Straight Talk From The Bedroom Of A Sex Educator
- Jul 15, 2021
- 4 min read
Written by: Ailsa Keppie, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Wondering what goes on behind the closed doors of my bedroom? Does more knowledge and experience really lead to better sex? Keep reading to hear my latest aha’s about how to create more fulfillment in your sexual encounters.
Most of my adult years, my sex life consisted of wanting sex, having sex, and then wanting it again. It wasn’t until recently that my partner (also a sex educator) and I began to explore what sexual union might be like if we took the ‘wanting’ out of the picture.
I know, I know, you’re thinking, ‘take the wanting out of the picture? That sounds like a recipe for boooooring’ but hear me out on this.
There are many ancient sexual practices where both partners engage in the act of sex to reach some higher energy level or spiritual insight. This type of practice has often been reserved for the few people who were willing to go through all sorts of rites and initiations to do this, and that is assuming you have a partner who can also commit to this type of training.
I have to admit I wasn’t that optimistic when my partner suggested we work on ‘Sex Magik’ in this way. I thought it would be too hard, too esoteric, and take away all the fun of just getting it on in the bedroom.
I won’t claim that I have achieved any sort of mastery at this yet, but I have begun to see some reasons why I might continue to practice this Sex Magik. Initially, my partner and I practiced some breathing techniques together and on our own. We had learned some of these with a Tantra teacher and some from books on the subject. Practicing the breathing and the concentration without the sex at first was foundational and something we both realize we could keep practicing even now.
After a few months of preparation, we began to incorporate breathing into our lovemaking with stunning results! Not only did my partner last longer (he is cis-gendered male), but we both began to feel the circulation of energy throughout our bodies. This felt different from the usual genital focussed orgasm and more like a delicious infusion of ecstatic life force.
Those words don’t really describe it well, but it’s hard to find words for ecstatic experiences that do any kind of justice to the actual event. At any rate, I continued my deep and even breathing as I moved in rhythm with my partner. I used my breath to raise my energy slightly but didn’t let myself go into my usual ‘clench and gasp’ kind of reaction. I moved my pelvis in a sort of dance and kept breathing, in and out.
It was a very relaxing feeling, in contrast to how I usually feel during sex. I didn’t have any thoughts of ‘oh, I hope he does this or that thing’ or ‘I hope I can cum before he does.’ I kept my mind purely on circulating the energy between us and letting it flow all the way to my head and back down to my genitals.
My partner was able to get into this rhythm as well and relax into the motion of thrusting without it becoming a frantic race towards the finish line. Definitely a fresh perspective on the act!
So in response to my initial question about whether more knowledge and experience can lead to better sex, I’d say yes, it definitely adds variety and depth. I’m excited to see where my partner and I can get to with our continuing practice, assuming there is anywhere to ‘get to’ at all.
I am hooked on the idea of less wanting or desire and more flow and energy in my lovemaking though. I find myself musing on the memory of our latest connection quite often and enjoying the pleasant hum of my body as I remember the feeling of ecstatic energy and union.
Perhaps there is something that will pique your interest here and offer you a different experience of sex. More of the Mmmm… feeling and less of the ‘end goal.’
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Ailsa Keppie, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ailsa is a trained intimacy Educator and Somatic Therapist and has been working in hands-on bodywork, somatic coaching, and healing for over a decade. Ailsa Keppie brings aspects from her background in circus arts, physical theatre, music, dance, myofascial release, bioenergetic processes, archetypes, and spirituality to her work with clients. She is a published author of her compelling memoir entitled "By the Light of the Crescent Moon," which describes her incredible journey into Islam and polygamy and how it lead to her awakening and reclamation of her own Eros and power. Ailsa works with individuals, couples, and groups both online and in-person at her retreat center, Our Celtic Hearth, in Nova Scotia, Canada, where she resides with her current life partner.
