How Chasing Rejection Could Change Your Life
Written by Nicci Lee, Founder of Lovingly Guided
Nicci is the founder of Lovingly Guided, where she helps women overcome limiting beliefs, build confidence, and step back into their power through mindset and personal growth. Drawing on her own healing journey, she combines mind, emotion, and energy work to help women build self-trust and create a life rooted in authenticity.
What if the thing you’re most afraid of hearing could become the thing that changes your life? Do you ever hold yourself back from pursuing something you want to do because you’re scared? Maybe it is the fear of failure, the fear of rejection, or simply the belief that you aren’t good enough or worthy of the opportunity you want. Whatever the reason, many of us have experienced that moment when we want to take a chance on ourselves, but our minds convince us that it is safer not to try. We end up rejecting ourselves before anyone else ever gets the chance to. But what if we changed the way we looked at rejection? What if, instead of running from the possibility of hearing “no,” we started chasing it?
Changing your mindset around rejection
Six months ago, I came across a woman’s reel about a rejection challenge she was doing. Her goal was to collect 1,000 no's. My immediate thought was, “That’s a great idea. I’m going to do that.”
It might sound strange to intentionally seek out rejection. After all, most of us spend our lives doing the exact opposite. We try to avoid embarrassment, failure, disappointment, and the uncomfortable feeling that comes with someone telling us no. But what if we flipped the script and stopped seeing rejection as something negative?
When you start chasing no's, a rejection becomes progress. Every no is one more step toward your goal. Instead of feeling defeated when someone turns you down, you can become excited because that no gets you one step closer to reaching your target. The more you do it, the more comfortable you become with the possibility of rejection.
I believe this is where the challenge becomes so powerful. You are not necessarily trying to make rejection feel good. You are teaching yourself that rejection isn’t something you have to fear or avoid.
Why are we so afraid of rejection?
Our brains naturally try to protect us from things that feel unfamiliar or potentially threatening. When we are about to step outside of our comfort zone, that protective response can show up as fear, doubt, overthinking, and hesitation. Instead of moving forward, our minds begin looking for all the reasons we shouldn’t.
This is where so many of us get stuck. We think about taking action, but then the questions start. What if they say no? What if I embarrass myself? What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail? Before we know it, we have talked ourselves out of trying.
The problem is that we can mistake the possibility of rejection for proof that we shouldn’t pursue something. We convince ourselves that because there is a chance we could hear “no,” it is better not to ask at all.
A rejection challenge forces you to approach that fear differently. Instead of avoiding the unknown, you intentionally step toward it. Instead of allowing your mind to tell you, “Don’t do it,” you begin telling yourself, “Let’s see what happens.” Sometimes what happens is a yes.
What happened when I started chasing no's
I’ve been chasing no's for six months now, and during that time, I have grown in ways I never expected. Some pretty amazing things have happened along the way. I made it all the way to the semifinals of a modeling competition, even though I had never modeled before and I’m in my 30s. I entered two speaking competitions, and both times I made it into the top 100 out of approximately 7,000 applicants. I also received my first callback for a commercial.
The funny part is that when I applied for many of these opportunities, I fully expected to get rejected. I started getting creative with the things I applied for because I thought, “There’s no way they’re going to pick me. This is definitely going to be a no.” I figured, if I already expected the answer to be no, why not try?
That mindset completely changed what I was willing to pursue. I stopped deciding for other people that I wasn’t qualified, talented, experienced, or worthy enough before they even had the opportunity to make that decision themselves. I started giving other people the chance to tell me no instead of making that decision for them.
To my surprise, some of those no's turned into yeses. So many, in fact, that I’ve had to slow down on applying for new opportunities until my schedule frees up. Six months ago, I never would have imagined that would be my problem.
The confidence that comes from trying
One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed throughout this challenge isn’t necessarily the number of yeses I’ve received. It is the confidence I’ve developed simply by being willing to try. Every application, audition, competition, and opportunity has taught me something about myself and about what is possible when I stop allowing fear to make my decisions for me.
I’ve also realized how much fun it can be to try something new when you aren’t completely attached to the outcome. Instead of thinking, “I must get this,” I’ve started thinking, “Let’s see what happens.” That small shift has changed everything. I get to learn something new, meet new people, challenge myself, and discover what I’m capable of.
When I do get a yes, it feels even more meaningful because I know I was willing to go after it when I thought the answer would be no. Every yes has become another piece of evidence that I am capable of more than I originally believed.
But even the no's have become valuable. They don’t carry the same weight they used to. Instead of seeing rejection as a statement about my worth, I can see it as one experience, one opportunity, or simply one person’s answer.
The psychology behind rejection challenges
While researching rejection challenges, I discovered that this practice is also sometimes referred to as “rejection therapy.” The concept is associated with Canadian entrepreneur Jason Comely, who created a rejection therapy card game in 2010 designed to encourage people to intentionally experience rejection rather than avoid it. The basic idea is to make rejection a normal part of life instead of something we constantly try to escape.
The science behind this idea is less about literally rewiring your brain every time someone tells you no and more about what can happen when we repeatedly face something uncomfortable and learn that we can handle it. With repeated experiences, our expectations and responses to those situations can change. Something that once felt extremely threatening can begin to feel much more manageable.
That has certainly been part of my experience. The more no's I collect, the less threatening they feel. I have learned that hearing “no” doesn’t mean I failed, and it certainly doesn’t mean I’m not good enough. It simply means the answer was no for that opportunity.
Once you learn that you can handle rejection, something interesting happens. You become more willing to take chances because the possibility of hearing “no” no longer feels like a reason to stay where you are.
Stop rejecting yourself
Think about something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t pursued because you’re afraid of rejection. Maybe it’s applying for a job you don’t think you’ll get, submitting your work somewhere, asking someone for an opportunity, entering a competition, starting a business, speaking on a stage, asking for the sale, or simply putting yourself out there in a way that feels uncomfortable. Now ask yourself: Am I being rejected, or am I rejecting myself before I ever give someone else the opportunity to decide?
That question has changed the way I approach opportunities. I don’t get to control whether someone else says yes, but I do get to control whether I ask. I get to control whether I apply. I get to control whether I try. I get to decide whether someone else’s no becomes a reason to stop or simply another number on my way to the next opportunity.
What if you started chasing no's?
Six months into my own rejection challenge, I’ve received far more yeses than I ever expected. But the biggest thing this challenge has given me isn’t the opportunities. It’s the willingness to pursue them. I’ve learned to stop letting the fear of rejection decide what I’m capable of. I’ve learned that I don’t have to know whether something will work out before I try. I’ve learned that I can be uncomfortable and still take action.
So maybe there is something you’ve been holding yourself back from. Maybe you’ve been waiting until you’re more qualified, more confident, more experienced, or more ready. Maybe you’ve been waiting for the fear to go away before you take the first step.
What if you stopped waiting? What if you went after the opportunity knowing there is a possibility you’ll hear “no”? What if, instead of being afraid of that no, you started counting it?
Because every no means you tried. Every no means you were willing to put yourself out there. Every time you try, you allow yourself to discover something you never would have known if you had stayed safely inside your comfort zone.
Six months ago, I started chasing no's because I thought it would be an interesting challenge. I didn’t realize that along the way, I would become someone who was no longer as afraid of hearing them.
Maybe that’s the real power of chasing rejection. It isn’t about collecting no's. It’s about becoming the person who is willing to ask anyway. Sometimes when you stop rejecting yourself first, you might be surprised by how many yeses are waiting on the other side.
Read more from Nicci Lee
Nicci Lee, Founder of Lovingly Guided
Nicci is the founder of Lovingly Guided. She helps women overcome limiting beliefs, build confidence, and trust themselves again. Drawing on her experience overcoming depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as her business and coaching expertise, she combines mind, emotion, and energy work to create personalized coaching programs that empower women to step back into their power. She is also the author of Rewriting Life's Rules: How to Break Free from Society and the host of the Lovingly Guided podcast, where she shares personal breakthroughs and practical tools for shifting mindset and creating lasting change.
