My Reason Was Born in the Fire
Updated: Oct 22, 2025
Written by Lindsey Leavitt, Transformational Coach
Lindsey Leavitt is a transformational coach. Her expertise stems from her lived experience of abuse, mental illness, and chronic pain. Lindsey's transformation has inspired her to utilize her knowledge and abilities as an artist/musician to advocate, empower, and lift others.
When love, faith, and trust collide with betrayal, the result is a fire that reshapes everything. In My Reason Was Born in the Fire, Lindsey Leavitt shares her raw journey from devastation to awakening after discovering abuse within the very foundation of her life. What begins as heartbreak becomes transformation, a story of burning through shame, breaking free from systems of control, and rising from the ashes with unshakable purpose. This is not just a personal testimony, but a call to reclaim authenticity, confront cycles of silence, and embrace the fire that awakens true freedom.
I learned to burn in the fire
I will always love my father. My love for him was so deep that when I discovered the abuse, it shattered my world. Everything I thought I knew collapsed. My heart didn’t think it could survive. It felt like death, a descent into the dark night of the soul.
At my lowest, my heart was ripped to pieces. But then something unexpected happened. The broken pieces began to burn. That fire grew stronger until it awakened me. I was still me, but something had changed. I rose from the ashes as a warrior, scarred but alive, carrying a fire in my soul that nothing could extinguish.
That fire became my purpose. My reason to live. My calling. I exist to bring people out of darkness and into the light, to breathe life back into broken places, to remind others of their purpose, their power, their right to burn brightly.
Concrete crumbles, roots remain
What is natural does not ask permission to grow. A tree instinctively reaches for the sun. A river flows without command. Flowers bloom without being told which direction to turn. They thrive because they follow their innate design, intuitive, authentic, and free.
Systems of control fear the power of what is natural, untamed, and whole. They build walls out of rules and laws, bricks stacked into barriers meant to contain us. But every wall eventually crumbles.
Psychology affirms this. Human beings flourish when aligned with their true selves. Carl Rogers, a pioneer of humanistic psychology, argued that authenticity and self-acceptance are the foundations of mental health. Systems that demand masks and suppress individuality directly oppose this natural growth.
Cognitive confinement
High-control systems sustain themselves by creating the illusion of safety and growth while trapping members in invisible cycles of obedience and shame. The structure looks nurturing from the outside, but internally it functions as a loop, one designed to fracture individuals while keeping them dependent on the system.
1. Authority as absolute
Leaders are positioned as speaking for God, and fathers are framed as divine representatives within the home. Obedience to them is presented as obedience to God, and questioning is rebranded as sin or rebellion. This creates a standard no human being can meet. Members are always striving, always falling short, and always told they must try harder. Progress feels impossible because the target is perfection, a moving goalpost defined by authority, not reality.
2. Shame as a tool
Shame is one of the system’s most effective mechanisms of control. Natural instincts, curiosity, and mistakes are redefined as moral failings. Desires are labeled sinful, and even private thoughts are judged as spiritual weakness. Over time, members internalize this message and begin to believe they are inherently broken. Instead of seeing the system as flawed, they see themselves as defective. This guarantees dependence, because if you are broken, you will always need the system to “fix” you.
3. Religious coercion
When pain or abuse surfaces, spiritual language is used to bypass accountability. Members are told to “forgive and forget,” to “trust God’s plan,” to “have more faith.” These phrases disguise silence as holiness and obedience as healing. Real harm is never confronted, trauma is never processed. Instead, members are pulled deeper into ritual compliance, reciting prayers and performing duties that mimic growth but leave wounds unaddressed. The loop tightens, presenting stagnation as spiritual progress.
4. Scapegoating and projection
In both families and churches, certain individuals, often the most sensitive or questioning, are scapegoated as the “problem.” Children may be labeled rebellious, and women who question may be shamed as faithless. Meanwhile, abusers and authority figures are shielded from scrutiny. Responsibility is projected downward, so those harmed carry the weight of secrecy, silence, and guilt. This ensures that victims blame themselves rather than recognizing the system as the source of harm.
5. Duality and confusion
The system thrives by speaking in contradictions. “We love you,” it says, while teaching, “Your instincts are wrong.” “God protects you,” it claims, while warning, “If you speak out, you sin.” This double bind splits members in two, one part craving love, the other terrified of disobedience. The result is confusion, self-doubt, and internal conflict. Trauma psychologists note that this kind of contradictory conditioning produces anxiety, dissociation, and chronic stress. Members live in a constant state of mental and emotional war with themselves.
6. Appearance vs. reality
Externally, everything looks whole. Families appear faithful, devoted, and functional. Rituals, prayers, and service projects create the appearance of unity and purpose. But beneath the surface, suppression and fear dominate. People are not thriving, they are looping, repeating the same patterns of obedience, shame, and silence. The rituals simulate progress while masking the fractures underneath.
Running in place
This loop is subtle but relentless. You follow the rules, receive temporary approval, stumble, feel shame, and then recommit yourself to the system for validation. The cycle repeats endlessly, creating the illusion of spiritual growth but actually stunting psychological and emotional development.
What feels like safety is a cage. What feels like comfort is rot. What looks like care is control.
This is how the system survives, by convincing people they are moving forward when, in reality, they are only circling inside the boundaries it has built for them. It is not freedom. It is captivity disguised as holiness.
Flight beyond the bars
And so I burn, not with the fire of destruction but of rebirth. To remind us of what we already are. To call us back to the place where we do not need permission to grow, to love, to be. Because the systems of control, the people who harm, the voices that silence, they want us to forget who we are. But nature shows us the truth. That is what we are reclaiming, the return to self, the freedom of being, the fire that cannot be extinguished.
Read more from Lindsey Leavitt
Lindsey Leavitt, Transformational Coach
Lindsey Leavitt is a transformational coach. She is certified in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). The model focuses on emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness. Lindsey battled with anxiety and depression throughout her life. She implemented various therapeutic modalities, but none were effective. Finally, Lindsey implemented the DBT approach, which changed her life forever. Now she is helping others take back their power, regain control of their lives, and start living an abundant life.
