The Confidence Conundrum – Why Even the Strongest Struggle and How Action is the Only Antidote
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 16
- 9 min read
Written by Dawn Whyte, Career Coach
Dawn Whyte is known for her work with building individual resilience in aviation. She is an air traffic controller, keynote speaker and founder of Dawn Whyte Aviation Career Coaching.
Confidence. It’s one of the most sought-after qualities in both personal and professional life, yet it often feels elusive, inconsistent, or out of reach. This is the first of a two-part series exploring what confidence really is. Whether you’re navigating high-stakes decisions in aviation, stepping into a new leadership role, or simply trying to show up more fully in your everyday life, this series is for you. In Part 1, we’ll unpack the myths, the mindset, and the messy reality of confidence, especially when fear and self-doubt are along for the ride.
“Gosh, I wish I had confidence like…”
How many times have you caught yourself thinking that, filling in the blank with the name of someone who seems effortlessly self-assured? Maybe it’s a colleague, a public figure, or even a friend. You wonder how they built that presence, that poise. Were they just born that way?
Recently, I attended a women’s aviation conference and sat in on a presentation by a woman whose résumé was nothing short of extraordinary. Her accomplishments spanned multiple aspects within aviation, each more impressive than the last. I settled into my seat, fully expecting to be inspired by a story of boldness and certainty.
Then she began.
Despite everything she had achieved, she told us that she still struggled with confidence. She admitted to often feeling like an imposter in rooms where, by all accounts, she belonged. I was stunned. How could that be possible? I thought to myself, if I had a résumé like hers, I’d never doubt myself again.
Her words were a powerful reminder: confidence isn’t linked to achievement or position. It doesn’t automatically arrive with titles, years of experience, hours logged, or accolades earned. It’s far more elusive, and far more universal, than we often realize.
What makes us confident?
From the very beginning of my training as an air traffic controller, I was told that only a small fraction of the population, just 3%, possesses the skills required to succeed in the role. I was part of that elite group who not only began the journey but made it through the rigorous training process. Out of every 100 candidates who start, only about a third will complete training, and even fewer will go on to become licensed controllers. You’d think statistics like that would be enough to instill a deep sense of confidence in who I am and what I’ve achieved.
And yet at times, that confidence still felt elusive. Despite the odds I had overcome and the level of skill I had proven, there were still moments when I questioned whether I truly belonged. I began to reflect on the times I had downplayed my accomplishments, hesitated to speak up, or second-guessed whether I had earned my place. I realized I wasn’t alone in those feelings, and more importantly, that those feelings weren’t a reflection of my capability. They were simply part of the human experience.
But for me, there was another layer to that doubt, one that’s harder to admit. As a woman in a male-dominated profession, I sometimes wondered if I was truly seen for my skills or if I was simply there to check a box. Was I hired because I was the best candidate, or because I helped the organization say, “Look, we are diverse”? And there was always that one quiet question: Am I a token?
Those four little words can be toxic. They made me second-guess promotions and question my legitimacy. Being “the only one” or “one of the few” can be heavy. It’s not just about doing the job well. It’s about navigating the unspoken pressure to represent your entire gender and to justify your presence in the room, which only further challenges how confident you feel.
Confidence: The cold reality
Here’s the truth: there is no magic pill for confidence. However, confidence isn’t exclusive to the bold or the extroverted. It is not a natural gift that some possess while others do not. In truth, confidence is far less about genetics or charisma and far more about courage, uncertainty, and a relentless willingness to keep showing up. It doesn’t discriminate; everyone, from the trainee nervously taking their first flight test to the airline CEO preparing to address investors amid economic uncertainty and geopolitical instability, wrestles with confidence.
As I move from one career to another, I am reminded that confidence isn’t always rooted in logic or measurable success. It doesn’t automatically come from being qualified or accomplished. Instead, it’s defined by how we choose to see things and how willing we are to own where we are and what we are doing, even when we feel uncertain. It’s something we build through action and self-compassion. And sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is acknowledge the doubt and keep going anyway, not because we have something to prove, but because we’ve already proven more than enough.
Well, Dawn, then what exactly is confidence?
Confidence is more than a feeling. It is a skill. And it is fluid. It can grow with experience, seemingly shrink in unfamiliar situations, and shift depending on the environment. You might feel completely at ease giving a presentation, yet feel out of place in a casual social setting. Or the opposite might be true. That’s because confidence isn’t all-or-nothing; it’s affected by context. It shows up differently depending on where you are, who you’re with, and what you perceive is at stake. And here’s the most important part: confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t, it’s learned, and it can be practiced, strengthened, and rebuilt over time.
I think about confidence like piloting a plane. Sometimes you’re cruising at altitude, everything feels smooth and steady. Other times, you hit turbulence, visibility drops, or you’re navigating a situation you’ve never encountered before. That doesn’t mean you’re not a capable pilot; it just means conditions have changed.
So, how do you build it? Can you lose it? And once you have it, how do you hold on to it?
To answer those questions, let’s start by busting some of the most persistent myths about confidence and replacing them with truths that are far more empowering.
Myth 1: “You have to feel confident before you act.”
The truth:
This is one of the most damaging myths, and it keeps people stuck. In reality, confidence follows action.
We tend to picture confident people as those who boldly stride into rooms, speak without stumbling, and never doubt themselves. But that’s where we are wrong. Behind every confident act is a moment of doubt that was overcome, not by certainty, but by action. Thought, analysis, and reflection are all useful. But when it comes to confidence, they are limited.
This is a truth backed not only by psychology but lived experience across all industries and walks of life. In fact, the higher people rise, the more the stakes grow, and the more fragile their confidence can feel, because there’s more to risk. The difference isn’t in having fewer nerves and fears; it’s in having more practice at moving through them.
Courage to act comes first. The feeling of being confident is a by-product of that action. You cannot think yourself into being bold. You have to act your way into it.
Myth 2: “Confident people are just born that way.”
The truth:
Confidence isn’t a fixed trait. Everyone can possess it. While some people may naturally be more outgoing or assertive, that does not mean they are confident. True confidence is built through experience, repetition, and resilience. According to psychologist Albert Bandura, the most powerful way to build confidence is through doing hard things and surviving them. Confidence is earned, not inherited.
Myth 3: “Confidence means being certain and never doubting yourself.”
The truth:
I love this truth the most. You can still feel confident and doubt yourself at the same time. Even the most accomplished people experience self-doubt. Confidence isn’t the absence of fear; it’s choosing to move forward in spite of it. In fact, healthy self-doubt can be a sign of humility, curiosity, and growth. Doubt spurs you to prepare for what challenges lie ahead. What separates confident people is not that they never question themselves, but that they don’t let those questions paralyze them. They act anyway.
Myth 4: “Confidence is all in your head.”
The truth:
While mindset plays a role, confidence is also something you express and experience throughout your body. The way you carry yourself can influence how you feel and how others respond to you. Standing tall, making eye contact, raising your hand, or even choosing to sit at the front of the room, these small physical choices send powerful signals to your brain that say, I belong here. Again, it’s not about waiting to feel confident before you act – it’s about acting in a way that helps you feel confident. Your body can lead your mind, one simple, powerful gesture at a time.
Myth 5: “Once you have confidence, it stays with you.”
The truth:
Confidence is dynamic. It fluctuates based on context, experience, and even your physical state. You might feel confident giving a presentation but unsure in a social setting, or vice versa. That’s normal. The key is to treat confidence like a muscle: it needs regular use, rest, and reinforcement. The more you stretch it, the more resilient it becomes.
Why even high performers aren’t immune
You have probably heard this before, but it’s a good reminder. One might assume that once someone hits a certain level of success, confidence is a given. Imposter syndrome, the persistent feeling of self-doubt or inadequacy despite evident success, doesn’t vanish with titles. It often intensifies because expectations rise, and the fear of failure grows along with them.
Olympic athletes experience it before their final race. Actors feel it before stepping on stage. Public speakers rehearse dozens of times, not because they aren’t confident, but because they aren’t confident yet. Action builds confidence. Repetition sustains it.
You don’t need to feel ready; you just need to move
The core idea is simple but powerful: confidence follows action, not the other way around. When you think about it, it’s incredibly freeing because it means you don’t have to wait. You don’t need to be fearless or completely sure of yourself before you raise your hand, speak up, or submit the application. You just need to do it scared.
I know this not just in theory, but through lived experience. As I’ve moved from one career to another, I’ve found myself fighting the confidence battle again and again. I am, in many ways, a walking example of the very work I want to help others with. I can recall many moments when I acted in spite of fear and doubt, and each time came out stronger on the other side.
Many of those moments were rooted in a world I knew, one that I am comfortable in. Now, as I step into a new chapter and a new career, I’m facing a fresh wave of uncertainty. The doubts are different, but the feeling is familiar. And so, I’m reminding myself of what I’ve already learned: that confidence is a practice; that courage is a muscle; and that the same tools I used to grow in one area can be adapted, stretched, and applied in new and unfamiliar territory. Discomfort, I’m learning, isn’t something to avoid. It’s a signal that growth is about to happen. And feeling uncertain doesn’t mean I’m unqualified; it just means I’m pushing boundaries that haven’t been pushed before.
What’s next?
Confidence, at its core, is action before feeling. It’s choosing to take the step, speak the truth, or show up fully, even when the fear hasn’t faded. But let’s be honest: that’s often easier said than done. If you’ve ever struggled to act in the face of doubt, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out alone either. In Part 2, we’ll explore practical ways to build courage and take meaningful action, even when confidence feels out of reach. Follow me at @dawnwhytecoaching or contact me here to join a community of aviators and beyond who are committed to showing up, growing stronger, and becoming the best version of themselves, one brave step at a time.
Read more from Dawn Whyte
Dawn Whyte, Career Coach
Dawn Whyte is a aviation career coach who excels in resilience training. She is known for her work assisting individuals navigate stressful situations with confidence and determination. With 35 years of expirience as a successful air traffic controller, Dawn leverages her personal story to connect and inspire others to embrace life challenges with renewed optimism and intention. Faced with an unexpected and life-changing job change when she least expected it, she seized the opportunity to create a role focused on promoting mental health and wellness in aviation. Dawn's unique perspective have made her a trail blazer in aviation and a trusted voice of reason in an ever-changing industry.
