Written by: Jane Christine, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you ever feel exceedingly concerned for others? Do you find you’re adapting your programs and services to fit every individual client? Do you endeavour to keep the peace and avoid conflict at all costs? Even if that means putting your needs and wants last?
Now, before we get into why people-pleasing can negatively impact your business and life, I want to first state that helping others and serving the needs of your clients and team members is an amazing quality to have. Being able to use your empathetic nature, caring and compassionate ways to enhance the lives of others is a wonderful and admirable quality to possess. Your clients are better off because of it, however, when you don’t direct these same traits towards yourself, you may become disconnected from your own needs and wants because you’ve been hiding your authentic self under this layer of protection for so long.
“Instinctually you to wanted to be included in your tribe”
The brainstem is the part of your brain responsible for your instinctual impulses and behaviours, self-protection is programmed into your brain to survive. But there is a real fear carried over from cave(wo)man times when people-pleasing was a matter of life and death. Instinctually you to wanted to be included in your tribe, as if you were excluded and left alone it would mean death in the wild as you couldn’t survive on your own. So, it makes sense why you use people-pleasing as a self-protection strategy – especially when you want to avoid conflict and criticism.
Unconsciously you’re looking for safety, acceptance, approval, love and security when you say yes to everything asked of you. When you are constantly changing your plans and services to accommodate the needs of others. I’m pretty sure you feel overwhelmed, overloaded and resentful when your kind nature is taken for granted.
How It Impacts Your Business
Your people-pleasing can manifest in your business like:
Undercharging your offers, products, and services
Working outside your normal office hours
Holding back your truths for fear of backlash
You find it difficult to say “no”
Go above and beyond to impress even when you feel uncomfortable
Don’t take action, as you’re worrying what others might think
Procrastinate raising your prices
You base your decisions on the approval of others
Feel guilty if you make a mistake, it will disappoint others
“It all comes down to building your confidence to respectfully maintain your boundaries.”
Now like so many others like yourself, you’ve probably identified with many of the repercussions from people-pleasing within your business. And you’re asking, ever so politely “Jane, how can I break this people-pleasing pattern?” Well, I’ve got you covered! It all comes down to building your confidence to respectfully maintain your boundaries. Of course, confidence isn’t something that can magically appear by reading this article, that comes with a rapid transformation over a few months working with me. But I wanted to give you 6 tips to get you on your way.
6 Ways To Break Your People-Pleasing Pattern
Establish your boundaries: what are your business boundaries? Your office hours? Your response time? Your non-negotiable items? Your prices? What type of person do you want to work with?
Open communication: set your expectations upfront. Create an onboarding pack with all the information, expectations, detailed ways to communicate at the start so you don’t have to feel uneasy telling them to your clients.
No one can read your mind: being honest and transparent will build trust and respect between yourself and your clients, say what’s on your mind and stay true to your mission. Relationships are mutual and you are not entirely responsible for how they are cultivated.
Don’t wait for permission from someone else: you don’t need to approve of anyone else, you are the only person 100% invested in how your life is lived, give permission to yourself.
Practice saying “NO”: start with something small and remember saying “no” doesn’t have to be mean or rude, say it with a smile and a thank you, you’ll be surprised with how easy people will respect your friendly “no, thank you”.
Do something for yourself: your needs and wants should come first, actually putting them first will allow you to serve others better as your cup will be full of love, happiness, and energy. Book in something once a week that is purely for nourishing your soul. A dance lesson, singing, massage, trip to the beach, read a non-business-related book, etc.
But getting to the root cause of why you feel compelled to people please in the first place is where the real transformation occurs. I recommend finding a mindset coach that understands your sensitive nature, that specialises in neuroscience and can give you the techniques to enhance your mental strategies and unleash your inner confidence. You can have a rapid transformation to break your people-pleasing patterns and confidently take steps to unapologetically set boundaries. You are loved and are enough just as you are, and once we uncover the belief that is perpetuating this behaviour and reframe your mindset, you’ll start to show up authentically and feeling worthy that you’re putting your needs first as you are the priority and that attracts your audience.
Jane Christine, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Jane Christine is a certified Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, and author. Originally from Australia working in the corporate world until she questioned her life's purpose. Jane believed there had to be more to life, so she sold everything she owned and set off for a nomadic lifestyle traveling around the world searching for answers and a place to call home, which she finally found in Spain. Her search and transformation took her to over 37 countries. Life experiences and her own personal growth guided her to become a certified Life Coach. Her travels inspired her quest to learn about the world around us and why we do what we do. Since 2012, Jane Christine has been studying how our pasts shape us, the effects of societal standards, and the impact of values. With Neuro-Linguistics Programming techniques and through the power of transformation, learn how to; bridge the gap, define self-worth, set tangible goals, find comfort through change, and how 1% micro-changes can alter lives. Jane Christine is the author of "How You Know Already: Questions to ask yourself to find the answers within," as she believes we are all unique, and so are each of our paths to follow. She is dedicated to her clients and supporting their growth and journey. Her motto: Design your life, don't just live it!
