That simple act signals to your nervous system that you belong to yourself first.
When someone asks for your time or help, pause before responding. Instead of the automatic yes, say, “Let me check and get back to you.” This moment of reflection interrupts the reflex of overgiving and allows you to respond from choice rather than conditioning.
At work or home, practise naming trade-offs. If a new request comes in while your plate is already full, ask, “If I do this, what needs to move or wait?” This is not confrontation, it is collaboration. It invites shared responsibility instead of silent resentment.
And when you say no, do it cleanly. No apologies, no over-explaining. You are not rejecting anyone, you are honouring your capacity. Every clear no expands your yes to what truly deserves your energy.
Over time, boundaries become less about protection and more about rhythm. They help you dance with life, knowing when to give, when to pause, and when to return to yourself.
From self-betrayal to self-integrity
Living without boundaries is not noble. It is a form of slow self-betrayal. Each time we override our limits to please or perform, we fracture a little piece of our wholeness.
But the good news is that wholeness is always recoverable. Every time you choose clarity over guilt or pause instead of pleasing, you rebuild self-trust. You come home to yourself.
Boundaries are not barriers, they are bridges. They connect who you are with how you live. They restore integrity between your values and your actions so that your presence becomes steady, radiant, and true.
When your energy is protected, your giving becomes sacred. Your relationships deepen, your creativity returns, and your calm becomes contagious.
If this resonates, explore deeper guided reflections in the Dialogues with Helena app, your private coaching space to pause, notice patterns, and realign your energy with what truly matters.
Read more from Helena Demuynck
Helena Demuynck, Transformation Catalyst for Purposeful Women
Helena Demuynck pioneers a movement of radical self-reclamation for women leaders, blending strategic coaching with cutting-edge neuroscience and body work to dismantle limiting beliefs at their core. The author of It’s Your Turn, she equips visionary women to architect legacies that defy societal scripts, merging professional mastery with soul-aligned purpose. Through her global platforms, The Boundary Breakers Collective and Power Talks for Remarkable Females, she sparks candid conversations that redefine leadership as a force for systemic change. A trusted guide for corporate disruptors and entrepreneurial innovators alike, Helena’s work proves that true impact begins when women lead from uncompromising authenticity.
