Grief Trophy
Updated: Dec 26, 2021
Written by: Sue Burhoe, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Is there a hierarchy to grief?
I've asked myself this question on more than one occasion.
I've been told many times that a death by suicide is different, that it's somehow worse. I never really understood why.
Is my experience any worse or better than someone who has lost a loved one to a horrific accident?
Why are some deaths considered "the worst," and some deaths seemingly don't carry the same weight in comparison? Why is it that the death of a child seemingly trumps the end of an elderly parent? Or when a devastating loss to a natural disaster is worse than losing everything to a broken relationship?
Who is to judge? And is it a competition anyone wants to win?
There is no hierarchy and there is no "worst" pain. Every one of us has our own experience that is uniquely ours. Yours is yours, and mine is mine.
We would not compare our happiness to one another, so why do we feel entitled to hurt more because of our circumstances?
Let's take off the judgmental grieving goggles and start looking at the healing process.
When we carry around the notion that we cannot feel better because no one will ever understand the pain we are going through, it can be very isolating. Just as no one understands your pain, no one eactly understands your joy. Why? It's simple. It is not their experience, it is yours.
Grief that goes unrecognized is raw and unrelenting. The burden of carrying grief around with you because you believe you cannot heal it, you shouldn't cure it, or it's all you have left... this is the worst grief.
There are no winners. You can heal from your pain and maybe even help others in the process.
And the first step is to put down the grief trophy.
Sue Burhoe, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sue Burhoe is a Grief and Loss Life Coach, Holistic Practitioner, and a Licensed Massage Therapist. Her wisdom runs deep from her personal and professional experience over the past 30 years. In 2014 her partner of 30 years died by suicide, leaving her a solo parent to three children. Less than two years later, she was by the bedside of her dad as he passed from surgery complications. Professionally she spent 25 years working in the medical field.
She eventually left that field to obtain degrees in holistic health, massage therapy, and energy medicine. In 2015 she was certified as a Holistic Life coach, now specializing in grief and loss. Sue uses her vulnerability, warmth, humor, and skills to help clients integrate grief and loss into their life.
Sue is a volunteer with a non-profit for grieving children & families and a healing conversation peer-to-peer volunteer with the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention.
