Loving Unconditionally – Is It A Myth?
Written by: Fran Pedron, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Show me some love in February! You all have heard “Love is in the air,” or “The month of love is upon us,” to “Let’s get married on Valentine’s Day”.
When “February Love” hits, do you think, “I’m in love,” or “My heart is screaming to be embraced by unconditional love.”
February is Saintly Love
Saint Valentine’s Day is known as the Feast of Saint Valentine and is celebrated February 14th. According to Wikipedia, it honors early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine and has significance in the worlds of religion, cultures and commercialism.
The Feasts of Saint Valentine was established by Pope Gelasius I in Rome to celebrate the death of Saint Valentine. He brought notions that today are more commercialized and profit-driven than the expressions of honor in AD 496.
Saintly Love and the Unconditional Truth
Unconditional love is not just an expression. You cannot touch it and most cannot describe it. It’s just complicated!
As a coach, I’m asked for black and white descriptors. Those descriptors make things simple, easy and touchable. For unconditional love, they do not exist.
Unconditional love is offered freely, doesn’t have stringed attachments, and is often associated with familial love. Relationships, however, are meant to be experienced at their best—unconditionally. Many are not and most wish they were.
To get a better bird’s eye view, what exactly is unconditional love? It’s a selfless act, where you are not in it for yourself. Here are some characteristics for your checklist. How are you checking off each one; is it a hit or miss?
Benefits emotional health – produces positive feelings and activates your brain’s reward system.
Feels secure – fosters self-worth, independence and provides a sense of security.
Involves acceptance and forgiveness – you continue to love that person, still disagree, and forgiveness is part of the package but does not include distress or harm.
Unconditional love is not: ignoring issues; neglecting your self-care; or tolerating abuse. It’s also not the end-all answer to fueling your relationship—It is an essential component!
Knowing the Difference
Unconditional love and romantic love operate in different ways. They have different requirements and different outcomes.
While unconditional love can only be expressed fully if you love yourself. It is a powerful source and resides in every cell of your body. It is in everything—without it, nothing would exist. We are loved unconditionally by The Divine. Love is love and everything is love.
Romantic love comes with expectations and challenges. It is guided by a my-way vs your-way. It can be fueled by the fear loss or the desire of passion.
Do you still think unconditional love is pure fantasy, that it’s unattainable? When you recognize it, you no longer look through rose-colored glasses. You choose to give love unconditionally.
Selflessness is the “without conditions” aspect, where reciprocation is not part of the relationship formula. It flows without effort; it is the love that does not judge; it is only felt—you sense the soul not the physical; and there is no verbal or mental construct.
Unconditional Love’s Healing Power
While there is no mental construct or physical component, unconditional love heals all wounds and floods our bodies with hormones that heal and feel good. There is no expectations and conditions. It gives us strength and courage—our fearlessness to face what is ahead.
Your authentic nature is nestled in the midst and comes pointedly from the heart and soul. It holds our self-acceptance; our ability to forgive and be kind; and brings out how we think negatively (i.e.: unworthy, negative toward others, …, lack mentality). Unconditional love is powerful beyond measure and heals the giver, as well as the receiver.
“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” ‒ Buddha
Physical healing is gifted in the form of showing kindness and compassion. Our bodies and spirit soak up this superpower. Our cells repair, rejuvenate and create—replicating in a healing way. Our energy thrives on acceptance, affection and peace—all given with unconditional love.
Whether you are giving unconditional love to another or giving to yourself, you must be the necessity in receiving. It is not selfish to receive. You were created and you exist. As part of the Divine, you are worth it!
Love and the Brain
After you recognize it, describing unconditional love, looks something like this.
Your mood and behavior change.
You feel excitement and a sense of euphoria.
You feel safety and trust.
You are willing to give to others.
You have constant thoughts about that someone special.
You experience less stress.
You may even experience a tinge of jealousy—a key suggesting strong commitment and promotes bonding.
Your health improves.
You live longer.
Your physical discomforts lessen.
While all these are possible, the polar opposite can occur. Self-awareness is required to stay in the unconditional love of self.
Test Time
How do you rate your unconditional love—1 to 10, 1 being least unconditional and 10 being most.
With yourself?
With others?
What are you willing to do: make personal changes or scrap the relationship? If the relationship is yourself, how do you see yourself making changes? If the relationship is with another, is the relationship worth you growing into unconditional love?
Regardless of how you decide to move forward, unconditional love is your birth right, given to you by the Divine. Know that it is possible and using it is your choice.
“When the beauty of your soul kisses your heart you will know true love. It’s bliss and unconditional sweetness will leave you forever changed.” — Judy Secore
Fran Pedron, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Fran Pedron combines intuition, education, and life experience to help clients understand their foundational self-definition, make changes and intention-purposed plans, which align with who they are as they create their desired outcomes. Her experience in insurance, technology, accounting, communications, along with being abruptly downsized later in life, led her to understand how change affects people and their decision-making processes, along with the need to make decisions aligned with their authenticity. Fran is the founder of Heart Driven Action, coaching and consulting. She is a certified Spiritual Coach, Mapping Strategist, certified in ThetaHealing, holding an M.A. in Journalism and B.S.B.A. in Business.
