I Will Not Should On Myself
Written by: Michelle Sherbun, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How many times have you said to yourself – I should have…! And how often has that statement stopped you dead in your tracks? Feeling like you should have done something differently?
Feeling guilty or having a SHOULD shake your confidence at the core can change your brain chemistry.
Guess what? We become what we think. But we also have a choice!
We can choose not to believe everything we think
Self-awareness is at the core of sound self-leadership. In a recent article from Mindful magazine, being aware of what we are thinking can interrupt automatic, reflexive fight, flight, or freeze reactions—reactions that can lead to anxiety, fear, foreboding, and worry.
Bottom line? We have a choice. And I would argue that we have a responsibility to ourselves and others – to stop and reflect. Unlearn what is causing the thought and relearn or replace it with a new, healthier thought.
So, here are some steps you can take that help you stop before you believe everything you’re thinking.
Remove the word “should” from your vocabulary. Many times, those “shoulds” are the result of negative thinking patterns and fears. They can be false pressures. Ask yourself – Are they true? You’ll be surprised how often your answer will be “no.”
Reflect on what your intention was when you started. How did that intention – your motive – drive your actions? Were they self-serving, or were your actions for a broader good?
Tap into your curiosity. What did you learn? What other choices might you have made that could have created a better – or different – outcome? Don’t be afraid to list all the options that come to mind. No matter how obscure or ridiculous they may sound, you will be amazed at what creative opportunities arise when you don’t edit and judge alternative ideas. Design new approaches. Innovate. What might you do next time once you’ve explored all your possibilities?
And when things don’t go your way, let the experience wash over you and then lean into detaching from the situation. You can be “with” the experience, but try not to be “in” the experience. Stepping back and taking on the observer role will give you the space to see others, not just yourself. And shedding should will also allow you to release judgment.
“As an observer, you are able to step outside of an emotional situation and your default reactions and thus able to see things clearly and calmly.”
Transitions Intl Ltd
Interested in exploring more? Join me with your personal question here.
Michelle Sherbun, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Michelle Sherbun came to her career first as a vocalist and an actor. And while she no longer performs, the listening and improv skills she honed on stage became the foundation for the leadership coaching she does today. Whether partnering with an individual leader or working with a nonprofit or business team, she taps and nurtures their courage, curiosity, and creativity to create the possible. Her favorite question: WHY?
