Written by: Karen Bashford, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Had I known that I was carrying trauma from my childhood, my life may have turned out differently. However, I didn't. But I am grateful for the lessons I have learned in loving, respecting and trusting myself. And the freedom I have acquired in accepting I have mastery over my life.
Combining self-mastery and self-love has proven a wise decision to nurture growth, resilience, and stepping up in all areas of my life. Although truth be told, it wasn't a conscious decision; it happened naturally.
Self-mastery is the ability to control, regulate, and direct oneself consciously. In contrast, self-love is accepting, respecting, and caring for oneself unconditionally.
Both are regularly missing in today's society, where judgment, blame and shame drive societal expectations rather than regulation and respect.
Physical and emotional healing
My healing journey of knowing, loving and trusting myself after I suffered a physical breakdown and then a nervous breakdown due to prolonged trauma. Allowed me to understand myself honestly and to learn that loving myself was missing in my life.
During my healing, I mastered being responsible for my emotions instead of suppressing them or acting impulsively. I accepted that flexibility and adaptability are vital to living a fulfilled life.
I learned to trust my heart's guidance on the road to recovery. This means surrendering to letting go of control, which contradicts self-mastery in some ways, yet, in others, it enhances as negative emotions originate from the ego's desire to be safe and secure. The heart is about love and joy.
Align with your heart
Aligning with your heart empowers you. Because when you pause and assess your emotions mindfully, you allow yourself the space to connect and listen to your inner wisdom. You can face challenges calmly and confidently, knowing you are resilient in managing your internal world.
I can't say it was easy, but it is advantageous, especially if you have disassociated from your feelings previously due to traumatic events in your life.
Self-mastery is also a lesson in developing self-love, as it allows you to reflect and review the underlying emotional damage caused to the wounded child in your heart. When you free your inner child, you realign with your true self.
Proactive not reactive
My favourite saying was, "I don't have time", until I had plenty of time, thanks to my inability to get out of bed for a week. It's not a case of lacking time; it's an excuse; our choices create the belief that we don't have time.
Being proactive rather than reactive is a great way to free up time. Prioritise tasks, set realistic deadlines, and avoid procrastination. When you are proactive, you have time to live your bliss. Creating healthy daily habits, such as regular exercise, balanced nutrition, adequate water, and sleep, also helps.
Any positive change improves your emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. Your body and mind will show you how much they appreciate your self-love when you listen to your body's messages.
Effective communication
Self-mastery and self-love involve communication, and that communication is twofold. Speaking and listening, not just with your voice and ears, but through your energy and senses.
Your communication must be clear and relevant. We assume we are understood, yet it may not be the case. We know what we are speaking about, but the person listening may not. Instead of asking for clarity, they interpret it with their meaning.
Active listening is vital when dealing with conflict in relationships. You can calmly seek resolutions without escalating tension and maintain your composure during challenging times.
It supports understanding with empathy and responding effectively. It empowers you to hear, sense, and feel the meaning behind the words and expressions, preventing you from missing essential information.
Self-love provides the confidence to express your thoughts, desires, and opinions, confirming you respect and honour yourself and expect others to hear you. Meeting your needs before giving to others ensures you can give more without depleting yourself.
Life and financial success
Upgrading your skills by learning new ones or improving your existing ones to meet specific and achievable goals demonstrates mastery. Along with setting realistic time frames and consistently working towards them with dedication and focus.
Controlling financial matters, such as income and expenditure, budgeting and moderation in spending. Leads to peace of mind from financial worry and provides opportunities to succeed.
Self-mastery and self-love
Take responsibility to grow by discovering who you are and want to be. Together with recognising, you are good enough, worthy of love, and of belonging to your soul tribe.
When you feel worthy, you set rock-solid boundaries. Instead of accepting people who disrespect you through their words and behaviour. You have the courage and confidence to speak up or walk away, freeing yourself from toxic people and situations.
One of the most profound aspects of self-love is to forgive people, events, and things that have caused you pain and unhappiness, consciously or unconsciously. Forgiveness gives you freedom from your past.
Self-love includes expressing gratitude and appreciation for what is in your life or coming into it. They are clear messages to the universe about what you want for yourself regarding your health, home, financial well-being, career, relationships, joy, and happiness.
Self-mastery and self-love are journeys of exploration, reviewing, and releasing old beliefs, thoughts and habits to empower you and align you with your vision and purpose, enabling you to create your dream life.
Make a date with yourself
While healing can take time, it doesn't need to be time-consuming, nor does it need to be painful.
You gain so many insights when you are willing to date yourself.
Your first date is usually to get to know the person you are dating. As you get to know them, you make decisions and choices based on the person's attractiveness, not necessarily physical, although that does help. It's what you have in common, how they make you feel, and how they treat you.
So it is with yourself you begin to find yourself attractive; you listen to your inner wisdom and find answers to your questions that you have never asked for fear of the answers.
You begin to understand you. Every time you date yourself, you discover something new about yourself, just as you do when you date someone.
In How To Be Imperfectly Perfect, A Practical Spiritual Guide To Becoming YOU! You gain insights and exercises to help you discover yourself.
It's a good starting point to empower yourself from trauma, as we are all traumatised in some way. You can purchase a copy here.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Youtube, or visit my website for more info!
Karen Bashford, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Karen Bashford is a Soul Healer, Change Facilitator, and intuitive Mentor on a mission: to empower women to be calm, confident and healthy leaders in their businesses and personal lives. Founder of The KB Method and The D.R.E.A.M. System, she brings rapid and enduring change to countless lives. Karen's journey through childhood neglect, two abusive relationships, life-threatening illnesses, and financial struggles provides the platform for her to be a thought-provoking and inspiring leader and mentor.
