Written by: Zovig Garboushian, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Women leaders deal with getting blindsided at work far more than is typically acknowledged. I know I certainly did. I experienced aggressive questioning and laughter at my ideas. I was talked over and interrupted countless times. I was thrown under the bus and had my ideas stolen right after they came out of my mouth. I had leadership shout in my face and experienced subtle microaggressions in private and public.
The Act of Getting Blindsided Can Take Many Forms
Getting blindsided can happen within the hidden crevices of insidious microaggressions, or it can occur blatantly and with an audience, like being skewered in a meeting.
No matter how it happens, it sucks to get blindsided at work. It triggers emotions like defensiveness, embarrassment, or foolishness, which stop us from thinking clearly and responding powerfully. And unfortunately, it happens more often to women than to men.
As a coach who works primarily with women in leadership, I've heard stories from my clients about presenting in boardrooms where their ideas our outright attacked. They've been told "Your delivery sucks" or "That's not for you to know," even though they hold executive and C-level roles.
It's disorienting, confusing, and incredibly hurtful, not to mention a professional outrage.
Two Options to Handle Being Blindsided at Work
So, what do you do?
First, you can always ignore it. Sometimes, giving an attack zero airtime is the best response. Silence can be powerful. But, that might also leave you ruminating and recycling coulda-woulda-shoulda thoughts, which take energy and can leave you unresolved.
Another option is to re-engineer the heated moment in your favor.
Step 1: Give yourself a micro-moment to collect your composure. I'm talking even half a second. That's all it takes. Do this by responding to the person with, "That's interesting," even when it's not. Another good response is, "Hold on, let me consider that," even if you have no intention to do so. The words don't matter as much as the forced pause they create for your benefit.
Step 2: Respond with a question rather than a reaction. Try something like: Why do you see it that way? Could you share more? Or, a non-question question: Walk me through how you got to that idea.
The blindsider (i.e., the bully) will not expect this, so the result is twofold: First, the element of surprise, and second, that it puts them in the hot seat, promptly taking you, the blindsided, out. They are responsible for explaining themselves, and you get another moment to continue collecting your thoughts.
This surprising tactic leverages curiosity – a powerful leadership skill – which can allow you to create understanding and completely upemd the attempt at throwing you off your game.
Step 3: Continue asking questions. Questions have the power to release the pressure valve and defuse the heat. You might even turn the experience into a productive debate.
Why Is It So Hard?
It feels easier said than done. As I mentioned, being blindsided triggers an array of emotions within us, a reactivity that we can't often navigate in the moment. Instead, we rely on retrospective thinking and strategize ways to engage with that person in the future. Still, it's tough to let the experience and the feelings associated with it go.
Work is where we want to be known for our capabilities, competence, and excellence. When we get blindsided, it's an attempt to invalidate those attributes. And, for a moment, the energy with which we get blindsided overwhelms our sense of ourselves, and we question who we are and if we know what we're doing (imposter syndrome, anyone?).
It happens in the blink of an eye. The words get spoken, they land at warp speed in our hearts, our emotions get triggered, and we go into our preferred survival mode—fight, flight, or freeze.
If Being Blindsided is the Poison, Knowing Ourselves is the Antidote.
It's crucial for women to do the vital work of getting connected to ourselves, owning our value, and knowing in our bones who we are and what we offer to the world.
We do this through coaching, therapy, supportive communities, and our fan clubs of friends and loved ones, all of whom can put honest mirrors in our faces.
The more bone knowledge we have about who we are, the less likely someone can blindside us because we're grounded in our truth and know the depths of our expertise as fact. We can accept that it's okay not to know something (including in front of people) – we're not ashamed or embarrassed by a gap in our knowledge. We interpret it as an opportunity to learn rather than a time to defend or hide.
While I have given you a few tactics to handle being blindsided in the moment, the overall answer is to fortify ourselves within our truth. That can never be taken away and can withstand any feeble attempt at invalidating our power as women in leadership.
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Zovig Garboushian, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Zovig Garboushian, CEO of Boldness Ablaze Coaching, is an Executive Coach and Speaker who focuses on advancing women in leadership and in their careers. Her vision is a world where women go after what they want boldly and unapologetically. She works with leaders by helping them deepen their self-awareness, ease their extremes, trust themselves deeply, and self-manage with clarity, competence, and consciousness.
