How To Use Mental Skills To Build Resilience And Live A Happier Life
Written by: Anya Alyzabeth, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How many times have you heard: Can’t you just be happy?! Just change your thinking and everything will be fine. Why do you have to worry so much? Getting tired of it yet? Yes, me too. Frankly, if it was this easy, then everybody would be living a grand happy life. But it isn’t this easy, until you learn and practice to make it this easy.
The power of manifestation and visualization is a bit more complex than just changing thoughts. Recent neurobiological research has shown that thought patterns are biologically wired in the brain and they are not easy to “undo”.
This is where Resilience building comes in which is way more than positive thinking. Positive thinking implies that everybody is able to think positively, if they only wanted to. This approach ignores the extent of the hard-wired patterns affecting each of our personalities and can lead to a lot of frustration and/or worse.
Resilience building involves learning the mental skills that focus on identifying existing thought patterns and attitudes that do not serve us, releasing these patterns and replacing them with new thought patterns that are advantageous to us.
The research also provides insight into why people react completely differently to the exact same trigger. It is our personal evaluation of an external event that determines how we react, rather than the objective characteristics of the event. Our personal evaluation is partially based on our wiring and experience which lead to an automatic response.
Every situation is handled by our brain in a specific manner depending on our biographical experiences, our values, our attitudes, thought patterns, and habits. Stress originates in the brain and initiates the stress response with a myriad of physical manifestations.
The brain is also affected by our responses to stress. The different hormones that participate in the stress response have an impact on our brain function, and in particular, on the neural pathways. it is the individual stress amplifiers that largely influence our stress responses.
“It is not the things themselves that serve to unsettle the people, but rather their judgements and opinions of things.” (Epictetus, 50-120 a.D.)
So what can you do and how do you get started? In the following is a list of entry-level questions to ask yourself when you encounter a difficult situation that is causing you a lot of distress. They will help you gain a different perspective which will lead to you managing the situation for a more favourable outcome.
Reality check and clearer definition:
Take a realistic account of the situation or event. What happened exactly, how do others who are involved view the event, different ways to explain the event, what individual things were said and done. Try to be as precise, uninvolved, neutral and realistic as possible, to gain a true assessment of the situation or event.
Distancing yourself and putting everything into perspective:
How will you view this in a month or year from now? How important is this really? How do neutral people view the situation? How would the situation look like from a different perspective? What advice would a friend give you in this situation? This form of questioning leads to an emotional distancing necessary to gain a neutral perspective.
Focus on opportunities and the positive side of the situation:
Does this situation have any positive aspects? Could I learn from this experience and apply it successfully at a later time? Are there any opportunities that are opening up? What can you learn from the situation? What are your actual responsibilities in this situation? Could the situation be interpreted in a different way? These questions are meant to provide a different, more positive perspective of the situation, possibly leading to you viewing it as a challenge that you can learn from and come out more resilient.
Focus on your strengths and successes:
When have you successfully resolved a similar situation? How did you do it? What tools, strengths and knowledge did you use? What are you proud of? What gives you courage and strength? What can you rely on? What encouraging words would a trusted person say to you in this situation? The more strengths and skills you can list here the better.
Focus on positive outcomes and de-mystifying:
What will it be like when you successfully resolve this situation? How will you feel? How might others react to your resolving this? Will it have a positive impact on your life? What is the worst-case scenario? How bad would that really be? How realistic and likely is it? Focus on possible positive outcomes and also think about the worst possible outcome and how you would cope with that.
Hopefully, this list provides a starting point to open up your mind to the endless possibilities that are available to re-train your mind. Please bear in mind that those questions are only the tip of the iceberg of a very complex process and are as such meant to serve as an inspiration to take back control of your life, your emotions and ultimately your happiness and wellbeing.
All the best,
Anya Alyzabeth
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Anya Alyzabeth, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Anya Alyzabeth has a strong passion for building resilience for a better life experience. After suffering from several health conditions that were all based on prolonged chronic stress, Anya became a master of managing stressors and building the resilience that is required to thrive in life despite external circumstances. She is now helping others to build those same skills so they can become autonomous and in control of their own happiness and well-being. Anya offers private 1:1 coaching packages in different formats.
