The Fear of Losing Independence in a Relationship Is Real
- Brainz Magazine
- Apr 4, 2025
- 4 min read
Lorii Abela is a board-certified master NLP practitioner, success coach, soulmate expert, and professional matchmaker. She specializes in assisting successful executives who feel lonely, frustrated, and burnt out from online dating.
You've spent several years building a life that works for you specifically. It's not about being perfect but about having stability, direction, and control over your life, time, and energy. You've established routines that make you feel comfortable, set priorities that align with your values, and created a lifestyle that suits you.
You're not in a rush to let anyone in because you've seen what happens when high-powered men don't protect their autonomy. You know that the wrong relationship can be more draining than being single. Still, the connection is essential and something you are hoping for. You want a relationship that adds value, not sabotaging what you've built.
The challenge: When love starts to take over
Dating is elating and meaningful. However, the hurdle happens when you experience becoming connected slowly but surely, and your independence diminishes.
At first, it seems harmless to reschedule plans to be more available, skipping the gym a few times or adjusting your routine to accommodate someone else's needs. But before long, the minor changes add up. Your calendar isn't yours anymore. Somebody else's preferences dictate your time. The things that used to ground you your morning quiet time, your hobbies, your personal space start slipping away.
It's not that you do not want to fall in love or are unwilling to compromise. The concern is that the trade-offs are becoming regular; soon enough, you will no longer recognize yourself. Change has become inevitable, and it can be terrifying to feel you lose yourself.
A relationship shouldn't require you to shrink your true self
You've put much effort into building a life that works for you. Sacrificing your space, schedule, or priorities for the wrong woman is unpleasant and a dealbreaker.
You know how quickly it can suffocate if you've been in a relationship without boundaries. Love that asks you to give up too much usually costs more than it gives.
What you want now is different. You long for a relationship that respects who you are and allows you to maintain your independence while still fostering a deep connection.
What a healthy, balanced relationship looks like
You still own your time. You don't have to give up your routines, workouts, or personal time. You're not rearranging your schedule incessantly to accommodate your partner as if the world revolves around her.
You set and maintain boundaries. You say no when you need to without feeling guilty or needing to overexplain. You communicate your needs clearly and expect them to be respected.
You let things unfold naturally. There's no pressure to merge lives too quickly or make big decisions before you're ready. You allow the relationship to evolve at a pace that feels right for you.
You feel like yourself. The right relationship won't make you feel smaller or quieter to keep the peace. It won't demand constant availability or construed your independence for emotional distance. Instead, it will feel steady, respectful, and secure.
The compatible mate will fit into your life without tearing it apart.
If you're tired of starting over, it's time for a different approach
If you've found yourself repeating the same patterns meeting women who don't quite align with your values, feeling drained by neediness it may not be a matter of having more options but vetted individuals.
That's where expert matchmaker Lorii Abela comes in. She specializes in helping high-achieving professionals executives, entrepreneurs, and those with established, fulfilling lives, find potential matches with whom to build meaningful relationships that complement them.
Love should enhance your life, not cost you
At this stage in your life, love is there to augment, not a sacrifice to deal with. If you're ready for a relationship that makes sense, one where you can be independent and in love, reach out today. There are women eager to meet you who understand what it takes to have a harmonious relationship that wouldn't require you to lose yourself.
Read more from Lorii Abela
Lorii Abela, Soulmate Expert and Professional Matchmaker
Lorii Abela is a board-certified master NLP practitioner, success coach, soulmate expert, and professional matchmaker. She specializes in assisting successful executives who feel lonely, frustrated, and burnt out from online dating. Lorii's approach not only saves them time but also brings happiness by guiding them into the right mindset, resulting in meeting quality, relationship-oriented matches 93% of the time. As a five-time international bestselling author, her debut book, "Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life," has garnered acclaim. Lorii is a dynamic TV host and producer of "Matchmaker Secrets," "Ready, Jetset, Go!," and "Scale Up." These shows air on CAN TV Chicago, Roku, and Firestick.
