Self-Love and the Role it Plays Within our Lives
- Brainz Magazine
- May 24, 2021
- 7 min read
Updated: May 25, 2021
Written by: Samantha Leske, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Many of us have grown up with families who are just doing the best they can with what they have been given in life — “their lot.”
It is an old operating paradigm. One where we do the best we can, with what we have been given. Who are we to ask for more, right?!
We have this whole new age movement telling us we can, and it is right.
We can ask for more! We are worth more than we may ever have grown up believing. We are worthy of feeling healthy, being connected to ourselves and those around us, and dreaming big.
Actioning those dreams and living them out.
Self-love is a skill that changes our lives dramatically, for the better. However, for lots of our generation, it has been something that we were not taught as children ( most of the previous generation believed there is an arrogance held if self-love is embraced).
It has been a skill set we have had to stumble our way through, learning the hard way, if at all. We have had to hold a firm belief that it is possible and work our way through the many obstacles until we finally feel comfortable coming home to ourselves. Sometimes it comes about because we cannot face the pain in our reality any longer.
For me, I hit an all-time low when my husband left with no explanation. I knew it would be a long time before I felt ready to engage in another relationship. I just wasn’t prepared to feel unloved until I did again.
It was the first time in my life, I had the realization that I had looked outward for love and approval rather than going in - and so began one of my biggest journeys home, to me.
It is one that I am so incredibly grateful for because it has created a calmness, a knowing that cannot be shaken. It is me, I know me to my core, and I learned to love myself without apology — ALL of me.
Now I am no different from most. I had a set of parents who were asleep, living in the third-dimensional world, doing the best they could and operating from their own pains and traumas. They did not love themselves, and they passed down every line of energy they were holding without ever questioning that another option existed.
Self-love was wanky, and downright obnoxious — who the hell loved themselves?
I wanted to spend some time today going over just a few parts of what self-love entails because it goes so much deeper than having a massage every now and then or indulging in a guilty food pleasure because it has been a “hard” week.
Self-love is hidden in the 1000 different choices you make daily, weekly, monthly.
Let’s talk baseline. This is the base point that we operate from. It is the dominant energy that runs through your life. When you feel anxious, or overwhelmed or afraid, or have any challenging experience - what are the thoughts, emotions, and feelings that you go to immediately? Is it kind?
When self-love exists, love for self kicks in and runs when times get tough.
Self-talk and our tapes we have played in the background consistently - what are they layered with? Self-love, or self-loathe?
When you make a mistake, what do you say to yourself? This is your clear guide as to which way it swings for you.
Now with the language you have running through you, would you say that out loud to another? Would you accept another saying it to you? Would it be considered verbal abuse?
Being connected to your body, for many, can be challenging. If you have experienced trauma or are having trouble staying grounded in your earthly experience, you may find it hard to stay in your body.
However, this is necessary for you to feel your body and what your needs are. If you can’t feel your body, you can’t care for it.
Then, taking it a step further, how does it feel to meet your body's needs? To feed it healthy organic food? To exercise it? To seek treatment from the professional you require - is it easy to book that appointment, or do you find it hard to justify the financial expense?
Is it okay to take time out to rest, or do you feel guilty doing so?
Self-forgiveness, how does it feel to forgive you? Often we find it so much easier to forgive another who has wronged us than we do to forgive ourselves. We hold ourselves almost to impossible standards.
It is so incredibly important to be responsible for ourselves and the choices we make. However, we have to be real with ourselves and kind to ourselves.
If another presented the same situation to us, what would the advice be?
We must remember that we are here as souls to learn and have experienced. We are going to make mistakes. This is part of the learning process!
When teaching a child, how would you speak to them? With kindness, compassion, and patience. Do you not deserve the same?
Even if you were not gifted this as a child (old parental paradigms playing out), you get to decide what script and energy stay and continue to run moving forward.
You are worthy of being taught in a loving, respectful way, with patience and kindness flowing freely.
Judgment, now this is huge! It takes up so much energy, and it really does do those who are judging, and those who are having that judgment and projection placed upon them, a disservice. We are at a point in evolution where it is exceptionally important to be coming back home to ourselves and our own soul guidance. We all have very individual missions and journeys to undertake.
When we place judgment upon another, we declare that we know best for them but stating this behind their backs in an underhanded way. It’s not genuine support. It is a declaration that we know better.
In truth, we don’t. We don’t know the ins and outs of an individual's journey or soul mission, even those super close to us don’t know ( despite what their ego may say)
Removing judgment allows us to support those we love, to find themselves (not our definition of this, THEIR soul's guidance of what this is).
Something we are all doing at different paces.
It allows us to connect as an equal. It allows us to remove ego and connect from our heart space.
Something we all need more of.
Often within families, and friend circles, it is just accepted that judgment is the norm. Energetically it is kicking the legs out from underneath your loved one, rather than giving them a hand to jump the hurdle they are currently facing.
On the flip side, accepting the judgment from loved ones is a choice. We get to choose and are responsible for the energy we allow into our space.
When we decide not to engage and stop absorbing this, we feel 1000 times lighter. There is so much less energy we need to sort through before even tackling the situation in front of us.
We have a responsibility to ourselves, to be connected to ourselves and our internal guidance. Allowing ourselves to absorb inappropriate judgments that are often unkind, cruel, and offered without request is a sucker's game!
Judgments are a lazy and outdated way of interacting. When self-love is our baseline, we see them for what they are and clearly decide what we want to do with them without the need to apologize for our choice.
Who we give our time to. This holds so much energy. We have all heard the saying. We are the common denominator of the 5 people we spend the most amount of time with.
As human beings, we have something called a varying dominating oscillatory rate, which means our vibration alters to the environment we are in. Spend the day with someone who is having a great time in life, and we walk away happy, feeling bubbly and vivacious. Spend the afternoon with someone who is having a hard time in life, and you walk away feeling heavy. This is how the principle of the 5 works, you literally absorb each other's energy.
We need to pick wisely if we are truly loving ourselves, let go of the friendships that are out of obligation, filled with one-sidedness or only responsibility. Engaging in relationships with people who take responsibility for who they are, what they want, who are kind, thoughtful, and willing to continue to grow is important.
These are just a few considerations to embrace as we journey towards loving ourselves unconditionally. If you are ready to dive into yourself and all that, you are on a soul level. Learning to love all parts of yourself unconditionally, shadow and light. I teach this in-depth during my 6-week intensive Loving Me. Details can be found here.
Samantha Leske, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Samantha Leske is a Spiritual Healer and the CEO of Nurture you, Heal you. She specializes in trauma/ shadow work and teaching women how to love themselves unconditionally. After working in the industry for over 12 years, she has a varied skillset that allows the healings she offers to incorporate all levels of a soul's journey from this life to past and birthing timelines.
Samantha has recently become the best-selling author on Amazon from her contribution to the multi-author book "Intuitive, knowing her truth."
Her goals in life are to live a quiet rural life with her children and animals while engaging in her soul-led mission - to help as many people awaken and heal. Loving them while they come home to themselves and their own unconditional love and acceptance for themselves. To actively be apart of the solution.
