Healing Disordered Eating With Fierce Self-Compassion
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 9, 2024
- 6 min read
Lisa Schlosberg embodies the new paradigm of health and healing from a heart-centered lens. She empowers her clients and global community to use their struggles with food and body image.
In the world of trauma, healing, and emotional recovery, self-compassion is often seen as the antidote to harsh inner criticism. We hear it frequently in the wellness space: “Be kind to yourself” or “Treat yourself with love.” While this is crucial in cultivating self-acceptance, many people don’t realize that self-compassion has two sides: tender and fierce. Kristin Neff, the leading voice on self-compassion, refers to fierce self-compassion as the version of self-kindness that involves setting boundaries, standing up for yourself, and taking empowered action to meet your needs.
As someone who spent years battling disordered eating, I’ve learned that fierce self-compassion isn’t about tough love or forcing change. It’s about reclaiming your right to be treated with respect, starting with yourself. And for anyone struggling with food and body image, this is an important part of the healing process.
What is fierce self-compassion?
At its core, fierce self-compassion is about protection, providing for yourself, and motivating change. While tender self-compassion encourages gentleness, softness, and self-soothing, fierce self-compassion demands that we assert our boundaries, take empowered action, and advocate for our own well-being. This type of self-compassion pushes us to say “no” when something is harming us and “yes” when we need support.
For those healing their relationship with food, fierce self-compassion becomes a way to stop betraying ourselves in favor of pleasing others, fitting into societal molds, or using food to cope with emotions. It asks us to honor our bodies by nourishing them, not punishing them. This is not the kind of compassion that lets you off the hook; it holds you accountable while reminding you that you deserve care, respect, and love.
Applying fierce self-compassion to disordered eating
Disordered eating often stems from patterns of neglecting our needs, whether it’s emotional hunger, physical nourishment, or boundary-setting. Many of my clients come to me after years of putting everyone else’s needs before their own, using food to numb their pain, or punishing their bodies in the pursuit of perfection. This is where fierce self-compassion plays a vital role in shifting those destructive behaviors.
When we apply fierce self-compassion to healing disordered eating, we are actively choosing to stop engaging in behaviors that undermine our physical and emotional well-being. Instead, we start protecting ourselves by acknowledging our body’s needs and setting boundaries with food. For example, instead of restricting yourself to fit into a certain dress size, fierce self-compassion might sound like “I deserve to nourish my body fully, even if I don’t look the way society says I should.” It’s reclaiming the autonomy over your body and making decisions that support your health and vitality.
Fierce self-compassion also demands that we speak up when something isn’t working. Whether it’s confronting toxic dieting culture or standing up for ourselves when we feel pressured to eat in a certain way, it gives us the strength to break free from those chains. It’s about saying, “I will not treat my body like an enemy any longer,” and fiercely committing to treating it with the care it deserves.
Applying fierce self-compassion to everyday choices
Fierce self-compassion isn’t just about healing disordered eating; it applies to any area of life where we may be sabotaging our own well-being. Take, for example, the choice to stop smoking. On the surface, it might seem like denying yourself cigarettes is harsh, especially if smoking has been your go-to way of coping with stress. But fierce self-compassion looks deeper. It’s about saying, “I care enough about myself to stop this behavior that is harming me.” It’s an act of self-protection driven by the belief that you are worthy of health and longevity.
Stopping smoking, for example, is also fierce self-compassion in action because it’s choosing to protect your body from long-term damage. It’s taking a stand for your well-being, even when part of you wants to continue a habit that feels comforting in the moment. That fierceness shows up in your ability to make difficult decisions today for the sake of a healthier future.
Similarly, fierce self-compassion shows up in everyday choices, like deciding to go to bed instead of watching another episode of Netflix. We’ve all been there; it’s late, and you’re tired, but the urge to stay up and get lost in a show is strong. In that moment, fierce self-compassion might look like turning off the TV and telling yourself, “I deserve to be rested and energized tomorrow.” It’s recognizing that taking care of yourself sometimes means making the harder choice in the present moment to support your long-term well-being.
These examples highlight that fierce self-compassion is not about deprivation or restriction. It’s about empowering yourself to act in alignment with your deepest values, even when it’s challenging. Whether it’s reclaiming your health by quitting smoking, prioritizing sleep, or setting boundaries with food, fierce self-compassion is the force that helps you choose what’s best for you.
The role of somatic experiencing and emotional healing
In my work, I often incorporate somatic experiencing because healing from disordered eating requires reconnecting with the body on a physical and emotional level. Fierce self-compassion fits beautifully into this because it encourages us to listen to our bodies, feel into what we need, and take action based on those signals.
For instance, if your body is telling you it’s hungry, fierce self-compassion means listening and responding with nourishment. If you feel stressed and want to turn to food to cope, it asks you to pause and find another way to meet that need, whether it’s through deep breathing, movement, or speaking your truth. This is not about perfection, but about showing up for yourself, moment by moment, and making choices that align with your deepest values.
My journey of losing and maintaining 150 pounds was and still is deeply rooted in fierce self-compassion. It wasn’t about being harsh or demanding, it was about advocating for myself in ways I had never been taught. I had to learn to listen to my body, set boundaries with food, and take the actions necessary to heal, not just physically but emotionally. Fierce self-compassion was the driving force behind those changes, and it continues to be an essential tool for me today.
Embracing fierce self-compassion
As you reflect on your relationship with food, body image, or any other area of life, ask yourself: Where can I apply fierce self-compassion? Where in your life do you need to stand up for yourself, protect your boundaries, and make empowered decisions for your well-being?
Healing requires both nurturing and fierce forms of self-compassion. It’s about honoring your worth, standing in your power, and knowing that you deserve care, regardless of where you are in your journey. Fierce self-compassion is the voice that says, You are enough, and you deserve to be treated as such, starting with yourself.
If you're ready to take the next step in healing your relationship with food, body image, and self-compassion, I invite you to explore my website, Out of the Cave, LLC, and my podcast, The Out of the Cave Podcast, to learn more about my services. Through personalized coaching and a trauma-informed approach, I support clients in reclaiming their bodies and creating lasting change. Visit today to find out how I can help you on your journey to freedom and self-empowerment.
Lisa Schlosberg, Holistic Health Coach and Certified Personal Trainer
Lisa Schlosberg embodies the new paradigm of health and healing from a heart-centered lens. She empowers her clients and global community to use their struggles with food and body image as a path to rebuilding the mind-body connection so that they can access deeper authenticity, exercise personal power, and embody a life of freedom. Having lost and maintained 150 pounds for more than a decade by healing her relationship with food (through emotional healing, somatic experiencing, mindset shifts, and more), Lisa founded Out of the Cave, LLC., where she combines her comprehensive expertise as a Social Worker (LMSW), Certified Personal Trainer, Integrative Nutrition Holistic Health Coach, Yoga Teacher.
