How to Let Go of Perfectionism Without Losing Ambition
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 11
- 4 min read
Rita Haley, LMHC, is a leading behavioral health provider and emotional wellness coach specializing in CPTSD and mind-body medicine. She is the founder of Ground & Center, LLC, an online mental health and wellness program, and has guest-starred on platforms such as the Money Loves Women podcast.
She was the one everyone relied on, the star performer at work, the friend who always listened, the sibling who handled family crises with grace. From the outside, it seemed like she had everything under control. But beneath the surface, she was barely holding it together. Every list she checked off felt like a drop in an endless bucket. Every compliment or achievement only intensified the pressure to keep striving, to do more, to somehow prove she was enough.
Eventually, exhaustion set in emotionally, physically, and mentally. She wasn’t just tired; she was depleted. And yet, she couldn’t stop. After all, who would she be without the constant hustle for perfection?
It’s a familiar story whether you’ve lived it yourself or watched someone close to you unravel under the weight of perfectionism. Unfortunately, our culture often celebrates this relentless drive while ignoring its darker side. Perfectionism can look like ambition, but instead of propelling us forward, it often traps us in cycles of stress, self-doubt, and burnout. It tells us our worth is tied to what we achieve, pushing us harder and harder until we’re running on empty.
But what if there’s another way? What if you don’t have to choose between letting go and losing ambition?
Let’s explore what’s really going on beneath the surface and how you can begin to free yourself.
What is perfectionism really about
Perfectionism isn’t simply about having high standards. It’s about fear. It’s about shame. It’s about control. Often rooted in early experiences where love or safety felt conditional, perfectionism becomes a protective strategy if I do everything “right,” maybe I won’t get hurt.
It can show up subtly or loudly:
An inner voice that never lets up.
A fear of making mistakes or disappointing others.
An all-or-nothing mindset that leaves no room for rest, creativity, or self-compassion.
It can even feel like a virtue, especially in a world that equates overachievement with value. But under the surface, perfectionism disconnects us from ourselves and keeps us in a state of chronic stress.
The high cost of holding it all together
Left unchecked, perfectionism leads to burnout, not just physical exhaustion, but emotional emptiness and a loss of clarity around who you are beyond what you produce. You might notice:
Anxiety that never quite settles.
Difficulty resting without guilt.
Feeling disconnected from joy, creativity, or even your own needs.
It can strain relationships, too. When we’re over-functioning, we leave little room for others to show up for us. We might avoid vulnerability, refuse help, or feel resentful that others don’t carry the same load.
At work, perfectionism can masquerade as diligence, but it often leads to procrastination, indecision, and a constant sense of not-enoughness. You’re always working, but never truly satisfied.
Letting go & giving up
One of perfectionism’s most convincing lies is this: If you stop pushing so hard, everything will fall apart.
This fear keeps many high-achieving women stuck. But letting go isn’t the same as giving up. It’s about shifting your inner fuel source from fear to trust. From self-criticism to self-respect.
You don’t have to stop caring. You don’t have to shrink your dreams. What changes is the energy behind them.
When ambition is rooted in self-worth, not self-doubt, it becomes sustainable. Empowering. Even joyful.
5 practices for soothing the perfectionist inside you
Here are a few ways to start loosening perfectionism’s grip:
Name the voice: When your inner critic creeps up, label it. “Ah, there’s the part of me that thinks I have to earn rest.” Naming it creates space between you and the pattern.
Redefine success: Try this journaling prompt: What does success look like when I’m being kind to myself? This invites a more compassionate lens that honors your values, not just your output.
Practice “good enough” habits: Instead of striving for perfect routines, create gentle structure that supports your nervous system. This might mean shorter to-do lists, scheduled pauses, or screen-free time to reconnect with yourself.
Allow for messy progress: Perfectionism wants linear, flawless progress. But real growth is layered, cyclical, and often uncomfortable. Celebrate progress, not perfection.
Learn to receive: Let others support you emotionally, practically, and professionally. True resilience comes from connection, not self-reliance alone.
You are already enough
Perfectionism may have helped you survive, but it’s not the path to thriving. You don’t have to abandon your ambition or your dreams. You’re simply being invited to pursue them from a different place.
Imagine a version of you who’s still driven, still passionate, but no longer fueled by fear. She trusts herself. She knows her worth. She rests without guilt. She leads from a place of grounded power.
She’s already within you.
If you’re looking for support as you step out of the perfectionism trap, I’d love to have you join me for the next Ground & Center workshop. These non-clinical gatherings are rooted in my experience as a psychotherapist and are designed to give you practical tools, gentle insight, and a deeper understanding of how to show up with more confidence and self-trust in your work, your relationships, and your life.
Read more from Rita Haley
Rita Haley, Licensed Psychotherapist and Wellness Coach
Rita Haley has, over the course of her career, endeavored to help hundreds of adolescents and adults overcome traumatic losses and experiences. After confronting and conquering her own trauma, Rita decided to transform her memories of pain into power and walk with her clients down the long, winding road to recovery. She approaches every case with immense empathy, compassion, and care. Because of the current shortage and ever-increasing need for mental health services, she founded Ground & Center, LLC, an online means of accessing therapeutic interventions with a licensed professional. It is her belief that ALL persons are deserving of compassionate and quality mental health services, and she is committed to providing a means to access them.
