Written by: Debra Whitson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The first holiday after divorce is never easy, and you are probably struggling to cope with new co-parenting schedules, establishing new traditions, and trying to celebrate the holidays, all while still maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship.
The first Christmas may also turn out to be a tug-of-war between who has the children, and what happens if your kids decide they may want to spend the holidays with your co-parent instead?
According to Brian James, in his article “Kids, Christmas, and Divorce”, “Understand that your child may want to choose to spend the holidays with the other parent. Try to put your child’s emotional needs for comfort above your own at this time. There will always be next year to share special holiday time together.”
Added to that is the stress of having to help your kids choose holiday gifts for your ex-spouse, while also deciding which gifts to buy your children. However, it is important to remember that you are not contending for your children’s love and while a divorce might have taken place, refrain from purchasing grandiose toys to upstage the other parent.
According to Juliet Marciano, MD in her article “Five Tips To Salvage The Holidays For Your Children After Divorce”, “If possible or necessary, and both of you are willing, try to coordinate with your co-parent some gifts and celebrations.”
After you and your ex-spouse have agreed on said gifts, there remains the question of how to help your children purchase (or make) that special gift for your co-parent.
So, without further ado, here are some tips for a special gift that will strengthen your kids’ relationship with the other parent:
1. Help your kids craft something special:
A homemade decoupaged box for mementos, a hand-painted pillowcase, a knitted sweater, a customized holiday card, a cheery Christmas card, or even a photo collage of memories add a special, personalized touch to a gift for your ex, one he/ she will surely treasure for years to come!
2. Consider your ex-spouse’s interests:
Does your ex like baking? Perhaps he/she would appreciate a whimsical apron or a funky baking tray. Do they like golfing? A set of monogrammed golf clubs will certainly be appreciated. Are they interested in technology? An external hard drive might come in handy.
3. Start a new tradition for your ex to enjoy with your kids:
Perhaps they have a special movie they would like to enjoy with the children each Christmas? Or do they want to make it a day of board or video games? Or do they want to have a great-tasting meal together? Or to go choose the Christmas tree? Any one-on-one activity will surely be appreciated and encourage bonding time between them.
4. Keep it practical:
If your ex has a specific hobby that interests them, such as hiking, hiking boots might not sound like the most glamorous present, but something that they can use and appreciate every day! Or if they are always losing their keys, a keychain with a picture of their kids might remind them every day of the things that matter most in life.
5. Create a special photo shoot to remember the day:
While you might be divorced, having your kids create a special photo shoot with your ex will remind them that you are putting them first and that you still love and appreciate them as co-parents.
Regardless of which gift your kids prefer to give your ex, it will certainly be the start of many more wonderful holiday memories to come.
For more tips like these, be sure to check out the blogs on our website or give us a call at 518-412-4111 to schedule a consultation today!
Debra Whitson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
For the first half of her career, Debra Whitson was a prosecutor, and she spent the latter half specializing in Matrimonial and Family Law. She is an experienced mediator and collaborative divorce practitioner as well as a recognized expert in working with victims of domestic violence. Debra believes that legal battles are more harmful to families than helpful, and is passionate about helping people find ways to make their own decisions for their families, rather than leaving their outcomes in the hands of a stranger in a black robe. When court is unavoidable, Debra aims to educate and support people to make the legal process less costly, scary, uncertain, and stressful.
