The Emotionally Intelligent Sales Professional and Using EQ to Build Stronger Client Relationships
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 11
- 7 min read
Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is a psychotherapist dedicated to transforming workplace mental health. As a distinguished Human Givens Ambassador, she specialises in helping individuals conquer depression and guiding couples through relationship challenges.
In the fiercely competitive and sometimes unpredictable world of sales, the mantra has long been "Always Be Closing." While drive and a keen understanding of product features remain essential, arguably the most successful sales professionals today are mastering a different, yet equally vital, skill set: Emotional Intelligence (EQ). A study by Hay Group of 44 Fortune 500 companies found that salespeople with high EQ produced twice as much revenue as those with average or below-average EQ scores*. Can you imagine the positive revenue impact this would have on a business if its salespeople were upskilled in EQ?
As someone who has spent years navigating complex enterprise sales and, more recently, delving into the depths of psychotherapy, I can attest that leveraging EQ isn't just a "nice-to-have"; it’s a key element when building deep client relationships. And a byproduct? Having EQ reportedly achieves significantly higher close rates, so it’s unsurprising that the World Economic Forum ranked EQ as one of the top skills to have in business in 2025.
Traditional sales training often focuses on tactics, methodologies, and objection handling; although these are obviously important, they often miss the human element. At its core, sales is a human interaction, driven by needs, fears, motivations, and the universal desire to feel understood and valued. This is precisely where emotional intelligence comes into play.
What is emotional intelligence in a sales context?
Emotional intelligence, as a concept, refers to the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions while being able to perceive and influence the emotions of others. In sales, this translates into several critical competencies:
Self-awareness: Understanding and being cognizant of your own emotional state, your strengths, weaknesses, the values you live and work by, and how these may impact your behavior and performance.
Self-regulation: Regardless of the circumstances you are presented with, it is the ability to effectively manage your own emotions and impulses, especially when under pressure. For example, when handling rejection or staying calm and rational during complex negotiations.
Motivation: Being driven by internal factors such as purpose, achievement, and competency, rather than solely external rewards such as commission or a bonus.
Empathy: The ability to understand and share the feelings of others, to truly put yourself in the mind of a client.
Social skills: The art of building rapport, influencing others, communicating effectively, connecting with others at events, and navigating social complexities while building your brand.
EQ advantage: Why it drives deeper relationships and higher close rates
Let's break down how mastering these EQ components directly translates into tangible sales success:
1. Building authentic trust through empathy (and validation)
Clients don't buy products; they buy solutions to their problems, and they buy from people they trust. Empathy is the cornerstone of this trust. An emotionally intelligent sales professional moves beyond simply hearing a client's stated need and instead strives to understand the underlying feeling or challenge.
When a client feels genuinely heard and understood, their need for connection and positive attention is met, which fosters trust.
Example: Instead of just hearing, "We need a faster CRM," an EQ-driven professional might hear the unspoken frustration or fear of falling behind competitors. They might validate this by saying, "It sounds like the current system is really creating a bottleneck, and that must be incredibly frustrating when you're trying to meet demanding growth targets." This kind of validation acknowledges the client's emotional reality, fostering an immediate connection and building trust that goes far deeper than a feature list. When clients feel truly heard and understood, they are far more likely to open up, share critical information, and see you as a genuine partner, not just a vendor.
2. Navigating objections and conflict with self-regulation
Sales is rife with objections, rejections, and sometimes, outright conflict. An emotionally intelligent salesperson doesn't react defensively or become flustered.
Strong self-regulation leverages our innate rational mind and self-awareness. It prevents our emotional brain from hijacking our ability to think clearly.
Example: When a client pushes back aggressively on pricing, a salesperson with strong self-regulation won't mirror their anger or immediately concede. Instead, they pause, manage their own physiological response (deep breath), and respond calmly. They might then leverage empathy to explore the underlying concern: "I hear your concern about the cost, and I appreciate your directness. Can you help me understand what specific budgetary constraints or perceived value concerns are driving that feedback?" This approach de-escalates tension, keeps the conversation productive, and allows for genuine problem-solving rather than a battle of wills, ultimately preserving the client's (and your own) need for security within the negotiation.
3. Tailoring your approach with social awareness
This involves things such as reading the room, understanding unspoken cues, and adapting your communication style, which are all hallmarks of high social intelligence.
This draws heavily on our innate ability to build rapport and meet the client's need for status (by recognizing their position and priorities) and attention (by focusing on what matters to them).
Example: In a multi-stakeholder meeting, an EQ-savvy professional observes who holds influence, who is disengaged, and what unspoken dynamics are at play. They might notice the finance director's skeptical body language or the IT manager's quiet nod of approval. Understanding these subtle cues, they then adjust their message, perhaps simplifying technical jargon for a business executive or drilling down into technical specifications for the IT team. They ensure the message aligns with each individual's role and need to feel valued, making the sales message more resonant and persuasive, and enhancing the sense of community, that feeling that you are all working toward an aligned goal together, within the meeting.
4. Sustaining resilience through self-motivation
Most of the time, sales is a marathon, not a sprint, and is punctuated by a bunch of predictable and unpredictable highs and lows. The ability to maintain optimism and persistence after a lost deal or a string of cold calls is crucial, because let’s be honest, at times, it can all feel incredibly deflating.
We all have an innate need to achieve, no matter how big or small that achievement is, and we are intrinsically motivated by such things as purpose. But when things don’t exactly go to plan, it’s important to stay in a rational frame of mind.
Example: After a significant deal falls through, an emotionally intelligent salesperson acknowledges the disappointment but quickly engages their internal motivation. Instead of dwelling on failure, they might reflect: "Okay, that's tough. What did I learn from that process? How can I apply that lesson to the next opportunity?" They use their rational mind to analyze the situation objectively and their imagination to visualize future success, reinforcing their need for competence (key emotional need). They understand that their value isn't solely tied to the outcome of one deal, but to the broader meaning and purpose they derive from their work, allowing them to bounce back faster and maintain momentum.
5. Influencing decision-makers by understanding needs
Ultimately, influencing others is about understanding their needs and showing how your solution meets them. This goes beyond logical arguments to tap into emotional drivers.
This is about connecting your solution to the client's core emotional needs, which could be security, control, or status. There are many, so it is about which need is in the driving seat.
Example: An executive buyer might express a need for "increased efficiency." A sales professional with high EQ understands that beneath this logical ask might be an emotional driver: fear of losing market share (unmet security), desire for professional recognition (unmet status), or the stress of overworked teams (unmet control). By connecting their solution not just to "efficiency" but to alleviating that underlying fear or fulfilling that desire, they create a far more compelling and memorable case. "Our solution won't just save you X hours; it will free your team from tedious tasks, allowing them to focus on innovation that truly drives competitive advantage and enhances their sense of competence and control within their roles."
The call to action: Cultivating your sales EQ
Developing emotional intelligence is an ongoing journey, but the rewards, deeper client relationships, increased close rates, and greater personal fulfillment, are immense. It requires a conscious commitment to understanding both yourself and others.
Here's how to begin, drawing directly from the Human Givens framework:
1. Become a needs detective (for yourself)
Before and after challenging client interactions, pause and ask: "Which of my emotional needs felt unmet or threatened in that moment? Was it my need for security when a deal felt unstable? My need for competence after a tricky objection? My need for status when a stakeholder was dismissive?" This self-awareness is the first step toward better self-regulation.
2. Actively listen to uncover client needs
Go beyond what clients say and try to discern what they feel. When they describe a problem, consider which of their innate needs might be going unmet. Is their frustration about a slow process actually a deeper fear about losing control or impacting their status within their organization?
3. Validate the emotion, then offer the solution
Once you've identified an underlying feeling or unmet need, acknowledge it directly. "It sounds like this challenge is creating a real sense of vulnerability for your team right now." This meets their need for attention and connection. Then, bridge to how your solution specifically helps meet that need, not just solve the surface problem.
4. Leverage your innate resources purposefully
Rational mind: Use it to objectively debrief calls, strategize, and avoid emotional reactivity.
Imagination: Pre-visualize successful client meetings, anticipating questions and positive outcomes.
Rapport-building: Consciously employ active listening, open body language, and genuine curiosity to strengthen connections.
Self-awareness: Step back from heated moments to gain perspective and choose a calm, strategic response rather than an impulsive one.
In a world increasingly driven by automation and data, the human touch, infused with genuine emotional intelligence and a profound understanding of our shared human needs, remains the ultimate differentiator. It’s the secret weapon for building unbreakable client relationships and, yes, for consistently driving those higher close rates.
Read more from Jessica Chesterman
Jessica Chesterman, Psychotherapist HG, Dip.P
As a Human Givens Ambassador with 15+ years in corporate enterprise sales, Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is passionate about empowering individuals to manage their mental health. Her therapeutic approach, grounded in the latest psychological and neurobiological research, is focused on understanding how emotional needs are met across all aspects of life. By addressing these needs, she aims to help as many people as possible thrive in the workplace and beyond
