Love Languages — Why We Fail
Written by: Ibbie Aromolaran, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Hopefully, you’ve heard of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you haven’t, perhaps this article will be your nudge to find a copy and read it. It is an eye-opening piece of work that introduces and describes the five general ways humans use to express and receive love. These include acts of service, gift-giving, words of affirmation, physical touch, and quality time. Yes, relationships require a portion of all of them to survive; however, there is typically one that holds more weight than the others for each individual. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, which is why learning your love language and that of your partner is so crucial.
I have spoken to quite a few people who have said something along the lines of “I love giving gifts. That’s my love language”. And as innocent and thoughtful as their sentiments may seem, it makes me cringe every time. You cannot go into a relationship with your preference for how to show love to someone. This is how relationships fail. If you aren’t prepared to love someone the way they need to be loved, all your good intentions and efforts do not matter.
Even if you like to give gifts, your partner may just want to be touched. Even if you prefer to be touched, your partner may just like to hear words of affirmation from you. You have to learn your partner’s love language for the relationship to thrive. And you have to learn how to communicate your love language to others. Identify your love language. Identify your triggers. Identify your boundaries. Identify your wants and needs and be ready and able to express them to the people you love.
Take plants, for example- sunflowers require direct sunlight and long, hot summers to survive. Whereas, Chinese Evergreen plants survive quite well in low light, which makes them great indoor plants! Now imagine you take a sunflower and try to grow it in the low light of your bedroom… it probably wouldn’t survive very well. Think of your relationships in the same way. A previous partner may not have needed what your current partner needs. Tune into that when learning your partner’s love language and when communicating yours.
Someone who truly loves you will make every effort to speak your love language. You should do the same for them. Love people the way they need to be loved consistently. Make every effort to learn them, understand them, and speak their love language. This will greatly improve the quality of your relationships.
Take the love language quiz to find out yours!
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Ibbie Aromolaran, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Known for her unique, time-saving, efficient & fun approach to dating, Ibbie Aromolaran has a passion for guiding and empowering ambitious women to create the love lives of their dreams. As a Mental Health Therapist turned Certified Dating Coach, she is deeply dedicated to helping women uncover their deep-rooted barriers to successful dating and build new, effective habits from the ground up through her high-end, 4-phase program that helps women learn to date like pros and create meaningful connections within 12 weeks! Ibbie has a certification in dating & relationship coaching, a master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, and is currently in her doctoral program studying social psychology and the science of human interactions. All in all, she is keenly interested in sharing her knowledge about how humans can best connect with one another.
