How To Start Over When You Feel Like You Don’t Have The Strength
- Jun 30, 2021
- 4 min read
Written by: Cynthia Jones, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Starting over is never an easy thing to do. How do you start again after a traumatic loss? Or you lose your job after 20 years? You get a divorce after 29 years. Why is it so difficult? Because you feel like you are losing. In society, we have been trained to believe that anything you do that does not result in a positive it must be negative. Losing is not fun, but failure does lead to success. Every time I get on a plane, I think about the Wright brothers these days, and what if they gave up after one or multiple losses.
Some fun facts about the brothers:
They were never married.
Neither had a high school diploma.
Neil Armstrong carried a piece of the Wright Flyer with him to the moon.
And today, the longest flight you can take is from New York to Singapore, 18 hours. I know you can see what starting over can do for you. Changes signified that you are growing. Everything must grow or die, so embrace the changes. Let’s remove the “starting over” and start to say “started changing.” I know from experience that change can be very uncomfortable. I had to earn to embrace job loss, rebuilt my credit several times, and moved to another country for 5 years. I have developed some characteristics that pull me through, and I know they will pull you to your next level as well:
Control what you say to yourself.
What is the conversation you have with yourself when starting over is the next step? I am losing? I never get anything, right? Why does this always happen to me? Instead of viewing the situation as a loss began to view the situation as an opportunity. Begin to ask yourself questions like I get to create again, I get to move to anywhere I want, or I get to design the life I want. Using the get conversations moves you into opportunities and possibilities.
Your past has nothing to do with your future.
Making past mistakes do not hold you hostage but your thoughts. By all means, I have made some terrible mistakes and have not given my all but guess what? I have a successful career and a thriving business, along with a loving family. I refused to allow the things I did to control where I was going because, as you see, where I am going is a clean slate for me to write on. So stop reliving your past and begin to write your beautiful future!
Gain a fresh perspective.
Learning to let go of old beliefs and embrace new perspectives is a great way to change your reality. Your reality is exactly what you think it to be. The brain will not give you anything you do not truly desire. If you don’t like change, then when it happens, guess what happens? Everything goes wrong. If starting over is hard, then guess what you get exactly that. Learning how to control your perspective and how you look at things is key to starting over and creating a fresh perspective. Begin to believe that everything works out for your good. Learn to find the good in all situations. It’s so easy to see the bad.
Create the vision.
When starting over, you get to write or rewrite your vision for your life. When you develop your vision and follow-through, it will not take you long to arrive at success. You want to ensure you’re are pointing yourself in the right direction as you grow and change. Evaluate and understand that your priorities and values will change as you grow towards your vision. I still remember when I graduated college, my goal was to get a job and make money. As I have grown, my vision is still to make money and support my family and business.
I hope these steps have given you the encouragement you need to start again. It’s never too late to start over. You don’t want to regret how you let life pass you by. One of the biggest regret elderly people have is having failures in their relationships, so don’t come to an end when all you had to do was start again.
Cynthia Jones, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a first-generation college student, Cynthia began her career in Cybersecurity with a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a double master's in Information Assurance and Cybersecurity Policy. She worked her way through college with limited support. Fortunately, she had her husband by her side as she completed her master's degrees. As she entered the male-dominated field of cybersecurity, Cynthia had to learn how to show up with confidence to avoid dismissal, which many women struggle with. At this job, she realized her ability to empower other women to become fearless in pursuing their purpose.
She has accumulated 20 years of experience in mindset coaching and has helped many women on and offline pursue their goals with courage and continue to watch them succeed.
